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the NOCD Community

I’ve had anxiety surrounding driving for 4 years now. I don’t feel like I’ll ever move past it. I am so scared that I’ll get into an accident and hurt someone or myself, even though I know I am a safe driver. I’m not sure what to do.

Do you guys also have unwanted thoughts as affirmations/statements/invitations about horrible things? I had a voice saying "cmon we know you like that stuff" "cmon you can like it" "it's okay to like it" "why is that so wrong?" a combination of those things (but I don't remember the specific intrusive statement that bothered me and made me need to write this so I'm currently trying to recollect my memories to find it, but I think I should stop); and I don't know if it was ocd using implicitly my voice to automatically self sabotage and mess me up. Anyway it bothers me. But did it before? They appeared almost automatically that I couldn't even react or anticipate them coming to block them. I didn't see my will to block them so to know that they were unwanted, they just happened so quickly and they went away quickly. I was high on weed yesterday with my friends and they started saying very triggering stuff and I had horrible intrusive images to which my mind responded with uncomfortable intrusive thoughts that felt like invitations, but I was high so they felt a lot harder to distinguish from my own thoughts, it was all hazy and I didn't give it much attention. I was more concerned about my groin area. I don't remember that much. I'm bothered now but was I that bothered before? I don't remember being "no, stop, don't go there", only with intrusive images and triggering associations as my friend were describing triggering stuff not ill-intentioned. Since I woke up with others intrusive images that I tried to solve, I also have one triggering intrusive image stuck in my mind that I'm costantly trying to suppress.

Have you ever been blackout drunk or on any substance that causes you to blackout and your ocd tells you that you did something horrible or something happened to someone and you were there and you were under the influence so your ocd gets triggered and makes you think you did it even though you weren’t having intrusive thoughts at that time in your life?

How do I even talk about this to ANYONE, I feel so shameful especially because why do the most horrendous images or saying pop up in my head. Just because of incident that happened @ a young age between my cousin and I, I keep telling myself I’m a P and I can’t get close to the little kids especially the ones I know because it starts attacking them. I keep fearing gods judgment like these are sinister thoughts, i NEVER wanted. I feel like this is going to follow me through death and I’ll be punished.

Early this morning I was laying in bed with my youngest daughter. My Harm OCD was having a field day. The intrusive thoughts that I would hurt her. So vivid and alarming scared me so bad. I really had to lean into "these are ocd thoughts" I know I would NEVER hurt her. My therapist has let me know OCD takes what we value most and turns it against us. Being able to identify that it is a terrible thought and the fact that it brings horrible fear with it shows that it is OCD. I just hate this. Other subtypes are horrible too but this I think is the worst. I also have suicide OCD that flares up from time to time. I have a irrational fear of dying/getting older but I still have the thought of "What if I get so bad I just snap and think its the only way out" and then I spiral in those thoughts of guilt and not wanting to get that bad. Other days I have just the residual anxiety that sits there. The physical feeling of the adrenaline dumping into my body and not knowing why. I have been able to function and I am working on reframing and identifying triggers (Fairly new to this). Not seeking reassurance, but I am wondering if anyone else has had similar. PS. I have started having very Vivid dreams when I go to bed. I don't know if its the OCD or if its the recent med change. If anyone has input or wants to discuss some of them I am very open to it.

Can OCD give you a sense of feeling “on edge” or irritable all the time? I feel like I am walking around in life about to lose control then I start spiraling with harm ocd and mental compulsions. I then start wondering if I am bipolar or something worse. I am so hypersensitive of what I am feeling mood wise that I am just questioning everything . What I do know is I am not relaxed at all . What really is upsetting here is I start thinking to myself … do I have the right doctor? What if there is something worse and no one knows? I start questioning my entire diagnosis ! How can I handle this uncertainty in a productive way while gaining more confidence that I am going to be alright ? Got two kids and a family to worry about and this is a giant distraction.

Hii 💋 Could u tell me what are u avoiding because of OCD, I have harm OCD and i am avoiding social interactions and I am working on it, doing exposures, but sometimes it is giving me a lot of anxiety, do u have any advices expect exposures how I can be as social as I was before these theme

I got therapy 4-5 months ago and she helped me understand i have ocd but it was also getting worse i would hurt my self a little more and cry alot to a point i couldn't and im getting tired of ocd and therapy and talking to my teachers about it because its getting worse everyday i just want to get out of school and out of my house maybe even the mental hospital is good but i don't want to go to school or home im thinking of maybe killing my self then surviving (sorry if i triggered u)

I just graduated yesterday, new chapter of my life, but of course I have bad dreams, wake up with an anxiety, and now I have this slight feeling of impending doom again. I always feel like I am a p… with a combination of groinal responses intrusive thoughts, sensations, and urges. Sometimes the urges feel real, like I’m just gonna get up and do something horrible. I just want to enjoy happiness. I don’t want to feel like this. Whenever I start to feel like I am a good person, I just start giving myself reasons as to why I’m not, for example, bad people could still seem “good“. I realize my OCD did not even act up yesterday at graduation, and there were kids there. So obviously there are times where I can enjoy myself and feel normal, but for most of the day, and most of my days, I feel weird and out of place, and I’m a terrible person and I’m just trying to hide it behind an OCD mask

its been 2 weeks since i lost my best friend due to a seziure and i’ve been struggling so badly with scidial ocd and death anxiety.. i get thoughts of “what if i’m next” or “what if i don’t make it in life at this young at 17“ because she was 16 and her birthday was a few days after she passed then i have my scidal ocd thoughts that been with me since january i’m so annoyed when i get these thoughts still of “oh what if i’m actually scidal?” or “what if i want to actually do it” and it gets me so frustrated then everytime i look at a knife i get this thought in my brain “pick it up and stb yourself in the wrist” and it’s a constant thoughts and im like noo please noo but the other day i had a therapy it went okay i guess… but i was telling her about losing my best friend and telling her i’m still highly aware that it’s ocd… she was like well a psychiatrist would diagnose u with ocd then she asked if i pay attention to numbers and im not for sure sometimes i don’t even know my compulsions.. but i do repetitively like tell people my thoughts so i’m guessing that’s repetitive reassurance.. ofc the same thoughts that happen: “what if i hurt myself” “what if i want it to happen” “do i want it to happen because i’m going through a lot” “i don’t want it to happen… but what if there is a reason to” but it makes me nervous that i’m afraid it’s true because i think this happens from a tramatic experience from losing a classmate even tho i wasn’t as close with her it tramatized me bc she passed away due to s*cide and i guess that’s why it started my fear because she had mental issues but she also did drugs and that started that crazy maze with my thoughts.. but not the only thing after when my best friend passed away at the funeral it was a open casket, she was rlly pale and it was rlly scary i use to constantly check myself to make sure i wasn’t gonna turn pale but it calmed down but every Wednesday night i was having trouble sleeping because i was having racing thoughts while i was sleeping so i guess i was sleeping very light but i get scared i will die in my sleep… because my best friend passed away on thursday 2 weeks ago and i stay up at a certain time because i’m scared something is gonna happen to me abut my therapist still hasn’t figured out saying if i have ocd or not but i’m so stressed with my therapist and i have money issues in my family so it’s hard to get therapy sessions with low money and my parents work a lot but also to mention i might change to nocd it’s just nothing feels right now like i’m soon gonna be 18 in july im just so stressed my mental health has gotten bad… and when i get recommended coping skills i feel like it’s not working or i’m having trouble understanding the way of it… but i have a learning disability it’s not close to being dislexic but i have trouble understanding reading or getting the idea of something.. and i’m scared that’s why my coping skills isn’t working so i get thoughts like “what if i try to cope and it doesn’t work then that’s when i hurt myself” and i’m just so fricking tired of it i’m trying so hard like how do u sit there with it hello? sometimes when i have the thoughts in the back of my head i’m like oh well it’s gone where did it go? then it comes back yk? because it’s like a daily thought obsession im like i wish it could magically disappear without having a single thought of it… my compulsions are ressurance and rumination which makes me so mad that it happens because i have mental compulsions.. sometimes i feel like “what if i don’t have ocd and what if it’s real and stuck like this the rest of my life?” i’ve also been getting closer to god and i’ve been praying and ik he’s here with me i’ve just been impatient and it takes time ik it does i’m just so annoyed feeling this everyday..

Did anyone else used to read messed up fanfictions on wattpad and stuff? I have so much guilt it’s so unbelievable what I used to read and I don’t understand how I could have read some of the things I read. The amount of things I did wrong as a kid/teen I feel like I’m completely numb to all of my monad like I don’t even care that much anymore. I know it’s not true but I just feel so defeated. I feel like I was a p word and other messed up stuff without realizing I was. I was homeschooled and didn’t have any real life interaction with anyone and not great sex education, and I say this to myself maybe it took me longer to figure out certain things were unusual or wrong but that’s not really an excuse. Idk. I feel so burnt out and out of ideas for what to do. I want to die and I want to live at the same time. I’m scared of everything and all of the mistakes I made. It’s just an endless list of mistakes. Sorry, I just am desperate for a need to vent.

So, these thoughts have started to ruin my life. They feel so real like I truly want them and it’s scary. Tomorrow I’m going to call a mental hospital and see about me going to get help there and stay a week+ I’ve always heard good things about mental hospitals and I am in desperate need of major help and if this is what it takes then I am going to go through with it. I don’t want to be a danger to anyone. Any advice or anything you have to say? Please?

I suffer with harm ocd, towards my husband I kinda was getting over it already because I knew I didn’t wanna do it but I yesterday I fell into my depression episode again. I started crying really bad. I just felt super sad. Really confused a lot of emotions till today. I still feel like that. I don’t know if it’s because my hormones are all over the place. I got sick from the flu and I also have my period but I’m about to end it and I feel a lot of things. I just feel super sad yesterday with no like motivation. I started feeling sad again with no purpose on life . I recently saw this video like when people get happy while having depression is because they made a decision that they wanna like end their life and I’m scared. I’m gonna do that like I’m scared. I’m gonna start having suicidal thoughts or like I get happy. That like I know it’s because I wanna end my life. I feel so much for my husband I love him because he’s the one that helped me out, but I don’t know why my mind gets mad whenever I think that I love him so much like it’s like something and it gets mad and makes me think I wanna kill him for no reason and I feel like no motivation for anything so it’s like you would want to do that because there’s no reason of living anymore if you are gonna be sad your whole life.

I made a post earlier about how I was feeling so much better yesterday after receiving so much support on here but I woke up this morning and my ocd threw old intrusive thoughts and false memories at me that were my most painful. I just can’t escape my ocd. So now i’m back in the loop. My ocd always comes for my kids. They mean the most to me in this world so it’s the most painful theme of ocd i’ve had to face. My ocd will take any situation and twist it into something horrible. Examples are: one morning when my son was a toddler(he would sneak into bed with me at night sometimes) he woke up and he had the blanket wrapped around him and he was naked with his underwear on the floor. I had no idea why or how that happened thinking maybe he used the bathroom during the night and was half asleep so he took his underwear off before going into the bathroom instead of when he got into the bathroom and forgot to put them back on and he just got back in bed but my ocd said I must have done something inappropriate to him in my sleep and that has to be the only explanation. There was also a night my daughter fell asleep in my bed watching tv and I was in a deep sleep so I don’t remember much other than her saying “mommy” and I said “sorry mama” and moved over. I’m guessing I just rolled over on her or something but of course my ocd as always said I did something to her in my sleep. Why is my brain like this? I am always questioning myself knowing I would never hurt them or do anything inappropriate to them but my ocd makes me believe I did or every time I have a drink my ocd tells me I hurt them in some way. This is torture and a nightmare. I don’t want to live most days because of this. 😩 Does this happen to anyone else?? How do you get through it??

Has anyone gone through this or is still going through this and can give any tips on how to make it stop? The intrusive thoughts during sexual activities are simply bothering me so much that I'm afraid to do anything like that because of the thoughts. I couldn't do it for weeks because I was always thinking about some atrocious thing, but yesterday I failed and now I'm feeling bad because even though I tried not to think, it's like I had an open folder in the back of my head and I blame myself for not being able to delete or block it. I'm afraid that avoiding it will become a compulsion and disrupt my sex life, but I also don't feel comfortable doing it often because of the thoughts. Does anyone identify? any tips to improve? I'm repressing myself because of this and I know it's not something that will do me any good. Sorry if this is inappropriate.

Any advice for intrusive sexually harming thoughts? I feel like a monster

Today I was driving into work and a little gray squirrel ran out in front of me. I couldn't do anything except tense up and hope that he somehow avoid getting hit. My hopes went unfulfilled and it seriously hurt me. I wanted to cry. And I still do a little. I don't want to have harm come to any little critters, but I also wish that my emotions weren't so messed up to feel so empathetic about the squirrel. I would give anything to go back in time to before all my emotions and my ocd decided to go haywire.

I am issuing a trigger warning because I will be discussing Su!cide themed OCD and don’t want to trigger anyone struggling with thoughts like this. ❤️ I have been struggling with suicidal themed ocd (not ideation, unwanted thoughts that are very distressing) as well as existential OCD. I am posting this to help anyone feel less alone / if anyone with similar themes wants to chat. My main fear is that I will become sick of the distress I am experiencing and will decide that I want to commit S. I also fear being depressed and being passively suicidal and am constantly checking whether I truly want to die or whether it’s OCD related. Then my existential OCD loves to join in saying “what if this is all pointless, this is all meaningless, life will never be enjoyable again” etc. I then fear that I will start to believe these thoughts because they feel so real & that my philosophy on life will change and I will take my own life because I cannot take it anymore. I feel like I cannot move on without knowing that there is a purpose and that I 100% will NOT k!ll myself. But I am aware of how OCD works. I know I need to leave these questions alone because my true values still exist deep down, but it feels irresponsible to do so. I DO NOT want reassurance, but I am sharing this so people feel less alone because these themes (especially su!cidal) are extremely taboo. Love to anyone reading this- we are gonna make it!! ❤️

I am having such a hard time right now. So I’m a person who suspects they have OCD. I’ve been struggling with intrusive thoughts about harming myself or my family, Also those of being a pedophile for years now. But the one that is currently in my mind is that I’m Asexual. I’ve always felt I was gay. I wanted to kiss boys I’d be aroused by the sight of them, and just wanted to be close to them. I always suspected why I never had a boyfriend was because of my apprehension and the small dating pool, and being in high school almost non existent one. So I vowed to just save it for the right person. But earlier in the week I got the thought that I subconsciously never wanted that, and that I was just lying about being gay and actually never felt attraction. Now I’m racking my brain of all the times I’ve ever liked someone, trying to find out if it was real. And it’s terrifying me. I know there’s nothing wrong with it but it just doesn’t feel right for me.

why do I keep feeling like this Just wanna cry Just wanna cut I don’t know how to deal with this