Self love

Feeling like a bad person has always been one of my reoccurring struggles with OCD. I’m working through trauma therapy at the moment and recognizing a lot of stuck points, and connecting a lot dots in relation to my OCD. But I feel like even if I make a small mistake or mess up, I can’t give myself grace - and I assume I’m an awful person. Obviously, my realistic self reassures me I would never intentionally hurt someone or have malicious intentions in situations. But sometimes I go round and round, and even think the only reason I think or want to be a good person is because I’m scared of being a bad person? I know that doesn’t make sense but it fucks with me and I’m sure only this group would understand. Anyway, today for example: I got sorta mad at my bf because he was trying to smack my butt and accidentally hit my back. And I said “ouch, stop - you got my back.” - in literally the least menacing way. And we laughed it off and he felt bad. And then I just couldn’t help myself from apologizing to him because I felt like I overreacted somehow. He seemed very confused and was so sweet about it. But I just felt like I overreacted, and I told him that I felt gross - I was trying to prepare food and it caught me off guard. And he was like “no yeah, that makes total sense - you literally don’t have to explain yourself or apologize at all!”. But I just got into this weird mood now, where I’m convincing myself I’m a bad person and a bad partner. And he should be with someone who is truly the sweetest person ever and beautiful to add on to the obsession. Sometimes I just don’t know what’s wrong with me. I know I’m not a bad person but sometimes the OCD itself is very annoying. I feel like this wave has passed, and I’ve worked a lot on grounding myself and bringing myself to reality. Which is great! But I would really love to know if anyone else struggles with this kind of thing and what helps them in these times?

hey everyone. i’m not sure if this app will help me or not, but i feel the need to try anything because i can’t keep living like this. i struggle with obsessing over everything in my life. it feels like everyday my brain picks a new thing in my life to obsess over. for the past couple days ive been obsessing over my interpersonal relationships. for example; “do i like the people im with” “do i like my friends as more than just friends” “do i actually love these people or am i lying to everyone”. it’s been really messing with me and making me question my support system. i can’t stop stressing. i’m even afraid to talk about it with my therapist because i have those thoughts about her too. i’m new to my OCD diagnosis (got diagnosed last month) i was hospitalized for a week because i couldn’t function. i also obsess over my sexuality and nothing i pick for me ever feels quite right. i recently started a relationship with someone who’s trans, so maybe that’s why? does anyone else go through this? my brain tries to convince me that i do this to myself and that im making it all up. but who would want to feel this way? uggghhh

This was my response to a bulletin post asking something along the lines of, “what helps you fight back to OCD” and i thought I’d share for a wider audience. I have overcome so much of my OCD and i attribute it to ERP therapy accompanied by all of the following: 1. With every negative thought I am aware of, respond to it by trying to think of the opposite, positive version. Ex, I’m going to fall down the stairs, horribly injured myself, and my life will be forever ruined <-/+> I’m going to walk down the stairs with strength and poise and have a wonderful day and life with the same grace. Even if you don’t believe it, practice the possibility of having different thoughts. You’ll get better and better with practice. 2. Morning journaling following the Artists Way method, definitely check out that book. It’s a workbook of wonderful writing exercises, whether you’re an artist or not. 3. Listening to positive music and not indulging in negative music or content, including signing out of social media for a while. I had to completely “rebrand” the type of music i listened to and it look about 4 years to finally find what didn’t trigger my OCD or rather, brought me peace. So many lyrics are toxic! City Boy by Donkeyboy lifts me up :) 4. Ask positive people you admire what helps them stay positive. Steve Harvey and Snoop Dog surprisingly have good tips. You’ll learn everyone has their own tricks of curating good thoughts and that it’s a constant process for anyone to practice positive mindsets. 5. If I find myself experiencing an exposure that’s distressing me, I try to be aware that I’ve entered an emotional reaction to something that hasn’t happened yet, and I try to soothe myself by observing and asking myself, “does this warrant this much emotional stress?” if yes, feel it, practice tapping, somatic shaking, vagus nerve humming, journaling, exercising, or breathwork. if it doesn’t warrant so much emotional stress, still feel it for a beat, observe, do box breaths, name colors and things you can hear to change your thoughts, and then try to shift your perspective of the situation: ask, if you weren’t controlled by OCD in the situation, how would you ideally handle it? how would someone you admire handle it? breath, try to embody the powerful, ideal version of you or see it as protecting the inner child version of yourself. look up these keywords if you don’t know what they are. 6. HOLOTROPIC BREATHWORK, can’t stress this one enough. Find a studio or classes online to be guided on this incredible, life changing practice. This is not Wim Hoff but it’s similar. Holotropic is the way to go 👍 7. Jarrows Formula MagMind magnesium, period. 8. Abraham Hicks 2005 Orlando Florida Lectures. it’s on YouTube, I cannot stress enough—go listen. 9. Genomind genetic test for anxiety/depression medication to find the best suited treatment for your genetic makeup. After years of working myself, chemically i couldnt completely control my anxiety and after using Genomind, i was able to find the exact medication compatible for me. I’m on Cymbalta and it’s completely changed my life. I don’t experience anxiety anywhere close to what most of my life was like prior. 10. Whether you believe in the universe or God or nothing, trusting that you are protected and there are invisible sources of love protecting and conspiring in your favor, might help. Practice “trust” and that you are safe and will continue to be safe will let you win some fights, start small. Stay away from negativity. Give your OCD a name (mine is named Emily Dickens or Quail woman lol). Recognize when it’s in the drivers seat and that it’s not allowed to anymore! Inner child meditations help too. Fight back by falling in love with yourself. Would you let someone verbally abuse you like OCD does? No, at least not anymore babes. Even if you think you don’t know how to love yourself right now, practice what you would do if you did. Take up ukulele or photography. I hope something here helps you on your mental health journey ❤️ we’re all rooting for you!