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Because of the thoughts or mentally exhaustion, and got over it?

Today I feel like I want to d!e and do something to myself for the WHOLE day. Yesterday I was ok. I made sure that my family is with me, even tho I’m not the person to do it, just to feel safer. I need some relief. Does anyone has a suggestion?

I would like to get an answer for this cause i want to know why this keeps happening. I compare myself with others cause i dont see others having the same problem. When they have a setback its usually because of a hard day or a big trigger, however for me its just forgetting what i have to do. A month ago i was really good, i dont say i didnt had setbacks but i saw that im going somewhere, you know the setbacks were weaker and weaker, and one day i just someone understood how emotions and thoughts works and i was able to enjoy my day while i had thoughts and emotions, but it didnt affected me. Then i was like this is so good, but im afraid i will just forget it like everytime and believe me or not, the moment i said it i felt that im slowly losing what i learned and after some time i didnt know what to do with the thoughts and emotions when before i realized it and i was living my life like that. And then i was unable to do the same thing, it was like my brain deleted it. It really feels like theres something wrong with my mind, how it foegets just like that what i did before? And now after 1 month im still struggling, the videos that used to help me and made me realize what i need to do doesnt help me, its like im watching nothing, my mind doesnt realizez this video made me understand what i need to do before, now it doesnt make me do anything. And im keep falling back to the point that my panic attacks are back, and it makes me feel so bad cause it means i did nothing, after all this work it got back and im still dont know how to deal with it. Im feeling like how i felt 2-3 years ago, like these years were nothing. Im really afraid that sometime i will get the night panic attacks again when i will be afraid that i will hurt myself or be afraid of i will unalive myself... It doesnt seems like im learning something. Look st my other posts, it seemd like im so close to recovery and im learning alot, but now if i read those i cant relate to those... its like a different person and it doesnt started slowly, like i engaged in unhealthy behaviours, it all started when i thought "i hope i wont forget this" and then i actually forgot what i learned... just like that... and now im again questioning acceptance, what to do with my emotions when i understood that and i was working on it. Im sitting in bed and i try to remember what i did when i get these bad emotions and all i can remember is when people say "you have to let yourself feel the feelings" and im letting myself but all i do is im drowning in them. After anxiety it comes anger then anxiety again and then im depressed and hopeless and then panic comes... i dont get why letting these to come helps me, it makes me drown and become depressed which will only send me to a therapist who will say accept it too... It doesnt make me learn anything it just drowns me, i dont get this acceptance and letting myself feel bad... Im just letting negative emotions take over me without trying to stop it cause now im accepting it...and it doesnt makes me realize anything.

Hiii, I have feeling i found comfort in my OCD and sitting home because of that, i am also so depressed but I can’t change it, i am also doing exposures and going out with my friends, but it gives me anxiety and next day I don’t have energy to do same. What do u think take it slow and do it step by step, or doing as much exposures as I can and try to resist anxiety. Btw I have harm OCD and my biggest fear is to hurt someone, so that is why I prefer to stay at home

Does anyone else get really anxious at night and have a bunch of compulsive habits at night to try and feel calm about being safe at night? For me this includes pushing repeatedly on door bolts and locks and also touching random items over and over again, as well as other random motions I do. Even with these things I can’t seem to relax and feel like I have a constant irrational fear about having my home being broken into, especially at night, and a fear of me or someone in my family being hurt. I don’t know what to do because we have an alarm system and I just feel like I am somehow always thinking of the possibilities and subconsciously listening for noises and I just wish I could calm down:(

Hey guys so I just got broken up with in the last week. I’ve always had really bad ocd and self harm thoughts. When my bf and I moved into together I was so happy and he understood how to help me with my ocd. I didn’t have bad thoughts for the full 8 months we were together! And then we broke up bc I found out a lot of things he was lying about. I’m living back home again, single and all of my bad thoughts and urges are back again, I don’t know how to make it stop. Living with him is the FIRST time I’ve had these thoughts go away. Now everything is bad once again. If anyone has any advice that could help I’d appreciate it.

Hello, I am fairly new to this app. I wanted to speak about the way I dream. I have dreams like I am hurt physically usually bloody either self inflicted or by some random person in my dream. Then I get saved by people I care about like friends or even people that I have a crush on. Or sometimes I have dreams that I speak about tramuatic events that I went through as a child to a crush and the feel bad for me and want to help me. I dont fear these dreams at all but I notice every time I sleep I ball my fists and when I dont I cant sleep.I clench my fists so hard in the morning they are sore. Also these dreams are almost every night.I am also very sensitive to how people talk to me if I am yelled at I shut down and have chest palpitations that radiate to my heart to my arms numbing it. Does anyone else experience any of these? Ive been researching and found myself here. For reference I have been tested for ADHD and I dont have it but I was told I might have OCD from the other symptoms I experience like heavy Intrusive thoughts, anxiety attacks/episodes, depression,dissociation ( like I am not real and even my emotions are like frozen and more) , bothered all day if something is moved by someone else when I put it a certain way, rituals ( blinking, and looking away from something multiple times mostly in number of twos etc), contamination ( washing my hands many times in between getting dressed after eacb task to feel clean), hating certain textures of fabrics or objects(more of a werid one ive had for a long time),procrastination, reassurance on all my action causing me to not think for myself, poor memory or false memory,and more.Any response would be helpful.

I was in a rush brushing my teeth, I opened the drawer to get toothpaste and I got the water of my brush inside the things in the drawer. I got thoughts that I could contaminate them and that my parents would get harmed. I ignored them and I'm not sure if I responded with "I don't care." I had to reapply toothpaste and it happened again (the water falling) Afterwards, I said "There's germs everywhere I highly doubt that anything will happen" But I got a bit worried, so I wiped them down. I fear that I did something wrong and that I'm evil for this.

Hi I’m looking to connect with people who are experiencing harm/suicidal and pure ocd. I’ve had these themes for a while. The compulsive behaviors have always been in my head (ruminating,catastrophes,what ifs, intrusive commands “do it”, “you want to”, “you will”, “you’re suicidal “). I’ve had other themes in between but these specific ones aren’t letting go. I’m in ERP therapy through NOCD for the last few months, my therapist is great but I’m just having a hard time. I’m just wondering if anyone has overcome these themes? What exposures have you done and how did you get through it? How long did it take you? Etc … any shared experience is greatly appreciated thanks

My entire life anytime I saw something on the news or heard about someone hurting a child sexually or beating/killing them, I would get so angry and sick over it. I still do but ever since developing ocd, my ocd tells me i’m just like those people and really tries to make me believe it and question myself. This theme also latches onto my own family and my children. It’s the hardest and worst theme i’ve had. It makes me not want to live and is so unbearable😩😢

My mental health is at its lowest and I'm sick of existing

Soemtimes something really horrific harm thought comes to my head or a scenario of something happening and it feels like I get a feeling that I like it or want that ?? I was getting a kind of hot feeling come over me like and I’m thinking is that adrenaline from fear? Is it possible to be mistaking it and thinking it’s because I like it since it’s adrenaline? I feel really confused but idk can adrenaline make you feel like you actually like these horrible thoguhts or want them ? When you don’t? I read somewhere that adrenaline and excitement can feel the same? But now I’m thinking I’m in denial since it feels real that I got an adrenaline feeling that felt like I liked that horrible thoguht/scenario and I’m in denial about it because it feels real and almost comes to me like as if I’m secretly happy inside or ‘smiling’ inside which is really weird and makes it really difficult for me to feel like I’m not bad I feel like I don’t even know what I feel anymore or I’m confusing soem feelings for other feeling or I’m evil and trying to hide it or in denial how can it feel like a genuine feeling or emotion I’ve been going through this for 2 years and feel no anxiety for the thoughts but jsut now I had a horrible scenario about stabbing someone I care about repeatedly and it felt like a movie scene and then I got that weird feeling come like adrenaline but it felt like I liked that thoguhts and I got a hot feeling like flush come over me?? And these thoguhts even come with like dialogue or facial expression of the person the thought is about in pain and it makes it seem even more real? Am I crazy? Why does it feel like this?

Hi I am scared, that i want to hurt someone (my mother or boyfriend). My thoughts are horrible. My big fear is that i am going to be a bad person or murder:(( I do not know how to stop. My therapist (she is not ocd therapist) doesn’t help me :(

Hey there! My name is Jazmin, and my first remembrance of OCD symptoms was at the age of 6. For many years I didn't know what was going on. It wasn't until 2 years ago, when I was doing some googling (which I now know is a cumpulsion) about anxiety that I came across OCD. I had never really heard of it before, but I felt as though I was reading about my whole life in that article. My subtypes have shifted throughout my life, everything from harm OCD to religious OCD that made my life an anxiety filled nightmare at times. From here I started to look into options for therapy, etc. I ended up, unfortunately, having a horrible experience. I was "diagnosed" with OCD and generalized anxiety by a mental health NP last year, but she wasn't very nice (very demeaning, pretty much treated me like a freak, told me that I had issues, called me a germaphobe, and acted like I was doing everything wrong) and didn't listen to me in regards to what I was actually going through (none of which has anything to do with a contamination subtype), so I didn't go back after that. It's taken me a whole year to recover from that encounter. It's been a struggle and the idea of trying to talk to someone about this again scared me half to death. But now I'm finally trying to get to a good place again. I went to my GP a week ago, explained to her what I was going through, and she was so amazing, understanding, and supportive. She prescribed prozac. So far things have been pretty good but not perfect, and I'm okay with that. I'm just making the next steps forward. I'm hoping that by joining the NOCD community and seeking therapy here that I can start to improve and continue to live my best life.

Hello, Since coming to terms with OCD in my life, I've thought a lot about parenting. My kids are 10 and 6; two wild boys with too much energy. One has an ADHD diagnosis and his little brother probably has ADHD too. To give you the details of my situation, I've been an at-home dad for ten years and spent nearly every day with my kids, including parenting through the pandemic. OCD has made parenting harder and influenced my behavior on a daily basis. In hindsight, I see how much I've needed to control my kid's schedules, activities, and plans. To some degree, I did this to survive the natural chaos of little kids, but my need to control has become really intense. It bothers my wife and she has to remind me to chill, particularly on days when she's home and I don't need to develop a plan for the day. Ten years as an at-home dad is a long time and this has led my need to control to become ingrained in my daily functioning. I feel stuck in this role now and don't know how to move on. I don't know how to let go because I'm obsessed with supervising their daily life and fear what will happen if I'm not around to maintain control. My mind leaps to worst case scenarios of my kids getting hit by a car in our neighborhood or getting into fights with unruly kids or experimenting with alcohol or drugs because of older kids in our neighborhood who don't have parents supervising them ever. My mind really goes off the deep end. OCD and parenting seems to have made my world smaller and I don't know how to detangle myself from this situation. When it involves the care of your children it's very hard to walk away and put your needs first. I often joke that my kids are like a tractor beam sucking my back into their wants and needs. If you are in similar situation or have experience parenting with OCD, I'd love to hear your thoughts. Please keep it constructive and kind. I already feel like shit about this because my inability to move on from this situation has caused my family to struggle financially and probably in others way too. I know it has taken a toll on my mental health, which has negatively impacted my family.

I’ve been struggling recently what if the “ what if these aren’t intrusive thoughts from ocd” because my mental health has been terrible , I’m at at ting to have suicidal thoughts and siv never been a depressed person I’m very scared of death actaully:( it’s scaring me that I’m having these thoughts and images 😕

I am very scared . My mind is sick. Someone told me that a bad thing happened to them and I keep thinking about it. I think: what if I wanted that to happen? Is this ocd? I am so scared and disgusted. How can I think like this??

Been dealing with a new type of ocd thought it’s to do with stabbing and it now feels like I like the feeling of doing that or almost as if I want to do it or that I know how it feels to physically do that and that I ‘like’ the feeling but it feels really real that I like it and almost like my emotions like it? Like as if there’s an emotion that I like it and I’m scared that it’s real that I like it but at the same time feel nothing because I’m so use to having bad thoguhts because I’ve been dealing with ocd for two years now but I literally feel nothing no anxiety noThing towards the thoguhts it just feels real that I like the feeling of doing that and I’m worried but at the same time feel like I’m not worried because it almost feels like I like it and feel a positive emotion towards that thoguht and actually want it/like it but I’m not sure if that’s a fake feeling ocd has manifested but i feel scared and alone and don’t know how to deal with this I’m just hoping I’m not a sick person I wish I could feel normal again this is so hard to deal with, also I feel like I’ve morphed some things into my thinking like I don’t know how to explain it but you know when you see in movies the evil character like evil smiling when no one is looking it feels like I’m feeling that about myself like when i get that weird emotion that feels like I like those thoughts and want them and it feels so real it feels like I’m secretly evil and I don’t want it to be true but you don’t know how real it feels I don’t know what to do I’m scared and at the same time feel nothing. I tried to tell someone I know about how I’m feeling but they jsut replied ‘oh really’ and I said what’s wrong and they said ‘you only talk to me when you have a problem with ocd’ and then I jsut felt so sad after that I don’t know how to deal with this problem I don’t even know what I’m feeling anymore I don’t even know if I’m scared or if I’m lying i don’t know

Over tun last almost year I have realised I most likely have ocd, I have done so much research, which u can probably tell because I’m on here, during late night episodes and have remembered so many signs from my childhood and started noticing things in my everyday life. I have always had a feeling that something wasn’t quite right in me and I could never put a finger on it and I thought all the thoughts I got were truth and I was a serious danger, I had no idea it was ocd! Probably because of how social media portrays it. Today I have been really striving to get my mum to get me a doctors appointment to get this checked out, which I’ve found very hard to do because I’m 16 so I still mainly relay on my parents for things like getting me to the doctors. I just want to know, did the diagnosis help? And do I even have a right to say I have ocd if I don’t have a diagnosis just yet? I mean from what I know from my extensive research I most definitely do. Some examples of my symptoms are: 1. When I was little and now as well in recent months I had a serious obsession with making everything equal on my hands and it got to the point where to stop me doing this I would say “stop Alice stop” over and over to stop myself 2. I constantly have to pick up and put down things untill it feel right, this have been happening a lot recently because it’s exam season so I keep having to pick up every thing on my desk multiple times during the exam. This also first started around the age of 9 3. I’ve been getting very vivid and convincing harm thoughts since the age of about 11 and they used it scare me so much to the point when I would make my animals leave my room or I would never stop thinking about it. I was seriously convinced I was insane. I still get these thoughts but nower dayd I get alot more ROCD thoughts but I do still get harm thought during bad flare ups The list goes on and on and on I’m just wondering does it sound like I ahve ocd? Or am i just insane and trying to convince myself other wise? Please people reply I need you guys help!!!

I’ve felt like I’m in danger all day long and that something bad is about to happen to me 🙃🙃I realize this is probably just a compulsion to think about it. I ruminated and obsessed basically all day. However In therapy today I played with a food that I’m terrified that I’m allergic to! So that’s a win 😊