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i talk to my boyfriend i am angry and have a strange feeling when i think of him i dont know what i feel , i look at photos i feel like a different person , disconnected , i am so distressed and sad and i have so many other thoughts and doubts im ao acared, even the past, when i was happy i doubt that as well, i am tierd of being like this, this males me act bad towards him, i am scared i dont like him or love him or like the way he looks or that i never liked him or that i just like the ideea of a relationship im so scared i have other thoughts i dont want to write them now im scared i am like this all day 24/7 from the moment i wake up i camt ignore them , im scared to ignore them and let them be there i am too scared

Trying not to seek reassurance, but rather connect the dots on my OCD and possible reasons as to why I am the way I am. I have severe OCD (or at least I hope I do) mainly surrounding POCD. I've had symptoms of OCD the majority of my life but this theme has come up more recently. When I was a kid, and i'm talking 6-7, I was first exposed to some really gross adult content online. It was introduced to me by a friend of mine around the same age of me. I saw some really disgusting things that a 6-7 year old should definitely not see. This was not a one time occurrence, as I had been exposed to taboo topics online years to come after that, such as the same friend introducing me to Omegle... And i'm sure you can imagine how that went, theres a lot of genuinely disgusting human beings on there. Coming back to the reason for making this post; is it possible to early exposure to this content could be one of the reasons I struggle with POCD? It genuinely scares me to death because you hear that real p*dos dealt with simular situations when they were kids, so thats kind of making me feel that this could be more than OCD, and I could be a genuinely bad person. My POCD feels so real, that at times i'm fully convinced its not OCD. Sometimes I can't even distinguish the feelings of attraction between a younger person and an older person, except for the feeling of anxiety and fear. Its really hard to explain without going into detail, but it just feels so real. Some feedback on this would be great, thank you all.

My rocd is making me disconected from my boyfriend thinking he is cringe and that i dont know him or i dont like him for real, making me question the times i was happy thinking i was pretending and i was just thinking i am happy and in love but i wasnt… when i think abt my boyfriend i cant feel happiness… im scared. Yesterday we talked he said he is happy when we talked he sais how happy he is and that if i dont feel the same i should not panic (hw knows about my thoughts) i am so sad, i dont want to be like this forever, im scared

I’ve been feeling the urge to avoid intimacy or purposefully engage (for reassurance that I won’t give into a compulsion) because of intrusive thoughts and fear that I’ll “check/test” my reactions. My OCD is making me so scared that I’ll purposefully think of a child and try to see if I like it. It’s so complicated but I guess I’m mentally checking if I would mentally check during intimacy. I’ve even envisioned myself checking and it’s making me so nauseous. I know it’s a compulsion like any other but the sound of “touching yourself to the thought of a child” sounds atrocious and vile. I’m terrified I’ll automatically start checking next time I am being intimate. I truly feel so worried. If anyone has gone through something similar, I’d appreciate hearing your experience. Or if anyone has any advice?

I’ve been on Fluvoxamine (LUVOX) since 2015. It has worked wonders for my intrusive thoughts, ever since starting at the lowest dose of 50 MG per day. Over the years I’ve had to gradually increase the dose and for the past year I have been at the max 300 MG per day. Unfortunately, over the past few months, I’ve noticed intrusive thoughts and obsessions coming back. Has anyone else taken Luvox for a long period of time and then had it just stop working? If so, what medication did you try next that seemed to work as well as Luvox?

**TW for anyone who’s like me a picks up new fears** I’ve been struggling with intrusive thoughts about inappropriately touching people I care about. These thoughts are distressing, and I never act on them, but sometimes I feel this overwhelming tension or urge. To manage it, I end up doing things like lightly smacking someone’s knee or arm, or poking them in a safe spot like their ribs. It feels like it helps release the tension or stop the thoughts. It scares me because I feel like it might mean I’m dangerous, even though I know I would never actually hurt anyone. I’m assuming it’s some sort of compulsion. Does anyone else experience something like this? Any advice or insight would be so helpful—I’m just trying to understand this better.

Okay so I’m gonna rant for a second about ocd hanging around in my personal life. This may be mostly about my personal drama but these situations contain all the ingredients for ocd to thrive. I have romantic feelings for my friend that started a couple months ago while she was in a relationship. We have very strong chemistry and I have this warm pleasant feeling inside my chest whenever we hangout. I’ve had crushes before, but it’s never felt like this. Normally ocd chatters and undermines my feelings but every time it tries to touch my confidence in what I feel for her, it just bounces off like raindrops on a windshield. I’m probably delusional, but I feel like we both are aware of this connection. Then, about a month ago, she broke up with her boyfriend. It would be very unhelpful to her for me disclose how I’ve been feeling right now. Also very scummy I feel. Here’s where ocd enters the picture mainly. My hands are tied. I want to be a good friend and respect her grieving the end of her relationship (lord knows I have been there too). I also know what I feel and how smitten I am with her. I’m trying to hold these two things together but ocd tells me stories about how I am awful for having these feelings and that I need to do something to make them go away. Alternatively I feel like I get stuck in these prolonged day dreams where it’s telling me that she’s absolutely perfect and that I’m messing up my one true chance at finding love. That I’ll end up alone forever because I didn’t do enough. It baits and traps me in these no win scenarios. I’m exhausted. I’m not looking for answers with what to do. I know that I need to sit with the uncertainty and let the thoughts come and go. It stings because I do really care for this person and it’s leveraging that against me. Life is complicated and humans are messy. I am human, I am messy. I know I’m allowed to feel what I feel. This kind of pain is common to anyone not just folks with ocd. However It certainly is not making it easier. It feels like the physical sensation you get when you mess up in the operation game, if that makes sense. I have no idea what’s to come romantically. Regardless, I need to focus on presence and patience. Whether or not things work out with her is irrelevant. Things will end how they are supposed to. I just don’t want ocd to be the reason I pursue or don’t pursue anything. This is my life that I get to live. I will not be bossed around and tortured by this if I can help it 🕺

So, if I'm retelling a story or relaying information to someone, after I'm done speaking, my brain will send me thoughts like, "What if you lied? You might have told the story wrong! You're lying!" I've started second-guessing myself, even when I know I'm not lying or telling the story wrong😭 This has also bled into twisting my intentions behind certain actions... For example, the other day, I'd been babysitting my younger brothers. I'd gone to use the restroom and thought, "What if the door isn't locked or closed all the way?" Because this has happened once in the past. Turns out, it didn't lock correctly, and one of my little brothers almost walked in on me, but luckily, I shut the door in time, and we laughed it off. But then, I kept getting thoughts like, "You knew that would happen, and you didn't double-check! You wanted that to happen and for him to walk in!" :( I know this isn't true, but it's so annoying! Has anyone dealt with this? If you have, do you have any advice on how to deal with these thoughts?

Lately, I’ve been struggling with feelings that I might be sabotaging myself in my relationship. By sabotage, I mean that I find it hard to stop engaging in compulsions, like seeking reassurance or overanalyzing my thoughts. I also sometimes behave badly with my boyfriend, and the intrusive thoughts I have can completely change my mood. I love my boyfriend—he’s such a good, beautiful, and wonderful person—but I’m afraid these thoughts are going to ruin things. I truly want to love him, but I’m scared. I know the thoughts are anxiety-driven, but they still make me question if I’m forcing myself to stay with him. Today, for example, I felt okay earlier, but when he called me on video, I suddenly felt like I didn’t feel anything, and I started thinking I don’t like how he looks. These thoughts hit me like a wave, and I panicked. Usually, I find him very attractive, but when these thoughts come, I feel sad and disconnected. What’s confusing is that I also have many moments—like today and in the past few days—where I’ve felt really good and I’ve felt love for him. I feel awful writing this because my boyfriend doesn’t deserve this, and I feel like I’m posting out of habit. It makes me scared that I don’t want to accept the truth, even though I know I care about him. I hate feeling this way because it feels like I’m betraying him by having these thoughts and posting them. Has anyone else dealt with these feelings of sabotaging their relationship or feeling like they’re forcing themselves to stay? How do you cope when the thoughts feel like they’re true, and how do you work through the fear of letting go of anxiety

I know a few of you saw my posts about my ERP and the googling urges. That didn’t end up going well. My therapist actually decided we needed to halt it for now. The thing is it’s almost like I learned googling is harmless from those few exercises and my brain keeps generating more things to google. Normally I would just spiral and be done but now I can barely hold back from searching for long. I eventually give in. I’m horrified because it feels like I want to find illegal content. I swear on everything I am, I don’t want to find anything even close to it. I’m freaking out because I don’t understand what’s happening. I keep compulsively searching/testing/checking or idk. I keep remembering details and I feel like I need to google again to be sure of something. I feel absolutely insane can someone please help me??? I’m petrified I’m going to get in trouble.

I hate that to this day I still struggle with porn. I've been seeing disturbing things when I look for safe content and it happens a lot because porn is just so fucked up now. Back when I was a young teenager I saw really uncomfortable, disturbing things and some of that stuff is still here even when I try my best not to see them. I try to make searches specifically geared towards real and fictional adults but I get playlists that involve fictional minors or really extreme taboos. I don't want to struggle with this anymore and it's taking a toll on my mental and physical health. I might have to just stop using my phone for a while altogether. I really hate that I deal with this and I feel alone in it. I can't talk to anyone about this in person except for my therapist. I just feel really helpless about this.

Omg just googled childhood signs that you’re a lesbian and loads say they played online games and pretended to be a boy and date or make out with girls! I used to play Habbo and do shit like this or I just didn’t dress as a boy! I feel sick. I feel doomed. I want to be free of this. I don’t want to be with a girl!

So some months ago i was very panicked because i was “looking” at a boy from my school, i guess he rrminded me of someone and every time i saw him i was looking at him. That turned into weels of obsesing , at home i was thinking “am i thinking about him? “ “am i a cheater “ “do i like him” “am i a bad girlfriend and betraying my boyfriend “ “why sm i thinking about his face i dont want this” i calmed down after that and them when i saw him i was fine, i didn’t thought about that anymore. This happend one time in may anf one time in September. I stopped obsesing with that and just hot my regular “what id i dont like my boyfriend amd my thoughts are real” . This week i saw that boy and he was looking at me and i started to panic again, yhinkinv thatbinlike him or that im looking at him on purpose. Rn i was thinking scenerios om how would i act if there was talking to him if i woulf gave went on erasmus project and thrn i started to think im a cheater and my boyfriend dosent deserve me to think about this i dont actually like that boy i dont know his name i just panicked that i had this thought and started to think what they mean. I feel very guilty bc i have other thoughts regsrding my ROCD amd how i feel abt my boyfriend but i love my boyfriend i feel so bad about this. I fo t want to like others. I know my thoughts are not true but i still panic and think that maybe they are

How can I learn to separate my present self from the childhood version of me? I'd been exposed to a lot of content I shouldn't have at a young age, which led to other things happening, and I feel a lot of guilt and shame surrounding that time. I'm too afraid to do ERP for this theme. I don't want to mess up and make things worse, but I'm not sure what else to do... Any advice or tips?

i feel so bad for posting here, idk what i wamt i have so many thoughts abt the feelings i have for my bf im scared my thughts are true or that they will be true and i feel bad for feeling amd thinking this way i such a bad girlfriend, i am scared that i like other people just because i look at them or talk to them normally and i feel like a liar what cam i do to stop feeling like this i am scared

last night my rocd felt super real, i dont understand why it felt like that i felt like it was my truth and that im in denial, i was crying so hard, it was telling me i dont love my bf and that i never did. I hate it. Right now i have woke up and im still scared. my bf is amazing i hate this. Why does it feel like o dont like him

**TW for POCD** I’ve spoken about this a few times before. That urge I had to type in “child porn” into google. I talked to my NOCD therapist today about it. She told me the ERP for it was to type it in. She even did it with me. Obviously nothing but news stories, crime statistics, and photos someone would use for a project showed up. I’ve been so petrified of typing that in there. She wants me to do it every two hours and listen to what OCD will say. I typed it in that way, I typed it out full, and I typed it out with an additional word. I clicked and browsed through all the google tabs. I’m okay, but I can’t stop crying. I’m scared to do it again. She said it’s not likely going to get flagged due to people looking that up for research projects and stuff. I’m just afraid repeatedly searching it up will cause some sort of alert. I feel so scared and full of nerves. I guess that’s what the ERP is supposed to do, but it was so scary. So scary :(

i have uninstalled this app for one day bc someone here told me so but i dtarted talkinv to chat gbt again after one week of not talking to it. i am scared and i dont know what i feel but i do at the same time, i know i love my boyfriend but i still have this strange feeling in me, and so many emotions, i sometimes think he is cringe and annoying and i dont like it i dont understand what i feel now. I am scared that i will mot have anxiety anymotr and the thoughts will be true. i wamt to cry but i cant im so confused, one moment im happy one moment im confused and i feel strange

I've been posting and commenting often, and I've developed this weird fear? Like, what if one of my posts or something I've said has made someone uncomfortable, or maybe they didn't agree, and they blocked me or just disliked me in general? It's so silly because this is a place where you should be comfortable to share anything, and there's always going to be people in life who have different opinions than you or maybe even dislike you. I know that, but I'd just hate to make someone upset or uncomfortable. I don't think I have, but... it's just been this reoccurring thought of mine. I'm also afraid of accidentally offering reassurance. I'm sure I have at some point... It began after I made a vulnerable post on here, and I felt self-conscious about it the next day. It's just been nagging me ever since. Has anyone else felt this way after posting or commenting? Just wondering, thank you! 🤍

I remembered something from a few months ago. I zoomed in on family beach photos, particularly the bikinis, and now I’m feeling awful about it, especially because the people in the photos were underage (my boyfriend’s sister and cousin). I think my brain is twisting what my intentions were maybe but saying that feels like I’m trying to excuse myself. At the time, I stopped because it felt weird, but I’m not sure if OCD was involved back then. I moved on and only now am remembering this. I’m struggling with whether this was normal behavior or if I should definitely be feeling guilt over it. The guilt I am feeling right now is unbearable.