Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Not looking for any crazy reassurance here but once you start “not engaging”with thoughts, is it common for them to pound you all day still? Do you just keep not engaging all day long for however long it lasts?

Can anyone answer this? I have always since I’ve had ocd since birth, not known what it is like to not have all themes of ocd- for example, I have always seen the world in a contaminated and unclean way, non-moral people as threatening and hostile. Now the question is: many therapists say that do not provide reassurance that things ARE clean, people are not hostile, etc. BUT, how would I even know what reality really is, what truth really is, If I don’t have the understanding first that okay- things actually ARE clean. Please reiterate this point. How am I supposed to know? It was literally 20 years later that my mom once mentioned to me that people are really happy, and they work joyfully. It opened my eyes and I thought Why has no one mentioned this to me- understandably so, everyone thought I was normal like them and they don’t even imagine what it’s like to be in the OCD STATE. I never felt this way? It made me understand that life, reality and people are very very much different and it was OCD which has distorted the lens from my eyes. Now the real thing is- to get normal and better, would it not be helpful for a therapist to point out every single way a NORMAL human being experiences and interacts with life? But if they keep hiding this aspect that okay- things are contaminated, they are dirty, the sufferer will never know logically what really is the truth, unless of course their ocd gets cured. Even when ocd is curing, I feel lost to know what is the truth. Is it important to know the truth?

Hey guys! I’ve been struggling with constant anxiety and rumination for a few weeks now really it’s been longer than that but I was still working so I was able to get my mind off of it for a little bit. Now I’m waiting to start my new job Monday and have been home alone just ruminating. This theme is that I’m going crazy and need to check myself in somewhere and my thoughts are confusing and don’t make sense sometimes. Idk how to stop it. I haven’t done erp in a few years due to finances. I just want time be able to calm down again. From the time I open my eyes until I can finally get to sleep I’m having panic attack thoughts without the physical racing heart and stuff. Has anyone else experienced this? If so what did you do to help it? I’m not on medication.

OCD hasn’t affected me in about a year heavily. before that for about 6/7 months it made my life living hell. i absolutely hated everything and myself. i felt rock bottom and it was absolutely horrible. i struggled with false memory ocd and real event ocd and relationship OCD horribly. absolutely terribly. and then out of no where it got better? it didn’t affect me for so long? throughout that time i was obsessing over the fact it wasn’t affecting me at the stage, i’d always be thinking “does that mean false memories are true. and all the real events my brain twisted are true?” it was a living nightmare. aside from that it didn’t fully affect me. until now me and my Ex dated for 2 years. we are both 17. we brokeup due to some personal reasons. this happened 2 days ago. ever since then my brain has been bouncing off the walls. thinking about all these “what if this happened” “what if she’s breaking up because of something else” “what if” “what if” thinking about if she hates me ect. ( it was a non hostile breakup, it was very sad though, she ended it with me) and i can’t stop thinking all these what ifs, and i always feel like something really bad is going to happen to me. i always feel claustrophobic. i always feel like i’m going to panic. i miss her so much and i’m going through so much pain. my brain doesn’t stop and i can’t enjoy anything i do because it reminds me of her or i start thinking of her. i’m so lost and no matter how much support i get. nothing helps. is some of this OCD coming back into play because that’s what i am really scared of. i can’t stop doing things like checking to see if she’s messaged me several several times a day. i keep thinking in my brain what happened. how i can fix it how why when where why. all of that. it’s so overwhelming i’m so distressed i’m so heart broken. i haven’t been diagnosed with ocd. but i have dealt with a therapist specialised in ocd before, and she has said that a lot of what i deal with is related to OCD, i have deal with things in the past that fit into the “check list” of several sub types of ocd. this is also another thing i obsess about. is if i really have it. etc. it drives me insane. i need help.

I don't need exams but does anyone have multiple themes that thrive off of one type of compulsion? I realised I had this years ago and wondering if anyone else has/ had the same issue. I think I may have had 2-4 themes thriving off of one compulsion.

My question is if we had a theme three years back We do erp on that thoughts the theme will go away Bcoz it doesn't get the importance and priority from us...right... Then again after one year the thoughts pop up with same theme Why??? Can anyone say something on this?? Does we are not doing correct erp work or else we are not removing all the compulsions from our life Why the hell they will come back...after some months or a year??

I'm realizing I'm having a hard time responding to intrusive thoughts from a certain OCD theme I'm having. They relate to obsessing over whether I'm "living right" or "not falling behind" when it comes to dating or having relationships. When I see or hear about another couple I automatically get a lot of anxiety and I think "What if there's something wrong with me and thats why I'm not with anyone right now." or "What if I'm living all wrong." In response to this stress I quickly recount how many dates I've been on or try to recall to myself how many guys I'm talking to or if I think a guy may ask me out or something. Or I compulsively talk to guys (which usually leads me to getting hurt because they're shitty guys anyway.) I'm tired of this cycle and I'm ready to use exposures but I'm unsure how to approach this. Any advice or thoughts?

im about to give up. im struggling and nothing helps.i dont wanna be here anymore with these thoughts and fears.

I have been diagnosed with OCD for about 15 years now. I see a wonderful OCD specialist and she is sure that I have OCD but I just can’t help but wonder if I actually do or it’s something else and I just am lying to fit this description. Most of my life I struggled with contamination/viral fears. A lot of fear around throwing up. And for awhile I was panicked that I could be gay and not know it even though I’m not homophobic and no one would care. And now I am in the most healthy relationship I have ever been in and I obsessively doubt whether he loves me or not or if we’ll fall out of love or now that we’ve moved in together, we’re not compatible maybe or that we’ll end up like roommates and not love each other anymore. These thoughts feel AWFUL and he tries his best to support me but I don’t think he fully believes this is OCD. And that makes me panic and feel like my fears are right and that it’s something more and that I have a creepy obsession with him or that I’m wildly insecure (which is super scary to me idk why). My panic attacks from these thoughts get so bad and I don’t know how not to keep asking him for reassurance and I can tell he’s getting tired. And he goes to therapy with me and knows not to answer my questions so I take his lack of answers as confirmation of my fears and I freak out. We are both just barely over a year sober and he’s working so hard on his own stuff and after I panic about us, I feel extreme guilt that I’m roping him into this when he has bigger things to worry about and maybe I have to break up with him because I’ll hurt him. Then, that thought makes me panic and all I do is research and ask people questions and compare and idk I’m so lost and exhausted. I need help

I see a lot of people place a lot of do's and dont's on what someone with OCD will do regarding their urges. I wanted to share my story. Before I knew this was ocd, when I would have a sudden intrusive sexual image that was an extreme trigger, I would feel the most extreme anxiety, fight or flight of my life. I felt like I was choking and having a panic attack, feeling like i was going to collapse and vomit. I felt like I was convinced this must be a real buried desire of mine, and that the only way to sate it was to give in. I felt like the only way to end the anxiety was to get off to it, like a bottled emotion that wasnt going to get better. It was really ineffective, the novelty would wear off and id just be disinterested. But being a porn addict, id just go down a rabbithole of more wild stuff until it was over. Id have another panic attack after, and id be in a depressive episode for a week. Eventually i felt like the reason it wasnt working was because I wasnt fully accepting it, defeated, I tried letting myself do it and tried loving myself for it. It ended up just being another compulsion, temporary relief for "finding the answer", then id lose interest and feel uncomfortable. Going right back to where i started. One thing i knew, is that if i resisted the urge, the feelings would fade within minutes, and if i thought about the trigger afterwards, I wouldnt feel a thing. After not acting on these urges, I had a 7 month period free from the ocd, no thoughts no urges, the whole thing just seemed silly in retrospect. I was extremely happy aboutnit, until having a fight with a friend caused me to relapse from the stress. I was in that viscious cycle for 3 years without knowing what it was. People like to act very black and white about whats ocd and what is denial, and I can understand why, part of me is afraid people will tell me im in denial too. But i believe personally that people will be driven to all kinds of desperate acts in attempts to find any kind of meaning or relief from the absolute hell OCD throws you in. I tried to open my heart and accept what ocd was telling me, and it didnt make me happy nor solve anything, it just perpetuated the cycle. I feel better understanding the root of these urges and not acting on them, and Ive seen real progress, but I made this post today to try to bridge the feeling of isolation i get having made the mistakes I have trying to figure out OCD.

I used to believe there is no recovering from this disorder, I used to believe every thought and feeling that is true. I started to challenge every thing by calling its bluff by leaning towards uncertainty. It’s terrifying and it’s not easy. I promise you the reward is the best. Because you’ll start to realize we’ll shoot man it’s not so bad maybe this could happen maybe it won’t, either way I’ll always be me and I’m loved. Live your lives the way you wish ! 🖤🕺🏼 I believe every single one of you are more than capable of defeating the beast (OCD) let’s do this together 💪🏻

I'm 17 and I was just wondering if it's OCD to think all of a sudden ' promise ok your pets life to go from one room to another within 30 seconds.' I used to be really scared and in Hinduism materialistic things (anything from sound sight touch taste smell etc) are ignoranve distracting you from god so I thought that by giving up things like not having chocolate for a day, not listening to music, etc I would be making 'sacrificws' to keep my rabbits alive. But then I started thinking things like 'promise on your rabbits life to eat this sweet for example' even if initially I was avoiding it because pleasures from taste are igorance. But now I keep getting it many times a day 'promise on your rabbits life to do this, do that, etc.' it's really interfering with studying and I have an offer for med school 🙏 but I'm not sure I'll be able to go

I’ve been drowning lately, and in addition, my father passed away. Everything is coming back, it’s like my therapy has been reversed to day one. All the thoughts are back, and the guilt accompanies them. The real events tied to the theme haunt me and swallow me up in guilt. I feel evil, and my partner of several years deserves to know what I’ve done. But, if she knew, it would be the end of our relationship. I know this for a fact. My actions as both a teenager and young adult are enough to ensure that. If it was just the intrusive thoughts, I could cope. But the real guilt, it thickens around my bones as rigid as mud in the Red River Valley.

Im going crazy, my brain wants me to be morally perfect. I cant have bad thoughts otherwise im afraid i will send out some bad energy to people I broke up with my boyfriend of 10 years and my ocd is hyperfixating on him, everything I do is connected to him and i’m so afraid Also its solar eclipse and that’s stressing me out because of all the energy Also there are a lot of small things going wrong And im just freaking out, my ocd is going through the roof i cant stop it, im afraid of everything Im punishing myself, i cant say certain words of i cant say thing I want to say, i cant do things i want to do, i want to cry but my tears are not coming

I'm stuck. My compulsions always centered around expelling all anxiety from myself, but now I've found something external that can't be neutralised - completely ego-dystonic centered around the most horrific thing I've encountered in my life and the thought that someone could know I had watched it and thought I was genuinely into it sexually. I always clung to this idea that I could expel enough anxiety that it wasn't bothering me. Wouldn't be perfect, but I could at least get rid of it enough to function well. But this has knocked me down completely: This is a thought that will always cause me anxiety anytime I think it, every social situation, every day at work is a ticking time bomb where I feel I have to avoid it. There's positives. I've learned a lot about my compulsions around perfectionism socially. After the anxiety passes I'm still confident, I'm still funny, it doesn't affect my personality. I know it isn't me. But I can't laugh off the subject matter like I would normally do, and no matter what I do I will always be able to think something that causes me anxiety on this. And when it does, my anxiety slaughters me. It throws me cognitively, if I've eaten anything, I get to taste it twice; that happened yesterday - Thankfully I have a great relationship with my manager and team leader so could convince them to keep it between us and keep working but the moment you feel your stomach go and the saliva starts to come, it's coming up whether you want it or not. The anxiety spike hits me when I wake up in the night, stopping me sleeping. When I'm enjoying myself 'too much, it brings it up to put me in my place. When I go to the gym or out with friends, the fear of the anxiety hits me. It's actually not even the situation anymore, it's the anxiety about the anxiety. But I've watched myself slide backwards from all the incredible progress I've made. I've made mistake after mistake feeding compulsions I never should've done, all the time working towards a different compulsion that I thought would magically fix all this. That's the most insidious thing about OCD. The more you try to fix it, the worse it gets. I've never had this before. Never something external that can't be resolved. I can't sleep much. Can't eat a lot. Watching my muscle mass deteriorate. What if it happens on a date? What if it happens in an interview? Why this? Why did my OCD latch on to something this disgusting (That one probably answers itself actually haha). Either this helps me finally realise that not all thoughts are meant to be resolved, reveals more about the OCD and helps me improve. Or it doesn't. Anyone had anything like this? A period of sustained downhill with the OCD that you pulled out of? Something external that you couldn't ever get confirmation of, but helped you in the end? Maybe didn't, but you still soldiered on anyway. Just looking for a little optimism tbh.

I don’t want to have to deal with this anymore, everyone else in my life just knows whether or not they’re a bad person and what they’re attracted to, I’m on medication and whilst that helps with the anxiety I’m never going to feel certain that I’m not a bad person so what’s the point in it anymore - I’ve been suffering for years and I just want it to stop. I genuinely don’t feel like there’s anything worth living for besides the people I love.

Sometimes i worry that i dont really have ocd or any mental illness and that im just tryna victimize myself. Ive been commenting on so many peoples posts since i got this app (today) but im worried that its because of my ego, thinking i know everything or that “im such a good person cus i wanna help people”. Sometimes i convince myself my suffering is deserved. I dont think it is but i wonder if thats just me being self serving. Like everyone has a bad side right?? Why do i suppress mine so bad does that mean im secretly horrible?

i just went through something and really feel like someone needs to hear this and not feel alone. i was going through some sort of panic/anxiety attack where i felt like i wasn’t myself in a way. it completely came out of nowhere and felt like it was based off of nothing. i felt not in control with my obsessions and no matter what i did to distract myself, i felt just off and awful. i was spiraling with my feelings and my thoughts that were adding even more distress. honestly, it felt like it was never going to end. i can only really remember 2 other times within the last year that i’ve felt this way. but i want you to know, IT WILL PASS. i know it feels so shitty in the moment, feeling like absolutely nothing or no one can alleviate the panic, anxiety, thoughts, confusion, emotions, and so on. but i’m finally seeing the other side of it and feeling like myself again. while i never really feel 100% anymore, i see more light than i did in that moment. you are so so so loved and understood by this community. never feel afraid to speak about these difficult times and allow people talk you through it.

How do you improve on Self Esteem when you are disgusted with yourself because of your intrusive thoughts?!?!

Does anyone ever worry that they’re inherently a bad person just waiting to do something horrific?