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how do u deal with guilt caused by intrusive thoughts during sexual activities?

This sounds insane bc ocd causes so much pain in my life, but it's almost like I'm scared to let it go?? Idk if that's ocd trying to cling on for dear life or if it's me. Logically I don't want to feel horrible bc of ocd forever but what kind of weird thought of "what if you actually want ocd forever?" ?!

i’m struggling so much with things that have happened in my past, especially in my childhood, things that i’ve done, the guilt and shame is too much and i’ve told my mum and she just thinks it was normal childhood things and part of growing up but i can’t let any of it go, my mind feels so messy, and some of the memories are blurry and it’s making me feel horrible and i’m so distressed i just want this to be over and im worried to talk to a therapist because of what they might say or think, can anyone relate?

Anyone ever journaled or wrote down their intrusive thoughts? How did they do it so it doesn’t seem like writing the thoughts down on a piece of paper make it seem like they are more real or true

I have a fear of losing control, and a fear of schizophrenia. so when I feel tired or fatigue or just any emotion really I think it’s a sign I’m going to lose control and then it makes me so anxious to the point I have a panic attack over the feeling of feeling tired. Anytime I feel a change in my body I take that as a sign I’m going to go insane? which makes me feel more anxious and makes it feel more real! Does anyone else feel like this or have any advice:( currently feeling weird and so anxious all cause I feel sleepy/ tired. It’s exhausting

I'm 17,and My mind is obsessed with the idea that I could get a neurological disease and everytime I think it I have to touch a picture of God in my room(I'm Hindu) and it makes me feel safe. I used to pray for 3 hours a night but lately I've been shortening it by saying 'promise to God to pray at exactly 12 and be done by 12:05' for example and this has relieved so much anxiety. Well today, I was really anxious and I decided to put some make up on and quickly take it off before bed but I took it off 1 minute too late and now I'm scared God will punish me because why am I even wanting to practice make up when it's a materialstic thing and this is 'Maya' translated to desires ignorance in my religion. I've gone through so many phases where aive tried to give up Maya and sacrifice things like chocolate, music even studying because it's a desire and I think that by sacrificing this I can make things happen like going to my dream uni. I feel awful right now because I went to pray too late and it was all because of Maya.

I saw a TikTok of this really cute black baby and I had a really racist intrusive thought and now I’m worried I’m a really racist awful person. I’m convinced I commented something racist and I keep looking back at the comments to make sure I didn’t. I’m in college and I have to go down and get food at the dining hall soon because it’s going to close in not too long and the majority of people who work there are black and i‘m really worried if I do go get food I’m going to say something really awful and racist to them. I need to get food but I’m sooooo scared I’m going to call them the n word or something

I’m going through what is hopefully just a really bad hypochondria episode where I’ve convinced myself I have schizophrenia. It’s been about 8 months and I’ve been through a range of crazy symptoms but the most prevalent symptom is getting crazy delusional thoughts like “what if my wife is a demon and trying to get to me” “what if nobody is real and these are all monsters/demons out to get me” etc etc. the thoughts are absolutely terrifying and they make me look at people differently, and i have to question myself whether I truly believe the thoughts or not, they feel so real, when they come on I almost catch myself genuinely feeling paranoid that they are 100% real and having a panic attack, but then the tiny bit of me that’s still rational brings me back to reality. And from then on I have to question myself all day “do I really believe this?” “Well you technically can’t disprove those things” “if it’s not real, then why does it FEEL real?” “This really is schizophrenia” “ what if it’s not schizophrenia but ACTUALLY real?” “who do I go to for help?” “What if I can’t trust anyone” etc, it’s literally hell. I can never give a satisfying “No, I don’t believe this” to these thoughts. I can go days and weeks and be able to confidently shrug them off and tell how ridiculous they are only for them to come back with a vengeance the next day. I could really use some reassurance even though I know it’s bad. I have never been like this before until I started obsessing over schizophrenia. I’ve been like this for 8 months now.

Have any of you noticed that when you engage in confessing compulsions you often feel like you have to re-confess because you feel like or realized you left something out. Or that this just starts a landslide of confessing?

Does anyone have any tips on how to get a full nights rest? I had a pretty good afternoon/evening yesterday, yet still found myself waking up every 2-3 hours with anxious thoughts. Also I have this horrible chest pain in the morning, that usually takes me a while to shake. Not sure if that’s contributing to my lack of sleep.

Has anyone read the article in the Guardian yesterday by Rose Cartwright? It basically says OCD is not a medical condition in the brain but the brain is formed by trauma in childhood. So I guess she means deal with the trauma and the intrusive thoughts stop? I have had therapy for many years have dealt with my traumas but it never helped my anxiety and intrusive thoughts. 🤷‍♀️ https://www.theguardian.com/society/2024/apr/13/i-was-the-poster-girl-for-ocd-then-i-began-to-question-everything-id-been-told-about-mental-illness?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other

It might just be the opposite of what I fear; it might just be OCD. The whole thing about being uncertain of something that you're not willing to tolerate not knowing is a sign of how distressed you are by it. Having uncertainty and obsessing and worrying about not being certain about something should be self-reassuring because it means that you're wondering and thinking painfully about an issue that many wouldn't even question or doubt themselves within; it bothers you and it scares you. It suggests that you're clearly not what you fear the most. All this time, you thought that in order to not be a monster, you should never even notice and think about these scary and disturbing things in the first place. But maybe the fact itself that you're obsessing about this bothering stuff, trying to figure it out, confirms that you're the furthest thing away from being that monster. Not wanting to be is an enough answer. All the things that are triggering us daily, are just tests in which we have to always recognise when we're about to ruminate and pull ourselves out of it, and thinking it as a chance and a challenge to practice exposure and response prevention.

I’ve been having constant delusional thoughts about my family not being my family or being swapped somehow. It started out as very existential what ifs as well as me just in general being delusional or schizophrenic but has now actually moved into delusional thinking. It really scares me because my brain will start to look for proof that it’s true when I’m constantly trying to logic my way out of it. I get thoughts like “what if your family are skin walkers” and my brain will try to find a reason why unwillingly, and then I will fight that thought. And when I do that it will find the deepest delusional thought to combat that rational thought. Like I’ll see something and get a crazy thought “what if that’s a warning or sign that your family is not your family” “what if that thought was put in your head” “what if none of your thoughts are yours” or something insane along those lines, and it can truly feel like it could be happening but I still know deep down it’s not. Like I know there are a million logical explanations for why it isn’t true but my mind wants to stick to the worst thing imaginable. It’s like my brain is forcing me to find a reason on why it could be true, and making bizzare connections, when I just know in my core it’s not. I fear that I’m developing schizophrenia. I just don’t understand why there is a part of me that is considering this as a possibility when I know it’s not? Even when I say I know I can’t feel that feeling of knowing. It also almost feels like I am forcing myself to write normally, like I question if I’m just in denial and am just coping with this being true or something. I saw a psychiatrist and told me he believes it’s OCD, but I sometimes just don’t understand why these thoughts can get so deep. I truly feel like I’m insane. Like I’m aware of my own paranoia or psychosis.

i was at a rehearsal yesterday and i got super afraid of hurting someone for no reason. i wish i could tell someone, but i don’t know how to get them to understand that i don’t want to and i truly won’t? it’s really scary and i can’t really isolate because i’m around other people. instead i just start feeling terribly icky, if you know what mean. like my own skin shouldn’t be touching me. i feel horrible for thinking about any of it.

Receiving the email congratulating me on 6 months was a pleasant surprise this morning. When I was notified that I received my conquerer badge back in October, I was feeling pessimistic and not nice towards my progress, so I didn’t share it. But, I’ll share this achievement. I was finally diagnosed with OCD at 31. I’ve been in therapy with NOCD for a little over 2 years. When I started ERP, I went in blind, not knowing what to expect. The work was really, really hard. I had to learn how to undo years of mental compulsions and OCD-related habits. I was constantly tired, scared, and mentally exhausted. I took life day by day. If you’re in ERP, you’re probably familiar with the pattern of starting an exposure, feeling really scared, doing all of the hard work, until that exposure gets easier and easier, and you cross it off your list. Then you start the next one. My journey was sitting in my car for my therapy sessions, going to work after, and doing my exposures during the week. I cried often, i got frustrated with myself for not doing my exposures “perfectly,” for not being able to do things like a “normal” person. But then, I noticed changes. I realized instead of just feeling fear, or apprehension—I was also feeling that I could get through the exposures. My mindset went from “I don’t want to do this, it’s too much, I miss my comfort zone of compulsions,”—to “ugh, I don’t want to do my homework, but I will-because I know this is my way through.” Here is what I can do now, in my life, that I could not do years ago: I can use public restrooms. I can drive further than 20 minutes on the freeway. I drove about 4 hours all together last weekend. I can drive at night again. I used to love it, ocd took it away from me, but I took it back. I drove in the pouring rain on the freeway today, and I forgot to be scared. I joked with my friend instead as I drove. I care so much less about what people think of me, in small moments (how I look being new to the gym, how I appear in public doing simple things). When thoughts of death come up, I can dismiss them. I’m not afraid to be around my grandmother (I feared emotional contamination for years and years and years). I still have hard days. Last month, I thought I was going to relapse. Starting medication was really hard, because of the unknown. But here’s the magic of ERP—you develop the skills, and you don’t lose them. I worked through my fears of relapse over a new theme, I was honest with my therapist-and I bounced back. I bounced back so much quicker than I thought I would. I still struggle with grief, of things ocd took a hold of. I’m still working on acceptance. But I’m finding my values and living my life according to them. I can be my authentic self. Wherever you are at in your journey-you will find the peace you’re looking for. You are all more than your OCD. If you haven’t found that yet, you will. And I can’t wait to hear about it.

I mean like we believe in the devil and demons, then you hear that others on social media talks about ocd being a demon possession, or any mental illness being a demon, and if you believe that and it helps you, do it, but this makes me more paranoid. I just let my tiktok algoritm become more christian but then it ended up being this "we call everything a sin and a demon" type of videos which made me question if im really a good person and saved, and now im even afraid of demons, that they are attacking me and thats why im dealing with fear, and it just scares me, it became so bad that i start to get paranoid like im sure you experienced that when you think youve seen something in the corner of your eye, like something moved, and this just worsenes the fear... i know im dealing with fear but you know my mind still makes up shit... As a christian its really hard to deal with ocd, cause we do believe in demons but we cant view mental illness as possession, it just doesnt help, and i got to a point where i started questioning everything i hear about the bible and then i realized maybe its not a good thing tho, so i started to learn about things and now im back at fearing demons and that i have a demon or i can be posessed in the future. Same with sins, legalist people made me angry so i just ignored everything they said but then i realized maybe its egoistic to think everything they say its just legalism, and i went back learning about it and now im having this legalist/is this a sin or not problem. It feels like im on a spiral, i always come back to fear demons and fear that what i do is actually a sin and i live a sinful life

I don’t know where else to go, I feel as though my depression just keeps getting worse and worse and even though my ocd is under control, it still makes me upset. It truly is a life ruiner and there’s nothing I could do about it but take medication and learn to adapt. Not only that, I’m starting to feel like my home isn’t a “happy home” that much anymore. Everyday or at least every other day there is an argument between my parents. I hear it, even at times where it’s 1 am and I can literally hear them angrily have sex and THEN going back to arguing and crying and shit. This is relevant because I started getting more unwanted thoughts about my dad and mom, not only with my harm ocd but maybe a newly stemming ocd too ? 100% gross sexual images pop into my head and I fucking hate it. I just need some comfort and to be told I’m not alone.

How can I tell the difference between avoidance and fighting a compulsion. I thought check ALOT I’m constantly checking the thoughts are there half the time I don’t realise till I’m mid doing it. So I’ve just been really trying not to and even when I’m watching something I’ve been really confused on concentrating and not thinking the thought that I’m not sure if I’m just avoiding thinking at all or trying to fight the compulsion to check 😐😐

Parts of the day I feel my body get stressed from the thoughts. But a lot of times I just don’t! I have the feeling and the thoughts, I don’t want them, but there’s no anxiety, just some kind of sadness

TW !!!!! i’m so scared right now and i just want someone to relate because i feel like an awful awful person, this is an event hat happned when i was 5 or 6 i don’t really know how old i was but i was a young child and with another child who was 2 or 3 years younger than me i can’t really remember the age gap but that’s what terrified me because im scared i did COCSA. ( child on child sexual assault) i feel awful and i have this recurring thought “what if i took advantage of him” and it wont stop. i remember i said to him do you want to see what sex is like and i said but keep your clothes on and he said okay and i want doing it for sexual pleasure because i dont think i really understood or knew what it was but i kept my clothes on and he took all his clothes off when i didn’t want him to (including his underwear)and he got on top of me and was moving and i remember feeling really uncomfortable so i stopped it and i know this might be tmi but i just need to know if i abused him or not because i cant stand the thought, im really struggling and i don’t think there was any evil intent behind what happened but i keep having the recurring thought “what if i took advantage of him” i don’t know what to do i feel like i should turn myself in to the police i feel dreadful