What if vent

Sometimes when I post and don’t get any replies, I get extremely paranoid that im the only one with this problem and that no one can help because they don’t understand what im going through and just find me crazy, and I start thinking im a traitor to this app and that i’m just deranged. I feel like a lost cause and im scared that if I tell anyone what I went through, they’ll just be driven away from me and avoid me. It makes me feel so isolated and depressed.

Sometimes i feel like i need the opinion from people online to tell me if im a good person or not. I have thoughts of just posting every single bad thing ive done and let the people decide if i deserve to continue with my life. It sounds morbid but it is. I dont know what to do with myself sometimes especially when it comes to the future. What will people want to happen to me if they found out everything ive done. I put too much thought into these scenarios. Its really just how i feel. Maybe this has turned into more of a vent but- i also think that i should not continue my life myself, so that i dont have to see the “ inevitable” comments on my life later on. I think about it all the time. Its gotten so bad to where i feel like i need to be put away in a mental hospital for a week or two so i can get over myself but i havent and im scared too if it gets bad again. I just feel so unworthy of living sometimes. I want it all to stop but its so hard most days.