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I have no one to help me anymore, I wish I were dead. I hate being alive.

I feel like i deserve a head full of pain because I’ve been so toxic and I’ve done things I’ve never been held accountable for so it feels like my punishment that I deserve

at a young age i was diagnosed w anxiety and ocd. i was on antidepressants, and eventually got off them and quit therapy. i recently started again, and my ocd has been insanely bad and anxiety has fired up a lot too. however i can’t shake the feeling something else is wrong with me. i feel like i feel emotions more than anyone else does. i feel so not normal. i think i might be crazy. i wonder if i’m bipolar or have bpd, like genuinely. but then i think, is this just my anxiety and ocd making me think i have this? but sometimes i genuinely really want to be evaluated. it’s like am i just looking for something to be diagnosed with? but i feel like anxiety and ocd shouldn’t make me feel ALL of this. so idk i’m kinda stuck. i feel like i’m making myself want to be diagnosed w something, but all i want is answers

is reading through posts to find someone to relate to in regards of a symptom a compulsion? i do that all of the time because i feel like an outcast even though i’m not diagnosed. i literally feel like i won’t get diagnosed, but instead i’m just using ocd as a way to deny who i really am. another thought i’ve been having is what if i have anxiety because i can’t act on it instead of because i’m scared i will act on it? i typically relate my feelings to all of this too and it feels like i want to everytime i think about it. however i’ve never done anything remotely harmful. i actually am staying with my sister for the week hoping it will help the thoughts and alleviate them since i’m more isolated. and no matter how much proof there is or how much i remind myself of who i was before this that i’m not this person, the urges and feeling like i genuinely want to i get when the thoughts come just overrides everything.

One of my first themes came back. I'm again really worried about developing schizophrenia. Everything about it terrifies me to my core. No one in my family has it so I know the chances of me getting it are really low but... I once read that the first symptom someone noticed was they thought bugs were crawling all over their body and now every time I think about this I get itchy and I'm so afraid this might be the start... I don't know how to help myself in this situation. Im so so so scared

Hello I’m new to this app. I haven’t been given a diagnosis of ocd but I feel like whether it be from my other problems it seems like I have the same struggles in a sense. I have depression and adhd and I struggle a lot with anxiety but I haven’t been diagnosed with any specific anxiety disorder. I just wanted to give a little context. Now time for the real questions It feels like I constantly struggle with not knowing how I’m supposed to feel. Which is strange because that implies there is a correct way to feel but it feels like my brain tries to convince me that how I’m feeling isn’t correct Another thing I often struggle with things feeling meaningless and I try to push this thought away but I can’t. It just makes everything feel empty

I can’t shake this , I don’t know what it is. i struggle with derealzation terribly and it’s been being triggered by my boyfriend , I don’t know what it is and it scares me so much, he’s my favorite person and my mind keeps telling me “ he don’t exist” or I can’t recognize him. It started last night because my mind starting make all these fears and I just have never felt this bad .. I really would like some words or help if anybody can relate or share ?🥺

This weekend i was in a funeral, a 21 year old guy lost his battle with cancer, the sad thing was that 1 and a half month ago he was okay. It just happened so quickly. I wasnt friends with him, i knew him, but i went to the funeral cause he was almost the same age as me( im 23). So i noticed since then im really afraid of dying young. I know the common answer is "well everybody is, that's normal" i dont want to make it a normal thing in my life. When people are dealing with this im really angry about how others react to this. You always get "well you have to accept it, you can die anytime, its part of life" which is somewhat true but you wont help the other person with this, for me personally this makes me spin more and im more desperate cause its like im forced to accept i will die at a young age. I dont say it cant happen but i know those who experieced this fear understand what im saying. This "accept that you might die a young age" is really an ignorant answer and then they come with "youre not ready for life, life is tough" and all that, well maybe you just dont know how to talk with someones heart... I went to reddit to read about christians having this fear and there were a bunch of "this is normal, everyone fears" and "you might not be saved" which is a bullcrap, but there was 1 answer that actually opened my eyey which said that its not that we are afraid of death or dying young, we are afraid of missing out of life. And then i realized, yes im not afraid of dying, im afraid of not experiencing life, not having a girlfriend, a wife, kids,grandkinds, and have experiences(if you want to say "well not everyone gets that" please leave it for yourself, im not interested on that) I realized im 23, i never had a gf and if i think about dying young and i wont experience these things, i really get angry. And it got to a point where its really bad cause when i get something, then im afraid i will lose it or i will die and i wont be able to ebkoy it. There were times when i was thinking about my future, that i have a gf or wife and i just get this fear that i will die after that, i wont be able to enjoy it, and it just really takes the joy away. Even with my dog, i wanted a dog but since i got him many times im worrying about losing him or leaving him. Yeah im really struggling with this missing out of life, i hope someone can help how to work on this. Maybe im a little afraid of death too, but many times i feel like im not, but this really opened my eyes that this fear of dying young isnt about death, its more about missing out of life.

Coming from someone in their 20somethings, I can say that transitioning into adulthood has been the most challenging thing on my mental health. I find more often than not, my brain is racing about 94 different thoughts, worries, responsibilities ext. and trying to find the meaning behind all of them.

How can I go back to my studying. I'm having a one month break from classes to self study what I've left behind. It's already in the 2nd week of the month and I haven't done any studies. My OCD had been so hard lately. I don't have interest in my future anymore ( even though my future isn't in a state that I should be staying like this right now). How do you guys manage to study with OCD happening. How should I put myself to study

One of my most severe ocd subgroups is dea()h (I can’t type it). If an image of someone who is de()d comes to mind I have to do compulsions to get rid of it. This of course all stems from the fear of dy()ng and I have this irrational fear that if I do anything at all, including breathing, with those images in my mind or actual images in front of me (like a picture or on tv) it would lead me to possibly have a higher chance of d()ing or earlier. I was wondering if anyone struggles with a similar issue, and if there was something you tell or convince yourself to help alleviate it. I had a really bad episode tonight where it was just constant image after image and I’m exhausted. Thank you!

I feel like my body and mind are just so tired of being stuck in these same mental loops of torment with OCD and don’t know how to do anything else. I feel exhausted from not being able to cure myself out of these thoughts and self-destructive habits and that I’m not going to make it out of them because I’ve been tied down to this illness for so long. I wish things could have been different growing up and I took care of myself better so I wouldn’t have gotten so negative and loved myself more so these thoughts wouldn’t be so potent. I’ve had OCD most of my life, and I just don’t get how other people can live their lives normally and not suffer so heavily. I get really mad knowing I’m stuck in this vicious cycle and other people can enjoy life so easily. And now the summer is coming and it’s when I get the most depressed and feel so helpless from sadness, and my OCD has only just gotten worse. I feel like I just don’t have the energy to take care of myself anymore, and hate how anxious I am about actually telling people what’s going on with me in fear of judgment and not accepting me, so I just go along with self-sabotaging habits. I’m also afraid that nobody is going to want to help me. This only makes things worse, and it’s really hard for me to be happy. I just don’t know how to cope anymore. It makes it so hard to function as a human since I’ve been struggling for so long. I feel so disconnected from God because of this illness, and it only makes me more upset with myself for lack of effort and feel depressed. Please if someone is struggling with something similar or has advice, reach out ❤️

Anyone else feel like they will never be understood in a relationship? Like I want to get to know other people but its like I feel like I am boring and my ocd just makes my life a living hell currently. No motivation to do nothing even though I have alot to do and literally having no purpose in life.Like I literally dont feel like I have ever enjoyed any of my life because it feels like I am not real or I am like a shadow in my own body? Its frustrating because my last relationship was horibbly toxic and the guy I was with was horrible and I broke things off after years of abuse and I have currently been having a hard time not to reach out to him after no contact for 3 months.I feel immense guilt like I was mean to him even though he cheated on me and a part of me says I deserve to go back to the abuse. And I feel like maybe I am punishing myself because my faith in God is not the strongest Ive stopped praying and I dont read the bible consistently becayse I get very overwhelmed because I want to make sure I am doing bible study correctly or ill be punished. (sorry for the spelling mistakes)

So this morning I woke up to the grim reaper for about two seconds then I went back to sleep. I don't know if it was a thought image or actually standing there. The thing is I can't really how it look or happen but I know it happen. Is this common with ocd

reposting to see if I can get replies. putting a TW in case this triggers someone with SOCD. please please refrain from reading because I’m scared to trigger more people. I just want to share my thoughts bc I’m feeling guilt right now. ——— so there was this guy who posted on here a week ago I think. he wanted to know about other bisexual people’s thoughts on his question if his attraction to the opposite sex was ‘aesthetic’ or not. he shared his experiences. I put my response in and tried my best. eventually, I reply a few days later w/ my honest (since I was confused at first) answer & he replied days later as well. he said my answer was great & that he was just freaking out at the time asking the question & was secure with his sexuality. I was glad to know & I believe I added more to my reply in hopes of making him feel better but I think I might’ve triggered his OCD. I said somewhere along the lines of that “it’s okay to feel lost/confused/worried about [our] sexuality” because it’s “normal.” and that we are still learning about ourselves and “our thoughts right now could change in the future” & that it is okay. ‼️‼️again, please PLEASE do not continue reading as I feel like this might be triggering to SOCD. ‼️‼️ I was just going by what some people have said online (I can’t remember correctly but I know someone said this) because of their own experience. they said that there are older people who find out they’re gay/straight/etc later in life. like how people think they’re ____ and then find out years later they’re really ____. it was somewhere along the lines where us finding out about our sexuality can be a roller coaster and that it was fine not to know at the moment. as a kid, I thought I was straight and then looked back at some stuff I did that made me question. then had like a year where I obsessed dating the same sex. two years pass and I date the same sex but ends badly. I feel like it could have been OCD that ruined it for me and just my feelings at the time. I’m not diagnosed so don’t think I do but share similar or same thoughts as others. now I’m worried I’m straight and have been faking liking the same sex. I don’t see myself dating the same sex again. I have much much stronger feelings towards the opposite sex. anyway, that guy said that when he’s confident again about his sexuality, it feels like someone comes in and says that “feelings/thoughts can change in the future” and makes him doubt his sexuality again. he also mentioned that when he talks about his worries, people think he’s “confused” but I don’t think that. I fully believe he’s bisexual but didn’t say he was because we were talking about attraction. I felt like if I said “yeah, you’re bisexual, dw” I would have reassured him and that’s not okay to do with a person with OCD. now I feel terrible for having triggered him. it wasn’t my intention to. because of that, I have pretty much refrained quite a bit from replying to other posts because I’m scared of hurting another person. I am currently obsessing over the thought of checking up on him and apologizing a lot for making him feel bad. I feel like a villain. I was just trying to help. I feel like I can’t speak because my stupid self always can’t word things right. I feel like I can’t help people now because what if I hurt them? why am I not good enough…. now I feel like I’m just self-victimizing and acting like a bitch. I don’t know if I should just suppress my feelings and suck it up because I feel like I shouldn’t be acting like a crybaby. like, like, like…….feel, feel, feel……too many words…..I’m sorry for the disgusting repetition…. I just feel ashamed. and what if I’m wrong about everything? what if those people or person didn’t say that I think they said? what if I’m just trying to justify my wrongdoing? I don’t know anymore

But thanks to doing ERP, I feel like OCD is barely a part of my life now. It's crazy because I have had maladaptive perfectionism for essentially my whole life, and I developed tics that were probably OCD-related at a young age. I've had a variety of themes (mental contamination, existentialism, symmetry, gender, etc.), with the most recurring one being the "just right" subtype. Even though the thoughts still come, I no longer give into the compulsions. Sometimes, I think "oh no, I erased and rewrote a word just now - isn't that giving into a compulsion?" and then I just accept that I can't really know and go on with my life. As long as you're willing to commit to truly exposing yourself to your triggers, to sitting with uncertainty or imperfection, OCD doesn't have to be your destiny. I really never imagined I could get to a point where, for instance, I could write a post like this one in 10 minutes, rather than 3+ hours of googling synonyms of every word, reading it over and over again, checking how I felt about it, and ultimately deleting it (feeling that pressure in my head and body all the while, that feeling of things not being quite right). It's honestly hard to remember how bad it really was. Life isn't perfect, but it's alright. I'm finally letting myself just... do the things. To anyone in the throes of OCD who is currently reading this, you don't have to believe me. I certainly wouln't have when I was in your position. You just need to commit to doing the exposures (and to not doing the rituals), as much as you can, even - and especially - imperfectly. And maybe one day, you'll realize that the thoughts aren't quite as anxiety-inducing as they once were, and the urge to do your compulsions is not quite so strong, and now you have time to do some of the things that you wish you could before.

Because of the thoughts or mentally exhaustion, and got over it?

I would like to get an answer for this cause i want to know why this keeps happening. I compare myself with others cause i dont see others having the same problem. When they have a setback its usually because of a hard day or a big trigger, however for me its just forgetting what i have to do. A month ago i was really good, i dont say i didnt had setbacks but i saw that im going somewhere, you know the setbacks were weaker and weaker, and one day i just someone understood how emotions and thoughts works and i was able to enjoy my day while i had thoughts and emotions, but it didnt affected me. Then i was like this is so good, but im afraid i will just forget it like everytime and believe me or not, the moment i said it i felt that im slowly losing what i learned and after some time i didnt know what to do with the thoughts and emotions when before i realized it and i was living my life like that. And then i was unable to do the same thing, it was like my brain deleted it. It really feels like theres something wrong with my mind, how it foegets just like that what i did before? And now after 1 month im still struggling, the videos that used to help me and made me realize what i need to do doesnt help me, its like im watching nothing, my mind doesnt realizez this video made me understand what i need to do before, now it doesnt make me do anything. And im keep falling back to the point that my panic attacks are back, and it makes me feel so bad cause it means i did nothing, after all this work it got back and im still dont know how to deal with it. Im feeling like how i felt 2-3 years ago, like these years were nothing. Im really afraid that sometime i will get the night panic attacks again when i will be afraid that i will hurt myself or be afraid of i will unalive myself... It doesnt seems like im learning something. Look st my other posts, it seemd like im so close to recovery and im learning alot, but now if i read those i cant relate to those... its like a different person and it doesnt started slowly, like i engaged in unhealthy behaviours, it all started when i thought "i hope i wont forget this" and then i actually forgot what i learned... just like that... and now im again questioning acceptance, what to do with my emotions when i understood that and i was working on it. Im sitting in bed and i try to remember what i did when i get these bad emotions and all i can remember is when people say "you have to let yourself feel the feelings" and im letting myself but all i do is im drowning in them. After anxiety it comes anger then anxiety again and then im depressed and hopeless and then panic comes... i dont get why letting these to come helps me, it makes me drown and become depressed which will only send me to a therapist who will say accept it too... It doesnt make me learn anything it just drowns me, i dont get this acceptance and letting myself feel bad... Im just letting negative emotions take over me without trying to stop it cause now im accepting it...and it doesnt makes me realize anything.

I’ve suffered with OCD to some extent most of my life—rituals, counting, religious themes, etc. After some bad episodes of family abuse + a bad breakup + work toxicity, I developed some pretty bad OCD-related anxiety. I went through a few very bad panic attacks, and became badly depersonalized/dissacotiated. My obsessions and panic began to focus on my bodily sensations—like vertigo/dizziness, worry about floating into the sky forever, the ground falling, the ground disappearing, the ground warping/rotating, etc. I’ve been applying the 4-Step process by Jeffrey Schwartz, and it’s been very very helpful in snapping back to reality and preventing anxiety/panic cycles. So I got his book—Brain Lock. In the preface he talks about a woman who seemingly recovered after 25 years, but still has these thoughts. My question is: Will I be stuck like this forever? The very nature of my thoughts make it very difficult to live happily. I felt discouraged reading that, because it feels like I’ll always have these thoughts and be doomed to undergoing this anxiety/OCD cycle forever. Is there any hope?

I just woke up from a disturbing dream. Here’s what happened in the dream: my family member wakes up from an odd dream, then asks me to look it up. I look it up, then a bunch of LGBTQ+ flags and labels come up. The family member’s dream wasn’t specifically about me, but what if that was some weird sign that I’m not straight? I’m really scared that I’m not straight because yesterday, I was worried about not being straight. I’m not homophobic, just to be clear I just want to be straight. I’ve been straight my whole life, but I’ve always wondered if I am attracted to girls romantically. I know that I’m attracted to them sexually because when I used to watch porn, I would mostly look up girls, but I’m not romantically attracted to them. And I’ve never been attracted to women in person. That dream made me highly uncomfortable because I’ve never thought of myself as anything other than straight because I know that i wouldn’t take a girl serious. Please help, my anxiety is through the roof right now, but also be honest