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Does anyone go over their false memory and decide yes it didn’t happen and then two seconds later think oh but what if it is real and then mime their false memory again?

Do you guys also feel during a triggering episode when you feel anxiety and distress, you also feel like the opposite feeling? like a sense of excitement but not really, it feels like you secretely like it, I find those sensations to be in the muscles of my face, I don't know how to really explain it, like a flustering feeling but not really. I feel like it's the opposite emotions constrasting your genuine ones, the ones you don't want to feel and because you don't want to feel those emotions OCD borrows an emotional reaction that belongs to anxiety like akwardness and fluster and twists it into something false? Or is anxiousness often accompanied by this weird odd sensation in the face? Like an intrusive twitching for a unwanted smile? I don't know.

I’ll list some key things with my main subtype, and I hope that I can get some erp advice, but it’s okay if not, I know nobody is my therapist..! 1. I have this thing where when I feel false attraction about a k!d, I will be immediately convinced and say “that means I am?” “I am attracted” “I feel attracted?” “He’s attractive” not to be weird but I panic and say these because I don’t want them, and I feel like I agree with it, this makes me feel like a bad person when I say them (sometimes I can’t help it when I get really stressed) what can I do for this to be better? 2. My brain will give me an intrusive question, asking if I’d do this,this or that, and I feel like agreeing or saying yes to this, sometimes I will hear a yes and I’ll freak out 3. When I get triggered by a photo, I have to keep checking and checking (this will always last forever) till I’m sure that I think the photo is cute or adorable and not in any way that I feel false attraction Whenever I feel convinced, I feel bad that I feel convinced and it’ll say “well if you were a good person, why do you allow yourself to get convinced even if you know you aren’t this”

this morning I was really rushed and stressed and that literally triggered my anxiety and like contamination ocd. I want to say I don’t have typical contamination ocd, I just have this gross feeling and certain objects trigger it. I can’t even say fully what I mean because it sounds so strange and weird. As I was getting ready I kept having gross images in my head and it felt so real and then I got worried if it actually happened and I just didn’t notice it because I was in a rush this morning. I’m so confused and stressed I am so done with this. I feel like I have to throw everything away now. like I can’t even say what happened exactly and that stresses me out so much more because I don’t know if it actually happened or what. I’ve cried over this so many time and I can’t even tell anyone because they’re going to think I’m crazy. how do I know if a memory is false or true? later on in the day I retraced my steps and everything and I kept thinking back about every event that happened before after and during and I can’t tell if it was real or not. if it was real I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive myself and I can’t live like this. I thought I was getting better and I started not caring about the thoughts, but this morning because I was rushed and doing things in a hurry I feel like it started all over again and I don’t know if this memory is true or not. seriously what do. I do?

im not getting that many intrusive thoughts but i am still thinking about it and googling. basically today i had a phone call therapy thing arranging for therapy in two weeks, she said i needed to make a diary of any thoughts and feelings i had for the next two weeks. so this appointment thing led me to think my ocd was fake so i slept because i didn’t want to think about it any more and then i googled for 2 hours. but now im like what happens if i did this on purpose just so i have something to write in my diary and i am manipulating my symptoms, i have done so much googling that what happens if i have just taken these symptoms as my own im so stressed. i’m scared that the ocd is fake, i might not be that bad for the next few weeks and then that means my theme is real, i haven’t been completely obsessing about it for a few days, does that mean it’s real? can ocd temporarily go when you are really stressed about other things like school work? i know for some people that makes it worse but for me it comes back worse when i have nothing to think about and am not very busy

i made a similar post, but I didn’t really get helpful responses. also I’m not diagnosed and can’t get diagnosed , but the past two days I’ve been spiraling and I have constant anxiety. I feel contaminated and like I keep having actions replay in my head and I see images of terrible things and I just feel gross. also like I can’t do anything alone or else I’m afraid that I might end up doing something wrong. so then every action I do has to be in from of other people so I can make sure I didn’t do anything crazy. any time I’m alone and I go about my day later on I always get these thoughts and what I’m pretty sure is false event ocd and I’m stressing so much.

im not diagnosed, but these past two days have been terrible. i constantly have this underlying feeling that i might do something that i think is gross and i feel like i can’t do anything on my own because otherwise i might do something wrong. like i feel like i constantly have to be in front of people so that i can make sure of my every action. this is so exhausting and I’m so confused. and like i keep getting terrible images and stuff replaying in my head. i also try to recall what happened but i feel like i have false event too. i used to have religious ocd and that eventually stopped completely, but now it feels like all my work getting over that was pointless. also like i feel like i might have contamination ocd but not the typical germ type. I just get terrible images and I can’t remember if those images are true or not even though they’re impossible and i feel terrible. I don’t know if i could ever get over this because even the thought of it is terrible.

I remembered something I did a couple of months ago that has changed me completely from trusting myself it was a conversation I had with my cousin and something they said unrelated made me remember this happening, I went into a full blown identity crisis i couldn’t walk out of my room or get out of my bed for months paranoid and scared of everything I’m still scared and feel like I don’t even deserve to shower I’m working on it slowly each day but I knew I had to get a therapist and I was diagnosed with ocd because of this event I remembered, and I just don’t know what to do…. I read online that it doesn’t matter how little or bad the event is it’s still ocd regardless when diagnosed but I know I have a compulsion to see others real events and it is nothing compared to mine which I shouldn’t compare but it’s difficult because no matter what I have to come to terms that it’s undeniably bad legally and morally what I did and it’s just so confusing how it’s something I JUST learned about months ago I’m literally in my mid 20s, and I went years without even realizing how troubled my childhood was and yes my real event happened during that time but I was still a teen and old enough to know better but I didn’t understand the magnitude of what I did at the time still no excuse though, this is where I don’t know what To do because 1. I already know what I did was awful and there’s no excuse for it 2. I can’t apologize in my situation that I don’t feel comfortable sharing specifics yet3. Yes I know I changed so much obviously I’m a grown adult now I know what’s appropriate and what’s not that’s why I’m so troubled over this and I never did anything like that again, I’m literally in the happiest relationship and seeing a therapist to also help me understand all this trauma, this event involved my cousin but even they are cool with me and very close as well hasn’t said anything I don’t know if they remember or not but it’s not something I can talk about with them at least not yet (again just don’t want to go in to specifics) but this is why is so confusing and has caused me to have intrusive thoughts about everything EVERYTHING the what ifs what if they remember what if I go to jail what if they hate me what if I’m denying who I have been and I’m this horrible person this whole time without even realizing and everything is a lie my relationship my joy for things what if I’m a ped, what if I can’t love or care what if I’m a person who just harms others manipulates I even spiraled thinking I was going to physically harm someone… it’s very bizarre to me because before my OCD my biggest anxiety was just having to learn how to drive…I’m in my 20s just to mention that again😭 I have probably almost all intrusive ocd categories, These thoughts never existed in my head until I remembered my event it has completely traumatized me but do I even deserve to feel better do I deserve to get help if I did something unforgivable do I move on or don’t? Should I even be living life I just feel guilty even breathing stepping outside I know for a fact if people knew they would never trust me they would feel like I probably should go to jail but do I go on to what others feel or myself? I know I wouldn’t harm anyone regardless of what my ocd tells me I never did anything like that again and wouldn’t but if it’s something that even legally I could be punished for does all of that not matter? I’m sorry I’m just trying to figure out what the right thing to do is , I’m continuing therapy and getting the help but obviously my therapist cannot say if I should be punished legally but even my boyfriend said that if I turned myself in they wouldn’t even take me seriously because I don’t even remember everything fully it was so long ago, but from what I do remember it’s still bad enough mainly just of me being a teen, I don’t want to make that event my identity but I just am so freaked out I feel awful what if I caused trauma to another person and all these years I didn’t even know, this event only happened once that I remember, there were things that happened to me as a child that would explain why it happened but it’s still not an excuse, I did a compulsion and googled what would it be called or the charges for it and the words that popped up triggered me to my core as anyone would feel if they were as stupid as me those words I googled are what monsters are so it’s hard not to think of myself as that it’s hard to not make that my identity if that IS what happened, is living with this guilt my punishment?I don’t want to give up on life I want to love and care and just love life I know this is complicated and a lot not much I can do but I’m just so lost.

Can ocd cause you to completely question what you thought you knew about yourself? Like make you analyse everything and then convince yourself it wasnt real? And can it make desires go away if you think about them too much? Spiralling all day today

It hurts I hurt a lot of people and the guilt is killing me like actually eating me alive and I can’t even get help my parents are kinda abusive and don’t want me going to therapy cause their afraid they or I will go to jail but I idk if I can go on When I started highschool at 14(currently 15 rn) I had a weird mentality that everything was sexual and that I could date anyone by just telling them I liked them and being honestly creepy. Idk what’s wrong with me I feel so weird like I don’t have crushes it’s just me wanting to have sx with people I find attractive and it’s so horrible. But before I realized how bad this was I hurt people I had 4 friends they all don’t talk to me anymore because I was so sexual with everything I made sexual jokes made everything sexual and just sexualized myself at every turn even when they told me to stop I wouldn’t listen. It’s sick. When I realized this was wrong it was too late. One of them stopped talking to me and doesn’t even want to look at me or wants me saying his name.and one of them says they don’t care but idk I think they do.and I was honestly in a horrible mental state and tried a few times and my other friend had enough of it and just stopped talking to me. I have a best friend who I met online she was so nice to me we used to date but we broke up. And we get close but I betrayed her trust when I sent her explicit butt pics to this 17yr old I wanted pics from and he said he wouldn’t mind me sending them (my best friend was 15) and I was begging this 17yr old for pictures when he declined a lot then the 17 yr old said he was manipulating me and how he was keeping me in a loop of mystery. My best friend found out about the picture thing and she was sick but forgave me cause she didn’t want me self harming IMFEEL sick because of that she put my feelings above hers when I was in the wrong and she said she doesn’t want to lose me as a friend but idk she said she forgives me cauee she knows I’m broken ig but that makes me feel worse. And I also begged this 16 yr old for pics when I was either 13/14 and I feel sick I begged for pics when he declined but my best friend says not to feel bad cause he was grooming her kinda but idk I wanan apologize to him. Lately I’ve been thinking of how I think I s@d someone from my school someone I one or my baby cousins or my little brother and it feels real like it happened and I feel like a pedo and a s*x offender and Ik no one can forgive me idk if I want to go on it feels like death is the only way to atone for what I did . When I told my 4th friend about why my other friends don’t talk to me anymore he didn’t respond I think that cemented how bad I really am how sick I am I’m no different than a child pred or sx offender. My parents don’t even like me they always remind me how I treat them bad or how I’m a bad person. I feel horrible. Maybe I should just be locked up

Earlier today for about a few hours i spent the whole entire time in my room researching a certain topic and feeling 100% convinced it was true and that it was the real me and i never had ocd. There was convincing evidence too. I was freaking out, crying, etc. i hardly remember what i was thinking, its almost like i blacked out. I keep trying to remember because from what i do remember some of the thoughts kinda bother me. I ended up calming down and snapping back into what i think is reality, and felt completely opposite of what i was thinking just 5 minutes prior. Im so confused, i dont know who i am, i feel like im actually going crazy.

In addition to my pocd / false memory OCD situation, I feel like Im going to pass away with no friends, no girlfriend, and no family. I have no one who loves me. And Im going to pass away alone. I slowly have to accept that. Theres nothing I can do except live out my life, not knowing if my worst fears have come true or not, and slowly wither away while everyone moves on with their lives and forgets my name. Im unloved, alone, and miserable. Thats who I am. The end.

I’ve struggled with ocd for many years. I’ve had a bunch of different themes over the years but for the past 5 months my brain has broken. Out of nowhere I got these two images in my brain that I immediately thought were real. They acted as memories and I was horrified. Then I started logically being like ok there’s no way that all the sudden my fears are true and I’ve remembered this so called “event”. They go completely against my values and include someone who I’m super close to. I asked that person if they remember what happened in this so called “memory” and have reassured me multiple times that it never happened. They’re very understanding of my mental health and have helped me through all my past and present struggles with different issues. But my brain is latched so hard onto this I truly don’t know what to do. I’m scared that these false memories are actually real and that I’ve just repressed them or something. I’ve never had a theme like this before and it’s awful. My ocd has stuck to just thoughts, this is the first time it was images. It’s like snippets from a nightmare. So I guess I’m wondering 1. Can ocd truly just give you images out of the blue of totally false things? There’s some elements that are real like locations but what actually happened in the false memory is not true at all. At least I hope not. And 2. How do I get my brain to stop latching on sooo hard?? I feel so stuck it feels impossible not to react because I’m so scared I’ll never be the person I used to be before this theme ;( I’ve lost so much time to it already. And I’m especially afraid it’s going to always be on my mind whenever I’m with the person in the false memory. I love that person so much I don’t want this to affect our relationship. For context there’s been a lot of change in my life and I’ve had a lot of stress to unrelated things so I’m pretty sure that’s what sorta caused this whole relapse. My ocd was manageable for the past 3 years and with this new theme I feel lost. Again it’s something that would totally go against my morals and aligns well with some of my core fears that ocd likes to attack with other themes lol. I’ve always been so good with my memory and sure of the kind of person that I am and this theme just totally caused me to lose my sense of self trust.

Im so depressed... and I feel alone... theres no hope... My pocd keeps saying that my worst fear of unknowingly cybering with a minor has actually happened and it's really triggering the hell out of me... I feel so horrible...My pocd keeps saying I "unknowingly erotically role played with a minor" when idek if this actually happened or not... this was nearly three years ago... (september of 2021) for context we were erotically role playing on an 18+ discord server, (she wasnt verified, but I assumed she was 18+ because we were on an 18+ place) and then she suddenly stopped responding, before leaving the server shortly after an unknown time... im so freaking anxious and scared... her grammar was fine at first, but then as we were going on, she kept making errors like "boxer" or "then" instead of "than"... my pocd keeps saying that I "UNKNOWINGLY EROTICALLY ROLEPLAYED WITH A MINOR" when idek if this happened or not... some people told me she sounds like/is a young adult... chatGPT tells me she sounded like a teenager... I genuinely dont know what to believe anymore... (these two photos are from her account, and the beginning of our ERP... I hope she wasnt a teenager... I really hope she wasnt...)

Everything feels so real. I think learning about non-offending pedophiles has really screwed with me. I feel like I’m not even doing compulsions anymore like I genuinely cannot remember if I do them or not and the groinal responses are messing with me. I keep having intrusive dreams and I’m in that half asleep state and I feel nothing after that or I feel weird like a good weird, I don’t know. It’s a really weird feeling when I get those thoughts but I don’t like them, I don’t think. All I know is, I keep seeking reassurance and I feel like I don’t have OCD because the way I feel, like the way I get worked up isn’t the same as others. Whenever I try to watch a show, like 9-1-1 or daily dose of sunshine, I feel like I’m watching something I shouldn’t be. Or if I’m just on my phone, I feel like something is going to happen. I feel red flags whenever I’m on my phone, like somehow cp will appear. I know that OCD is the doubting disorder but my god, this is just crazy. I feel like I’m going crazy. Everything is just nonstop, it’s so constant and I’m genuinely scared that I’ll do something when I get out of my room. I don’t know anymore, this whole OCD thing is just making me lose my mind.

I can't tell if this is OCD to be honest, but with how much I'm focusing on it, it has to be some form or another. My mom and I have never had the best relationship. Ever since I was 6 years old, my OCD has always made me feel like I need to confess my own guilts to her. Our relationship has gotten infinitely better ever since I started therapy a few years ago. Her and I have been able to talk about a lot of things in the past and she's apologized for a lot of things. Recently I've been remembering more real events that make me want to cry. I don't want to keep bringing up things to her that she's done wrong. Especially this current memory, as it was years ago and I know she didn't mean any ill-intent. I don't want to hurt her by bringing this up, because I don't want her to think I'm blaming her or make her feel like a bad mom. I can't tell if this is something I need to talk about with her to get closure, or if this is my OCD disguising itself so I can "confess" to get relief. I'm so tired, I can't stop thinking about it. I'm not even sure if I'm remembering things right anymore. Sorry if this isn't OCD or I sound crazy.

Hello everyone! I’m new to this app and I am just looking for some help or any advice. I am 20 years old and female. I constantly think about the past and what has happened to me and my boyfriend. (Mostly about him and his ex and if he liked her more). No matter how hard I try these thoughts just flood my mind and nothing that I do helps me avoid them. I have always had issues with constant thoughts about the past and things that are stressing me out, and they just don’t go away. I thought that the thoughts about my boyfriend’s ex would fade but i’ve been with him for 2 years now and they are still constant everyday. I feel like I have to know what she’s up to and check her social media daily, if not multiple times in a day. I also check my ex’s social media daily. I don’t want to do this but I feel like I have to, and If I try not to it just makes me feel anxious. My ex was verbally and physically abusive, I was 15-17 and we were together for those two years. I have gone to PTSD therapy and I still have thoughts over and over about what happened and I wonder if it was even real. Or if I’m even remembering what happened correctly. I have constant thoughts about him and what happened between us. I also have issues such as kind of twitching when i’m really stressed out or something isn’t “right” to me. I constantly have to clean and put things in their place. I have a routine that I do everyday, such as showering in a certain order, doing my skincare in a certain order, and doing things at work in a certain order. Is this normal? And how do I help these thoughts go away… Because they have gotten so bad that it distracts me all day and is interfering with having a future with my boyfriend.

TRIGGER WARNING My friend basically said to me that someone who’s drunk could easily do something out of character and harm someone else?! That majorly triggered me as my ocd false memory involves me being drunk, so now I feel like it’s really possible. I’m not an angry drunk by any means but still. Ugh why do people have to say things to me. I feel so ashamed for getting drunk.

Can ocd give u a completely false memory out of no where that u think is real like can it be completely made up all of it? Bc i had one and it felt real but it didn’t seem like a memory logically what do i do?

Im so depressed... and I feel alone... theres no hope... My pocd keeps saying that my worst fear of unknowingly cybering with a minor has actually happened and it's really triggering the hell out of me... I feel so horrible...My pocd keeps saying I "unknowingly erotically role played with a minor" when idek if this actually happened or not... this was nearly three years ago... (september of 2021) for context we were erotically role playing on an 18+ discord server, (she wasnt verified, but I assumed she was 18+ because we were on an 18+ place) and then she suddenly stopped responding, before leaving the server shortly after an unknown time... im so freaking anxious and scared... her grammar was fine at first, but then as we were going on, she kept making errors like "boxer" or "then" instead of "than"... my pocd keeps saying that I "UNKNOWINGLY EROTICALLY ROLEPLAYED WITH A MINOR" when idek if this happened or not... some people told me she sounds like/is a young adult... chatGPT tells me she sounded like a teenager... I genuinely dont know what to believe anymore... (these two photos are from her account, and the beginning of our ERP... I hope she wasnt a teenager... I really hope she wasnt...)