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I just would like to know if anyone else has struggled with when eating getting gross images that make you stop eating. Or is that just me 😭

Fear of psychosis ocd For about 10 months now I’ve had an OBSESSION with developing schizophrenia or some related psychotic disorder. In the beginning my symptoms manifested as hyper awareness of potentially hallucinating and things like that but the main fear that has really stuck is the fear of having delusions. I’ve reached a point to where I can’t enjoy anything in life any for because according to my brain EVERYTHING has to mean something or is suspicious. I’m so suspicious of everything, “what if this commercial means something” “why did that person make that weird face” “what if this song has some kind of hidden meaning” “everything feels so fake and staged” “why did my cat look at me like that” “what if none of this is even real” “what if there’s more to reality than what we know” etc etc. it’s fucking exhausting. I can’t enjoy anything anymore, everything has to have some malevolent intent or meaning. These thoughts feel real, some of them feel like they could genuinely be possible, but I don’t want to think about this kind of stuff, I’m not sure if I even care if there’s something more to everything that I’m missing, but my brain will not stop this search for delusional things to believe. It’s gotten to a point where everything just feels fake and staged like a big act or illusion. Government, politics, media, just day to day life, feels so fake and artificial. It feels like I’m losing emotional attachment to things I love and care about because I’m constantly getting thoughts like “why should I care? Nothings real anyway?” Etc. Has anyone ever dealt with this?FYI: I’ve been to NUMEROUS mental health professionals who do not believe I have anymore more than ocd and sever hypochondria.

This may make someone uncomfortable So I struggled with a porn addiction for 5 years, and so far I’m almost a month clean. I’m really happy for myself, but I still feel really ashamed because of the kind of porn I was watching. I started watching really extreme things that make me feel disgusted with myself and caused me to question if I’m even a good person. I’m scared that I would be attracted to that stuff in real life. I’ve been ruminating all day. I haven’t eaten, I have no appetite, and I’m so so ashamed. Btw, the content that I was watching had absolutely nothing to do with children or animals. But it was definitely extreme. I’m terrified of being attracted to the porn that I watched in real life. I’ve even been testing myself by imaging those scenarios that I watched in porn, and it’s only making me more anxious but I seriously can’t stop.

It might seem weird that I’m posting a picture of a squirt bottle, but it connects to my grandma, who died suddenly in her sleep yesterday. I struggled with emotional contamination for years, before I knew what it was, and it revolved around my grandma. Emotional contamination was my biggest theme, and it took me over a year to work through. It latched on to everything over my grandma-I couldn’t use the bathroom after her without scrubbing (which is the worst when you really, really have to pee but you have to clean first), I didn’t like having her text messages linger on my phone (what if they contaminated anything I did on my phone?), etc etc. So I worked through this with consistent ERP. I became ok with looking at her pictures and not knowing if I was going to turn into her, I stopped caring that she sat in my car, and that my car could have been contaminated, I became ok with using the same public restroom stall that she did—I worked through my fears that her energy would ruin me. Over time, I noticed progress from my ERP. I sent my grandma a picture of my cats on my bed—before, I would have worried her seeing my bed in a photo would make it dirty. OCD is so bizarre, but I know this community gets it. I texted her more often and could hug her. She moved out of state last year with my mom. On one of her trips out here, she gave me this squirt bottle so she wouldn’t have to pack it. The old me would have IMMEDIATELY thrown it away. But, the me who went through the most difficult ERP, decided to use it. I actually needed one. I didn’t care that my hair might be “dirty,” or my bathroom, or that her energy might go into the same bathroom where I take a shower. I’ve been using it almost daily and it’s just part of my morning routine. And now, sadly, my grandma is dead. And looking at this bottle just makes me reflect over how OCD got so tangled up in my family before I untangled it. I try to find a balance of not putting too much meaning or symbolism on things (so I don’t dip into magical thinking). I know one day this thing will break or I’ll get rid of it, and that’s ok. While I navigate grief and uncertainty and all the lovely emotions that come with death, I find some peace in knowing I was able to have a better relationship with my grandma after ERP. I’m glad she didn’t die when I was avoiding her. So, that’s my story. I’m flying out of state tomorrow morning to see my family, and I don’t know what OCD will latch on to when I go to the house she passed a way in. But it’s a quiet unknown. And this is giving me space to grieve, and feel angry and sad and all the things in between. ERP sucks, having a death in the family sucks, but somehow there’s some peace in there too.

how do you guys get over the anxiety of what people with no ocd would think of the stuff/thoughts we did/think. that’s my biggest thing right now is being afraid people wouldn’t talk to me ever again if they knew my thoughts and compulsions i had done.

if I stop trying to suppress or review horrible intrusive images, am I not just telling my brain that is okay to have those thoughts? Can my brain start to perceive horrible things as normal? Maybe I'm reaching.

What should you do when you're *about* to have a terrible intrusive image? Should you just let it happen? Something that I often do probably as a compulsion is to try to suppress the horrible intrusive image from fully forming itself, and when I do that I notice that I always scrunch my eyes and contort my face. Do we have to allow the intrusive image to just happen? Even though it causes us distress?

I recently developed a rumination surrounding my own thinking. Its a bit confusing but I was using Dr Greenbergs method on rumination and to not engage in trying to solve something, and this includes not thinking or thinking what be it. Yet, I began to ruminate that if I dont direct my thoughts to the rumination then do I just dont think? And when I think am I engaging in a compulsion to prove that thought wrong? Its been bad these past hours and if anyone knows please let me know. He mentions bad distraction but am I doing bad distraction when I think aloud to try to prove this fear wrong?

I keep having the most extreme, disgusting thoughts. I’m scared that if I keep thinking it I’ll end up liking it. My mind is telling me that I like it even though it has always disgusted me.

it’s so embarrassing doing compulsions in front of people. like i literally NEED to do them or i can’t function. one of my compulsions is praying so sometimes it seems like i be talking to myself. anyone else relate to this?

Hi everyone. I am new to Nocd. My story: The first time I got intense intrusive thougts of religious ocd is when I was 11 years old. They were very intense. I was ashamed of those thoughts and didn't know what to do with them. I literally didnot tell anyone and suffered alone. It made it hard for me to pray. Over the years it took many forms. I didn't know it was OCD. My mental health deteriorated with waves of depression because of OCD as I got threatened from my OCD thoughts of death of me and my closed ones. They were scary. I also imagined things and felt like seeing things out of fear. These phases of depression brought me down everytime I stood up somehow. Soon I was struck with existential and identity crisis, questioning the meaning of life and existence, nothing seemed valuable and worth it. I questioned my academics and everything. Definetly my grades and health everything deteriorated. It showed in my physical health too. I started having mental fog and questioning reality, my self along with a lot of changes in my life. After class ten, there were suddenly a lot of changes when my mental health was already not okay making it hard for me to adapt. I saw everything blurry and removed. I couldn't connect to anyone. I associated fear to all the things, plus my home. And because I already had so much threatenings of death, I couldn't even recognise the reality. I felt far removed from my reality like I went somewhere far away, a lot of time has passed and there's not much time for me and I struggled with memory too. After 12th, I joined University. One year later, I met a boy with whom I instantly felt sparks. Note: I never dated anyone before and feeling a spark like that with somebody which made me take the step is a lot. I wanted to commit to him but then my ROCD kicked in. I didn't even know about it but I did some mistakes because of it I feel like because ROCD was so intense it made me feel like an emergency to leave the relationship. He had OCD too as he said. He have it in terms of 'perfectionism'. Also he was very sensitive, enraged kind of person, I got to know later on. Had a lot of emotional outbursts making me more question the relationship to leave. We became like an anxious-avoidant couple. I regret many things like what I have avoided if I knew its ROCD and worked on it and so many. He 'abused me. He started abusing me. Idk I started feeling like I made him that kind of a person because he actually compared me with his former gf, with whom he used to even secretly talk. I couldn't get out of the abusive relationship sooner but recently which added extra trauma. Well, here am I 'single' but I feel a lot of guilt and also I need to make my mental health better because this experience made me realise how my bottled up things made an explosion. Thankyou! to whoever reads this! Oh yeah I also deal with a Lott of decision making difficulties, indecisiveness and regret over small things and doings. And also because of my life going like this and getting ruined where there was so many expectations from me, I regret a lot I guess. I think of many possibilities how my life would have gone and always put infront of me possibilities and choices. So I am currently dealing with my thoughts and uncertainty about my future after a Lott of trauma. Oh my god..there is so much

How do I sit with uncertainty?? Like I understand that I should just let the thoughts be there and not do a compulsion, but HOW? I would appreciate any tips

Lately I have been going through this theme about being obsessed with just being a brain. I constantly wonder What if I’m just a brain and genuinely have no control over anything I do and just think I do. Like I question why do I make certain decisions specifically and what makes me make those decisions specifically like in my brain. Literally every thought that pops up in my mind I question like how did this thought get here? What makes me want this thought? What makes me make this decision based off this thought? If I’m not my thoughts then what determines my actions if actions are determined by thoughts. Even writing this I have these same thoughts. I genuinely don’t know how to sit through these ones, they feel so important. Like what if I’m not questioning these I’m just on autopilot basically and not actually conscious of anything. I also catch myself doing little actions that I am not usually consciously aware of and fixate on them and wonder what in my brain makes me do these things. Like is it me or just my brain?! I feel so stuck and was just wondering if anyone has had this theme or these thoughts.

My OCD has gotten better, at least as good as it can get, but my depression has been awful lately. I take 100mg of Zoloft, and I feel as though I’m going backwards. It’s helped my anxiety a ton, but it feels as if it’s made my depression worse. I spoke with my PCP, and she recommended adding 75mg of Wellbutrin. I’m picking it up today. I’m hoping this can help me. If not, I’ll switch everything and start taking Luvox. It’s so annoying trying to find the right meds when you’re already struggling. Anyone else taking Wellbutrin in combination with another med ?

Im not diagnosed, so my situation is more scary :( Today I was in art class, which is really scary to me since because I deal with sexual nasty thoughts, images and urges and we’re all in the same table and that makes us be really tight one to another, and I get really uncomfortable Everything started good, we’re only a few of us and everything was fine and i didn’t have much issue but then a female classmate sits next to me and we start talking, but then idk what came first but i had this thought of me touching her chest inaproppiatly before or after ( i don’t remember) i was talking to my classmate and she answered my question with a nervous tone and the answer was short and, first I didn’t overthink but then i tried asking her more questions and she answered me with the same tone and I got really anxious because why isn’t she answering me? Then she got really frustrated because she didn’t wanted to do her drawing and she was really frustrated all the class so maybe she was answering me weird because of it, and I don’t even know if her answers to me were 100% weird because I haven’t talked to her a lot but I felt like she was ignoring me and now I’m scared that I did do my thought and that I traumatized Then when I had to leave, I complemented her drawing and she just said “yes” so I’m overthinking right now What if it’s true and I traumatized her for life and then she’s gonna acuse me or something even though I don’t know if it’s true aaaaa help

i like seeing this images in my head and im not sure what they are and im afraid im schizophrenic…they might be intrusive images but im not sure and its scaring me i want it to stop are they demons??

Hello, I need some help with responding to intrusive thoughts. I know the best response is when your OCD tries to mess with you "okay, maybe I will." but that is in some cases way too hard and scary. Trying to fight your OCD is even worse, but I was wondering if there were responses that we're sort of in the middle, a 'neutral' response.

Hi, sorry this is a long post. While I’ve started doing ERP therapy, it’s only been recent, as in the past 2 out of 4 or 5 sessions I’ve had now so I’ve only recently learned that I have ocd and that I should’ve been diagnosed for it much sooner in life (I’m 21 now and these compulsions and behaviors began all the way back to my preteen years like 11-13). Since I’ve learned that I have ocd it’s been enlightening being able to describe my thoughts and feelings (intrusive or otherwise). I’m realizing now as well that throughout this time, pretty much every minute of every day creates stress for me, mainly because these intrusive thoughts can spawn from what literally feels like out of nowhere. I wake up in the morning and sometimes an intrusive thought is the first one I have for the day and it’s been weighing on me for so long. I’m not sure when, but it eventually gotten to the point where anything I’ve ever found fun or relaxing has a seriously limited effect on me. All it serves to do is just mitigating the overriding stress. In more recent years, it’s made me question my morality and character heavily. I understand that these intrusive thoughts do not reflect me as a person, but it’s hard to not ask myself if I am this bad of a human being if my mind is capable of conjuring these horrible thoughts from nothing. These thoughts can even carry both inside and outside of my dreams too. Either an intrusive thought I can’t seem to get rid of no matter how hard I try bleeds into my dream, or I have such a horribly vivid dream that I can’t get it out of my head after I wake up. I’m currently in between my junior and senior year of college and despite being done with the spring semester, this stress has only risen since I’ve been home from school. While I still really want to try ERP therapy, it’s felt very difficult to achieve, particularly doing hierarchies of stressors because everything is already stressful. For many years I thought and was led to believe by certain adults is that this is just what adulthood was about, just working through the stress and things will change but after finding out about my ocd and that life is not meant to be like this has also fed into the stress. I’m not worried about doing anything drastic, but I can’t help but being so physically (I’ve only slept like 6-6 1/2 hours within the past 3 days) and mentally tired and I can’t stand it. Again, as much as I want to continue ERP therapy and try to make it work, I feel need something that will give me more immediate relief because I really can’t take feeling this way every minute of every day anymore.

Ladies out there, do hormone fluctuations make your ocd/anxiety symptoms much worse? I notice more intrusive thoughts as well, anyone relate? thanks

So I’ve been having these weird guilt issues and I feel like I’m lying to myself. I had this weird thing where I thought I had feelings for children even though this is 100% not what I want and it goes against my moral code. But I keep trying to make sure that I feel 100% sure that this is the truth. It is just more distressing and causing more issues. Can anyone help please or have some advice? Thank you:)