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Someone help me i have to find a cure for my intrusive thoughts. Im afraid that i will speak them out by accident, right now I don’t have money to afford a therapy, i just need someone to help me please.

I’m soo stuck and that’s the only way I’ve been feeling for over a year. Just stuck. I can’t even deal with myself anymore my intrusive thoughts keeps winning more and more I feel like they’ll eventually defeat me. There’s no words that can help I just feel like it’s over even if it’s not. I’m soo scared inside and out

I have a certain number that reminds me of a bad trauma I have. I see if 24/7. I can’t get away from it. I feel stalked by it. I feel insane. People think I’m stupid. Even other people with ocd told me “it’s just a number” when trying to open up about it. It’s not just a number. I don’t want to get into what the number is and how it relates. But it’s scary. I feel like I’m going crazy. I can’t eat, sleep, breathe, without seeing it and associating bad luck with it. How do I deal with this????????????????????????????

I’m wondering if anyone has tips for practicing self love. I feel like I’ve hit a wall because of my ocd, where I’m upset because I was born with a brain that doesn’t allow me to trust myself, and even though my traumas and trials weren’t my fault, it’s still entirely my responsibility to fix the damage that’s been done, a task made extremely difficult because of ocd. I have to trust myself to put in the work to be better, I’ve made so much progress too, but it’s not enough, and it’s not coming fast enough. For example, I have a skin picking problem. I keep making progress and then stress or other factored cause me to relapse. I stare at myself in the mirror and ask myself why I can’t just be normal, why I can’t just stop, leave it alone and let my skin heal. I hate myself for struggling with this, but the more I shit in myself the worse my condition becomes. I want to practice self love, I want to learn to trust myself, but I have no idea where to start. I don’t want to feed into the ocd by googling possible solutions and whatnot, I figured asking members of the community would be a safer choice. If you have any tips to share please do, thanks 💪

Does anyone else find comfort in their OCD? I know I have pretty severe issues that come with it, but it makes me feel better in a way. I want to get better, but I don’t want to lose the feeling of clarity I have from OCD. I am specifically thinking of checking (and even intrusive thoughts in a way). By completing my little compulsions and routines, I can breathe and relax a bit. If I “get better” am I going to be able to be as thorough and careful as I am now? How else will I be able to soothe myself if I can’t do these things? That is very distressing to me because I very much think that my OCD is connected to anxiety, and if I can fix my OCD, will my anxiety become worse or less manageable? Am I going to lose the ability to self soothe? At the same time, I want to get better because the compulsions and routines and thoughts can be extremely overwhelming and upsetting and I waste so much time and energy. I’m just worried that I won’t be a whole person if I can fix myself, but I also don’t feel like a whole person when I’m dealing with it all every minute of the day. Does anyone understand this? How do you go about fixing it without losing part of yourself?

Does being an affectionate person feed anyone else's ocd? I used to be super touch repulsed as a kid and young teen but after alot of therapy I became a really physically affectionate person. I love hugging and cuddling the people I care about, close friends, family, etc. But ever since my first ocd flare up sometimes it can feel like my ocd recontextualizes this to mean I'm some kind of pervert whose uses being an affectionate guy as an excuse to get too close to people. I feel like alot of the time we can shut down parts of ourselves to "apease" the ocdemon as a form of avoidance, but I don't want to be anyone but the friendly guy who loves his friends and isn't afraid to show it. So if you feel the same tell me ur story, maybe we can support eachother

I’ve been suffering through OCD for years and at varying levels of intensity. I’ve gone through stages of all sorts, cleanliness, harm, pure. Most recently I’ve been terrified of subconsciously or impulsively groping people, mainly women. It’s been lasting months, this intense fear when passing people on the street or in the workplace or even members of my own family and friends. I am absolutely terrified that I may do that against my own will. Or the intrusive thought may come into my mind and it gives me so much distress. For months now it has made going out in public, to the shops or to the gym or even going out of my apartment completely unbearable, I’m afraid to have my hands out of my pockets, I’m afraid of not being able to have full accountability of myself. I’m on fluoxetine and need to see a psych, I’m trying to expose myself to situations to lessen the fear but it’s just leading to a cycle of intense burnout and moments of accepting a life that’s ruined and then intense fear of ruining my life or harming someone else. I’m terrified of touching someone in that way, and I don’t know what to do. I had to quit my job and I just can’t see how I could ever return to normal. Reading posts on this community definitely helps, I guess I’m just writing now because I need to get it out of my head.

This disorder has nearly ended my life. Not even 1 hour ago i tried walking into a sea and wanting to end it because of this ocd and the loneliness that comes with it. For anyone out there you are not alone and always know that you have people out there who are by your side.

Right as I’m starting to feel happy again I get hit with what feels like intrusive feelings… sometimes of sadness or anger which then triggers my intrusive harm thoughts. Not sure if this is a mood disorder or just ocd. They don’t feel like what my true feelings should feel like if that makes sense.. ugh the feelings are harder to deal with than the thoughts. Trying to lean into them but it’s hard.

Yesterday my in laws said I could hold my nephew and my head said what if you throw the baby I hate OCD :( I would never harm a baby

guys im feeling a lot of anxiety right now and l'm very scared. I was searching on reddit on how to disable automatic download for stickers, and while I was in there I found a thread about someone issuing the problem of telegram automatically downloading all media like stickers, images, videos, gifs in the gallery. This activated a horrible trigger in me because I have this horrible memory of someone in telegram sending out of nowhere an explicit illegal **** gif in a groupchat related to minecraft, then I think he deleted afterwards, but I'm not sure if that changed anything. It traumatized me but I had forgotten quickly because I was so young, I was around 13 or less. Now that I developed pocd for a while I started remembering all the past including this, and it triggers me more than anything because it's something real that happened and I can't tolerate it being a part of my memory, that it's something "saved" in my brain" and the fact my eyes saw something like that even though it wasn't my fault makes me feel complicit. Now l'm stressing because "what if my phone automatically downloaded that gif in my gallery without me knowing?" l've already searched on my phone and the previous one and I found nothing, but that it's because they are not the phones that I had when that thing happened. I actually don't know what phone I used. I'm panicking, The old phone doesn't charge, the other one that I think was around that time is not here anymore and I should ask my father but I can't talk to him anymore because he discovered my self harm scars and is abroad. This is not anymore a matter of sitting through distress and letting uncertainty be, this is something that could be real and destroy me. I can't live like this, I have to know for sure that there is nothing like that in my galleries I don't know what to do. I wonder why that dude had to sent something so horrible and ruin my life. I can't practice erp with something like this, and I can't continue living with the uncertainty that there could be something illegal downloaded without my consent in my old phones. I don't know what to do. Yersterday was also very triggering, and now today. I also have to study for a difficult test tomorrow, everything is against me. I don't know what to do. I've been dealing with ocd all of these years alone but everytime I make a step forward ocd sets me back two before. Please help me deal with this situation Somebody.

guys i'm feeling a lot of anxiety right now and I'm very scared. I was searching on reddit on how to disable automatic download for stickers, and while I was in there I found a thread about someone issuing the problem of telegram automatically downloading all media like stickers, images, videos, gifs in the gallery. This activated a horrible trigger in me because I have this horrible memory of someone in telegram sending out of nowhere an explicit illegal **** gif in a groupchat related to minecraft. It traumatized me but I had forgotten quickly because I was so young, I was around 13 or less. Now that I developed pocd for a while I started remembering all the past including this, and it triggers me more than anything because it's something real that happened and I can't tolerate it being a part of my memory, that it's something "saved" in my brain" and the fact my eyes saw something like that even though it wasn't my fault makes me feel complicit. Now I'm stressing because "what if my phone automatically downloaded that gif in my gallery without me knowing?" I've already searched on my phone and the previous one and I found nothing, but that it's because they are not the phones that I had when that thing happened. I actually don't know what phone I used. I'm panicking. The old phone doesn't charge, the other one that I think was around that time is not here anymore and I should ask my father but I can't talk to him anymore because he discovered my self harm scars and is abroad. This is not anymore a matter of sitting through distress and letting uncertainty be, this is something that could be real and destroy me. I can't live like this. I have to know for sure that there is nothing like that in my galleries. I don't know what to do. I wonder why that dude had to sent something so horrible and ruin my life. I can't practice erp with something like this, and I can't continue living with the uncertainty that there could be something illegal downloaded without my consent in my old phones. I don't know what to do. Yersterday was also very triggering, and now today. I also have to study for a difficult test tomorrow, everything is against me. I don't know what to do. I've been dealing with ocd all of these years alone but everytime I make a step forward ocd sets me back two before. Please help me deal with this situation. Somebody.

For the past fee days my ocd has fixated on my boyfriend losing one condom i cant get over it Then a few things he said im over thinking now I was drunk (for context) He then asked me to check if his brother replied on whatsapp and my intrusive thoughts got the better of me and i checked his archived messages i didn’t look properly because i felt bad so i just came out of it- but now i just feel like a horrible human. I dont want to be someone who doesnt trust their boyfriend i feel like ive abused his trust Anyone got any advice here

So, I really need to talk to someone, because I'm beginning to believe that this isn't OCD anymore. Anytime I'm reminded that my intrusive thoughts or feelings are apart of a disorder, I feel sad or disappointed because it feels like there's a part of me actually wanting to act on my thoughts. Anytime I look for reassurance of any kind, it feels like I'm trying to defend my thoughts. Anytime someone tries to tell me that it's OCD or that, "I am not my thoughts." I become upset or sad. Can someone please explain to me what is going on? Is it possible for there to be an intrusive feeling on top of an intrusive feeling?

Hi friends, I may have figured something out. I’m not a doctor, I just play one in my own mind. 😆 Ok, we all know that OCD usually acts up under stress. This is a given. I would go as far as saying it comes in as almost a “defense mechanism” (an automatic one) whenever something is causing us anxiety or extra stress. Perhaps it is a distraction (?) I believe it is. What backs this up is if one OCD theme or game doesn’t hold your attention, your mind will try a different one to see if that one works. So then why does it like to come in and “ruin” the good times as well? You’re not under stress, you’re excited and happy, or doing something you really enjoy. Or looking forward to something. It comes in and ruins it. I think the OCD part can’t distinguish between “nervous-excited” and “happy-excited”. It just comes on in because it is an automatic defense mechanism, and it has no idea that the excitement it’s picking up on has nothing to do with anxiety. It just knows that part of your brain is all revved up. It does not know that you’re all excited because things are going well. This is why when you’re having a good time somewhere and you’ve ventured out of your comfort zone and you feel all proud of yourself.. guess what’s coming right around the corner.. 😵‍💫 Thoughts? No trigger warning. This ain’t scary. Just a theory.

constant intrusive thoughts, constant groinal responses. couldn’t even watch a video on TikTok of a toddler throwing a fit bc she opened her legs and immediately my pocd acted up. it gives me groinal responses, bad thoughts, and feelings of anxiety, fear , and shame. I hate this. How do I get through life like this? I can’t even imagine being a teacher or a parent, because the next thought that comes is images of me hurting children. thoughts of “ur a p, ur destined to be a p, ur gonna eventually end up hurting a kid” “ur only freaking out because u know u will be shunned” I hate this. The thoughts go into so much detail and feel so real. No matter what I say or do, it argues back and convinces me im a p. Everytime I see children, anywhere, I can’t stand it because of this. I’m scared to have kids out of fear I will hurt them and do something bad to them for my own pleasure. I feel like one day im just gonna snap and hurt kids. I can’t take this at all. It feels so real. I don’t know what to do. I am crying as I am writing this. The groinal responses feel like actual arousal. I feel so angry, and sad, at the world and myself. I am scared and I think I am actually a p, and instead should get help for that instead of ocd. I don’t know what else to do

This guy I’m friends with has this rumour spread about him recently, the thing is I can’t say if he did or didn’t do the thing he’s being accused of, nobody can, but it’s a rumour that could get very serious very soon. But the entire situation that is at hand is absolutely disgusting, and I hate that I’ve even been involved. The only reason I am is because my ex and his ex are sleeping together (2 weeks after saying he didn’t want a relationship and 3 days after she broke up with her boyfriend) and we became friends because we were at the pub at the same time we found out and both started crying together. Apparently she has been sleeping with her ex and trying to sleep with her ex still to this day, that’s what he has told me, even though she is now in another relationship, I haven’t see. The evidence except for some pictures he took at her flat with the date and time showing he was there (not incriminating pictures, would be of her hugging him on their bed, or her doing her hair, stuff like that) I can’t choose to believe it but if he’s telling me then I will, until proven different, have no other reason not to believe it. But then this rumour came out, this horrible horrible thing that if has happened then I hope nothing but that she’s okay and recovers from what’s happened, but if it’s a lie is a massively fucked up lie to tell people. How do I know to believe things or not? Because right now being his friend is making my brain tell me some absolutely horrible things about myself that I just can’t seem to move, that I’m siding with the guilty party, that I’m having rumours spread about me in hay, that everyone is talking about me, that I can’t be friends with him, that I’m disgusting and just as bad as the rumour is (if it’s true). It’s horrific like I don’t want to side with either of them, I’ve heard from a fact source that she’s done some horrible things to her last boyfriends that should not be excused, but now I’m hearing this like I just don’t know what to do. And it’s making me panic and stress and it’s taking over my entire life like I’ve been sat here for 2 hours unable to do anything else because it’s all I can think about. There’s nothing else in my head except this right now, that I can’t just get on with my life and if I find out that what someone has told me is a lie until that point I can’t seem to just leave it be. Until it is proven different should I not be allowed to just live my life? Because nothing is being done about this rumour on any side, hers or his, irs just sorta there. Which makes me think even more that it’s just not true, but u til proven different I choose to not belive nor not belive it and I just wanna live my life. If I’m told that someone lied I’ll hold my hands up and apologise, I’m only getting one side of a story, but if they haven’t then I have nothing to pressure myself with. So why do I constantly go over and over and over in my head these thoughts? I’m hurting myself so many times I literally can’t do anything and I have so much to do today. I hate it I hate being involved I don’t want to anymore. I even said to him I’m an outsider and I don’t want to be involved, I don’t know anything and I shouldn’t it’s not my business I’ve only known all of you (her and him) for like 3 weeks, her I don’t even know but my friends do so I’ve heard from them what she’s like. It’s just all so hard for my brain right now

18+ I’m afraid that at some point I might’ve watched something illegal while I had a bad porn addiction as a teen- I’m not sure and that’s what haunts me. How could any of us know? How could we know the people in this porn are the age they say they are?! Why does this make me even more consumed with doom. I think rather dark stuff after that, concerning stuff for my well being cause I literally spiral so hard I feel as if I’m losing touch with reality. My panic attacks, my depression- all spurred on and taunted by a “what if” Do normal people genuinely not think about this? Do normal people keep moving forward knowing that’s a possible risk? If so then what? What if your eyes saw that? How would you even keep living? Or wanting to.

When someone talks behind my back and i come to know about it, it makes me a bit upset but the problem is that when someone accuses me something and lies about me to someone else i feel like i need to tell the other person that no this is not true and that person is lying about me. Although my inner self tells me not to do or say anything bcz i don't care what people say or think about me especially when i haven't done anything wrong but my ocd tells me to clear my name or something will happen. Is this also a type of ocd? What sub theme is this? I am just trying to ignore these thoughts although my mind is continuously ruminating and it is causing me alot of anxiety. Can some one please tell me what to do in this case? Or am i doing right by not doing anything bcz i feel like ots a compulsion for me?

Hello, does anyone here want to talk about their day and how they use coping strategies to get through their day I’m curious to hear how you guys fight your compulsions and intrusive thoughts I like to get another perspective because that helps me