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Magical thinking is an absolute curse.. it’s torture.

Hi this is my first post! My biggest thing is that im scared if I don’t do something something bad will happen. The consequences vary depending on the situation. Like for example one of my biggest fears is throw up so when my stomach hurts I have to touch something or do something or step on something in a certain way 4 times and I have to get it perfect. If not I think that I’m going to be sick. Thats just an example but my mind has fully convinced myself that these repetitive acts have actually worked and protected me. I don’t know how to stop or fight against it because I find comfort in thinking I have control over things. But sometimes doing these things can take so much time and it happens all the time. Certain rooms in my house there are certain things I have to do. It’s just becoming really overwhelming as a teenager especially. Does anyone have any advice?

My obsessions vary a lot, but lately I've been struggling with people close to me going into cars/driving. I'm feel like I'm starting to make them feel like I'm morbid or something, and also don't know how to explain them my mental process without sounding crazy,because this doesn't happen always. I'll try to explain: i really feel like i'm a bad omen for anyone close to me, and if they are making me a favour, like driving me somewhere it goes two ways in my head: 1.They are safe while i'm with them because(????) 2.When they are coming back without me they are at more risk because the universe is gonna make me pay for my egoism (being helped). Now, I know what magical thinking is but is really hard to explain to people without OCD, like, sorry but telling someone that i think i'm some kind of chosen one thay will keep us safe but a great force is gonna punish US BOTH for getting help is BONKERS. I'm right now at a good space in my life compared to years ago, but my head keeps popping with new fears randomly, i've been doing quite well with trying not to give into compulsions but this past week it's been so hard, both with this an health rumination. Just so hard. I couldn't help to give into it and i've been: -asking them to call as soon as they get where they were going. -checking the wheather and telling them please try not to drive, go outside or be careful in general if its windy or rainy. -Refusing rides and taking the public transport instead even if it's inconvenient and the other person insist they want to drive me. I just couldn't today my bf forgot to tell me he came to the office bc of reunions etc and i almost lost it, panic attack and multiple calls included. I just needed to let it out, and started reaching help again so i hope at least this makes someone feel understood :)

I was someone who was fat once and yes I’m gonna say fat because that’s what I was. I was overweight and it took a toll on my emotion and mental health. About 3 months ago or so I was 200lbs. I was very chunky and chubby I had side pockets and I just felt overall very heavy and big to point where I even thought it was affecting my physical health…I remember days where I felt tired so quickly and had fatigue or just felt outta breath going upstairs , etcccc. I recall eating so much and impulsively snacking which I think part of it was due to my stress but also just normal eating for me seemed out of control sometimes. I then realized I had to make a change especially when I got the news from doctor I was diagnosed pre diabetic and was close to becoming one very soon. So then I made few changes to my diet and daily activity as well as routine , one day I remember falling into a downward spiral with one of my debilitating episodes with ocd (about 3-4 months ago) it was then that I felt so desperate I even considered taking medication again . Fortunately though it was the best thing I did for me. I have been showing improvement but I still get episodes periodically I just manage it somewhat differently than I did before . I feel little more in control … however this doesn’t change the fact that ocd has still latched itself onto something I value . I lost 52 lbs. during my weight loss journey I couldn’t stop or give up . It was one of my biggest milestones. I never thought I’d ever do it but I did. I haven’t felt this great in so long and everyday I can’t help but be scared to think I’ll be fat again. I compulsively go to the gym , I check mirrors , I check my elbows and face shape and chin, I have fast days , etccccc…. So many compulsions you can think of . So many thoughts surrounding my fear of being fat again like magical thinking ocd and stuff . I need help. This has become constant for me. I’ve been scared of gaining weight again . I have certain thoughts like God punishing me. It’s more than that I just didn’t wanna get into detail. I was wearing a chain with a cross and I was on a hookup app while I had it on and i immediately had racing thoughts that God would take away what I value .

Im so anxious that I can barely function anymore I dont even know why,I was just laying in my bed and randomly I got anxious I think it may be caused by that I havent been stimming in a while but my mind is telling me that its because something bad is going to happen in a moment like a war or something like that

How does one do erp for magical thinking?

Hey, I’ve been doing some research on OCD and think I may have it. I’m not 100% sure, but I have a lot of the symptoms. I want to get myself diagnosed, but my parents won’t let me. They agree that it’s very likely that I have OCD, but they think that if I try hard enough, I can get over it. I don’t know what to do anymore or if what I have even is OCD, and I want to be somewhat sure before a I do anything. Right now, I’m a junior in high school, but freshman year was when my “OCD” was the most severe. I think I had (and still do) the symmetry/order subtype and “just right” subtype. I was obsessed with writing things neatly to a point in which I kept forcing myself to erase and rewrite things until all the letters were straight and all the graphs were neatly drawn (typing wasn’t safe either because I use Notability and felt the need to align every text box and make them all the same length). Handwriting was especially a problem in calculus A, and it got to a point in which I couldn’t keep up with the notes, and the homework was taking hours a night because I was obsessed with making my work perfect. Needless to say, I didn’t get a good grade in calculus A and didn’t build a good foundation for future math classes. This makes me really sad because I was previously really good at math and had a bright future in the subject. Eventually, I just stopped trying in calculus A, but by then, I felt burnt out, couldn’t concentrate on anything, kept putting things off, and lost the ability to properly manage my time. I think it may have escalated to executive dysfunction at that point, and it carried over to all my other classes. As someone who was previously pretty productive and good at planning, this was a huge hit on my self-esteem. I was also obsessed with symmetry. If I touched one side of my body, I had to touch the other side in the exact same place. If I was coding something, I would have to evenly distribute touch across each key on the keyboard. It felt like everything was a heatmap, and the colors had to be kept in balance at all times. I also avoided odd numbers because they were considered “asymmetrical”. I was obsessed with routine and had to complete tasks in a certain way, a certain order, and a certain amount of time. Even something as small as combing my hair for five minutes instead of six caused me extreme distress. Writing one word that “sounded off” on an English paper left me unable to keep writing until I fixed it. I had to keep the sound of my phone at a certain volume (6 normally, 10 when exercising, and 12 when cleaning, divide everything by 2 when using a computer) and had to walk a round number (any number that ends in 0) of steps a day. I kid you not when I say that some days I woke up and didn’t want to live anymore. Sophomore year, my mental health improved and I probably seemed overly perfectionistic but not to a point of concern. However, this year, the handwriting issue relapsed in all its glory during physics, and I’m not able to keep up with notes or homework. I feel the same way that I did in calculus A, and I don’t want history to repeat itself. I want to ask my teacher to let me do my homework on paper rather than the iPad (it’s easier for me to write on paper due to increased friction), but I’m scared to ask because I don’t have a formal diagnosis. I don’t know what causes my behavior. I feel like if I can’t do things perfectly, no one will like me. I’ll lose all my friends, and no boy will ever want to go out with me. I know it’s irrational. Literally no one cares what my notes look like or how long I spend on each step of my morning routine or whatever, but I constantly feel like people are judging me and will hate me the second I mess up. There are two more times in my life that I can think of when I displayed symptoms of OCD, contamination OCD when I was 9 and pure/religious/magical thinking/health concern OCD (they all just kind morphed together) when I was 11. I can go into more detail if you wish. As of now, I just want to know my behavior sounds like OCD, and if so, how to more forward. If not, I would love to know what I do have and how to treat it. Thank you so much.

Can thoughts actually become true? Worried ever since I read it on google. My OCD has gotten really bad since I’ve had 4 pregnancies in the last 3 years. I had a miscarriage stillborn healthy baby and now pregnant again. My mind has gone crazy.

im Catholic and ever since starting highschool and started being scared of what people are thinking. I’m scared that I’m evil and that I praise evil because my ocd is a fear of talking to it so my compulsion is to focuse on talking to something or someone else. But, I keep imagining evil like under the ground and now it feels like I know its personality. And I can’t imagine it as truly evil and I can’t even imagine God anymore. Please help

I experience a few different sup-types… I would say introspectively the most noticeable is Somatic OCD followed by Harm and Contamination. I have been in therapy for 11/12 years… pretty consistently. I heard about this app through some ads, and some friends and family started suggesting I try it. This is my first time using it. I previously did not realize I had OCD. At some point when I was around 16 I thought OCD could be the thing I was experiencing. The understanding of OCD in my general circle of people was limited. When I introduced the possibility of having OCD to others, I was met with the idea that I could not have OCD because I had always been disorganized and “messy”. Otherwise, I was introduced to the concept of “Pure” OCD- which wasn’t entirely fitting for me. I didn’t know, until today, that Somatic OCD was the word for what I was experiencing… along with a few other subtypes that I learned about today. Within the past couple of years I’ve come to realize that I experience symptoms of OCD. I have also come to realize that there is a strong pattern of a variety of OCD subtypes on the paternal side of my family. On the maternal side there is (sparse, compared to paternal side) history of Hoarding Disorder- which I know the DSM now classifies as its own condition within the OCD spectrum. TW: This is the part where I discuss personal symptoms, memories, and behaviors with some detail. Today while filling out the questions for this app— it really ‘sunk-in’ for me that I have been experiencing Somatic OCD for as long as I remember. I can’t say I can pin-point where it started… but I can say one of my earliest, seemingly-random, memories is being 5 years old- In Kindergarten Music Class. We were watching a movie and I suddenly became aware of my breathing. I felt like I wasn’t breathing, but I was getting oxygen… because I wasn’t feeling out of breath. I was very anxious as a child so I cannot recall if in this moment breathing awareness caused anxiety. I do remember thinking (with the vocabulary I had at the time) that it was maybe a cool thing? To breathe without breathing- is this something everyone can do? I’ve always experienced Magical Thinking as well. I also remember being anxious, as a young child, after I learned that we expel CO2 when we breathe out. I was very anxious to breathe in “stale-air” thinking it could harm me. This interacted with Harm symptoms where I obsessively worried about intentionally suffocating myself although I didn’t desire to. As I think back, I remember some of my earliest memories are of me trying to “even-out” some of my body-feelings. If I was playing with a textured toy for a few seconds in one hand, I’d have to switch it to the other until the feeling was the same in both hands. Many times this lead to me counting seconds while holding things, and continuing the ritual until I was inevitably distracted or re-directed. Other early memories of mine include me thinking I could control the weather with my mind. I was very worried that I would accidentally summon a tornado by wishing for it with a passing thought. I would spend hours staring out the window thinking “I don’t, I don’t, I don’t…” hoping that if I accidentally made the wish it would be preceded by negating it. I’m sharing this to cope with the “sinking-in” of it all. I’m looking back at these experiences with a “neutral” lens in the sense that I’m trying to be mindful of feeling triggered, and allow myself to sit with feelings that come up and observe them without trying to push feelings and thoughts away. Obviously it’s a balancing act because I don’t want sitting with my feelings to turn into sitting “in” my feelings and ruminating. Typing things out is helpful for me- I understand my thoughts and feelings better when I hear or read them back. A lot of feelings have come up for me in a short time since downloading this app and filling out the survey. I feel sad for my current, moreover my former and child-self. I feel bummed in general that our understanding of mental-health is/has been limited— I feel bummed that OCD is sneaky like that… Nearly 12 years of therapy, and the reality of experiencing OCD was just so normal to me that I didn’t notice it enough to share. I feel bummed that I didn’t previously have the vocabulary or the skills to be honest and speak about what I was experiencing with consistent detail. I feel sad for my parents and their parents and siblings who experienced similar things. It’s hard sometimes to allow myself to identify “feelings” (emotions) without thinking I’m over-processing it. Like I said, fine line. I do struggle to identify and sit *with* the feelings so it is something I inevitably have to do. So yeah. It’s just kind of wild to think this has been going in for SO LONG. I feel a relieved, having processed it a bit. So I’ll close out and re-direct myself now as this has been a long reflection moment.

I know this is insane but please, PLEASE hear me out. I just need someone to tell me they relate in some way or something. Does anyone else feel like they have some sort of 'magic' that they accidentally manifested from 'wishing' too hard during a traumatic time and can't feel like you can control it now, which is pretty anxiety inducing since it feels like it would make people be able to feel or see your ocd thoughts? Or use your muscle tensing as part of your ocd? Like if you have an intrusive thought while tensing a muscle, you feel like it's going to come true so you have to 'correct' it by thinking a good thought then tense your muscles again? Because I have both of them. :(

Hi everyone, This last week I’ve had so much anxiety that I’m going into psychosis. I have weird intrusive thoughts about contamination and other weird things like if I use my left hand or do anything left something bad will happen or certain numbers mean bad things when counting. My psychiatrist says it’s just anxiety but ever since my anxiety attacks last week I feel so weird and scared that I’m going to go into psychosis or crazy. My family doctor said it’s possible which scared me and now I’m feeling really scared. I started medication again but can’t seem to snap out of it. There have been some amazing people here that have giving my great help and tips. But I just need to be reassured that I won’t follow into psychosis. I know it’s a small percent of people but I’m just so scared. Any help would be great. Even my psychiatrist said I won’t but can’t calm down. Any help would be amazing, thank you!

tl;dr // I feel like my ocd has latched onto the idea of "dont go to bed angry, you never know what could happen and tomorrow isnt promised." and it's really messing with me. One day in high school, my seinor year, I was getting on the bus and I told myself it was going to be a good day.I remeber the morning so vividly. I was listening to my favorite musical at the time and I was practicing trying to be mindful and speak positively at the start of my day to try and have a more positive outlook (a tip I probably got from some instagram info graphic or podcast). That same day, probably in my first or second period, my mom pulled me out of school, frantic, saying that my grandpa had been hospitalized and was critical. We were terrified and we made the 5 hour drive up there. days later, he passed away. I was convinced that me, for the first time, trying to convince myself to have a positive day, somehow influenced the events that led up to my grandfather passing away. I knew then what I know now: words and thoughts cannot manifest real events to happen. I know this, and yet I still catch myself when I think "I'm having a really good day" and hoping I dont jinx myself. All this to say, this type of theme has crept back a little bit today. I got into an argument with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, I got a flood of thoughts saying that since I'm being an ass and bringing up these serious problems that "something bad is going to happen to him at work tomorrow or in his sleep or what if he kills himself or what if there is some freak accident?? You need to apologize for having started the argument and we need to end things better because if not you'll feel guilty and full of regret if something happens, which it will." I told him about it and we apologized to each other and he understood what was happening. we then had a better conversation and we talked and I'm more okay with how things ended until the next time we can pick up the conversation. I think me immediately bringing the argument to a halt because of those thoughts was a compulsion. I also asked him before he fell asleep, if tomorrow could he text me periodically to let me know he is okay, which i also think is reassurance seeking. I recognize this, yet it still feels very necessary and very dangerous if it doesn't happen. how do I even go about trying to find peace with the existence of these thoughts feeling so terrifying and real because of what happened with my grandfather?

I’m an OCD newbie & I’m having a lot of difficulty being able to distinguish what are OCD symptoms that may be atypical or if it’s due to another diagnosis/not something to be worried about. For context, I also have PTSD & suspected Autism- so excuse any excessively literal interpretations. All of my knowledge of OCD is watching Monk when I was child, so give me some grace. 1. “Harm OCD”- I have for as long as I can remember summed up my life purpose as “least amount of harm, most amount of good”. I am constantly thinking about how my actions & inaction may be impacting others. My career is in psych & public health because of that. I noticed I personalized things bc I assumed people thought about this just as much as me- only to find out they don’t. But I only hear examples of harm OCD as being thoughts of like personal persecution or images of hurting others. This is more of a mental analysis of the potential impacts. 2. “Contamination OCD”- Does this need to be literal with germs? I have what I call “emotional contamination”, where if something bad/negative happens, I worry that it’s “ruined”. Like if my partner & I have an argument in bed, I feel like I need to replace the sheets because our argument is “on” the sheets. I’m aware that that is illogical, but I’ll still do it. Every time I’ve had a major trauma, I’ve redecorated my home because I felt like all the negative is “stuck” on my old stuff & it needs to be replaced or I won’t feel better. I’ve ended relationships bc “there’s no getting this off”. 3. “Magical thinking OCD” I like to say that I think a lot of things I don’t believe. I have lots of random thoughts about needing to do something or something bad will happen. The things I need to do are usually really silly- like moving a large rock that’s by itself to a spot with another large rock so it isn’t alone & doesn’t feel lonely. I don’t have the thought that something specifically bad will happen or think I have magical powers. I know it’s nonsense, but I usually do it to stop thinking about it unless it’ll cause harm. Sometimes I also will come up with “tests”, like telling myself if I say XYZ to my partner & they respond in ABC way, then that means they love me. But the thing I’m asking them about could be literally anything. I am frequently *afraid* to ask because they might respond wrong and “ruin” it. 4. “Order & Symmetry OCD” & “Perfection OCD” & “Just Right OCD”- these terms seem to be used kind of interchangeably? I am VERY specific about my stuff. My home is color-coded by room & I won’t buy things that don’t match. I am intensely uncomfortable & can’t stop thinking about it if something doesn’t match. I am STILL thinking about the pink version of my laptop that I didn’t buy 7 years ago & it bothers me that I bought the silver one. I hate when people buy me stuff bc my style is very specific & hard to understand the nuance. There’s a “correct” image in my head & it’s really upsetting when it’s wrong. I flipped out a lot as a child when my stuff was moved and when my parents made design choices for me. I group things in weird ways- there’s an order, but it might be ordered based on how much I like them, how much they remind me of someone, or even more abstract like “if these objects were to run for president, this is the order I think they would be in from liberal to conservative on their view of defunding the police”. I have weird things with numbers, and will buy things based on how “cute” the price is. I would rather pay $440 for something than $399 because it’s a “better” number. I couldn’t tell you anything beyond “vibe”. I’m not sure if these are actually symptoms or just tangentially related & I’m conflating. I may have mis-grouped something. It’s hard to know where to start when nothing seems to have the direct examples of what I experience. Thanks in advance!

Sometimes I feel like I’m not even myself…💀 I’m either 1: possesed 2: Schizophrenic 3: ocd 4: insane

Ever since I was a child, I think around 8 years old, I get these flare ups. I had a fear that I would kill people. I would get so depressed and feel sick to my stomach. I never told anyone for fear that I was crazy. After about 2 weeks or a month, I would start to feel better. Usually something really exciting happening would kick me out of this funk. I went through I really bad episode my first year of college. I finally told my mom and went to see a general doctor. He prescribed me Zoloft 75mg and called it anxiety and depression. Over the years I would have random flair ups but I was usually able to manage them really well and they would go away in a few days. I had my second child in October 2022. At about 3 months postpartum, I had a horrible flair up. Not only was I afraid of harm, I was also now afraid of developing psychosis. I saw my ObGyn and she was asking if I heard voices or if my children looked like animals to me, which further triggered me. I went up on my Zoloft to 150mg and felt better but still always just felt a little lingering under the surface. Now when my daughter turned 1, I had another huge flair up. I finally saw a psychiatrist he said I had an I’m unspecified anxiety disorder with obsessive components but didn’t mean the ocd criteria. We decided to try Prozac. That make me feel so out of it, so we tried Lexapro. Lexapro also gave me horrible anxiety. So, I ended up switching back to Zoloft and have felt better but, like before I still don’t feel all the way better. I started seeing a therapist and she diagnosed me with OCD. So this past week, I have been having what I though was a flair up. Intrusive thoughts about possession and demons/ psychosis. I am afraid to look at my kids for fear that they will look “animal like.” Thoughts pop into my head whenever I see my daughter spacing out or making a strange face or noise and I just say “demon” in my head or “maybe she’s possess” and I fully freak out. I go online to see if this is just a theme of OCD to calm myself down. I just saw a new nurse practitioner psychiatrist (not sure what it’s actually called) and she started talking antipsychotics or inpatient treatment. This obviously sent my anxiety through the roof. I was bawling. She also said an anxiety diagnosis doesn’t fit. And she was saying that psychosis is unlikely but she can’t rule it out. She was thinking severe anxiety. I am at a complete loss. I don’t even know what to think anymore. I feel like shit and I am beyond depressed over this. It feels like I’ll never get better. Any thoughts or recommendations or even stories would be so helpful. Thanks for reading ❤️

I constantly think that if I don't pray to God to protect everyone everyday that something bad will happen because I didn't ask to be protected. It's tiring and it sucks. ☹️

Lately, I've been listening to black metal and death metal, and I really enjoy it. However, a voice inside me says that through these songs, satanic or malevolent musicians are casting spells on the listeners. I feel like I shouldn't listen to these songs because if something bad happens to me or my loved ones because of these spells, I will be responsible. Sometimes, I feel guilty when I listen to these songs, and as I mentioned, I think that the people who create these songs are casting spells on the listeners through them.

I pray not to see sixes. Today at the grocery store as she was totalling up my groceries, I asked God to not have it be 6's specifically 3 of them in a row. But really don't want to see any. The bill was 10.66. So I decided to do erp with 6's but all kinds of bad thoughts and other things came up on the search along with 3 6's. I'm so scared. What if I'm cursed with badness from all of these 6's coming up?

I grew up very Catholic, but maybe that doesn’t matter here. How can I untangle from the thought that every coincidence is a “sign” from god or the universe? This has latched onto so many different areas of my life and now it’s on my daughters health/safety. Reading a story and there is a dead kid in it—must be a sign!! Getting a random name in my head and it’s someone who died—a sign of the worst to come!! Signs, jinxing, manifesting, etc. were always reinforced when I was growing up (and today in some cases too)—“it must be a sign!” Any ideas on how I can untangle from this?