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TW: Parent loss My OCD has spiked since losing my mom in March. Like my nesting is trying to find its new obsession to hold onto. Not sure how much more of this I’m going to take.

Hey everyone so the last to days I’ve been having a anxiety flare and my ocd has spiked so I was laying in bed this morning when I woke up and started thinking about how big the earth is and how the earth is round and I was thinking omg what if I got that stuck in my head and started getting dizzy and lost control. I’ve had this thought bother me before and it’s always been something that kinda terrified me about how big the earth is and how small we are. It’s impossible to control things around us and control what others do. It’s almost like I’m use to being in my little thought pattern and when something pops in and scares me I feel anxiety and panic and then I start to panic again because I’m scared of panic and losing control. I don’t know I’ve been feeling really overwhelmed the last day or two. I felt like I was making a lot of progress but my brain doesn’t want to shut off it’s always worrying and it gets so annoying between me getting things stuck in my head or feeling like I’m on the verge of panic and loosing control. Sorry I know this was a lot but I needed to vent because my brain has been boxing me in lately and it feels as if there’s no escape because something will always be causing me stress and giving me anxiety. On the bright side I know this will pass or maybe it won’t I’ll just have to except the uncertainty

This fear is very complex cause it comes from 2 extreme side, one being that the only thing you have to do to be saved is to believe in Christ and accept him as your saviour, and the other one is that it's not enough but it makes me spin then cause i feel like im not saved, cause i question many sins if they are really sins, and i feel like i do it to still act on it and its a way to speak myself into doing them so i dont feel bad about myself which is pride i think. But the first one makes me angry, cause people are abusing Jesus death. In my opinion the "Just accept Jesus and you're saved" view is false, yeah you dont have to do anything, but if it doesnt show up in your life that youre accepted Jesus, you're not saved... It makes me angry cause i see people who claims that are christians and they still act the same way as before, they still live in sin, and these people would say they are saved cause Jesus paid it all... thats abusing his sacrafice... There are things that are hard to leave like drug or alcohol addiction i understand, but its an excuse to still act on it cause Jesus already paid the price for future sins too... I even heard someone saying " a christian who is abusing at home like beating his wife and childrens, but he accepted Jesus in his heart he is saved" this is so wrong. This sounds like its made up just to make you feel better. Its like an excuse to still live by sin cause you will be im heaven cause you accepted Jesus. I just cant accept this view it sounds really wrong. I feel bad for those people, i feel bad that i judge them, but it still not right. Then its like we dont have to fight sin, just accept Jesus... But as a said the other side makes me go crazy, im afraid im not really saved cause i still question which sin is actually a sin. Im watching Mark Dejesus, he has good videos, but when he talks about feeling like everything is sin, he brings up things that are clear that arent sins like doing something you like, going for a hike, drawing, or i read that some thinks that taking a shower is a sin, or going to school. You can tell this is ocd, for me, im obsessing about the grey areas. About joking, watching scary things,saying bad words but not in a harmful way to others, just randomly say one if i accidentaly hit myself or something,thinking about sex(this was a big one) and with this i realized it might not be a sin cause how you educate yourself about sex? You have to think about it. It seems like its a sin when you do it to satisfy your feelings or youre thinking about someone else. But in a normal way, it seems like its not a sin. But im overthinking this too.

ive judt been really confused lately. I dont know who i am and ive been feeling really off. I was searching stuff up and saw that alot of my symptoms align with phycosis or schizophrenic im fucking terrified and im panicking i cant breathe please help

Fear of psychosis ocd… For about 10 months now I’ve had an OBSESSION with developing schizophrenia or some related psychotic disorder. In the beginning my symptoms manifested as hyper awareness of potentially hallucinating and things like that but the main fear that has really stuck is the fear of having delusions. I’ve reached a point to where I can’t enjoy anything in life any for because according to my brain EVERYTHING has to mean something or is suspicious. I’m so suspicious of everything, “what if this commercial means something” “why did that person make that weird face” “what if this song has some kind of hidden meaning” “everything feels so fake and staged” “why did my cat look at me like that” “what if none of this is even real” “what if there’s more to reality than what we know” “there’s no way other people are real humans” “there’s definitely more than what the government tells us about reality” “this can’t all just be science and biology” etc etc. it’s fucking exhausting. I can’t enjoy anything anymore, everything has to have some malevolent intent or meaning. These thoughts feel real, some of them feel like they could genuinely be possible, but I don’t want to think about this kind of stuff, I’m not sure if I even care if there’s something more to everything that I’m missing, but my brain will not stop this search for delusional things to believe. It’s gotten to a point where everything just feels fake and staged like a big act or illusion. Government, politics, media, just day to day life, feels so fake and artificial. It feels like I’m losing emotional attachment to things I love and care about because I’m constantly getting thoughts like “why should I care? Nothings real anyway?” Etc. Has anyone ever dealt with this?FYI: I’ve been to NUMEROUS mental health professionals who do not believe I have anything more than just ocd and severe hypochondria.

Fear of psychosis ocd… For about 10 months now I’ve had an OBSESSION with developing schizophrenia or some related psychotic disorder. In the beginning my symptoms manifested as hyper awareness of potentially hallucinating and things like that but the main fear that has really stuck is the fear of having delusions. I’ve reached a point to where I can’t enjoy anything in life any for because according to my brain EVERYTHING has to mean something or is suspicious. I’m so suspicious of everything, “what if this commercial means something” “why did that person make that weird face” “what if this song has some kind of hidden meaning” “everything feels so fake and staged” “why did my cat look at me like that” “what if none of this is even real” “what if there’s more to reality than what we know” “there’s no way other people are real humans” “there’s definitely more than what the government tells us about reality” “this can’t all just be science and biology” etc etc. it’s fucking exhausting. I can’t enjoy anything anymore, everything has to have some malevolent intent or meaning. These thoughts feel real, some of them feel like they could genuinely be possible, but I don’t want to think about this kind of stuff, I’m not sure if I even care if there’s something more to everything that I’m missing, but my brain will not stop this search for delusional things to believe. It’s gotten to a point where everything just feels fake and staged like a big act or illusion. Government, politics, media, just day to day life, feels so fake and artificial. It feels like I’m losing emotional attachment to things I love and care about because I’m constantly getting thoughts like “why should I care? Nothings real anyway?” Etc. Has anyone ever dealt with this?FYI: I’ve been to NUMEROUS mental health professionals who do not believe I have anything more than just ocd and severe hypochondria.

i posted this before but i’m freaking out rn has anyone else ever gotten intrusive thoughts telling you that right and wrong doesn’t exist and stuff? like, i get thoughts saying “murder isn’t wrong” “SA isn’t wrong” and i feel the need to prove it wrong so i ruminate and i do a bunch of compulsions because my worst fear is becoming amoral.. on top of that, i get thoughts telling me i shouldn’t fear losing my morals bc “they don’t even exist and it’s stupid” which hurts me even MORE. i posted here last night, i suffered because of a philosophy video i watched that triggered me so bad, saying morals aren’t objective and.. even typing that sucks for me because i get nervous. i don’t want to believe these things. my mind tells me these things and THEN i get terrible harm thoughts about animals, my family, friends. it then tells me that those thoughts aren’t wrong and doin those things aren’t wrong. i’ve been in pain for months and it gets better but as soon as it does it gets worse. i’ve been hiding the true nature of my obsessions but i cant anymore because i feaR these thoughts.. i even didn’t tell my therapist because i’m embarrassed.. nobody else seems to have these thoughts and when they do, it’s a bad outcome. i don’t know what to do

Since my ocd started i feel really weird, like i’m faking my hole life and i’m not the person i know i am, it’s really strange and it’s making me feel like i’m gonna lose control cause i’m not being myself… i don’t know how to explain it but it feels like i’m constantly fighting and every single thing means i’m gonna snap and hurt someone i love

I'm Christian and I struggle with being close to god a lot but lately I just feel like I will never near a full relationship with god because of this not only that my heart physically hurts because I think about how I want god to allow me to get married and have kids but I don't think that's his will for me I feel like it will never happen and my heart hurts thinking about it and even if god does allow that blessing to come my way l'm afraid I'm going to end up hurting my husband or committing adultery and I'm afraid how he would react to my past and old relationship and ocd I don't think it will ever go away not because I don't think god is powerful enough I know he is I just think he wants that to be my story for the glory of his name and because it keeps me close to him idk I just my heart hurts thinking about not being married and not having kids but l'm trying to accept that in case that isn't his will for me it just really hurts my heart physically

recently, I’ve been feeling so alone and my OCD journey. I don’t know if this is normal but when I convinced myself that it’s OCD I feel so much better and then less than sometimes five minutes later my brain is saying to me that I’m just in denial of who I really am and it’ll say really disturbing comments I can’t tell if it’s actually saying it or if it’s just my intrusive thoughts it’s really hard to piece them apart. I’ve been struggling with this since March and I have started therapy, but I feel like every time a few days without my therapy. I feel the same way again or I start to get this feeling in my chest being absolutely just doomed and feeling like I’m just in denial of who I really am I just wanna know, anyone else this way has anyone else experience this with their OCD because it really makes me feel like I am that actual person and some of the comments that my brain tells me just feel so real and it feels like I’m actually saying it and meaning it once I process what my brain just said it gives me extreme anxiety and fear that this is really it and there’s nothing I can do to fix it. I also am a soon to be Mom so I feel extreme guilt towards my child and my family but part of me says well this is just who you are so you might as well just be become that person.

For the past like 8 months I have been having horrible existential OCD where I get absolutely terrified that we are floating on a planet in space and I feel trapped on earth. It got better, but the last two weeks I have been having panic attacks every time I have to leave the house to go to work or any other thing like go to the gym or hang out with friends and I go into a complete panic attack because I feel trapped on earth and feeling like we are so high up in space. Im terrified of living being on a planet and space. Ive been having horrible panic attacks at work, where i convince myself we are trapped on earth and every time I work I go into more of a complete panic attack than the last day and each day i work, my panic attacks slowly get worse. Today, I was leaving work and usually im fine when i get to my car but the feeling of panic did not go away and only got worse knowing that im still trapped on earth and felt claustrophobic on earth and i had a pit in my stomach knowing that I had to drive home in such panic. I tried to rush home without having a panic attack and went to my room and cried. Its like I cant see the world how I used to or live my normal life without me seeing the world so different now. I have been having panic attacks everyday for two weeks and it has made me extremely depressed that I cant even go to work now without panicking my entire time at work. I have to work, and I cant just quit and not have a job but im afraid im only going to get worse if I keep going to work. Idk what to do. Someone please help. I cant eat because Im so nasous from the anxiety. Ive been popping Propanol like its candy just to try and get my hr down but my anxiety has been so bad sometimes my hr increases even though ive taken propanol. I need help, I might have to check myself into a psych ward

Fear of psychosis ocd For about 10 months now I’ve had an OBSESSION with developing schizophrenia or some related psychotic disorder. In the beginning my symptoms manifested as hyper awareness of potentially hallucinating and things like that but the main fear that has really stuck is the fear of having delusions. I’ve reached a point to where I can’t enjoy anything in life any for because according to my brain EVERYTHING has to mean something or is suspicious. I’m so suspicious of everything, “what if this commercial means something” “why did that person make that weird face” “what if this song has some kind of hidden meaning” “everything feels so fake and staged” “why did my cat look at me like that” “what if none of this is even real” “what if there’s more to reality than what we know” etc etc. it’s fucking exhausting. I can’t enjoy anything anymore, everything has to have some malevolent intent or meaning. These thoughts feel real, some of them feel like they could genuinely be possible, but I don’t want to think about this kind of stuff, I’m not sure if I even care if there’s something more to everything that I’m missing, but my brain will not stop this search for delusional things to believe. It’s gotten to a point where everything just feels fake and staged like a big act or illusion. Government, politics, media, just day to day life, feels so fake and artificial. It feels like I’m losing emotional attachment to things I love and care about because I’m constantly getting thoughts like “why should I care? Nothings real anyway?” Etc. Has anyone ever dealt with this?FYI: I’ve been to NUMEROUS mental health professionals who do not believe I have anymore more than ocd and sever hypochondria.

It might seem weird that I’m posting a picture of a squirt bottle, but it connects to my grandma, who died suddenly in her sleep yesterday. I struggled with emotional contamination for years, before I knew what it was, and it revolved around my grandma. Emotional contamination was my biggest theme, and it took me over a year to work through. It latched on to everything over my grandma-I couldn’t use the bathroom after her without scrubbing (which is the worst when you really, really have to pee but you have to clean first), I didn’t like having her text messages linger on my phone (what if they contaminated anything I did on my phone?), etc etc. So I worked through this with consistent ERP. I became ok with looking at her pictures and not knowing if I was going to turn into her, I stopped caring that she sat in my car, and that my car could have been contaminated, I became ok with using the same public restroom stall that she did—I worked through my fears that her energy would ruin me. Over time, I noticed progress from my ERP. I sent my grandma a picture of my cats on my bed—before, I would have worried her seeing my bed in a photo would make it dirty. OCD is so bizarre, but I know this community gets it. I texted her more often and could hug her. She moved out of state last year with my mom. On one of her trips out here, she gave me this squirt bottle so she wouldn’t have to pack it. The old me would have IMMEDIATELY thrown it away. But, the me who went through the most difficult ERP, decided to use it. I actually needed one. I didn’t care that my hair might be “dirty,” or my bathroom, or that her energy might go into the same bathroom where I take a shower. I’ve been using it almost daily and it’s just part of my morning routine. And now, sadly, my grandma is dead. And looking at this bottle just makes me reflect over how OCD got so tangled up in my family before I untangled it. I try to find a balance of not putting too much meaning or symbolism on things (so I don’t dip into magical thinking). I know one day this thing will break or I’ll get rid of it, and that’s ok. While I navigate grief and uncertainty and all the lovely emotions that come with death, I find some peace in knowing I was able to have a better relationship with my grandma after ERP. I’m glad she didn’t die when I was avoiding her. So, that’s my story. I’m flying out of state tomorrow morning to see my family, and I don’t know what OCD will latch on to when I go to the house she passed a way in. But it’s a quiet unknown. And this is giving me space to grieve, and feel angry and sad and all the things in between. ERP sucks, having a death in the family sucks, but somehow there’s some peace in there too.

I want to be happy and not be miserable and I feel like I try to help others be happy but I can’t get myself to be happy 😢

Hi everyone. I am new to Nocd. My story: The first time I got intense intrusive thougts of religious ocd is when I was 11 years old. They were very intense. I was ashamed of those thoughts and didn't know what to do with them. I literally didnot tell anyone and suffered alone. It made it hard for me to pray. Over the years it took many forms. I didn't know it was OCD. My mental health deteriorated with waves of depression because of OCD as I got threatened from my OCD thoughts of death of me and my closed ones. They were scary. I also imagined things and felt like seeing things out of fear. These phases of depression brought me down everytime I stood up somehow. Soon I was struck with existential and identity crisis, questioning the meaning of life and existence, nothing seemed valuable and worth it. I questioned my academics and everything. Definetly my grades and health everything deteriorated. It showed in my physical health too. I started having mental fog and questioning reality, my self along with a lot of changes in my life. After class ten, there were suddenly a lot of changes when my mental health was already not okay making it hard for me to adapt. I saw everything blurry and removed. I couldn't connect to anyone. I associated fear to all the things, plus my home. And because I already had so much threatenings of death, I couldn't even recognise the reality. I felt far removed from my reality like I went somewhere far away, a lot of time has passed and there's not much time for me and I struggled with memory too. After 12th, I joined University. One year later, I met a boy with whom I instantly felt sparks. Note: I never dated anyone before and feeling a spark like that with somebody which made me take the step is a lot. I wanted to commit to him but then my ROCD kicked in. I didn't even know about it but I did some mistakes because of it I feel like because ROCD was so intense it made me feel like an emergency to leave the relationship. He had OCD too as he said. He have it in terms of 'perfectionism'. Also he was very sensitive, enraged kind of person, I got to know later on. Had a lot of emotional outbursts making me more question the relationship to leave. We became like an anxious-avoidant couple. I regret many things like what I have avoided if I knew its ROCD and worked on it and so many. He 'abused me. He started abusing me. Idk I started feeling like I made him that kind of a person because he actually compared me with his former gf, with whom he used to even secretly talk. I couldn't get out of the abusive relationship sooner but recently which added extra trauma. Well, here am I 'single' but I feel a lot of guilt and also I need to make my mental health better because this experience made me realise how my bottled up things made an explosion. Thankyou! to whoever reads this! Oh yeah I also deal with a Lott of decision making difficulties, indecisiveness and regret over small things and doings. And also because of my life going like this and getting ruined where there was so many expectations from me, I regret a lot I guess. I think of many possibilities how my life would have gone and always put infront of me possibilities and choices. So I am currently dealing with my thoughts and uncertainty about my future after a Lott of trauma. Oh my god..there is so much

Lately I have been going through this theme about being obsessed with just being a brain. I constantly wonder What if I’m just a brain and genuinely have no control over anything I do and just think I do. Like I question why do I make certain decisions specifically and what makes me make those decisions specifically like in my brain. Literally every thought that pops up in my mind I question like how did this thought get here? What makes me want this thought? What makes me make this decision based off this thought? If I’m not my thoughts then what determines my actions if actions are determined by thoughts. Even writing this I have these same thoughts. I genuinely don’t know how to sit through these ones, they feel so important. Like what if I’m not questioning these I’m just on autopilot basically and not actually conscious of anything. I also catch myself doing little actions that I am not usually consciously aware of and fixate on them and wonder what in my brain makes me do these things. Like is it me or just my brain?! I feel so stuck and was just wondering if anyone has had this theme or these thoughts.

Has anyone else experience mind reading where you say something in your mind and the other person answers out loud? For example I was telling someone in my head that I don't have dog treats for their dog in my head like repeatedly.. and when I saw them they said "we know" out loud which basically freaked me out bc what do you know?! And how could you know anyrhing as I haven't said anything to you out loud. Things like that happen all the time it feel like incan have full blown conversations in my head with someone except they're responding out loud and I'm not. Has anyone experienced this?

I am a Christian and OCD is coming at me currently about my faith. I am not perfect and no one is. I get that but I keep getting the thought of “if you have sex outside of marriage again you’re going to hell, you will melt down and you’re going to be alone” I think I can just keep from doing it until I get married but I am 35 single mom of 2 and that could never happen or be forever so I start freaking out about that.

I have this persistent feeling inside that everything feels fake (almost like everything is a lie), the media, politics, war, just day to day life. Sometimes I stop to look around and feel like I am alone in some way. Why do I feel like everything is an illusion or a lie? Im getting these constant thoughts and feelings that there is more than what meets the eye about reality. Has anyone else ever been through this?

Being trans is such a normal thing these days that I feel like I'm just in denial. There's no good reason not to transition other than that I "think" I like being a guy more than I would a girl. I feel like there are so many signs throughout my life, and that I'm just using a disorder as an excuse