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When u question a memory and ruminate the whole day whether it happened or not, does it mean it didn't happen?

How does one overcome POCD when it’s tied into/influenced by actual events in my life? I feel like there is almost a pattern for me :( My events involve researching/googling disturbing things I shouldn’t have out of morbid curiosity (and seeing truly horrible things/images on the internet as a result of this), having thoughts about girls in their late teens sometimes being attractive (it’s happened multiple times that I thought a girl was attractive then learned she was like 17 or something. It always disgusts me, but I feel the need to test to make sure they aren’t attractive to me upon me finding out their ages. This causes even more distress and discomfort). I have certain and uncertain memories about pleasuring myself to things that are morally unacceptable (one of those things being a scene from one of those films on the Disturbing Movie Iceberg that I watched and I’m unsure I may have m*********d to. It involved CSA and was one of the first catalysts for my POCD. I am only about 40-50% confident that this didn’t happen). I’m even going back and remembering a time where I was 12-13 and read fanfics about a 9-year old anime character being shipped with a full adult. However all but the last event happened between the ages of like 20-23 (I’m 24f now and the thing about worrying about finding girls in their late teens attractive is the only current “active” thing going on. Everything else is based on past events). Every time I read about POCD, it always seems like people’s distress revolves around “current” intrusive thoughts (e.g, “Did I find that child attractive?” or “Did I touch that child inappropriately?”). I rarely see things involving past actual events similar to mine, and it makes me think that this isn’t just POCD. I feel like there’s no other explanations for my actions, this feels like a pattern of behavior. I am so afraid that I am a p***. And I’m leaving for a movie soon. Not exactly sure how I’m supposed to pretend I’m ok and act present when the friends I’m going with would likely hate me if they knew all of this. Im so tired.

People don’t understand how much ocd takes over your life, here’s some of my old compulsions through the years, I can laugh about these ones now as I’ve managed to stop them. Although I’m yet to beat false memory ocd. - Checking the knife draw before bed 14 times just to be ‘sure’ the knife’s were all there. - Filming under my bed before I went to sleep to make sure no one was there. - Barricading my door at night as I had a fear I would sleep walk and ‘hurt’ someone. - Video myself doing my nightly compulsions (locking doors, turning lights off, checking everything etc) to make sure it’s done. - running up and down the stairs 44 times before bed to make sure no one dies 😅😂(honestly no clue) - tapping an even number of times on each side of my body. - whenever I made someone else a drink I would have to re-do it about 10 times and video it, as id convinced myself I’d poisoned it🙃lol I mean I could go on forever but here’s some!! I’m hoping this makes someone feel less alone as I’ve stopped this now with a lot of work, it is possible!! False memory ocd is next for me , I’m hoping I can beat this as I have the above.

So I made some REAL terrible past mistakes, but due to OCD I ruminated about them last night and cut myself for the first time ever (I’m 20) I didn’t do it in a dangerous place like my wrist or anything and I used a razor/it was not that deep hardly any bleeding etc. But I don’t trust myself to not turn to this again in the future, cause I liked it. (I struggle with False Memories, Intrusive-Thought-Action-Fusion, Magical Thinking etc.) Advice for embarrassment/distress?

Why do intrusive thoughts feel so real? I sometimes fear it isn't OCD and I actually do feel/think those things and it causes me immense distress.

Anyone else stopped drinking alcohol due to false memory ocd? I’ve actually developed a huge fear of alcohol to the point where even if I only had one drink i become terrified I’d suddenly turn into a completely different person and act out on my intrusive thoughts. When drunk I would take pictures in the bathroom stalls as ‘proof’ no one was in there with me , I’d find notes on my phone the next morning saying things like ‘you’ve done nothing wrong’. I’d basically be terrified of myself…It goes on. I’m actually a very happy drunk but my ocd takes over the next morning making up crimes and convincing me I could’ve done terrible things. It’s just not worth it anymore.

I have two memories of molesting two different children and nothing has come of it. No one has spoken up about it no one’s complained hell there’s nothing even on the cameras. But I’m convinced these false memories happened and it scares me to death. Did I really molest those children or is my brain conjuring all of this up? What do I do because I feel like I can’t live with myself

Does anyone know how I can treat my false memory ocd? I am worrying about whether I betrayed my Partner or not. At one point, I thought I killer someone. I dont know how to handle it anymore

I had a false memory real event ocd - situation that happened before that causes me great anxiety and stress. I had already talked with the community on this and now the memory came back and the guilt and doubt and anxiety came right back again

Does anyone have any success stories with there false memory ocd? Please?

Intrusive thoughts destroyed who I've always known myself to be, I wish I could go back to when I trusted who I was and my morals. I'm constantly paranoid that I've lied about terribly awful things and theyre gonna come out and haunt me. What a sad way to live :(

i know compulsions are not helpful on the long run. but they can help to give certainty and a bit of peace for the moment. i usually imagine scenarios and check how i feel about them. has anyone experienced that sometimes this does not make you feel certain and safe, but somehow confirms what ocd is telling you, e.g. after imagining a scenario it feels like you could actually want it? so compulsions sometimes don’t even help on the short term and i feel the need to ruminate more and more to come to the solution i want

God I wanna ask my (15f) sister if I’ve ever hurt her -so badly. I wanna know if I’ve ever m worded her… she still likes me though- is around me, likes my attention when we are alone and is not troubled by my presence at all. Sometimes she squabbles with me, says hurtful things but she’s a teenager first and foremost. (Also likely bullied :( which is my non ocd fear.) She’s my sister, I love her more than anything and she doesn’t even know it. I’d move mountains for her if I had to and when I found out she was being bullied I wanted to personally put the fear of god into those pathetic wimps. She was born so I wouldn’t grow up alone if anything happened to our parents. She was the best gift and if I ever hurt her that way I would unalive myself The reason this thought came up was that I had a memory where me and her were playing as kids. We hid under the covers (idk why or the context) and she said “like sex?” And I panicked, got out from under the covers so quickly and said “what?! No- no nothing like that.” Or something along those lines. (I was molested as a kid by my cousin so I knew what sex was way too early- I think I was mostly disturbed by her knowing too.) My ocd is trying to find meaning- to find some part of this memory to twist. I can feel it bubbling in the back of my head sometimes. Conjuring up stuff. I know asked for reassurance from her is the worst thing I could do. Not only cause it’ll worsen symptoms if just ocd- but also it could possibly traumatize my sister cause she doesn’t know I have ocd and wouldn’t understand intrusive thoughts. :( Sometimes I just wish she also had ocd that she didn’t tell me about and we could both just ride it out as a pair again. Instead of being separated by my mental illness.

I’m getting ready to officially start ERP next week. Doesn’t this mean I must accept whatever the OCD is telling me? In my case it means I’m an awful person who does not deserve my family/friends or happiness of any kind. Last night I was thinking about this at my son’s sport event. It occurred to me that if all the people there “knew” what the OCD implies, they would hate me and shame me. Maybe it was easier to just be mildly happy by placating the OCD with reassurance and the mantra—it’s not me, it’s OCD. Anyway, guilt ridden and anxious, I excused myself from the bleachers at my son’s game last night, acting like I had to use the restroom. I walked past the restroom, got into my car and went home and right to bed at 7:30 pm. (History: Pure-O/ False Memory OCD)

I'm struggling so much I'm so desensitized to my girlfriend and porn and I keep seeing handsome men and it's really confusing and making me depressed. I'm not homophobic but this doesn't make me happy I was happy seeing myself as straight and comfortable idc about what society thinks is normal I loved women. I love my girlfriend and think she is so beautiful but it's so hard living with these doubts and seeing men handsome all the time now idk if it's just aesthetic attraction or the fact I'm so hyper fixated idk but I want it gone. The groinal responses, the false attraction, the confusion. I've done so much researching, reading, making up scenarios for years now and still haven't figured it out I know I'm not gay because I'm interested in women always have been. This is making me so uncomfortable, uncertain and confused. I really do support any gay people and support their rights but I've just never had a gay crush and having all this is highly alien and uncomfortable to me. I really need help :( I want to be myself again I can't live a fulfilling life feeling like this it makes me want to lock myself in my house until I figure it out everytime I gain clarity or reassurance I then feel like I can go out and live my life.

No matter where I go, there's always at least one atractive male there, and I get this feeling that seems like atraction, my boddy is tense up, and feel some pain on my face, but my mind says this is a symtopm of represion rather than OCD, also every time I looked at the past to say I wasnt like this, I get memories that I always had this feelings for men, I really can't tell which parts of the memory are real and which ones are fake

I don't like myself anymore. OCD took my personality. I don't know if this is my reality. Why does it feel real?

So I’m getting treatment in person and today I had a phone call and it was basically asking questions to see if it is ocd.like an assessment. On the phone there was a lot of questions and I had to answer with numbers So for example she would say a statement “I excessively wash” and then I answer on how much I experience it : 1-not at all 2-a little 3-moderately 4-all the time But now I feel like I lied for some questions and just that I’m lying that I have ocd and using it as an excuse and that I’m just not bad enough. Like I’m scared I’m lying saying I experience some of the things. Like my head lately keeps saying that I’m putting it on and that I don’t have it or using it as an excuse I’m scared what if I don’t have it like right now it’s telling me I’m lying. I feel like I’m making it all up Because a lot of questions around ocd I never hear them talk or ask me about a lot of themes like Pocd Rocd So ocd So when I don’t experience things they ask about like symmetry , ordering or harming others it makes me feel like I don’t have ocd

I looked back at my life wondered if I did terrible things and just don't remember and as much as I can sit here today and say to myself I know I would do that, and I could never forget if I did... I still can't trust myself. I hate this

What even is the difference? Lately I’ve been terrified of subconscious memories, it’s been a huge fear that my false memory is a subconscious memory rather than false? Especially as it contains a real detail. Mine false memory for example started as a ‘what if’ then moved onto a flashing image , then moved onto me ruminating adding details getting muddled with reality and imagination etc, and now I’m stuck. I’m currently just rotting away in bed. I don’t see any point in anything i think this is the lowest point of my life.