Kickstart your recovery journey with a caring community of others
working to conquer OCD
Hi all, I’m planning to start anti depressants for OCD just wondered if anyone has found this effective with intrusive thoughts? I’m scared if once they have worked I go off them and have a relapse?
Hi all, my name is Ryan and this is the first post I am sharing on this app. I struggle with a lot of forms of OCD, as I’m sure many of you do as well. My first memory of experiencing OCD symptoms was when I was 2.5 ish. However I did not get formally diagnosed until I was 25 after the OCD becoming debilitating during 2020. I got prescribed medicine then. It helped a bit but while on it I still experience symptoms. I feel like medicine silences the irrationality a bit. But it’s always still there. I’ll be honest I don’t like taking medicine. I don’t like the way it makes me feel, how it numbs some things but intensifies others. When I have gone off my medicine for one reason or another my symptoms definitely intensify. I am currently off and strongly considering starting again because OCD is starting to control my life again. Since I went without medicine for 25 years of life it’s so hard to justify taking it. I sort of feel guilty, like I was able to do it without before. My OCD has gotten worse throughout the years but I also remember some really hard times before I was diagnosed and I got through it. I wish there was a better option. The medicine isn’t perfect but it’s something. It’s a constant struggle for me.
I'm freaking out because I saw a tiktok on cocsa and now I'm afraid I did it when I was super little. I had to be like 6 or so but I can't remember, i just remember being little, not even 10 yet i dont think. I remember i was with my younger brother and my dad and we were all playing hide and seek in a hotel. And then me and my younger brother were hiding in the bathroom. I remember us giggling and then I remember making him lift his shirt? Or us taking turns lifting our shirts? Then im not sure if we showed each other our genitalia or not, or if his pants were down. I genuienly cant remember but i think we did (me and a friend in lile 1st grade got in trouble for doing that once, so i wouldnt put it past me and i keep getting a vague memory of it so maybe we did). Then i remember kissing his stomach before my dad was like 'what are you guys doing?'. And we both just laughed and left the bathroom. When I was really young, I was exposed to porn and it messed up my brain. I dont think it was innocent even though I didn't understand like what I was doing because I was really little. Hes from my dads side (who i dont talk to anymore) so i havent seen or spoke to him in years. I weve gotten along before we stopped talking though, but still. What if I traumatized him?? What of I did cocsa or intended to/almost did?? What if he doesn't remember now but will remember later and be traumatized??
Why must my OCD always make up the scariest scenarios to torment me with. Some guy was hitting on me on reddit and the convo didn't get far before I just blocked him but now my OCD is like 'he's gonna be mad and DOX YOU/STALK YOU' huh??? how did we get here?? now I wanna compulsively delete my account .. These new meds better kick in fast T-T
Everything is triggering my ocd thoughts right now. It started very quickly the other day. I’ve tried all the relaxation techniques and little therapy techniques. I don’t know how to get out of it. Anyone know how to make them stop. Or like how long this anxiety and stuff is gonna last for
I don't know what to do or how to stop this : ( if anyone has advice please, please let me know! It's happening to me that whenever I watch/read TV at night, get into an argument with a loved one, or haven't talked to them for a while I start to have intrusive thoughts/images that they're gonna get fatally hurt. For example, about seven months ago I had a car accident. I don't think I was left necessarily traumatized, but rather every time I have (the previously mentioned) intrusive thoughts I begin to reimagine my loved ones in that same (or similar) situations... and no matter how much I try to NOT acknowledge them...they often lead me to having anxiety or panic attacks. The only way that I seem to be able to stop these intrusive thoughts is by sleeping it off… but then that leaves to lack of productivity throughout the day and affects my life… I try my best to not give in into compulsions…especially because I also have dermatillomania so I KNOW that if I DO give in…it’ll end up bad. I’ve tried writing things down to see if it helps to calm me down. Although that did work for a while, I’ve started to feel/think that if I write my thoughts down they’ll increase possibility of actually happening :( so I’ve stopped doing that for a while now. I don’t know what to do anymore!
Yesterday I was checking the freezer in case a stray kitten might have get stuck inside of it, I did so because the night prior I had fallen asleep while my parents were making food and I feared my snoring might have distracted them while they were picking up something to cook from the freezer not paying attention if a stray kitten entered it. But as I was finished checking I realised I had to wipe water from the melted ice from the freezer because my mom would have noticed it and thought I had rummaged through the freezer and checked it herself, and since she would have opened it because of me, there was a chance once again a kitten could have entered the freezer because of me so I would have to go check it again. I didn't wipe it good enough in my opinion before they got back from work, as I refused to go wipe more water after having spent nearly half an hour checking and wiping, at this point I had wiped from the freezer to the hallway, always thinking I had displaced more water further and further, worrying a single drop would cause her to check the freezer. The process to check the freezer takes a while because I have to hold my tablet to record the entrance of the freezer to see if a kitten has come close all the while removing every item from the freezer and recording inside with my phone, and replacing every item while rotating it to see if a kitten isn't on it, which can take upwards of half and hour each time, not counting the wiping of water afterwards. I feel like crap now cause it's been a day since it happened and I forced myself bot to go check the freezer again but now since I felt a tiny bit of "pleasure" not wiping what I thought would be a tiny drop of water before my parents came back home, I feel depressed and can't enjoy my hobbies which feel corrupted now... It's hard to explain...
Anxiety is causes me to loop back to negative thoughts about my sexuality. I have had a gay experience when I was a young teen/preteen. Can’t remember the exact age and don’t remember every detail. It’s not something I would pursue or try again. Since then I’ve had multiple girlfriends I’m 31 now. I have a son but these thoughts don’t come when I see a man or even a sex scene with a man. It tends to just pop up the worse times are at night before bed when I’m completely alone. I use to have a bad porn addiction or have one still it’s been a full week sense I’ve done PMO. Of course usually I’d smoke weed and then PMO. Now without it my anxiety is high. I question if I’ll even be able to get hard with a woman, what if I changed and now I’m just not interested in women? What if I used porn to avoid being gay? I’ve never had these thoughts before and never watched gay porn until I developed this SO-OCD. Then i did watch gay porn on two different occasions to see if I would get any sort of arousal. Eventually I would just lose interest but it would also lead back to me watching regular porn and getting turned on and most of the time I caved and did PMO. I’ve fought the urge to do that and have been trying to just sit in my doubt watch some tv, using different show to rewire my brain away from being so over sexualized. Because even tho this happens when I’m alone it also can happen while watching tv. I’ll envision them being sexual. I never pictured myself in these situations until someone asked if I could see myself doing it. That’s when Id get super uncomfortable and nauseous almost like I gotta do something I truly don’t want to but someone is forcing me to do it. An image appears and my mind says well you can see it. That means you’re gay. Trying to do any of this without reassurance is the hardest part. Sometimes I self reassure and have to catch myself. But letting go seems similar to me saying fuck it and having a drink that I don’t want to have. Like I might be capable but I don’t want it
Having a lot of guilt because when I was I think 19 I was trying to stop watching porn and I was just reading fanfiction and a couple of time I went to google and looked up “hentai gif” I never ever looked up underage characters and looked specifically for characters I thought looked younger. I’ve never ever been interested in cp and the idea of that scares me and makes me so upset. I cannot express enough how much I don’t want anything to do with harming children, it hurts to think about. But I have a memory of clicking on a gif where I think the characters were on a school desk and I have so much guilt because I don’t understand how I could have looked at that. I couldn’t see the characters faces or anything but I’m 99% sure they were on a school desk and I’m disgusted and so confused and I can’t understand why I would have clicked on that. I never went looking for underage characters, I never thought to myself that I’m looking for characters that look underage, but I’m so scared about this. I don’t know why I didn’t specifically type 18+ or why I looked in the google images at hentai gif anyway but I’m assuming I thought what I typed was safe. I’m 21 now and I don’t watch or read any kind of porn. I’m terrified of it and it’s literally ruined me. I have no desire to ever going back to watching it and I hope to God I’m not an evil person. But today I just am spiraling and I can’t stop worrying about this. I don’t understand how I could how done this and it’s dragging me back and making me believe I’m a p. I feel like a monster I don’t know what time do about it. I plan on telling a therapist when I’m able to get one but I feel gross that I did this and that I can’t do anything about it right now.
I didn’t have any female desires before this. I was so happy with my bf and only wanted him. Now it truly feels like I’ve been lesbian all along though even though I don’t really feel like I’d be truly happy with a woman. I was just with my bf right now and I felt nothing. I tried to picture a life with him in the moment and I felt nothing, I look at him and feel nothing. but after that and watching him leave, I just started sobbing. My heart feels like it’s in my throat, my eyes won’t stop burning, I cant even breath right. Watching him leave felt like a goodbye. It really feels like I have to break up w him and tell him what’s going on and I don’t know what to do. I know I love him so much and before all this I had no doubts that he was my best friend and my partner and everything. The one person who truly felt like home and now even though I’m still not even sure if this is ocd or not, or if I’m gay or not I feel like I have to break up with him. I feel like I have to tell him. I feel so guilty that he’s with me and I’m feeling like this he deserves so much better.
Yeah ik if you read my posts I clearly exhibit behaviors of “POCD/OCD” all together but I don’t entirely believe it! Despite me really needing it to be! Yes, I’ve had a therapist tell me I have OCD. No I have not done any kind of ERP cause of my doubt of the diagnosis. One, let’s be honest, I have a porn addiction and these thoughts wouldn’t have gotten the way they got if I just let that be but every time I try to enjoy myself sexually, THERES THE THOUGHTS! I try to take some abstinence from it but then I go back to it cause i simply just want to, despite the thoughts then fall deeper into misery. Two, I never had ERP or actually doing the work in mind when I started therapy. I just wanted someone of expertise to tell me straight up that I have OCD so I could move on but DIDNT work. I’m a very impatient and miserable person so how could I really do the work when I just want it all to STOP for good and forget about it? Three, I know EVERYONE with OCD says this but I’m not a good person. I’m not a good friend, I’m not a good brother, or a good son. I’ve used guys for sex and never had the courage to actually MEET UP with them to actually do anything cause I’m that scared. Not to mention how much internalized homophobia I have. I’m selfish and only care about my own self interest. I could care less about everyone else’s problems cause how am I supposed to help? I’m literally convinced of being a fucking pedo and I likely am at this point. I’m sorry, I plan on talking to my therapist about all of this during the 4th session and hopefully she can help me understand better but I’m SO TIRED. All I wanna do is go to sleep and never wake up again this is FUCKED. My life feels like it’s over and what am I supposed to do when this feels so real? I don’t wanna do anything with myself except read, eat unhealthy food and sleep. I’m done and I’m sorry to everyone trying to help me when I can’t even help myself.
Hi! I'm Elle. I'm a writer with NOCD. I have OCD myself and as I research and interview clinicians for the articles I write, I am constantly learning new language for things I've experienced but didn't know words existed for. Let's talk about intrusive experiences!
Why does false memory always pick on situations that are so far in the past? Mine literally came to me 6 whole years after a drunk night out that I couldn’t stop obsessing about. The scary thing for me is the real detail in my false memory that my ocd is now saying is ‘evidence’, my therapist keeps saying that the ‘evidence’ really isn’t evidence and deep down I think I do know that but for me it’s the real details that keep me hooked. It’s like how can ‘this’ be real but ‘that’ not be real if you get me? It’s all so confusing and my brain hurts. The brain is a wild thing.
I posted about this yesterday but I feel like I’m in an extremely obsessive cycle right now. So basically I started college and moved into dorms. My roommate and I were cool at first then began to experience some issues. Mainly codependency on both ends. So I pulled back to regain control of my emotions and also to make better decisions since I don’t want codependent friendship. I did this with the help and guidance of my therapist. I have also been in therapy for almost two years. So today, my friend seems bothered in class bc she has her nursing cohort in class and Idk if she wanted to go talk to them rather than me or what she wanted to do but she usually says bye to me after class and she just got up and left. Which was odd to me. She then was super silent later in when she got home to the dorms so I asked if wverhtbing was ok she said yeah and said she had a headache. While that may be true she hadn’t been quiet toward me or like that in the past. So anyways I’ve been in an obsessive cycle of trying to “find answers” as to what’s wrong with me and why I struggled in friendship my whole life. Why I’ve chosen some unkind friends before. I have searched the internet up and down trying to figure out what is “wrong with me” and see if I’m unliksble or if there’s traits that need “fixing” so I can be liked better. This also enables me to go into perfectionist mode and remind myself of all the flaws I have and try to fix them. It’s exhausting and tiring. I’ve done some major work on myself in therapy these past two years and have actually made drastic changes, yet I still sometimes feel like why haven’t I mad decent good friends, and why am I feeling like a bad person all the time even when I’ve improved a lot of things. Any advice. Is this a compulsion?? I feel like it is bc my brain freaken hurts and I feel like I am looping. I got home around 4:30 today and have been on the intnernt for four hours searching smh.
I just had my first therapy session today, it went well, but I’m curious if anyone else often feels slightly overwhelmed by thoughts and feelings when it’s over. It kind of feels like it triggers my obsessive thoughts a bit. I’m not sure if this is part of the process or not. I’m just scared therapy won’t work or will make my thoughts feel worse and more real.
So me & my gf are taking a break & i dont blame her. i confessed to her my intrusive thoughts because i felt bad when in reality im realizing this was ocd. She felt like i didnt love her for days after that. we have decided to go on break. she only seems to care ab my mental health genuinely when im saying something about our relationship. but then again she said if i need time alone i can take that. then she said she loves me too much & she wants me to seek help but bro😐 how when i cant even afford it. it kinda pisses me off idk. i don’t think she cares about my mental health as much as she states🤔 or maybe thats ocd speaking? idk im still trying to understand this shit. help pleaseeee
Im doing this for a while now and i always realize that im doing a compulsion cause i try to avoid reacting and i send more anxiety to my mind. Or i trying to refocus on what i do too hard which is also a compulsion cause then im fighting to put my focus here and im sending the message to my mind that focusing on that things is bad, so it sends me more. The other thing i hate to hear is "this doesnt matter, its not a big deal" like respond like this... if i could say "this doesnt matter" i wouldnt have ocd. Ofc i rumminate cause its important to me. Its just stupid. Trying to not respond or react to the thoughts became a compulsion for me, i do it in a state of fear. And idk what to do, please share youtr advice if you have one
i feel oddly calm with the thoughts, though they still stress me out a bit but a lot less. i almost feel too comfortable. i also feel doomed, like even if i recover i will be someone i don’t wanna be.. like it’s becoming more than ocd
I am feeling really triggered right now. My mind is going crazy with thoughts and urges to figure things out. Wondering if anyone has any ideas that will help me get out of my head.
If you are in crisis, please use these emergency resources to find immediate help.
OCD doesn't have to
rule your life
