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Has anyone ever had an accepting response when telling a partner? I don’t feel like I can be honest because I’m afraid they’ll leave me for being a monster or just never see me the same

God I wanna ask my (15f) sister if I’ve ever hurt her -so badly. I wanna know if I’ve ever m worded her… she still likes me though- is around me, likes my attention when we are alone and is not troubled by my presence at all. Sometimes she squabbles with me, says hurtful things but she’s a teenager first and foremost. (Also likely bullied :( which is my non ocd fear.) She’s my sister, I love her more than anything and she doesn’t even know it. I’d move mountains for her if I had to and when I found out she was being bullied I wanted to personally put the fear of god into those pathetic wimps. She was born so I wouldn’t grow up alone if anything happened to our parents. She was the best gift and if I ever hurt her that way I would unalive myself The reason this thought came up was that I had a memory where me and her were playing as kids. We hid under the covers (idk why or the context) and she said “like sex?” And I panicked, got out from under the covers so quickly and said “what?! No- no nothing like that.” Or something along those lines. (I was molested as a kid by my cousin so I knew what sex was way too early- I think I was mostly disturbed by her knowing too.) My ocd is trying to find meaning- to find some part of this memory to twist. I can feel it bubbling in the back of my head sometimes. Conjuring up stuff. I know asked for reassurance from her is the worst thing I could do. Not only cause it’ll worsen symptoms if just ocd- but also it could possibly traumatize my sister cause she doesn’t know I have ocd and wouldn’t understand intrusive thoughts. :( Sometimes I just wish she also had ocd that she didn’t tell me about and we could both just ride it out as a pair again. Instead of being separated by my mental illness.

What do you do when it starts to feel really real and you lose yourself? I constantly get thoughts/images of me being romantically involved w a child and I disgusts me to my core but at the same time I get thoughts and this "feeling" that I like it and it freaks me out. I tend to say "i want to be someone my age or older" when I get those thoughts and I get thoughts that I’m lying and that I don’t see myself w someone my age or older and it’s so weird and gross. I’m so scared that I’m going to become something I don’t want to be. I haven’t been diagnosed fully but my psychiatrist said that she’s sure that it is anxiety disorder and impulse phobia which is very close/linked to ocd. I’m so scared that my fear is gonna become real and this is turning me into one and I’ve always been one or something.

constant thoughts even during alone time of “just accept u are a p, say it, accept it” and it feels so real and I have the urge to say it and try to accept it (ive tried to do it before and it sent me down a spiral of shame and worry) I really hate this. I feel so weird and out of place always and I feel like a fraud who’s in denial that they are a p.

Hey everyone. People don’t post about this much so I thought I’d throw it out there. I have what I call staring ocd. Or visual tourettic ocd. I got concerned at one point about accidentally noticing someone’s breasts and then men’s private areas. And then purposely would try to make sure that didn’t happen. Of course that made it happen all the time. It’s bled into all kinds of things like so ocd , pocd, and being fixated on eye contact and even rocd, because why am I doing this? sigh. It’s tough. But I’m improving so much. Just throwing this out there in case anyone else experiences it :). And to hear your stories. Thanks!

So I’ve been doing really REALLY WELL with pocd. I’ve been going places, to the beach, seeing kids in swimsuits and stuff really extreme things for people with ocd. And I’ve managed to do super well, sure something would pop up but I’d ignore it. So I’ve been doing super well ignoring it. Little minor flare ups here and there but yesterday my brain could not bare it. I somehow found myself in Steven seagulls Instagram where he visited a tribe in Venezuela and he had a picture of kids and the first time I saw it I didn’t really make a big deal of it but my brain kept having me go back to “test” of I can do this forever without something popping up. Eventually my brain attached to what I think is a little girl in the front but she was not wearing a shirt and I noticed it and I said “nah that’s a little boy” and obviously “but what if it’s a girl” so I checked again and sure enough it was a girl and you can see where I guess you can see where she’s starting to form up there just a tad and that did not sit with me. So next thing you know I’m compulsing by going back and looking at the picture multiple times so I did that but that made it worse cause at some point a part of me felt like I wanted to see it, like false attraction. And I’ve had moments like that before and was able to get around it but is it hard this time. And this whole night it’s been on my mind even when I’m sleeping, I just feel like a criminal, I feel like this ped****** 😞. I was doing so well these past few weeks and now I feel like all that hard work just went down the drain.

Hello all! Yesterday I went to the park with my niece and I was surrounded by kids of all ages! I had 0 intrusive thoughts and I didn’t check! I felt like a normal human being for once and I’m so proud. I have been struggling with this theme for years and I had good and bad days. When im not ruminating I feel sane and I find children interesting, cute and funny. I am feeling extremely hopeful.

Nsfw tw// a compulsion I struggle with is m-sturbation. when the groinal responses and thoughts get to bad I do that to gain some sense of relief. but sometimes I end up agreeing with the thoughts or think bad stuff while doing it just to “give in” and also “test myself” and finish so i can find some relief. but IMMEDIATELY afterwards is a sense of shame and regret of wtf did I just do? i guess doing this gives me a sense of control over whatever this is so i try to agree with it but the compulsion is so gross and so is the theme so why would i ever find relief. i honestly believe im a p in denial. my pocd has been acting up non stop for almost 2 and a half months. I feel like im going to cry

i went to target with my sister, and i got into a mindset so bad i’m questioning everything right now. she was walking in front of me, and at one point i walking more in her direction, took a step towards her while having attention on her butt. i think i took the step bc i wanted to feel a groinal while thinking of her butt, but i don’t want that to be true. after, i couldn’t look at her, and i had a few moments where i genuinely felt like i wanted to do something sexual. i genuinely felt and thought that way. when we got in the car, i had a really bad moment like that, as i think i leaned in her direction while having a groinal. i started crying, but couldn’t take my focus off the road for the rest of the way home. now i’m in my car and i feel as though this is really the end. combined with every other horrid thing i feel about my family, children and animals, my life only feels like doom. it was literal hell tonight, and i never thought it would get that bad. i don’t know what to do, i feel like i should be waste

If i was a child (12 and 13) and Ive made separate horrible mistakes that my pocd says im a p and a chomo for, should I be forgiven?? I had no idea how horrible the mistakes were when I was 12 and 13... I really truly didnt... im 22 and about to turn 23 in July...

The constant fear of harming or abusing a child has made me stay in and not want to go outside. It’s such an awful, uncomfortable fear that scares me so much. By avoiding outdoors I feel so isolated but I feel by keeping myself in I’m keeping others safe. Does anyone else ever feel like this?

How can you do exposure therapy? like I’m not in therapy but how is it out there for you guys?

So I’m getting treatment in person and today I had a phone call and it was basically asking questions to see if it is ocd.like an assessment. On the phone there was a lot of questions and I had to answer with numbers So for example she would say a statement “I excessively wash” and then I answer on how much I experience it : 1-not at all 2-a little 3-moderately 4-all the time But now I feel like I lied for some questions and just that I’m lying that I have ocd and using it as an excuse and that I’m just not bad enough. Like I’m scared I’m lying saying I experience some of the things. Like my head lately keeps saying that I’m putting it on and that I don’t have it or using it as an excuse I’m scared what if I don’t have it like right now it’s telling me I’m lying. I feel like I’m making it all up Because a lot of questions around ocd I never hear them talk or ask me about a lot of themes like Pocd Rocd So ocd So when I don’t experience things they ask about like symmetry , ordering or harming others it makes me feel like I don’t have ocd

Hi, I hope that you’re all doing well whoever sees this. Since march I’ve been dealing with pocd, despite not being diagnosed I show many symptoms of OCD and one of my first symptoms of pocd was anxiety and a groinal response from listening at a video talking about a horrible monster and what he did to innocent kids and I’m just not sure on what I have but god pocd just feels so real, I hope I’m not a freak but the intrusive urges, intrusive feelings, intrusive thoughts are just horrible I want the old me a month and half ago back.

everytime i see a kid or hear any words related to children i get immediate intrusive thoughts and terrible groinal responses :( the sensations feel so real. i have no anxiety anymore its been like this for a while i use to have terrible anxiety with my ocd but now its just shame and worry:( and sadness/dread. i hate this. my brain literally tells me im a p, and i believe it, it sounds and feels so real :(

Hi, I’m Cede. I am 15 years old and I’m greatly concerned if I have OCD. I do so many things that relate to others with OCD, and find myself constantly matching symptoms of it. But I feel like if I bring this up to my mother she will tell me I’m making it all up in my head, or say something stupid like “it’s because of that darn phone” I was hoping to find people here who do have OCD and see what their thoughts are. And hopefully find my answer. These things have been happening as long as I can remember. They started out as a few things but now they’re building and getting worse. Stuff I do that I believe is OCD related: -When I was younger and believed in good and praying, I would have to triple check I prayed for all my family and friends. Or I thought they would die. I would panic every night. (Age 4-9?) -When praying I would also pray that specific things wouldn’t happen to me. Ex: “dear god, please don’t let me get kidnapped tomorrow” -I got into a car crash when I was younger while I was asleep, ever ever since then I wouldn’t allow myself to fall asleep because I thought me sleeping caused us to crash -I would (still do) see the spray paint on cement and imagine if the line extended. I would have to avoid those spots or I’d feel panicked or think a bad thing was soon to come -I skip count by 2’s, 5’s, and 10’s when anxious, or something like it. -I have to hold my breath while crossing the street because I think something bad will happen if I breathe before I’m across -I have to run half way across a street before a certain light changes otherwise I’m convinced Doom is released upon me -I will randomly feel dirty in my body. Typically my hands. I will wash and wash them till the “bad” is gone. -I have the habit of over showering because I feel like when I sleep “bad” is layered all over me and showering will get it off -when making a timer for something it needs to only be “good” numbers (minutes) with a “good”number for the seconds. Ex: 11 min and 44 seconds -Numbers, Colors, Letters, and shapes all are split into feeling “good” or “bad” ex: 6 is very bad. It’s like a dirty feeling almost -I refuse to go into stores that feel “bad” or “dirty”. Like the AIR feels dirty to me, even if I know it’s clean -If I push my bedroom door shut before it closes I need to run to a carpet and stand on only my right leg or get to my stairs or I feel like something bad will happen -I will rewrite a letter or something till it feels it’s done “just right” -when walking on tiles I can’t step on lines. But also I don’t like how they’re spaced. My right foot is always stepping on one part of them and my left on another. It’s not fairly balanced. And that causes me to rewalk or step there again. And it causes me to panic and sometimes tear up. -if I only get one hand wet I need to get the other just as wet before drying them off or I can’t leave the place I’m in. -if one nail breaks on one hand ex:pointer on right, I need to cut the other one down to that length as well. Or I can’t function -when I’m sick I convince myself I’m going to die in my sleep (I’m literally sick rn and refusing to go to bed because I’m convinced my family will find me dead) -I have asthma and I sometimes think it gets so bad I’ll want to write “I love you” notes to my family because I’m going to die from not breathing in my sleep -I think I forgot something so I have to check it a few times to make sure I have it or done something -I won’t take medication unless my mother gets it for me, because I think I’ll accidentally over dose. And sometimes I’ll be worried to take it even from her (Tw for these because they’re intrusive thoughts) -I’ll be looking at my dog or a little kid and have the most vivid and violent visions of them. Ex: I will see myself bashing my dogs brain with my foot -I will have intrusive thoughts if me specializing myself to older adults, even family. Like guys. I don’t even want to give an example because it’s disgusting.. -I’ll get intrusive thoughts of me unaliving myself and writing su’cide letters to people -I will get an intrusive thought of me taking too much medication There’s still so much, but I’m sick and tired. If anyone who has OCD can let me know if it sounds like I have it please tell me. I want to figure this out. Have a good day! -Cd

*Long post, sorry. I used to be different. Better than whatever this is. Maybe not entirely but at least I didn’t deal with pedophilic thoughts 24/7. At this point it’s hard to tell what’s real and what’s not. There’s times when I feel like my old gay self but that last like 5 seconds until those thoughts pop up again. It’s like my old self has just faded away. Like it feels like I ran out of the fuel that made me me yk? And now I’m this. I see everyone else dealing with POCD and I just think “this is NOT the same thing I’m dealing with” yet I still somehow meet the criteria for OCD. Could I be so deep in denial that I just say that I can’t be in denial cause I’m aware of it? Like meta denial? There’s times that really feel like I’m being turned on by these thoughts, as gross as that sounds, but other times that weird feeling isn’t there. So what’s the truth? My feelings used to feel so organized and understandable and now..it’s like all blended and stuck together. Idk what to do except use NOCD as my public diary of sorts. Yes, I’ve had a therapist tell me I have OCD, and I’ve went to a good few sessions but if I’m being honest I used those sessions as reassurance. And who knows, maybe she only told me I have OCD based on what I’ve told her, but what about the things that I may not have said or brought up that would make even her doubt it? Idk how to help myself. It’s too overwhelming and hard and I feel like if I do do ERP it might just prove that I AM that and make it easier to accept which I can’t do or deal with.

So I've been struggling quite hard with my self esteem and life events which have exacerbated my hocd, pocd, negative thinking this past so many months. I'd put my life on hold, while trying to do things to build my positivity as the waiting list for therapy is ridiculous. I've been trying to push through ot by doing things I normally enjoy, like theatre. It's still been a struggle but I've been trying not to let this deter me. My mind right now just keeps thinking of the worst possible outcomes, with a helping of self critism. I've just found out I've got a new job that I could be starting as early as tomorrow, as a teaching assistant, something I've never done before but want to try as I've been in a rut in my life for so long and want positive change (even though change scares me too) Then I read NOCD's article on distractions becoming compulsions and it's giving me anxiety, which in itself I worry triggers more overthinking. My big issue right now apparently is confidence and a huge lack of self esteem, which has brought on my HOCD, POCD, SOOCD etc, pretty much anything negative my negative ninny brain can get ahold of and overthink. This job is new and anxiety inducing, but also wanting it to be positive and negatives give into the fear of it and the unknowns it creates. Building my self esteem (trying to change my brain's automatic switch to negativity thought patterns around me, get out of my own head) and trying to discover a purpose in my life could help aliviate my anxiety and OCD symptoms. Right now, I'm just sitting in them and letting them swallow me, despite my know I have to accept whatever thoughts come my way. I need to move forward with my life and do something. I know this isn't an overnight thing. With NOCD saying that distractions or doing other things becomes a compulsion in itself throws my head into more negative thinking, as if you're saying doing this is going to fail and there's no hope for me. I can't let myself believe that, because I don't want to live in fear, I want to face them. I want to live my life again and get my brain out of this pattern. Surely distractions or doing positive things (that are initially scary) will help to break my catastrophising thiught spiral and find it easier to manage my symptoms and get on with my life?

Today was not a good day. My anxiety got in the way of hanging out with my friends and I planned to do this but I just couldn't bring myself to go far away from my house because of anxiety. I can't help but feel they're mad at me. I felt so depressed about this that I just ended up relapsing to porn. Then my usual fears of seeing someone underaged in the videos were there so I just click off anything that makes me feel uncomfortable and try to look up the age of models. While doing so, one model was named Daria, so I looked up her username to check, but it had a sexually insinuated word in her name and search results came up for an underaged fictional character. I know I didn't mean to look for this character but it still makes me feel awful. I just feel like garbage overall. I don't know how my anxiety and self esteem will ever get better.

Hi, I’m semi new here. I downloaded this app in 2019 and today is my first day back on it sense. I have always struggled with OCD, in particular POCD - and I want to give you hope, that there is light at the end of the tunnel and that this isn’t forever even though it feels that way. I have been doing great for years, but recently it started flaring up uncontrollably. I believe it’s because I have a new significant other, and I feel like I have to tell them about the thoughts that I have. I feel like I can’t have peace in my mind until they know everything including details. I don’t want to go to In depth here because it’s scary but I had a POCD intrusive thought about their loved one, and I feel like I need to share the thought with them so I can be free of it. Does anyone else struggle with this? Like you have to tell your partner or else you won’t have peace? I hope this makes sense.