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Its my birthday but im not celebrating😔 why celebrate when things just keep getting worse for me im not happy at all😐

Is this an OCD thing: just the general sense of worry or dread something bad may happen in the future? For example: planning a trip, and the thought "you could die by then!" Or something similar but related to loved ones?

Anyone else get stuck with shitty religion teachers or pastors that tried to convert people with fear in the past? I got stuck with that as a kid and still can't shake the existential dread and angst, and its been over seven years. I get into a panic and all the hard work that I have dont to improve myself and my knowledge of spirituality and religion goes right out the windo and I am stuck in a bout of dread, rumination, and physical discomfort.

idk if this is even ocd related, or if anyone relates, but im so sad about growing up. im gonna be twenty in 2 years. its not even a regular sad. i get like nauseous and a pain in my chest like when ur HEARTBROKEN. i cant think about my upbringing and especially my teenage years, and what i wasted, or time and memories i will not get back. I always get sad how I’ll never be 14,15,,16, again(this also makes my pocd act up but anyways lol). realizing I’ll never be able to experience an era of my life ever again really is gut wrenching to me. I can’t think about it too long or I’ll cry and feel really depressed. how do I feel better about this?? help??!

I saw a video where a kid was trick or treating and the dude filming opened the door and pulled out a knife on him and said “get away from here. quick.” and it was in response to a trend asking users to quote the tweet with the funniest videos that live in their head rent free. I laughed and thought it was funny because it was so random, but then I saw the comments like “that was so disturbing, what’s wrong with everyone who’s laughing at this?” and I totally agree. I feel horrible for laughing. It was just so random and it was posted in the context of being something funny. I wouldn’t ever condone doing that in real life, but with the internet it feels like a barrier and honestly I’m so desensitized to seeing stuff like that. I want to completely get off the internet because in reality that WAS disturbing and completely fvckd up and I wouldn’t be laughing if someone did that to my niece. I feel horrible. Am I horrible person? I don’t even want to think about it anymore. I deadass just don’t want to be here tbh and I don’t think anybody cares if I am here anyways so ✌🏽

Sometimes it feels like I am not inside my body. Almost like I have no control. When I feel this way, it makes the thoughts/urges so much scarier. Any tips or advice? I feel very alone with this one.

i know compulsions are not helpful on the long run. but they can help to give certainty and a bit of peace for the moment. i usually imagine scenarios and check how i feel about them. has anyone experienced that sometimes this does not make you feel certain and safe, but somehow confirms what ocd is telling you, e.g. after imagining a scenario it feels like you could actually want it? so compulsions sometimes don’t even help on the short term and i feel the need to ruminate more and more to come to the solution i want

Ever since I was a teen I wondered what my purpose in life is. I constantly wonder when my next long term relationship would end and mentally prepare myself for it so I don’t feel as lost and to have my own closure. No one’s ever proud of me. I don’t understand complexity. I need constant reassurance. I need to check and double check and triple check everything I touch for 5 seconds, especially if I’m locking it. I need to check and be reassured that the dog is in the house. I need to know everything that’s going on, and if there’s a change in plans then count me out. If I park a car I have to pull on locked door handles and make sure the gear shift is in park. I constantly google to try and make sense of my mind and feel somewhat normal or fit in somewhere, but normal is a dream. When I shower I must wash my body and then my hair and then my body again or else I’m not clean because my hair would be dirty from my body or my body would be dirty from my hair, there’s no medium. I cry because I just want to be normal. I’m tired.. Thanks for reading.

Today is my birthday. A round number. I am alone with my 3 cats. One of them also has birthday today. I am waiting for my husband to come home from quite far away. I have been feeling anxious, worried, sad weeks before this birthday. I have been regretting thing from the past, all the years wasted on OCD and because of OCD. It is horrifying when you realize that half of your life is definitely over and you can barely remember years without OCD. I have been feeling so low that I was thinking of calling my psychiatrist and ask for help. I was scared I might do sth I don't really want to, but was devastated. I managed to get through pre birthday days. Now, I feel so terribly lonely. I have lost my family and relatives as a child because of OCD. Had to run away to save my life. I moved across the country almost two years ago. I have met some people. I got burnt every single times. I was a true friend to 3 women. One of them turned out to be either bipolar or a psycho. The second one with the biggest ego in the world. She would boss around and take advantage even of God him/herself. The third one I lost as a friend yesterday. I have known her for 8 months. I have been by her side through hell and back. She treated me as if I were worth less than all other people in her life. Yesterday I told her how bad she makes me feel, and she got angry and broke up our "friendship". I had often gotten into an argument with my husband over her. He saw through her immediately. He couldn't stand by and look how she manipulated with me. I don't know how to stand up for myself. When I do somehow, I get attacked and thrown away. So today I have been feeling so lonely I can't even describe how lonely. Instead of celebrating, I am alone, nobody except two old acquaintances from far away remembered it's my birthday. I feel worthless. I am driving myself nuts going through all that has ever happened to me over and over again. I still have a few hours till my husband arrives. I was hoping someone here could talk to me,say or post sth funny,... I would appreciate it. It would help me feel less lonely. I hope you are all well and are enjoying such a beautiful sunny day as it is here. I don't know what I would do without the NOCD community. You people here are life saviors. Love to you all guys. All the vest.

Today I was watching inside a well and while watching that well I had a thought what if I jump into it and now My mind is convincing me what if I am dead and all the things I am seeing are actually after death dream like how can I come out of this illogical thoughts, I mean any helps? I am in super panic state right now and my false memory is trying to convince me that I actually jumped into the well 😭😭

Lately my ocd has shown back up big time. I’m coming close to the end of my pregnancy and my hormones typically really affect it. Currently living in the existential/ harm themes and fear of developing psychosis and going to hurt my loved ones! Questioning if things are real too which then makes me even more anxious because I think I’m slipping into psychosis! Anyone else experience this? Just not the headspace I want to be in before birth

Hi all! I am asking for ‚reassurance‘ and in this case I think it’s ok - and also, If anybody else experienced this. I am in therapy for 1,5 years now with this psychoanalysis therapist. She is great at what she does, but not for my OCD. Last year it got so bad and I went to the hospital for 2 months cause my ocd just flared up so badly. She helped me with my trauma a lot (father sa‘d me for years and only with her I remembered with flashbacks). Though she sees each ocd thought with direct correlation to my trauma. Which def could be the case, but it did not help me one bit. In fact, I am where I was now one year later contemplating if I shall go to the mental hospital again. The fact that there is a ‚reason‘ implied for each obsessive thought that pops my mind (e.g. cheating thought when looking at my fiancé is creating distance because I project my fathers relationship into my fiancé and then i get scared) - could be, but how does it help me? Or the fact that she says my ocd flares up when I’m angry cause I get thrown into that child-like anger from when my father abused me, which but I don’t even remember how I felt (which is great, it’s dissociation‘s purpose).how does it help me though?! I know that it actually worsened my condition cause now I realize I was ruminating all fuxking day long about the associative meaning of that stupid thought. Until yesterday I hurt myself again cause I was very close to giving up (dramatic I know, but it’s how it felt yesterday). Why did it take me so long to let her go? I wrote an email this morning to her saying that I want to change therapy style and that I want to talk about it with her… it got so bad I was questioning my reality yesterday … like 100% didn’t know what was real… Did any of you have a similar experience ? And do any of you have a good tip now to get out of this cycle myself? Thank you!!!

I’m so tired of this. Life shouldn’t be like this and I think I’m just at my breaking point. I just want to live a normal life and be happy but I guess you can’t get everything you hope for. I pray every night for God to just take me. I want to live but not like this.

I’m going through what is hopefully just a really bad hypochondria episode where I’ve convinced myself I have schizophrenia. It’s been about 8 months and I’ve been through a range of crazy symptoms but the most prevalent symptom is getting crazy delusional thoughts like “what if my wife is a demon and trying to get to me” “what if nobody is real and these are all monsters/demons out to get me” etc etc. the thoughts are absolutely terrifying and they make me look at people differently, and i have to question myself whether I truly believe the thoughts or not, they feel so real, when they come on I almost catch myself genuinely feeling paranoid that they are 100% real and having a panic attack, but then the tiny bit of me that’s still rational brings me back to reality. And from then on I have to question myself all day “do I really believe this?” “Well you technically can’t disprove those things” “if it’s not real, then why does it FEEL real?” “This really is schizophrenia” “ what if it’s not schizophrenia but ACTUALLY real?” “who do I go to for help?” “What if I can’t trust anyone” and the scariest of them all…”why would a see a doctor if this is all real” etc, it’s literally hell. I can never give a satisfying “No, I don’t believe this” to these thoughts. I can go days and weeks and be able to confidently shrug them off and tell how ridiculous they are only for them to come back with a vengeance the next day. I could really use some reassurance even though I know it’s bad. I have never been like this before until I started obsessing over schizophrenia. I’ve been like this for 8 months now.

I hate that ocd not only latches onto people/things you love. But I hate how easily triggered it can make you and compare yourself to actual scary/bad people. TikTok has been such a big trigger of mine because I keep seeing crime cases, people harming people/younger ppl, and my most recent trigger someone potentially harming their pet. When I see all these things my brain tries to make connections to my past actions/things I said/ etc to try to find connections to how I’m also bad like them and I should just end it all before I truly end up evil. It scares me I don’t want to be an evil person or bad or worse things. I’m not like those people but my brain says other wise. How do I combat this? I can’t stop thinking about my latest trigger because I feel like it’s an old theme resurfacing and I’m so scared-please advice? Explanations? Why does this disorder exist?

So I was given fluoxetine for my OCD and I'm worried because you know I'm a Christian and I do believe one day God can heal me but what do I do with my meds my mental health doctor prescribed it to me I was wondering should I keep taking it many say I shouldn't because it is too much serotonin and it doesn't help like natural serotonin and now I'm worried

Good morning everyone. I struggle with uncertainty in general and am looking for mantras or ways to respond to anxiety when I feel like I need to know the answer right now. Sometimes the sense of urgency can make it hard to focus on other things aside from the thoughts so I will often engage in a form of reassurance seeking. Going to be starting NOCD therapy this week!

i have severe existential ocd and get plagued with existential thoughts especially when i’m stressed. I have exams this week for finals and all i can think about is the existential thoughts and it’s causing me immense distress. i’m crying 24/7 and having multiple panic attacks a day. i don’t know what to do? does anyone have any advice?( please be gentle)

I don't understand what changed, it feels like I genuinely want what my thoughts are telling me to the point anytime I feel disgusted, disturbed, and or scared. It feels like I'm lying to myself, I'm so scared right now. Once before, this was the last thing I wanted to do to the point I swore I'd take my own life and now it feels like a complete 360. I don't know who I am anymore or of this is what I want, please, I just want someone to talk to or advice.

Hi. My name is Alec. I've had this app for a year, maybe less, but never used it really. I don't know why, if it's a lack of motivation, or confusion about myself. Maybe a lot of things, piling on top of each other, day in, day out. I've had no platform comfortable sharing things with, no real community to try and be a part of, because I couldn't take the first step. I'm shooting a light into a dark night here and I don't know where this is going but here I am. I don't know what medical issues I've had, and my whole life it feels like whatevers been going on with me has been swept under the rug or categorized as just another part of autism. I may be on the spectrum with aspergers, diagnosed, but it always felt like there was something else, like these people just generalize my brain into something easy to work with. Well it's not. My brain has periodic attraction to minors, but that's being nice for the sake of it. They're kids. KIDS. And any time I've wanted to come out and get some help, maybe float the idea of someone coming out to people with that issue, I always hear the same response. Commit suicide, people like that deserve death. "If you in any way are attracted to kids, there is no excuse, people like that should be;" shot, stabbed, raped, etc. So I never have seeked anything or anyone out for help, and just sat in my own disgust and lust that I've grown numb to it. I think my brain obsessively targets a mindset to make myself feel less bad about drawn porn of the content, because that's all it's been, growing numb to sickening ideas and maybe even normalizing it. You can never be as mad at me or anything as I am, because I have to deal with these thoughts just about every day. I don't know if it's much better, but I don't look up CP. While I can't help these strange obsessive attractions, I've put so much energy directing it into fictional porn, specifically the drawn stuff, just so I couldn't be tempted in real life, and seems to be working so far, but if I can snuff out this issue for good, I don't know how I'd feel, but I hope relieved. That's simply a smaller chapter in my life, despite its vulgarity, so still be aware that I am being vulnerably open right now to a bunch of strangers that may not want to see this. I dont know. I really don't. There has been no option for me that I could find, and I'm already past the option for suicide, so I'm just crossing fingers that maybe some answer will come to because who can afford a therapist when they have no money, and listen to the comments of an ultimatum for various problems probably associated with a mental issue is murder or some twisted version of justice? I simply just want to figure out what's wrong with me, and maybe even fix all of my mental problems and blocks, despite this being an app for a target group of people. Maybe this is my root, who knows. But thank you anyways.