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I did compulsions again after quitting that for a few days. So sad. Now the cycle is going to start again

This is my first post here and I really enjoy this app, since downloading and just reading through it has helped me already. It really makes me feel like I am not alone, and I’m not a freak, and I have struggled with that specifically with OCD for a very long time. Today I had a spike in anxiety and I figured let’s try and utilize the app for its intended purpose. I’m struggling just a bit with doubting my relationship (just married in October) because of some lack of intimacy and feeling like I am not wanted all the time. Even tho we have talked it through multiple times I still find myself having the same thoughts on loop “am I still really in love with her” “did we jump too soon” “what if it isn’t right” when I know 100% that I am in love with her and I wouldn’t want anyone else my side ever and I look forward to growing old together with my best friend. My ocd has also taken a toll on us due to the fact that I go to her for reassurance with my intrusive thoughts, which is not fair to her at all. So here I am, trying this out to see if I can get some support and relief talking with people that struggle with OCD as well. Thanks for reading of you got this far ❤️

Moms who have pocd and groinals. Can anyone relate? Intimacy is a very hard thing for me because I'm always worried of intrusive and groinals. I actually was sort of contemplating with my husband later and I wanted to. Then we ate dinner and then my son sat on my lap and it's like I was waiting to feel any feeling in my body. And I kept feeling like I was feeling something. So now I feel like it will have to be another night since I don't want to do it just in case I had some sort of groinal response. I guess my question is has any other mom dealt with this exact thing and how did you escape from this? Ugh it's been years I've been tormented by this. But I can't just go do it anyways because I'm afraid the groinal could have been real and then I'm acting on it somehow. Ughhh

So I want to work in my OCD with ERP and I already have a therapist here on NOCD and stuff. The problem is, that: 1. When I want to trigger myself (in an exposure) it does nearly nothing, I don't feel it and I won't get triggered, also I have a hard time focusing on my ERP 2. When I am triggered in the wild, so by OCD in my daily life it's either so hard that I can't resist it and give in OR it's so overwhelming and chaotic that I can't see it clear and it's all messy, like I am walking in fog or try holding on to smoke I want to fix that with writing down the Situation and trigger Everytime I get triggered and then try to recreate that and trigger me, but I fear that it won't work. Plus the last days where so overwhelming. I want to focus on my ROCD right now, because that's most important to me but then I started and internship as a Smith yesterday and liked it and BOOM OCD came and lets me question my future plans. After that settles down I go to depressed desperate, where I feel unheard and hate and argue with my past therapist and friends in my mind which treated me wrong, or did something bad or whatever, I carry so much hate inside me. I litteraly can't fucking Stop imagining arguments and fights with them in my head. When I notice I am doing it and stop, I will start over again a few moments later. This is all so fucking much! PLEASE HELP ME. What can I do to still do ERP successfully while my mind is so polluted. It feels like I want to reach my car down the road. But the road is a fucking mountain range, it's foggy, with creatures keeping me from moving on and planes bombarding the area. What can I do please

Having ocd makes me always think the worst. I have had 2 incidents over the years that have made my life miserable. I guess they are real events. When my son was little he would crawl into bed with me sometimes. One morning I got up and he was still asleep. I went about my morning tasks. When I went back upstairs to my room he was awake sitting up wrapped in the blanket. I said good morning and told him to come downstairs with me and get breakfast like I always did but when he got out of bed he didn’t have his underwear on. I yelled at him demanding to know why he took his underwear off. He was 2 or 3 so he could talk but not fully yet and he pointed at me and yelled “You!”. My ocd immediately kicked in and made me think the worst that I must have done something horrible to him in my sleep. Why would he say that? 😪The other was years later when my daughter was younger she used to crawl into bed with me at night alot. One night I woke up to her saying “mommy” and I was really tired so I just remember saying “sorry” and moving over and going back to sleep. I know it was probably nothing more than I just rolled over on her or something like that but my ocd keeps telling me I must have done something horrible. I don’t want to live thinking I could have done something horrible. It has made my life so hard to live. Now all these years later since my memory has faded my ocd tells me maybe I was drinking and just don’t remember doing something horrible . People without ocd probably wouldn’t think much about these situations and would just shrug them off as weird things kids do or say or that happen in life and parenthood but my ocd makes the worst possible scenario out of everything and makes me hate myself and living. 😞

Idk if this is reassurance seeking, but i really need some comfort right now because I don’t have e anyone to talk to about this 😭 Is it possible for intrusive thoughts to tell me that evil things aren’t evil and that “everybody is just being told that it’s evil but it’s really not” ?!? And then I tell myself all the reasons why that thing is wrong and why we shouldn’t do stuff like that but it keeps coming back and it feels so real like what if i’m losing my morals and I think that sh*t is okay to do? Wtf is happening, i’m scared and I don’t want to become a bad person who doesn’t think hurting others is bad. I’m so mad at my brain I just want this to stop right now and to be sure of my morals again..

any tips on how to stop ruminating would be greatly appreciated !!!

I was okay today w my bf. Still anxious and numb and a little uncomfortable, but was okay. I’m doing erp watching videos of women explaining comphet (signs you’re lesbian but society makes you think you’re straight) and I feel like I relate to them, even though before it never even crossed my mind and I felt so happy with my bf. So now I don’t know if I was just oblivious and lesbian the whole time, or my ocd is extremely good at trying to trick me. Cause now I’m doubting how “happy” I actually was

My head has been constantly pounded with intrusive thoughts to the point that I'm depressed, and the intrusive thoughts are still happening. I've got PTSD and severe OCD, please tell me there's a way to recover from this. I've tried so many things over many years and I'm still not better, I'm worse. I'm feeling very hopless, I keep throwing everything I've got at it but it's never enough.

My OCD has been running a little rampant for months. Most of my intrusive thoughts recently have been easier to decide as an intrusive thought but I’m starting to realize more and more how they’re deeply rooted in my trauma. I recently became incredibly uncomfortable in the presence of my brother because I was afraid he was attracted to me. TW: SA, intrusive thoughts related to incest/SA/RPE Recently I’ve been sharing a room with my 15yo brother. He is a football player, around 200lbs and 5’8. I’m 19, 98lbs and 5’1. Around 2 years ago he took a picture of my cleavage without asking. Needless to say, a lot of trust in him was lost. I’ve had very foul experiences with men in my life. My boyfriend (who suspected also has OCD) pointed out signs and said he felt uneasy around his presence. The other day he asked me if I was wearing pants under the blanket and offered his pants. I said no, I’m wearing pants. And that sent my mind spiraling. Thinking he was a creep or wanted to do something to harm me. I’ve been having bad intrusive thoughts about him harming me and they’ve even manifested in my dreams since I moved into the room beside him. I confronted my parents about it today (they’re not the most understanding) and they told him I basically called him a creep. We made up, but yeah. Bothers me. Kinda made me feel like I was falsely accusing him but like I really thought for a moment that he might hurt me. I often have intrusive thoughts or paranoia when going out anywhere of getting kidnapped, r/ped or beaten and it’s just a constant fear, I feel like I can’t trust any man I’m standing beside without my boyfriend there. Sometimes I have intrusive thoughts that he’d even do things to me in my sleep/without consent, even though he’s never and been the most supportive person in my life. Another thing, I have constant intrusive thoughts that he’s cheating on me or is truly to hurt/manipulate my feelings, plotting things against me, stuff like that… I can decode them much easier now that our relationship is in a better place, but yeah. I hope that makes sense.. it’s been really hard. I feel like I can’t talk to anyone about it because I’m so scared of being called crazy. I really want therapy but can’t keep a job.. it’s been debilitating.

please I need help... I have been with rocd, hocd and a lot of sexual thoughts for several months. I currently have a wonderful boyfriend, who I love madly. However, days ago we talked about how it is natural to feel attracted to other people. Talking about this topic has made me even more upset. I continually analyze my thoughts and body sensations to find out whether or not I find someone attractive. The point is that today I was watching a video on tiktok. And in that video a boy appeared declaring his feelings to a girl who did not reciprocate. And I don't really know what I thought, I think I had a strange bodily sensation in my body, perhaps of affection, of affection. And then a thought/feeling of wanting to kiss him came into my head. This has been bothering me all day. I don't want to kiss anyone who isn't my boyfriend, and not just because I want to be faithful to him, but because I don't want to. But what if I'm just fooling myself? What if I am polyamorous? For me, attraction is simply that someone is your type but you don't want anything with that person nor do you feel the desire to kiss them or so on, for me that is when the attraction is greatest. And I don't experience that kind of attraction with someone other than my boyfriend. So why did I think that? The boy is cute but he's not my type either. If I think about kissing him it makes me uncomfortable. Don't know. I don't know if it's occult or if it's not. I need help, because I need to know what OCD is so I can stay calm, or else I will feel like I have no control over my life again. I don't want to continue suffering.

I was diagnosed with OCD eleven years ago. I was recently diagnosed with ADHD combined type as well. I was put on adderall and it seems to help with the OCD as well. However, I forgot to take it yesterday and felt like my world was falling apart. The bad ocd intrusive thoughts were rearing their head and felt like my life was falling apart. Has anyone else experienced this? Or does anyone else have these two diagnosis? How do you cope with it? I just wish someone else could understand because honestly I feel so alone sometimes. I’m married and I feel like such a failure. I cause so much stress and turmoil in my marriage. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like giving up daily.

The first semester of my first year at university was horrible. My ocd was the worst it has ever been. I was anxious and depressed all of the time. It was a huge adjustment for me. I feel like people talk of university as the best years of their life and the fact that I was not having a good time stressed me out. That and also the class work and finding friends etc. slowly I got back on track and I had a really good Christmas break. I really needed it and I got put on some medication. But now I am back at school. It is my first day here and I am kind of excited, it’s like I get to start over. But I am super anxious too. I don’t want my mental health to get that bad again. I am really scared. And I think I have unrealistic expectations for this semester as well. What if not reaching them causes me to hit Rick bottom again.

I’ve been struggling with mental health for a while. I’ve seen a few therapists and psychiatrists over the last three years hoping for some diagnosis to give me direction on how to improve my mental state. I’ve also tried several medications, most just making my anxiety worse. At this point I don’t even know what I’ve been diagnosed with, if anything. My last talk therapist blamed all my symptoms on PMDD and dismissed me every time I would bring up another perspective of my symptoms and thoughts that I may have something other than childhood trauma and PMDD. I continued to see her questioning myself and slowly realizing that I was becoming so focused on finding a diagnosis that I needed to just focus on feeling better and being able to function day to day. Then I realized that some of the advice she gave me was not helpful and it actually made my family situation worse. Then there were scheduling conflicts repeatedly and when I needed therapy the most I couldn’t go for one reason or another. So I got burnt out on therapy too and I’m not currently seeing anyone. During a session with my last psychiatrist a few months ago she casually asked me how my OCD was, even though we had never discussed OCD before and it had never even been mentioned. This was the first time I had ever heard anyone bring this up to me. After I did some research I do feel as if I can fit in an OCD box but when I start breaking down all of my symptoms and behaviors I fell like I can fit into a lot of different boxes. Man is it exhausting.

I need help. I feel out of control. My therapist has left NOCD and I stupidly told her that I didn’t need to see another therapist (I had been doing ok with the ocd and the anxiety for a while now). Literally two weeks after that, I’m full of anxiety, full of ocd thoughts, and I can’t get out of it. My brain wants an answer right now but I don’t have one. The trigger to all of this seems to be the upcoming civil marriage my sister is going through next month. I have my reservations and opinions of her decision but I ultimately cannot control her or anything she does. I’m worried about her making a terrible decision. She’s 20 with no job, she’s going to school, still lives with my parents and I (and will continue doing so even after she gets married), she’s always arguing with her partner, etc. the list can go on. I’ve tried to speak up in a respectful manner but it seems as though (obviously) nothing will change. The next thing I’ve been cooking in my brain is the idea of moving out from my parents house. For context my parents and I live in Florida, a year ago my parents bought property in Georgia? Which is beautiful and peaceful, and for the longest time I had been trying to convince myself that living there with them in the future would be a good idea (the property is big enough to build my own home). But as of recently I’ve been feeling like moving there wouldn’t be what’s best for me, especially with everything going on with my sister and seeing my parents just go with it. Besides that, I want to be able to have a balance between country and city, and over there, there’s only country. I’m worried about so much that I don’t even know where to start to help myself. My boyfriend is super supportive with pretty much anything and everything I say, but I just feel like I don’t want to continue burdening him with my problems, I want to be able to go to him and just tell him my answers and plans. I don’t like not knowing and I don’t like drastic change. Someone please help.

It’s my senior year of high school but i have not been to school since November due to an intense OCD episode that was completely debilitating. I was misdiagnosed with GAD twice and just three days ago properly diagnosed with OCD, i start treatment in two weeks. I have been taking sertraline which has worked wonders for my anxiety but i am still having intrusive thoughts, depression, among other OCD symptoms. I don’t know what to do, i have discussed with my mom potentially dropping out and focusing on treatment, but idk if thats a good idea im just scared to embarrass myself at school or have people judge me for things i cant control because of OCD. Im also scared to be around people younger than me idk what to do im so conflicted, any advice?

y’all i need a little pep talk. im going back to school tomorrow and im worried about if im gonna start having harm thoughts about people at school and then of course tack on the worry of it affecting my grades. or the even bigger worry of having a thought and liking it

Hi, does anyone have any tips or advice over how to not allow the intrusive images or themes consume to the point of freezing up in petrified fear. I feel that I ruminate over my OCD theme to the point where I’m super anxious or I’m depressed and find no point in my day to day activities because I feel that I need to think over my theme. But I go no where with it than into a freak out mode. Any help or advice is welcomed. Thank you.

Hi everyone, this is my first post here. I have OCD for as long as I can remember. But the last year it has become unbearable... I don't know how to move on... My brain began to generate terrible, and scary thoughts about the people who are the most important and dearest to me. It's tough even to write about this... My fear is based on "magical thinking" and the belief that if I think something bad about someone I love, bad things will happen. And the more I worry about it, the more terrifying scripts my brain creates. Here is my OCD story in a brief summary. I started to have intrusive thoughts as a kid. Even in my childhood, my rituals were mostly mental. During my college years the obsessions almost disappeared. Then a few years later they came back (probably because of stress at my work), but I still could live with intrusive thoughts because they didn't take up most of my time. Everything has changed recently, after a chain of traumatic stressful events occurred in my life in a very short period of time. My anxiety has increased significantly, OCD has gotten worse. When I was looking for some useful information about struggling with intrusive thoughts, I read a post by a woman in which she wrote that she was afraid of accidentally cursing her child. I understand that it sounds crazy and there's no logic at all, but after a while I realised that this thought popped into my head and I can't get rid of it. This really scared me. I know that OCD quite often attacks the things we love and care about. For me, it's my family. I'm afraid that I'll wish my loved ones something bad and it will hurt them... These thoughts come up against my will. I realize that this is illogical, and probably the only person I can harm with my thoughts is myself. But the "what if..." thought destroys me. Unfortunately, I can't afford the ERP therapy because I live in Eastern Europe. At this moment, I'm researching sources and specialized literature on my own. As I understand one of the main factors in the success of therapy, and one of the first steps is the acceptance of the thoughts. But in my case, the problem is that there remain a couple thoughts that are still in my mind unacceptable (like wishing bad things on my family). I don't know what to do about it... I'm so desperate... Maybe someone has experienced something similar? I really want to believe that there is a way out of this trap because OCD is taking everything I care about... I'm really scared, and it's occupying all my mind.

I feel like OCD is just my entire personality at this point. It’s been going more haywire than usual lately. Just fell into a vicious cycle of over analyzing nearly every thought I’ve had and trying to piece together everything. Just realizing that nearly everything I think just follows the exact same pattern. I felt like I had a good handle on my OCD for a good while, and now it seems to have spiked again. I just feel so low. I hate when you feel like you’re doing good and then it just goes all the way back to the bottom again. Makes me feel like I didn’t have any type of progression. My issue lately is I’m constantly obsessing… and if a close friend that I feel comfort towards talk to me, I’m always telling them my thoughts. It gets tiring. I’m sure they’re tired of hearing about my OCD. I am, too. But it’s hard not to talk about it when it’s pretty much all I’m thinking about. I know my friends aren’t my therapist… I’m not asking them for advice, I’m simply venting because I’m struggling — but I just hate it. My thoughts are all over the place, just feeling really alone and sad. I know realistically I’m not alone. Not the only one going through this. I hope someone can relate to this. I need that reassurance right now. Not an OCD reassurance. I just don’t want to feel alone. I need a hug. I feel so mentally sick. I hate that my brain is like this. I wish it wasn’t.