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the NOCD Community

I’m in the thick of dosage adjustments, feeling awful and looking for a glimmer of hope!

Is anyone in a relationship, an extremely happy one and loyal one. But you see a person and you find them attractive and you feel guilty? You feel like you’re cheating and it’s consuming your mind.

I don’t know how to get rid of them

Why do I do compulsions but feel no anxiety? Also why do I get the anxiety and do no compulsions? It’s confusing me 😖

So, I cheated on my wife last year, bad, I know. We were going through divorce at the time and we had a rough last year. For years before I felt unhappy because she wasn't giving me what I need, I'd tell her what I need and how to give it to mee and she says her way should be enough. I felt more like a room mate than a husband. We've been married for 10 years and she hasn't had a job until 2021 when I got out of active duty army. I tried for years to help her get a job and she just didn't want one. She would sit at home, playing on her phone or games or watching TV while dishes and recycling piled up. We had our first son in 2020 and it made her even less desiring a job. We had my chores and her chores and she says that we should just share the chores, which I agreed too until she never helped me with what were my chores. We recently had our second son and she's upset that she has to temporarily go back to work while hes almost a month old, which I can understand. While we were going through divorce she tried to commit suicide, went to a hospital, learned all this stuff and even realized how I felt before the divorce stuff. She learned of my cheating we fought and reconciled but she has returned to the way she was before divorce and cheating. She thinks she's the only victim and doesn't see that I'm unhappy with how things have been going. She changed from how she was while we dated. I married that woman, not this woman. She says she changed into what she thought I wanted but never asked or listened to what I wanted and need. I'm also highly into BDSM and I'm a Dominant and she was my sub while we dated. It's how we met. Well, since marriage I've had to try and surpress the BDSM side of me even though before we got married, I told her numerous times that I can't be vanilla. Well it's come out in fights that she doesn't understand that it's a part of me and that I can't be me. I have to hide and surpress myself. I have been diagnosed with anxiety driven depression. She has some of my ocd traits. We'd start watching a movie, or show, and during she'd want to leave and go somewhere and get mad that I wanted to finish what we started watching, even if we've seen it numerous times. She hates that I need to have things mirrored and that I get upset with my projects if they aren't like perfect, especially when I know I can do better. I tell her I need her to initiate things like hugs or cuddling and sex instead of me always having to do it, she doesn't understand no matter how many times I explain it to her. I feel like I have to do everything while she sits and does nothing. I mean now she has a new born we have to deal with and a toddler. But if I don't do something, it almost never gets done, even before we had kids. I don't make much at my civilian job, I've tried getting a job that pays more and get denied. We are behind on phone, internet and power bills because I don't make enough to pay rent, gas for my vehicle and all the other bills. She just wants to sit and do nothing and gets mad that I want her to have a job to help out.

When I was younger I was a very edgy person and I drew a lot of edgy anime art of the adult variety. I am ashamed of what I drew and I removed it all from online. (However some things were reposted and simply can't be taken down which horrify me)However now I find it hard for me to even draw at all at times because every time I see my art style it triggers me. I used to love drawing and I used to use it as a coping mechanism and as a way to escape but now it's just something that I dread and I just don't do anymore. I really miss creating art and creating stories but now I'm so ashamed I feel like I don't deserve my talent. I feel like I'm not worthy enough to be an artist anymore not even for myself. Has anyone else ever felt like this?

Hello I am new to this application. I am 34 years old and I’m not sure if I have OCD but I’ve noticed that the last two weeks I have been having these horrible thoughts I can’t believe I am having them. It makes me so sad and scared and I can’t seem to stop crying. I’m going on week two feeling this way and can’t seem to get myself out of it. How can I possibly have thoughts about harming my child? They are the precious gift from God. They’re my flesh and bone how can I?? The anxiety I get every day has turned into having it all day and night, just the thought of How I can could possibly think of such thing, now followed by depression and lack of sleep. I have never had this problem ever up until now. I can’t even watch any crime shows or the news because it spikes my anxiety. I can’t even look at anything like knives, guns because it causes me major distress.

Hello, My name is Rebecca. I have had OCD since I was 15, but was not diagnosed until I was 26 by a psychiatrist. I have experienced Relationship OCD, Religious OCD, POCD, SO-OCD, Transgender OCD and Harm OCD. I do also identify with Pure O OCD. With the different themes over the years, I always experience the same feelings: a heavy chest, unsettled stomach and of course guilt and doubt. I have been managing quite well for the last 2 years with the help of 4 steps that I have obtained through the book Brain Lock by Jeffrey Schwartz. So, I am writing this because I have been experiencing a bit of a lapse. Now, it’s not quite a theme. I recently got back from a vacation from Disneyworld with my mother and daughter. We really enjoyed ourselves and decided to go back again next year. So, I have been excited planning and thinking about Disney a lot. About 4 days ago I had a thought that my thinking about Disney was my OCD. So, of course it scared me and I got the usual feelings and now I don’t even want to think about Disney, watch Disney+ or see anything Disney. It scares me and I have guilt. I also feel upset about it because we had such a good time, and had good memories. Now my OCD is ruining it! I know it’s not a bad thing to be excited about planning a vacation and thinking about Disney! But, my OCD is telling me different. It’s so random and I am kinda struggling with how to cope with this! Thank you, Rebecca

Does anyone have the intrusive thought that maybe they should just end their life? I really don’t want to but the urge feels so real. I’m just so confused. I have not been diagnosed with OCD but I’m pretty sure I have it.

I've got a Christmas party with my husband's family this afternoon and there will be a LOT of people there. I'm so anxious to go because his family always seems to be sick with something. There will also be a few very young children (walking petri dishes in my opinion). How can I enjoy myself and not let the fear of catching something get to me? I'll be using my response prevention messages of course, but those don't always work for me. There's going to be about 35-40 of us in a small home exchanging presents and eating and drinking. (I will not be eating or drinking ofc) It really bothers my husband when I'm anxious and uncomfortable around his family and I'd like to be calm and happy and enjoy myself for him and for my sake as well. Any advice would be appreciated!

I’d love to know your experiences of telling friends and family that you have OCD? Who’s decided to open up about it and who is still hesitant to? No one knows I have OCD and I have no idea whether I should tell people close to me!

So I’m 26 years old and for some reason my mom doesn’t treat me like I’m really worth a conversation. Let me explain the last 24 hours to give you all a better idea, Last night I was sitting in my living room with her and I was in there for over an hour trying to make conversation with her and she blatantly ignored me. To the point where I was like what’s this tv show your watching about ( mind you I don’t have any internet in the show ) And she completely ignores me. Then she starts talking to the tv cause the main character pissed her off and she yelled at the tv screen soI just walked away, And she was like why are you leaving and I just went to my room and maybe like an hour later she comes in my room and lays with my dog but my head was spinning ( currently weaning off my antidepressants )and I told her can you please leave I need to lay down I feel like I’m gonna pass out And she was like no and I said please get out of my bed I’m lightheaded and she says no. Then she’s like “oh well if your gonna make a face then so am I” (Playing the victim) Then today I asked her to wake up my dad for me so I could call him and talk on the phone about something and she refused to wake him up for me and told me to basically Handel it on my own So I couldn’t get in contact with my dad until 2 pm today cause he forgot to turn his phone on. Then earlier my head was spinning and I was nauseous and she calls me into her room and I was like yeah? and she’s telling me her stomach hurts. I’m like ok and I leave like she wants to make it known she doesn’t feel well either ( she always does that ) Oh I almost forgot, Yesterday she was telling me all day she wants the hair vitamins I’m currently on , So I was placing an order on Amazon and I figured let me ask her if she wants the vitamins and I text her but she doesn’t respond and I keep texting her and get no response. Finally I check my living room camera and see her scrolling on her phone intentionally ignoring me , So I asked her through the camera microphones if she wants the vitamins and she barley gives me an answer and proceeds to ignore me again Finally tonight my head wouldn’t stop spinning and I figured maybe if I eat something it’ll stop so I go in my kitchen and there’s nothing like nothing at all and I went to her and was like mom why don’t we have anything like I wish we at least had crackers my heads spinning really bad and she tells me to Go to the store and buy it myself and I tell her I can’t my heads spinning And she comes in my room with this condescending smile and goes “ you have a job you have money get it yourself “ When she left my room I just silently cried Like why are you so cruel? It just hurts me more because she’s not like this with my older sister at all and my mothers told me before she has a very special connection with my sister cause she’s her first born. Just a crappy feeling when even your mother doesn’t think your really worthy of her time or conversation.

Hello, Everyone. I feel as though I’ve maxed my ability to control my OCD beyond the point I’ve reached and am now interested in trying some medications. Any recommendations? Thanks.

I talk to this one girl online, she’s the coolest and sweetest! But I think she’s going through a tough time with her illness and it just sounds like it keeps getting worse. I had a thought pop up saying “die” at one point, I feel like total shit for it. I was excited this morning because I felt great waking up but when I read her message I felt sorry for her and after a couple of seconds I got that intrusive thought and it felt like I meant it but damn, I know I don’t what the fuck 😔. Now I can’t stop thinking about it. And before I would have intimate thoughts of me and her doing things. but that one I think was legit. It’s cause I like her but when I look back at it it’s such a shitty thing to be thinking about. and yesterday I was with a group of friends and he was complaining about how this chick won’t message him quick and I said don’t worry man I talk to this one chick who I sent a text on Saturday but she just text back yesterday. Just trying to give him an idea like hey yours isn’t as bad as mine. But we’re not even like talking to be bf or gf. I just want to be happy but ocd is def making me feel guilty and wanting to confess to my online friend 😔!

As a person with OCD, how do I stop obsessing about insomnia? Someone in this group gave me great advice a few months ago. She suggested YouTube videos by Daniel Erichsen. I’m more of a reader so I consulted his book Set it and Forget It. I thought I had it all figured out because I learned you can’t control sleep. However, I just had a sleepless night and I’m obsessing about why. What should I do? I’m worried about how tired I’ll be all day.

Is there anyone on here that practices the Christian faith seriously? My faith is my most important part of my life, and ocd seems to affect it the most. It is very hard to discern between genuine faith/ sin concerns and when my OCD goes overboard and my concern is not valid. I feel like I'm always concerned I'll sin, or that some thought is a sin and it's a very difficult cycle to break. If I could associate a compulsion, it's be confessing things. Anyone else struggle in this way and have advice? I'm currently on a wait list for a NOCD provider.

I was recently diagnosed with OCD. Probably more along the lines more of Pure O. . . Very very distressing intrusive thoughts and fears. I can see how it's likely been an issue most of my adult life but really exacerbated lately. It's exhausting. Has caused a significant disruption in my life and it Feels like a constant mental battle. Has anyone had luck with medication? I was recommended for lexapro. Tried it for 3 days and felt awful. Is the ERP therapy usually effective without medication? I'm on the wait list for a nocd therapist as they say they don't currently have any available in my state.

Hey guys. I’ve been dealing with Harm OCD for around 3 and 1/2 months now, and it’s been extremely difficult to experience. I’ve had OCD my whole life and some of my family members do as well, one of my cousins actually has the same main subtype as me, but he was diagnosed almost a year ago when I didn’t have it myself. I’ve been going to an OCD & Anxiety Treatment Center the past week and I’m really struggling with the exposures we do there, as well as the ones we do at home. I constantly feel like I’m judging myself and I genuinely feel worthless, like I’m a horrible person to have unwanted intrusive thoughts like these. I feel like it’s so difficult to stay mindful and to not judge any of the thoughts that surface. Those with Harm OCD, have any of you here gone from debilitating OCD to living fulfilling lives? If so, what was the process like for you, if you’d like to share? Thanks and I hope you’re all doing well, or are continuing to improve.

everything’s been really terrifying and loud lately and i found myself not leaving the house if i could avoid it, missing classes and appointments etc. i don’t WANT to give into the illnesses; i don’t WANT it to take my freedom. so i started going to class again. i haven’t been doing much else - i don’t eat out very much anymore, i send other people to the grocery store, and i’ve moved important meetings and appointments online. anyways, i’m sitting in class right now and battling the urge to leave. i made an agreement with myself that i could leave at the break if i still needed to. but i recognize that that is ALSO giving into the illnesses, and i don’t wanna concede more than i already have. i just feel so afraid all the time, and home is so much less overwhelming than anywhere else. i’m looking for people who have also experienced this. do y’all have any tips on how to manage? i feel like i’m going absolutely insane.

My OCD and intrusive thoughts always seem to be worse when I have nothing to do all day. When I graduated college I didn’t have an easy time finding work (mainly because I didn’t know what I even wanted to do or how to even find a job). I ended up taking a job in a career I wasn’t even interested in but I enjoyed it because it made me feel so much better just to have SOMETHING and contribute to society. For 2 years at this job I was so happy with my life. Never experienced an OCD episode and lost 50 pounds and felt so good. I ended up leaving that job to chase the money and it was the worst decision I ever made. I switched to a job that basically told me from the beginning they didn’t want me and spent a year being miserable. I gained all my weight back and HATED the work I was doing. I almost switched jobs to another company but it would have been the same work I was doing so I didn’t take it and in turn experienced another OCD episode where I was obsessing over the fact that I may have made the wrong decision. Eventually I got fired and am now once again home doing nothing all day with no idea where my life is going to take me. My Obsessions have now turned towards not being able to raise a family because I can’t figure my mental health/life out. Does anyone have any experience where their OCD tends to be worse when they have extended free time and will the things I worry about now seem insignificant once I have my professional confidence back and feel like I am valuable?