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Like I want to know this cause I have guilt, anxiety, sadness and all of these feelings more than the other feelings. So what is considered as happiness in this recovery process?

I have recently started suffering from the thought that when we die we just start our life over again and therefore do all the same things again and again and again. Recently my mind keeps telling me that anything I do I’ve already done and it is really familiar to me, like dejavu I suppose. But this is constant to the point I can’t function properly- it all started after an awful weed trip where I thought I died and the same event kept happening over and over and over again. Has anyone else experienced this or know of a way of moving past this?

When I enter a department store or a clothing shop and it's music playing my OCD very often is kicked off starting to follow the music, my compulsions starts repeating the suicidal content over and over again- I so much with to kill my self, again ana again- and in addition I am often in the store because I am uncomfortable with what I am wearing so in the end as I escape to the changing room I feel totally worn out, and sit down sweating and the suicidal rhythm can then follow me for the next hours, even days. It feels like I am so strange with this, but its been like this so many years- the more upbeat the music the more intense is the unwanted thoughts , I am absolutely not suicidal- so to listen every day to thoughts that says" I so much want to kill my self, go kill yourself, so much want to be shot" and so on and so on, it's terribly exhausting . Thank you a million times for this app.

Hi everyone! The holidays have been triggering for me (unhealthy food, feeling alone in my pain when I’m with my happy family, hoping I would be better by the end of the year). I started having intrusive thoughts about depression getting worse, etc., which led into the thought of “do people really care, or are they showing they care to make themselves feel better?” which led to more existentialism of “are we all just chemical reactions of feeling bad/good, and not really connected spiritually?” My thought in return to soothe is “no one knows” and “your mind is separate from your brain,” and “you start with an intention, which leads into an emotion.” But this ocd thought is making me feel more alone, since whenever I look to people for support, it makes me feel alone. “Do they really care, or do they feel bad and want to feel better by offering me support?” I hope I don’t trigger this thought in anyone, but I also need to know if anyone has had this intrusive thought and how they got through it. ❤️

Jesus Christ bled and died on a cross, offering you and me an option. A gift. Forgiveness, reconciliation with God and eternal life. You and I don’t have to accept Christ. We don’t have to respond to His love positively. We can be apathetic, and ignore Him and even outright reject Him. Or we can choose to trust in Him. I’m asking you , isn’t it time for you to move beyond alternative options?—to Christ? Because there are really big problems with every one of those options. Isn’t it time to put your trust and your faith in Jesus Christ? Because the evidence is He really does love you. He really is a good God. Give Him a chance. Read the Gospels. Examine Him carefully. And then based on the evidence of His trustworthiness put your faith in Him. God bless you as you make this most important decision.

I am currently going through really bad OCD and paranoia thoughts that are taking over my life. I am obsessing over thoughts and that everyone is out to hurt me and get me even friends and that people are trying to ruin my relationship and hurt me. I feel like people I know are stalking me and have motives to ruin my life. Even if someone texts me I feel as though it’s because they’re talking about me to other people and everyone has bad things to say about me and that I’m a horrible person that deserves bad things. I tried therapy for awhile and the therapist believes I catastrophize everything, which is true. I obsess over past events to the point where I feel like the most horrible person in the world that doesn’t deserve to live or have friends. I always feel as though people are going to ruin my relationship with my boyfriend so I can never be happy around him cause I’m always fearing the worst or that he will find a reason to leave me too. Anytime things go wrong for me I feel as tho it’s because the people above and the universe think I deserve to be miserable too and that they do it to me on purpose. I need reassurance from everything and everyone and when I don’t get it I feel as though it’s because I’m a horrible person and the universe knows it and doesn’t want me to be happy. I need reassurance and just never get it. I just want to know that people feel this way too so I can just feel a bit more normal and relax a little . I have exams in a few weeks and I can’t study or anything because obsessive thoughts have taken over my life I’m afraid to leave the house or talk to people or do anything I just sit and obsess about every single “what if” thought. I just want people to tell me that everything is okay and I never feel like it is okay. Can anyone just advise me or help me calm down or have any advice that helps them get through the days? Thank you .

So I'm afraid of everything. I often have panic attacks daily sometimes multiple times a day. I was diagnosed with illness anxiety but my therapist refuses to acknowledge that it is OCD. Obsessive thoughts about getting sick and dying. Obsessive thoughts and fears that are so severe its turned unto thantophobia. Even dying my hair at home now which I've done for over a decade is sending me spiraling and making me think I'm going to die. Dr Google and I have a really toxic relationship and I'm just so tired of feeling misunderstood and misdiagnosed. Repetitively checking my heartbeat, symptoms, finger tips...focusing on my breathing sends me into panic too. I'm also extremely superstitious and it's caused fights between me and my loved ones. As well as pattern recognition makes me feel like something bad is going to happen. I'm just over this. I want to get better.

I had a panic attack last Friday and I've been feeling derealization since. This is not new for me. I've had DR feelings ranging from "what if everyone else is fake? What if it's all a dream? Or a hallucination? How do I know if my thoughts are my own? What even is autopilot if I'm on autopilot? Are good and evil made up concepts? What is our inner voice? How can we see things in our memories?" Now my mind has decided to try this on for size: "what if I'm making everything up? People and all? What if the things I read in articles or even on here are things I've made up just to reassure myself?" Someone replies "I've felt this before" I'll be like "of course you have because I'm making this all up." And that freaks me out. I have been challenging the thoughts like I am supposed to with "okay, sure fine. So you made it all up. Does that mean you can enjoy it? What if the opposite is true? How can you be so sure it's not? And if you did make it all up, why is it bothering you so much?" I also am trying to say that I felt fine Thursday, and I haven't had a panic attack/episode like this since last October (2022) and my brain says "yea but what if that's because you made it up?" And then the panic restarts.

I can’t stop returning to actualized.org (Spiritual forum) I’ve been trying so hard to convince myself that this place is a cult for years, but my brain won’t stop latching onto the ideology that is constantly spread there about solipsism being the absolute truth. I’ve gotten stuck to death on so many things related to spirituality/new age/non duality shit for years, but this shit VASTLY takes the cake no contest. Panic, fear, confusion, dp/dr, never being able to trust my senses, never being able to function, always ruminating, fear of other people being illusory, fear of reality in general being an utter lie/delusion/fiction/hallucination/dream as so many of these fucking websites/accounts/channels constantly proselytize and assert as being the absolute fucking ultimate truth. There being no self, no other, no biology, time, space matter. Consciousness simply pretending/imagining that reality even exists. Oneness, individuality being a literal delusion. None of this is actually happening, other people being figments of consciousness. Pure fucking agony. I feel endlessly isolated damn near 24/7/365 because of all this shit. I abhor every fucking spiritual teacher. I hate the internet. I hate my brain. I hate everything. Fuck Leo Gura. Fuck teal swan. Fuck Rupert spira. Fuck mooji. Fuck Adyashanti. Fuck YouTube. Fuck google. Fuck Reddit. Fuck open individualism. Fuck all philosophy. It is so fucking hard for me to not feel like suicide is the only way out of this shit. I am shaking. It doesn’t matter how much effort I put into staying way from such shit online or in books, it doesn’t matter. Fuck the miserable pointless delusion called life.

Does anyone ever think they’re doing good and than life gets incredibly stressful and their OCD kind of gets out of control? The last year I’ve done really good with keeping my OCD in check. Of course it never fully goes away but I manage my intrusive thoughts well and have felt pretty good but life has gotten really stressful for my fiancé and I and things with my kids has also been stressful and for the past two weeks I feel like I’m losing my mind all over again. I have panic attacks and problems sleeping. I watched a scary movie with my fiancé which I usually love to do but now I’m stressed and anxious thinking I could be a schizophrenic and that I’m losing my mind and am gonna go crazy. I know these thoughts are irrational but then there’s always that part of my brain that’s like “are you sure?!” Which makes me spiral all over again. Idk I just feel so defeated because things were good and now they’re not.

TW - religious and social issues I'm just venting. Besides, people won't understand, so I'm not asking anyone to read, but if you wish to I won't stop you. Don't try to understand too hard, because again, you probably won't. (Nobody has in the last few years) I just don't know what to do. Every time I bring up a few particular things I'm upset about -- things that are more than simply OCD (which is a pain to try to talk about when you have OCD) -- people try to disagree with me; and sure there's no problem in disagreement, but they bring it up every time I talk about it without fail and it's so frustrating, especially since they don't seem to understand why I'm really bringing it up or what I'm trying to say and they keep talking about it as if they understand. Then people are hypocrital about it, arguing against me, but when we aren't talking about it I hear them and others say all the time the exact same thing I'm upset about. It's so frustrating! And I don't really feel like they understand me or want to listen to me. It's gotten to the point that whenever I journal about it or pray about it or even just think about it, my mind automatically assumes the defensive position and makes my thought process be as if I was arguing about it and trying to explain what I'm saying, I guess because nobody listens. This has been an absolute nightmare, I can't find any way to explain it, and people don't seem to want to hear the explanation anyway, on top of the fact that these things are soul-crushingly depressing. On top of that, these are really obscure feelings and thoughts that I really feel like I'm the only one to have. (Nobody, not even others with OCD, have seemed to understand them.) The only solution I can really see is to just keep it to myself. I've learned more about it when I stopped talking to people than when I was. And hearing people suggest that "talking about your feelings is the right way to go" doesn't help. And I often feel like maybe I'm ALL WRONG about how I feel others are reacting, but every time I see the same pattern and then it just comes right back to me.

I feel like I’ve lost myself completely. I don’t know who I am or what I want anymore. This disorder is making me feel like I’ve lost everything.

So, everytime I have a spike, I have the exact same pattern: panic attack, followed by DPDR feelings, followed by depression and then it goes into a loop of anxiety, DPDR, and depression. I've had DR feelings ranging from "what if everyone else is fake? What if it's all a dream? Or a hallucination? How do I know if my thoughts are my own? What even is autopilot if I'm on autopilot? Are good and evil made up concepts? What is our inner voice? How can we see things in our memories?" Now my mind has decided to try this on for size: "what if I'm making everything up? People and all? What if the things I read in articles or even on here are things I've made up just to reassure myself?" Even typing this out is causing cold sweats, so I know it's just my OCD and anxiety, but OCD persists telling me that it's not. I'm exhausted. I'm worried if someone replies "I've felt this before" I'll be like "of course you have because I'm making this all up." And that freaks me out. It all does. I'm so upset.

I couldnt celebrate this Christmas fully, i wanted to really be thankful that Jesus came to this world to save us, yet i found myself questioning what was the purpose of that, cause i didnt know why, i started questioning whats the reason of all of this, why God made us if He knew that we will betray Him, why we have to suffer because of Adam and i felt angry because its unfair. I still didnt found the answer to this yet now i realized what can be behind this. Maybe its not that and after i deal with this feeling that its not fair we are here cause of Adam and Eve will still be here. But i know the problem is that i feel shame that its the part of me that i can betray God. That its in me to think that i can be better than God. We christians just normally say that we are sinful creatures and bad people but this just makes me have a really bad relationship with myself. When i try to understand something i always feel like im trying to be in Gods place, like im trying to be like Him. And this "we are bad and sinful" just makes me feel bad and i want to say its not true but thats the truth. And yeah Jesus died for us but that still makes me feel bad that im sinful, and then im angry cause i didnt choose this, noone did, i didnt choose to eat that fruit from the three... its just makes me feel that its unfair. I dont really understand the story of Adam and Eve.

Does anyone here struggle with faith? How do you manage it?

is this existential ocd? so basically i’ve had rlly bad moral ocd for a couple of months, and before that i had horrible health and harm related physical compulsions so bad i couldn’t sleep bc i couldn’t sleep in a certain position or i thought smth bad would happen to me. and i always had bad intrusive thoughts but nothing that haunted me as much as this. So my morals are rlly important to me and i consider myself a good person. But one intrusive thought said “since life is meaningless morals don’t exist they are just a made up concept.” I had severe panic attacks because of this and i felt like a horrible person. I couldn’t sleep and worry was on me constantly. I did mental compulsions like repeating, rumination, and some physical compulsions too. I also am doing a lot of avoidance bc this triggers me sm. I’m kinda worried i’ll start believing this even though logically ik it’s nonsense bc ofc morality exists but omf am i worried. i’m trying to not do any compulsions but pls anyone with advice?

I've been thinking about gender for the past 4 hours trying to define things and understand things and it has me going in circles. I'm afraid of being bigoted and hurting people's feelings. I'm afraid of turning into a horrible person just because all this gender stuff is complicated right now. Man and Woman have sort of lost their meaning but they also mean something to every individual and I can't describe it no matter how hard I try. I'd be relieved if we all ditched the binary terms but trans people still use man and woman and it gets really confusing because I don't know what that means to them and what it should mean to me, but I understand that gender is a spectrum and that it all doesn't matter but it does matter and I'm so confused. These two words floating around my head driving me crazy. I just want to understand things the right way. I still call myself a man, but I can't say that I am one. Nor am I a woman. I call myself non-binary because it's the only term that fits, but I'd like to identify as nothing at all. It helps me feel better seeing through my perspective as I am not a man nor a woman or anything. I understand that for other people it isn't a choice. Other people are women, are men, are non-binary, are both. For me I feel like I choose which to be, like a mask maybe. I am not comfortable in my own body and mind yet, so maybe I choose what to be, instead of just being. It's so much. I fully support trans people and who they identify as, but I cannot stop trying to define words that can't be defined without upsetting someone. I can't see the end of this. Does anyone have any insight? Or is this just one big OCD moment?

I just feel so down, my life has been awful since April , I have no sex drive anymore. I miss how simple this used to be and it hurts so much. I don’t know who I am anymore or what to feel.

So my biological father had a talk with me a couple hours ago. I’ve been trying to process it and honestly it’s not affecting me as much as I thought it would. Anyway so here’s what happened: he told me that I should be careful what I claim. (For context I told my bio parents that I had ocd and possibly schizophrenia due to some signs I’ve noticed) he thinks I’m making this up, to quote this bastard; “I don’t know what game you’re playing…” and he also said that I might’ve been influenced by social media and im attention seeking. In the car he also said that if word got out that I do have a mental illness then no one is going to want to work for me or want me on the road (now I’m not learning how to drive anytime soon, I’m 16 and was supposed to learn this summer because next year I’m going to college) but that’s not the worst of it. It’s the fact that he said I’m causing THEM problems by having mental problems and asking for help. Help that I really need because I have tried to take my life and cut myself a few times now. I’ve also resorted to drinking to numb the pain. But now I’m going to have to tell them that I am in fact fine and have no mental illness because even though I need help, I value my freedom to get away from them than I do getting help. He has told me to go to hell and that he doesn’t care about me multiple times and every time I knew he wasn’t lying when he said he wished this would happen but now there’s no denying it. He never cared and will never care. My bio mother lets this happen and tries to convince he he’s a good guy who does these things because he cares. Someone who cares about me wouldn’t do this. Both of them can go fuck themselves. Thank you for listening to my rant talk 😻🫶‼️

I have been going through a really hard time lately in regard to my existential ocd. Not only that but my health anxiety has been horrible. What I wanted to bring up to see if a conversation could be had was my derealization. I have been having severe random bouts of derealization that are genuinely starting to feel debilitating. The best way I can describe it is I get sick to my stomach when I think about life, being alive, I convince myself im in a dream, that im stuck in a time loop and nothing around me is real and that ive been making up my entire life. With this also comes the intense feeling that everything has already happened before, its like deja vu but almost worse. I will be in moments lately and every single thing feels like it already happened, then that spirals into me believing nothing is real and im stuck in some kind of dream. Everything feels familiar, everything had already happened, sometimes stuff feels so familiar it genuinely will make me start to throw up because im so scared. Can someone please have a discussion with me and just let me know if theyve felt this way, what I should do, and if itll ever get better? Im genuinely convinced life will feel this way forever and im never going to be okay with being alive again and it genuinely makes me feel insane and so terrified. Thank you.