Can i vent really quick?

hey everyone. i’m not sure if this app will help me or not, but i feel the need to try anything because i can’t keep living like this. i struggle with obsessing over everything in my life. it feels like everyday my brain picks a new thing in my life to obsess over. for the past couple days ive been obsessing over my interpersonal relationships. for example; “do i like the people im with” “do i like my friends as more than just friends” “do i actually love these people or am i lying to everyone”. it’s been really messing with me and making me question my support system. i can’t stop stressing. i’m even afraid to talk about it with my therapist because i have those thoughts about her too. i’m new to my OCD diagnosis (got diagnosed last month) i was hospitalized for a week because i couldn’t function. i also obsess over my sexuality and nothing i pick for me ever feels quite right. i recently started a relationship with someone who’s trans, so maybe that’s why? does anyone else go through this? my brain tries to convince me that i do this to myself and that im making it all up. but who would want to feel this way? uggghhh

Please read, I normally don't beg but I have no relatives I trust to be emotionally vulnerable with, no social circle or friends outside of my relationship so I really need some help. My partner has been my one stable bond since we met. I've had small flare-ups during our relationship over fearing the commitment in the beginning, and for the last 2 or so months since we had a relationship crisis (caused by me) I feel like everything in my brain flipped. My brain is telling me she's ugly, I'm feeling threatened around the time she comes home, I feel hesitant to spend time with her, and my libido is in the dirt as I'm constantly self-monitoring arousal to check if I'm attracted to her or not which ofc skyrockets my insecurity. I struggled for years with compulsive sexual activity before meeting her and it feels like the same part of myself that I was protecting through those activities is the same part of myself lashing out against my partner now. We went to the state fair yesterday, and I don't know if it's my new medication (Bupropion) kicking in or what, but for a while I felt alright. I didn't look at her and feel anxious, I didn't feel any negativity at all. Then when I wake up this morning and she leaves, I'm wracked with the thought that maybe I didn't have a good enough time last night? I don't get reassurance from anyone besides myself and her, I'm not necessarily asking for it here but I feel like I'm truly alone in this and I'm fighting with everything I have to not leave the one person that life without makes me instantly sob when thinking of.

I cried to my partner again today about everything, she mentioned feeling scared that I'd force her to break up with me over how unhappy I am. Can't stop feeling like my depression is causing my relationship harm, and me not being happy rn will extend indefinitely into the future and cause the relationship to end. I have therapy tomorrow, but I know talking about this for 45 minutes will lead to the day being consumed by the same thoughts I'm having now. I'm a week into taking Bupropion, trying to convince my OCD to acknowledge side effects and my other mental issues as real things that impact me. Bc rn it's like I'm a fake person with no real identity wasting my partner's time by wanting to make it work in spite of my OCD. I don't think this app takes my insurance, does anyone have ocd support groups or something they know about? I can't keep crying to my partner every morning