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I have posted my feelings on reddit , nocd noone replied but ai replied instantly and was caring

So I recently got reacquainted with an old friend from high school. When we went to school together, we weren't the absolute closest but I was always very fond of him. I was really struggling with covid related illnesses and depression at the time and have always struggled with maintaining friendships, so I wasn't really all that close to anyone. However, out of everyone that I was friends with, I got along with him the most / he was my favorite person to talk to. Anyways, we started talking again, and it was all very easy. We pretty much fell into the same rhythm all over again. I'm worried about two different things. The first thing, before we started talking again, I was really convinced I had / would get a crush on him based on how he treated me in high school. It's not that I had a crush on a teenage version of him, but rather that I was more inclined to get a crush on him based on reflecting on things he did for me during our time in high school / imagined he was still just as kind as then but now also a mature adult. Back then, he threw me a surprise birthday party with my favorite foods, drew me, comforted me when teachers at the school made racist remarks, etc. I took all these memories and projected them onto an idealized adult version of him. Basically, I got a "crush" on an idea of him if that makes sense. I dont even know if I would fully consider it a crush; it felt more like I was expecting to get a crush on him if we reconnected. Anyway, now I'm worried I'm a weirdo and am actually just pretending that I didn't have a crush on teenage him as an adult. It feels extra worrisome because as far as I can remember I never felt romantically interested in him back in school. Again, I dont really think I had a crush on teenage him, I just created this idea of an older version of him based on the information I had, but Im still worried that I was somehow being weird. The second thing Im worried about is that Im pretty sure I actually ended up developing a real crush on him, and I can't tell if its because I was expecting to all those months ago. We've been talking online for a couple months now, not super often but just every now and then. A week ago, he invited me out to go to the local art museum since he'd been wanting to go and I had never been. I should clarify, prior to this outing, I had pretty much shut down any expectations about developing a crush on him and did not have one at the time. I got it in my head that I only knew this current version if him so well and any "crush" would just be an idealized version of him I was fabricating and nothing real. Anyways, we spend pretty much the whole day together, and it was genuinely the most fun I've had in ages. We joked a lot and just got on really well. I really can't stress how nice of a time I had. The whole time I was with him, I wasn't really all that worried about crushing on him or anything. I was just focused on the hang out. While we're together, Im learning a lot about his current life and interests and vice versa. He's very understanding of my OCD and just overall very kind and super funny. Again, Im not really crushing on him at this point. Then we get to my place in the evening, and he drops me off and heads back to his place. The next couple of days, Im riding the emotional high of being around someone who I truly feel myself around, but still not convinced Im crushing on him. We continue to text a bit, and he tells me he watched my favorite movie which made me really happy. It's around this point where the thoughts about liking him start popping up. I dismiss them at first cause Im convinced they're OCD related. Then today, as Im trying to take a nap, my mind drifts back to him. I was thinking about inviting him over later this week since my mom is making a traditional hispanic dish (hes half Mexican, but doesn't get to eat authentic hispanic food much since that side of his family lives far away). My brain starts running made up scenarios in my head. First its things like what if he thinks I like him and stuff like that and I just ignore it. Then, it starts running similar scenarios only this time it's what if he tries flirting with me. This is the part where I start to realize I actually have a bit of a crush on him because I start to feel a little happy at the idea. Also, when I tried dismissing the scenario by being like oh I'll just politely decline any advances, I felt bummed out because I didn't want him to think I wasn't interested. And thats when it fully dawned on me, that the singular outing and texting sessions we've had since then have already swayed me. Im not madly in love with him or anything. If I found out he was already seeing someone or just wasn't interested in me, I'd be alright and simply happy with being his friend. But I cannot deny there is definitely interest and I've just been trying to convince myself otherwise. So the thing Im worried about is that Im just projecting again and not actually interested him. I really feel like that one outing was enough to make me crush on him a bit, but again Im scared im being a weirdo. Also, Im now getting super in my head about how to approach the way I talk to him now. I do like him, but Im not planning on asking him out or flirting or anything. However, I feel like now Im just gonna start being awkward around him and its gonna ruin or friendship or something. I also have no idea what to do if he were to be the one to flirt with me. I really dont think he likes me, which is more than okay, but on the off chance he does, I wouldn't know how to handle that. I dont think Im in a place to be in a relationship with anyone because of the severity of my OCD, but there's this nagging part of my brain thats like what if he expresses interest and I tell him no and I miss my only opportunity to be with him. Compared to the crushes I've had in the past, none of them have ever been this intense or real if that makes sense. I used to be superficial when it came to dating cause I just wanted everyone to like me and I would throw myself at people. With him, it feels very different since its rooted in an actual friendship. This also the first crush I've had in years. I just dont know how to approach this situation. Any tips on how to handle ROCD would be great as this is my first experience with it.

Been struggling for awhile with saying I love you to my girlfriend. We’ve been together for 2 years and friends for 2 years before that. We live together and she’s amazing, we’re always having fun together. But part of me doesn’t know what love feels like anymore. I’ve said it in previous relationships but that was before my ocd was really active. Do I love her? Is it a feeling? Is it more than that? Do I not? What if I don’t? I don’t want to leave her. I don’t want to start therapy again and end up coming to the conclusion that I don’t love her and I have to leave. But I don’t want this to hurt her in secret forever either.

Despite me being truly convinced that I've been abusive to her. I had met my current best friend in Junior year of highschool, and we only became truly close during our Senior year and the following few years. She's been basically the only person I've associated with (outside a few buddies I had before graduation) amidst my depression and my life basically falling apart. I've done a lot of rumination over my handful of years of having her in my life, and the conclusion I've come to is that I've been absolutely terrible to her, despite the fact that she swears up and down that it's not the case. The first point of rumination is just all the times I've said creepy/perverted stuff to her, tried to engage with her in a sexual way, etc. There's been so many moments throughout our 4+ years of knowing each other where I would say something dirty/flirty in hopes something would blossom, and it was either so ill timed she would call me out on it, or she didn't really realize the implication. A handful of occasions I had been a bit pushy/trying too hard without really realizing it, but as I've grown as a person over the last few years I end up remembering and feeling gross about it. I'm also struggling with a couple of false memories, or at least, what I HOPE are false memories, convincing myself that I either have tried/wanted to touch her without her wanting it at some point. She tells me that I haven't done that and she would remember if I did, but I'm so scared that I've wanted to do so at some point and convinced that I've tried at this point and the thought horrifies me. I sometimes feel like I only ever became her friend for sexual reasons, or something. Something I'm horrified could be true. A point my mind holds against me often is how I'll video call with her when she's in a state of undress, and it's like, I'll want to do it more because of it? As scummy as that sounds? What makes it worse, is that I talked to her the other night about things that we often do together that in my eyes are an intimate thing, whereas she sees them as stuff she does with close friends. Showering on the phone, stuff like that. Which makes me feel worse for pursuing a relationship like that with her when it was never there at all. The second point is largely a byproduct of the first point, where I had often felt immense guilt over my previous actions and would profusely apologize and deliberately avoid her for long periods of time. She's told me that I've caused her a lot of pain doing that to her, despite me feeling like it's the right thing to do quite often. So despite everything I've talked about, like I said, my friend doesn't have any issues with me. She swears up and down that I'm too hard on myself, and when I ask what exactly she wants out of our relationship, she says she just wants me to keep being who I've been, who in her eyes, is her chill friend she can talk about whatever with and play games with. All of what I've talked about isn't even a factor. Something me and her have talked about is how she's pretty dense when it comes to social things, so part of me can't help but wonder if I really have been as horrible as I think I have been, and she simply hasn't had it click. I care about her so much, man. Maybe high school me was only thinking about sex. I don't know anymore. All I know is that even if I didn't care back then, I DEFINITELY do right now. She's such an amazing person and easily the best HUMAN I've ever had in my life. That's why this is tearing me apart so thoroughly. The idea that I've been so horrible to the only person who actually CARES about me at all makes me lose sleep.

I got my first job which and I feel like I’ve been too reckless with money ever since 😭 Well I’ve always kind of been reckless with money but I’ve spent like $400 on clothes this week while making minimum wage and that’s like half my paycheck. Not to mention other stuff like groceries and gas. I have a savings account and i rly rly need it to pay for college (i also lost my financial aid bc i did rly bad last year due to mental health reasons… i rly hate myself for that cus i actually love school and my major but that’s a whole other topic). Anyway i also wanted to move out in like 3 years so i rly shouldn’t be spending money like i have. And I’m cutting my hours a bit next month too because my job is burning me out and I’m taking the fall semester off, but i’ll come back next year and I’ve already struggled to balance school and my job individually and it was hard enough finding a job so i can’t quit to prioritize school and i can’t wait too long to go back to school bc knowing myself if i take too much time off school i might not come back. I’ve only been working for 2 months (so I’ve had like 4 paychecks) and i tell myself I’m just splurging because this is the first time i have my own money, and i’ll probably run out of things to buy the more i work. I also tell myself I’ve been wearing the same clothes since middle school so i should update my wardrobe now that i can, and last month i spent about $400 on a kindle because I’ve been wanting one for a while and i wanted to read digitially without getting distracted by my phone bc I’m running out of space for my physical books and i can’t get rid of them because I’m a bit of a hoarder (that actually is ocd related). And after every hard day at work i buy myself a matcha latte (which is like $8 in my area) because i want to reward myself for making through the day y’know? Something to look forward to to get through the shift but turns out everyday is a hard day—and I’m not just using that as an excuse to spend money, this stresses me out SO bad 😭 I have a bit of sensory issues and i try to refrain from doing my compulsions bc i don’t have time to bc there’s so much to do and because I’m trying to hide my OCD. And my manager is so stressful. She scolds and yells at us for *everything* and when she’s in a bad mood, she’ll keep an extra eye on us just to find something to yell at us for no matter how small it is. I’m trying to stay bc itd look bad on my resume to quit this early and because I’m trying to prove to myself I’m not a quitter because I’ve had a bad history of giving up when things get too stressful and life isn’t easy so i gotta learn to be tougher. Which is also another issue on its own. I genuinely feel so weak and stupid and i have so many examples and evidence to support it. Anyway I’m typing this before i have to go in for work and im stressed just thinking about it and im hungry and didnt have time to eat and didnt bring any food and we’re not allowed to leave to get food during our breaks (my break would be too short to even if i could) 😔

Okay so I know it sounds dumb but anybody with ocd might understand the feeling of small decisions feeling like life or death. So I went to bath and body works and bought three scent refills for my car freshener, but the one I chose kinda sucks and the smell makes me feel anxious and weird like it doesn’t reflect who I really am, so idk if I should take it out and buy a new one or just keep the scent and feel really weird about it and overanalyze it everytime I get into my car. The other two scents are specifically for later fall so I can’t use them yet. I know it sounds like I’m being so overdramatic but the fact that this scent will forever be a theme and memorial of this era of my life is really weighing on me. I feel like I need to choose the perfect scent to be the theme for these next few months or else I’m gonna regret it and feel guilty

Hi everyone! I’m 23 F and would love to have some friends to talk to who also experience relationship ocd. Mine has gotten a lot better but was flaring up this week as my boyfriend just left and we are in a long distance relationship. Any advice or people to chat with who have experience with rocd would be nice:)

Usually i am a very empathetic person, when i was younger i’d always cry when my siblings got hurt or when they were upset and i am so terrified of physically hurting people, i never want to cause someone pain because why would i want someone to feel that if i don’t want to feel that for myself. but recently i have been thinking what if i don’t actually care for other people and their feelings or whether they feel pain or not, and it scares me because it makes my harm ocd worse and thats not me. i want to go back to my normal mindset it feels like my thoughts are consuming me

I’ve had a really hard day, night. Back to back (what I presume are) crippling anxiety/panic attacks. I’m trying not to convince myself to go to the ER yet again this month. I have been so many times the last two months.. Every time, I go in with the same symptoms, squeezing icy cold chest pain/discomfort, having to focus on my breathing, feeling like I’m having a heart attack or on the verge of death.. each time I keep saying “this time it’s actually something serious” and thankfully it’s not, but dang it I can’t keep doing this. How can this simply be just anxiety/panic? How can it literally make me have symptoms that feel like I’m not okay and in such danger? It’s been back to back to back today and night, sometimes lasts a few hours.. I’m literally living in the shower or bath to find relief. I’m scared to sleep tonight. Please tell me I’m not alone. I feel hopeless. The problem is, I don’t even feel anxious or have an impulsive thought or panic and then boom, out of no where I am hit with feeling like I’m not okay. I’m exhausted.

i was wondering if we had any “gardeners” on here, if you know what i mean lol. 🍃💨 and if so, does it help with your ocd or other mental/physical health issues, and how?

I want to know if anyone else has ever had issues with this. Recently, I have been struggling a lot with ROCD. The thoughts are typically centered around comparing my current bf to an old situation-ship I had. My old situation man and I started off as really good friends who had a lot in common. We had really good deep talks and he was and still is such a great person. A lot of people around me wanted us to date, but when he told me he had feelings for me I just couldn’t let myself allow things to take that next step because I did not feel 100% attractive to him in all the ways i felt i should and i knew that i would not be fully in it. After i made that decision, it felt right. I had no second thoughts about it because in the long run I knew that it was the only fair thing for both of us. About two months after I made that decision I met my current boyfriend. He was very sweet and we started hanging out and I did feel that attraction that I felt I was missing in the past. However, in between situations is when I started experiencing my first OCD spirals. Spirals about my sexual orientation, spirals about harm and spirals about my identity. These overlapped with when i met my current partner and he helped tremendously. However, right now it seems. The topic of my spiral has switched to my relationship, which has been the hardest one. I’m experiencing thoughts such as Is this person right for me? Did I make the right decision? Do i miss my old partner? Do my bf and i have enough deep talks? Will i ever get my old partners out of my head? Should i have stayed single? Am I feeling things as strongly as i should? Should i have given my past situation a fair shot? Am i wasting my time? Will i ever be able to be in a relationship with no anxiety? Etc… I think this is all stemming from relationships being a very important thing in my life. I’m a very empathetic person, and I care deeply about other people’s emotions. The scariest thing for me right now is I just can’t tell what’s my intuition and what’s my anxiety. Is my brain telling me that I miss my old partner because I feel I’m more compatible with them and I have regrets? Or am I just stuck in a loop that I can’t seem to get out of my brain is telling me that I don’t deserve what I have now even though my current boyfriend is truly amazing. I just wanna know if this sounds familiar to anyone. It’s very vulnerable of me to share and I could use support and I hope that maybe this helps somebody else.

I got great advice but the problem is the fact that I acted on this by giving a look, hoping he’d see it AND that I told my ex I wouldn’t do anything with anyone else. Pls read I feel like I deserve hell for this. I told a recent ex of mine that I would stop going out with other guys and etc. In hopes we could make it work.. but I saw a different ex at work, and for some reason felt kind of way, so I gave him a little bit of like a look to see if he would reciprocate the look back. I genuinely feel like I committed a war crime.. like nothing I do will make me not feel guilty. Me and the ex from the beginning are currently not in contact but I agree to not do anything with any other guy. I literally can’t stop feeling bad. It’s been over 24 hours. I feel like I have to confess that to him. What do I do? I know it was just a look, but it meant something. I’m not going to be in contact with the recent ex for a while, but I feel like once I am, I’ll have to tell him and he’ll be extremely upset.

Lately I’ve been getting these strange “certain feelings” and sensations whenever I think about my boyfriend or look at pictures and videos of him. Sometimes it feels bland, soft, watery, heavy, or like a weird warmth in my chest or throat. Sometimes I get a sudden jolt or an anxious “yes” feeling when my brain asks things like, “Do you have to let him go?” or “Do you really want to be with him?”One of the biggest sensations is this feeling that he isn’t mine anymore, he isn’t really here with me, or I’m losing him. It can happen really fast and feel extremely convincing. Then my brain starts saying things like, “You’re losing him,” “You don’t want to be with him anymore,” or “You have to let him go.” Sometimes I even get an anxious feeling that feels like a “yes” when I ask myself if I’m ready to let him go. The sensations feel very convincing, so I start wondering if they’re revealing what I actually want. I’ll think about my boyfriend and suddenly get a feeling like he isn’t really there with me anymore or like I’m losing him. Then my brain tells me I need to leave him or that he’s becoming a side character in my life. This scares me because I genuinely don’t want to lose him and the idea of letting him go makes me really sad. Sometimes I feel bland when I look at his pictures or videos, and then I start thinking, “Does this mean I don’t love him anymore?” Other times I’ll see him doing something cute or funny and naturally feel happy, warm, or think he’s adorable, but then I immediately question whether I forced that feeling. The hardest part is that the sensations can come very quickly and feel like they’re telling me what I want. I’ll ask myself, “Am I ready to let him go?” and get an anxious feeling that feels like “yes,” and then I get scared and wonder if I’m supposed to break up with him. I keep trying to figure out whether these sensations are actually telling me something or whether they’re just part of the intrusive-thought/OCD cycle.I’m exhausted because I just want to know what I genuinely want. I love and miss my boyfriend and want him in my life, but these sensations make me question whether that is genuine. I’m scared that one of these feelings means I have to let him go, even though I don’t feel like I want to lose him.

Help :(These thoughts plague me every single day. I can’t find anything anymore that will distract me away from these thoughts. I would rather be single the rest of my life than be with a woman. I desperately want another baby and want to feel ok with a man but everything is screaming at me that I only want a man because it’s normal and I want a family. I have had these thoughts on and off since age 14. I had a break from them for about 3 years when I first got with my ex …I was more obsessed about him cheating and I just put my arousal to lesbian porn to just that arousal because it’s taboo. My partner and I broke up 3 years ago after being together 6 years but he was abusive and he also wanted a sex everyday. Unless I’m drunk or just before I ovulate I don’t mind sex but I’m not hugely turned on but I like the intimacy with a partner and I think I’m more responsive desire. However the longer this goes on and the longer I’m single the more I feel like I just can’t be “in denial” anymore and that im desperately trying to cling on to the idea of soocd to let myself be in denial and not have to come out. I tried to come out to my mum once but just kept thinking I don’t want to be with a woman even though I’m saying I’m aroused and feel like that’s what deep down I am and when she was like it’s normal nowadays to be gay so it’s fine so I was like ok but then cried because I was like but I don’t want to be with a woman and I don’t know how to be a lesbian because I’ve never related to that or felt like that. It’s more that I just don’t feel right with men anymore. I am so lost and every waking moment is like this. I really want a happy relationship and more kids and the idea of a man is lovely but I don’t know if that’s just society in my head. The idea of same sex intimacy really arouses me but I feel sick afterwards and I’ve never wanted to be romantic with a woman. I’m so scared of therapy (I’ve done a tiny bit before but never fully got into ERP) because I’m just so scared it’s going to prove that I really am a lesbian. I got triggered yesterday as my sister has just broken up with her partner of 7 years as they had become like room mates and didn’t have sex or fancy each other anymore …..this has really triggered me because that’s what I want though a man best friend to cuddle and do life with and have kids etc because I so struggle with the sex side of things unless I’ll drunk. I also think I was using reassurance that they were best friends and not having sex all the time as oh I want a relationship like that and it’s normal but now they’ve broken up it’s not normal….I don’t know if any of this makes sense but I just feel like I can’t find any excuses left to not be gay. I don’t want to be with a woman! I want to be happy with a man I just wish I had the arousal with men like I do with lesbian porn (I haven’t watched in years as it feels wrong). I’m also only attracted atm to unavailable men which makes me thing it’s comphet. Am I only not wanting to be with a woman because I just haven’t experienced romance with a woman….but even typing that makes me feel sick but is that internalised homophobia? I don’t know how any of this is going to help. Reassurance no longer works for more than a few seconds. I feel like I’m wasting my life but I’m honestly truly happy when it’s just me and my son playing but I want to give him a sibling so I feel like I need to do something with my life but I can’t find a man because it’s not truly “me deep down”. Sorry this is the longest post ever. I don’t want to spend loads on therapy that I don’t have just to feel worse and for it to prove I’m a lesbian. I’ve tried to not engage with the thoughts I’ve tried lots of things …..I used to get like what I call “glimmers of hope” where I feel straight but these are so few nowadays

If I been on Zoloft and abilify for a year can I stop taken it cause it's not working no more and my doctor won't do anything to help me get off it

I am scared of uncertainty that am i going to heaven or hell cus i had intrusive thoughts about denying Jesus,God.i don’t even know it was intrusively or intentionally but i just don’t want to go to hell.So how do i get right with God and live in Grace of God.Pls can someone give me some advice or give me some scripture that can help me.

I currently cannot afford therapy and i’m having really bad body issues as well as OCD. I cannot stop checking and asking for reassurance. My will to do things keeps lowering and i’m scared of it getting worse. If anyone has any books or recommendations that speak on body image issues, and dealing with uncertainty and OCD. I really want to get better.

I am 20 years old and I think I had my first existential crisis. A few days ago, the thought of death immediately popped up and I got anxious. I looked all over the internet and Reddit (ik, scholarly research) to find out what really happens after death. I used to assume that we could still watch over our loved ones and that we live on as nature, which isn’t entirely wrong. The energy from our atoms does get transformed to fuel other life sources. But there is no guaranteed heaven or afterlife, no guarantee that we will still exist in conscious, and we never really know what happens. I’ve cried all day and all I did was researching on the topic, looking for a definitive answer. The thought of your brain shutting off, forgetting everything, feeling nothing forever, returning to the state you were in before you were born. I even heard that death is like a heavy calm sleep, which made me afraid to sleep and made me hyper aware of my heart beat. I then lashed out at my parents because I was trying to cope silently but it was getting too painful. It was still out of control. I regret lashing out and I’m thankful they understood but when it gets intense I feel like I can’t hold back. Typically, I am able to cope with thoughts but it’s different because unlike being a predator, pedo or a horrible person, death is the only thing promised to us. I don’t know if this is OCD or just an existential crisis, but it’s an obsessive loop that I’ve spent days in with breaks in between but the thought comes back. :(

I’ve been feeling so worried about my health lately . I don’t want to name any of the illnesses I’ve been fearing to not trigger anyone but I’ve been constantly thinking the worst is going to happen. I even get anxious about how the recovery and treatment process would be for the scary illness thoughts and thinking of having to stay in the hospital for long periods of time gives me anxiety. It’s not even a reality but these thoughts freeze me with fear. I get tics from my anxiety since I was a kid. Facial tics, neck movements and sometimes feel the need to repeat words and stuff but i get worried about them sometimes. Now with the change aspect, Lord willing, I’ll be getting married soon but the thing is we’ve been long distance and I’d be moving out of state to where he lives. My loved ones know and they’ve all been supportive but it makes me beyond anxious to think of not having my safety people around which include my family and best friend. I’ve cried so hard about this where my fiancé has felt bad about it cause his intention was to never “take me away” and he feels like maybe I just don’t wanna marry him but that’s not the case. This change is scaring me so bad. I think oh what if something bad happened, I can’t go and just visit my loved ones or they can’t just come to me right away, the people I’ve had literally all my life. The thought of missing them and not having them around is getting to me so bad.

I’m on the social media and I know I should stop because it triggers me so bad, but it goes back to wait I said the other day about too much internet access. People talk about the deep web but the surface level internet is the deep web and I didn’t have enough attention and sure enough too much internet access. I got scared a couple of weeks ago of since I had so much internet access I was scared I carried out those actions I seen. Mainly because children are curious people and monkey see monkey do, I was a child probably 5 or 6 grade and my parents had me watching people at a young age. I’m scared i probably did those things I seen and traumatized family. When I got this intrusive thought weeks ago it scared me so much that I cried in my bf’s arms. I have never thought about any of this until I had a ocd flare up. You can say well okay not true then it’s the ocd but of course the famous what if pops up. One thing about myself I couldn’t hurt someone even if I tried and it’s exactly why I let people run over me. I hate the words bad person and I don’t want that title so I do my best to be a good person.