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the NOCD Community

I’m new to all this and just wanted to post what I’ve been going through. After experiencing hallucinations from sleep deprivation, an overwhelming fear of possibility developing schizophrenia has become like.. a theme for me? I also have visual snow/bad vision so lately, I guess a compulsion I have been doing is double checking if I’m seeing stuff or hearing voices, but it’s nothing. I’m just stressing about a sound of an ac, for example, y’know? Another one is checking my heart constantly in fear of a stroke/heart attack. Any body sensation or muscle twitch makes me spiral so bad. It’s gotten to a point where if I laugh or get up from my bed, or do something that requires physical movement, I stop to check my heart and panic if it’s fast. This all has just been so distressing for me and I have a lot more things that I think and worry about obsessively. It’s the constant what ifs that are so debilitating.

Hi, I have never posted on a forum before because I’m scared someone will come back and say ‘it’s not OCD’. Anyway, I have always had obsessional thoughts. Always obsessed about my health and if I was going to die. I have always had intrusive thoughts and when I was around 16 I had my first awful one HOCD. This made me feel so sick and I couldn’t leave my bed. Would look at women and get groinal responses and would avoid anything LGBTQ. I then suffered with POCD, which I nearly asked to be sectioned over. Now, I am with my current partner (2months) and we are moving in together in 2 weeks. I have known him since I was 14 and have always had a thing for him. Anyway, last year there was this person at work who I forced and convinced myself to ‘like’ don’t even know if I even did to be honest. But his background is awful and everyone around me said it was a bad decision and I knew this too. We used to talk all the time but yeah, anyway… I said I didn’t want a relationship and distanced myself from him and never really thought about him. I’m now in my relationship with my current partner and I adore him. He is fully aware of what is going on in my head. I have also just started therapy. My head is comparing him to this guy at work. Makes me think they look alike, but this all stemmed from when my current partner was talking about his family past and I instantly thought oh no, I hope my family doesn’t think this is bad (they love him). So now, my head is saying ‘what if you love this other guy’ what if the reason you can’t get this out your head is because the universe is giving you a sign’ ‘what if everyone told you not to go there, then what’ the thoughts are endless and honestly, I can’t stop crying, it is making me physically sick, have panic attacks. I confess to my partner all the time and he is honestly so supportive! I feel like I’m mentally cheating or what if I’m denial. When we first got together I was fine. No thoughts and then bang I’m consumed. My head is filled with them. I feel congested with him. I feel disgusting. I look for reassurance. I constantly look on Quora and Reddit. I can’t cope. I love my current partner! And we tried getting together years ago but it wasn’t our time and since, I thought about him every now and again and now my brain is saying ‘oh see, what if it’s the same situation with this guy a work’ I just want coping mechanisms and relief. This honestly feels like torture.!!! oh and my head says ‘what if you go to therapy and discover your true desires and it turns out that it isn’t ocd’

As the title suggests, my OCD acts up whenever bodily fluids are involved, including my own. 😅 It has caused me difficulties in my relationship. My partner is perfectly content with the pace we are at regarding intimacy and is incredibly patient with me; however, I can react at even the slightest idea of getting “contaminated” with, say, my partner’s fluids. ☹️ Early in our relationship, even when we were hugging fully clothed, I worried about contamination (and also magically “getting pregnant”☠️) because our bodies were touching at the crotch area. I’m doing better now, but I’ve been unable to engage in certain acts because of it. My partner is not asking for anything—in fact, he is perfectly content waiting until marriage! I’m more so asking for my sake. I just know that when the time DOES arrive that we both want to get more intimate—even if that means just removing more clothing,—I know I will be terrified of getting contaminated. Today, for example, while kissing, I accidentally bit his lip and tasted blood. INSTANTLY the mood was destroyed and I couldn’t function properly. I felt so much guilt for being this disturbed because it’s my PARTNER, of all people, but I began worrying about STDs. Does anyone have any tips? My OCD mainly fixates on pregnancy and STDs here.

Does anyone else make themselves feel physically sick when they’re anxious? It’s like I’m making myself sick with reoccurring thoughts of worry. If you do, how do you make yourself feel better in those moments..?

I definitely have an infection on my hand due to washing my hands so much they dried out and opened.. and now two of them on my hand are pretty painful, no pus they look like the want to heal but can’t, they’re reddish/purple though.. I just went to the hospital the day before yesterday for something different but now I feel like I have to worry about this too.. I’m trying really hard to fight my compulsion but when I do touch something dirty I have to wash my hands.. idk.. will Neosporin fight infection in my hand? It’s not necessarily growing but I don’t know if it can kill the infection either.. pls would like some advice.

Idk if this is OCD but I can't stop using qtips/ cleaning my ears. I get ear infections quite a bit so I clean my ears every day. This prevents and causes ear infections. I can't stand the feeling of wax in my ears so if there is any new wax I scratch. This causes infections. To prevent scratching I clean them which works for awhile until it causes an infection. It's never ending. I have no idea how to stop the cycle. My family says it's not OCD, it's just sensory issues because I'm autistic. I don't want to be saying I have OCD when I don't and make someone upset. I put trigger warning because I have no idea if this post will upset someone. I'm super new to this.

Just wanted to let you guys know . I hop in from time to time to read and check in and wanted to let you guys know that I’ve dealt with a lot of the things mentioned here if not all . I am not a trained therapist. I’m just telling my own testimony in hopes to help others. 1. It’s not the thoughts that are the problem …. It’s the relationship we have with the thoughts. The more we realize that OCD thoughts have absolutely no meaning , the quicker you can move forward. The anxiety will lessen once your relationship changes and you’ll be able to overcome. 2. There’s not a different regime for each subtype . ERP is the best approach ..Don’t run from these thoughts …. Sit with them And retrain your brain to learn that they don’t mean a thing. If you’re having SOCD about a particular friend , have the courage to go out and hang with them. It’s tough but the more you expose yourself to the environment that you’re afraid of …. The more your brain realizes that these fears are irrational. If you’re having self harm OCD . Expose yourself to the things that you fear … At the root of OCD is fear and doubt….. it’s not the subtype itself …. Approach them all in the same manner. OCD hit me like a ton of bricks 4 years ago …..I struggled tremendously about 2 years before knowing how to handle it or even what it was. I lost my Job due to OCD and almost admitted myself in a hospital several times because I thought I was going crazy. It was almost two years of debilitating anxiety until I learned what I was dealing with was OCD. A few subtypes to name : health anxiety, sexual orientation ocd, self harm ocd, sleep anxiety , fear of being a pedophile. It’s like once I got over one ….the next would come until I realized they were all coming from the same thing ….that’s when my life started to change Fast forward, with the help of God, I learned to retrain my brain and not to worry about intrusive thoughts when they come in from time to time. actually learned to take them as the joke they are . The more I exposed myself … the more I trusted myself . Nobody else can reassure you … better yet you don’t need reassurance because it’s actually what keeps you in the cycle. Just Trust God Now I’m a Middle school teacher , in graduate school working towards my degree in counseling with a bright future ahead. I say this to say that, if I can do it , you can do it too …. I’m no different from any of you … I didn’t have a therapist at the time so take advantage if you do. Don’t view OCD as bad ….. it’s apart of you that you will learn to manage. I don’t regret OCD cause it has made me a less fearful person …. I’ve fixed fear and doubt that rooted from my childhood through the struggles of OCD . So it was a blessing in disguise. This is a temporary phase for all of you , trust me . And I know how hard it is to believe that when you’re in the middle of it . But remember. Once your relationship with the thoughts changes that’s when you Free yourself Love all 🙏🏾

So a week ago a dog licked the side of my lip quickly, I don't know where the dog came from and he was very calm and playfull and friendly and didn't show any signs of rabies. And after he licked me I cleaned my face multipule times. Later I took the oppinions of 3 doctors and they all assured me it's fine But I went into a spiral and couldn't stop thinking about it and started googling it and google says other wise.... So should I let it go and trust the doctors or should I get tested.

Hi I have had OCD for a while and ive had this worry on the side for a fair bit. I started going gym a few weeks ago and Ive noticed myself getting excessively tired. Its likely due to me not getting enough sleep and obviously doing a lot more exercise but I am worrying if its cancer as Ive heard a lot of stories of people with cancer having extreme tiredness before theyre diagnosed. I almost want to go to my GP to ask about it but I dont know if its OCD or if this is a completely justified worry. If it is OCD im almost glad as it reassures me that I do have OCD as one of my big doubts is that I might not even have it. Ive seen many therapists who all said I do have it but they didnt give me an official diagnosis so I still worry about that. I know that worrying you dont have OCD is a common thing but It doesnt matter to me for some reason and I worry regardless. Thanks.

I was doing really well until yesterday, where the goalpost was moved and my grounding and mindfulness exercises werent working. I eventually lapsed in a panic attack in the middle of the night. Today i just feel like im wasting away, my body is weak, i feel sick, I cant summon any motivation. I havent really given in to my thoughts, but i really dont have the energy to care rn.

Anyone have trouble with leaving the home (aka your safe space)? I’m so worried that I’ll have heart palpitations in public, which might trigger me to panic, and then all the catastrophic what if situations might happen. It’s been tough feeling like I can be normal and live life lately.

Does anyone have trouble with anticipatory anxiety especially with physical sensations? I constantly find myself worried about “what if my heart palpitations happen again?”… It’s pretty consuming when I’m stuck ruminating about it and causes me to lose focus on the present.

Hi all, I’m new here. For the past 5ish years of my life I have lived with what I called health anxiety but recently have been researching more into OCD and I’m wondering if that’s what I might actually suffer from. I have tried multiple different therapists and types of therapy (mostly CBT and talk) but nothing has helped me. Every day I think about death and it plagues most of my thoughts in any given scenario. Usually I think about it in terms of myself because I am terrified of dying young but slightly less often I obsess over losing my husband as well. For myself this usually manifests as thinking I have specific diseases (cancer, bone disease, heart conditions, brain tumors) that are undiagnosed and underlying. I am doing constant checks and googling of my symptoms and thinking about what will happen after I die and how it will affect my loved ones and everything around me. I also become very triggered when I hear about young people dying and whenever I hear something like that or see something on social media about death or disease I think it’s a sign from the universe about myself and I spiral. I am terrified of the doctor so I actually haven’t been in a very long time but I have been trying to talk myself into getting blood tests. I’m just terrified of hearing what I feel are going to be bad results. I try not to think about my thoughts because I also have thoughts that thinking this way will manifest bad health even if I don’t already have it so then I become in an obsessive loop of thinking and then thinking about not thinking and then thinking about thinking about not thinking … I don’t know if any of this makes sense and I don’t know what I can do at this point but I am just so so exhausted of living my life this way so here is my word vomit.

Got hit on back of my head from someone elbow by accident kinda hard but there was no pain or anything I am shy and nervous so I just said why you do that and left. As I was walking I head my heart beating in my head. Now I fear I have brain damage or something bad I still remember everything my passwords my name so I didn't lose my memory. Now I'm going feel different all day and worry in my head because of it

TW: talk of cancer I don’t post on here much, but I’ve been dealing with Health Concern OCD my whole life. I am constantly searching for mystery illnesses that could be causing even the slightest discomforts in my body. My lymph nodes are swollen, I am trying to rationalize my thinking by saying I could just have a cold. However, I cannot stop thinking about it. I am terrified of having some form of cancer/lymphoma that I may not have noticed until now. I am restless and unable to sleep, all I can think about is what is going to happen if I get this checked out by a doctor. I want to know why this is happening in my body, but I’m scared that my worst nightmare might be true and if I was too late to get seen. I’m feeling very defeated, and trapped in my own head. Nobody knows how debilitating my OCD really is because I put on a very good facade of seeming like I’m cool calm and collected. Most of the time, I’m freaking out over the smallest changes or feelings.

I had some drinks and ate dinner last night and now wake up with anxiety. Sitting up in bed because I can hear my heart rate and am focused on it. I feel so bad!

I struggled with severe ocd since I was in 2nd grade and now I’m turning 19 so I’ve had it basically my whole life, I’ve had it bc my dad abused my mom when I was little all the way up until I was a teenager and it really hurts me and affects my life. I have intrusive thoughts and images of loved ones getting hurt and I constantly overthink about my relationship and it got worst since I became a mother bc I ALWAYS worry about my daughter and I’m scared and it makes me panic I always think that if I listen to certain songs,take showers,get cute,put on certain clothes,or just take care of myself in general that something will happen and it makes my mental health worse and i have severe anxiety I struggled with pyschosis for 2 weeks and addiction to pills I don’t have money to get a therapist or even health insurance please help me how to stop it bc even when I try to let the thoughts pass through it hurts me and makes me freeze and not even be able to breathe bc of it and I can’t even say certain words bc I overthink that something will happen and it makes me want to take my life

How do u stop overly worrying about your health. I have a sinus infection, eye infection, and ear infection and im scared there’s more to it because it doesn’t feel like anything is working

Does anyone have any suggestions for remedies and supplements that help your anxiety that aren’t medication or prescribed? I don’t think I want to go on medication, but I want some options to help calm my mind down and relieve my stress. I currently take vitamin D3 and Magnesium bisglysonate.

Like clock work my body is trying to tell me I’m having a heart attack I just can’t anymore