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Any tips or advice ? Totally don’t know how all this works.

In summer 2022, I met the first guy I ever truly loved. We went our separate ways about a year later in 2023, and the last time we spoke was almost 2 years ago. Even though I’ve genuinely moved on and don’t feel consumed by sadness anymore, I still think about him every day in some capacity. The first several months after things ended were really hard, but eventually I started doing much better. Now, every once in a while, something will remind me of him or I’ll have a dream about him, and it sends me into a spiral of thought loops for a day or two. I start replaying everything, wondering if I messed up, if he was “the one,” if I will ever move on completely, or if things would’ve worked out differently if my OCD hadn’t gotten so severe near the end of our relationship. Looking back, I had always shown some signs of OCD, but around that time it became debilitating and I was completely undiagnosed. I honestly wasn’t myself, and sometimes I resent myself for not getting help sooner. I know nostalgia after a first love is normal, and I have liked other people since then, which is part of why this confuses me. Usually I’m completely fine and don’t think much about him, especially when I’m actively interested in someone else. But when those situations end, my brain seems to latch back onto him and replay the past again. It also makes me worry about when I do find my person, if thoughts of him will randomly cross my mind again. The idea of truly loving someone while still occasionally thinking about my first love makes me feel really guilty, even though I know thoughts are just thoughts. I know I’m capable of loving someone new and I know I will, but the possibility of those memories popping up unintentionally still really bothers me. Does anyone else with OCD experience this kind of rumination/nostalgia loop after relationships? And if so, what helps you stop feeding the thought loops?

Just looking for a bit of support 🥲 I’ve had ROCD/SOOCD since the start of my relationship 3 years ago, and we’ve gone through many cycles of arguing, me freaking out and breaking up, and then making back up right away. Despite some success in recent months, we had a big argument yesterday and it led me to feel like we needed to break up for good. I said that I don’t think I can handle the uncertainty of not knowing if I’m truly lesbian, not knowing if this is the right relationship for me, or if I should just be single for a while because this is my first relationship and I’m still so young (24). I also feel so guilty for sticking with the relationship this long while he’s been so certain about me and I’ve been so deeply uncertain about him, even though he’s extremely patient with me and assures me that whatever happens, he understands and won’t hold it against me. But I don’t want it to be three more years down the line and I end it when I could’ve ended it years ago. I’m having such a hard time because I don’t know if I’m making the wrong decision. I truly don’t want to take such an amazing person for granted, don’t know if I love him in that way, or don’t know if I do and the OCD is just this bad. I do feel that there are true needs not being met outside of the OCD, but I still find myself wanting to be with him or trying to convince myself that my OCD or attachment issues are sabotaging my relationship. So much confusion and hurt 😭 we’re taking a break for a few days but I also have to decide if I’m keeping my flight to see him for his graduation on Wednesday, or if I cancel it to not make things worse. I HATE THIS 😭😭😭

Hello everyone, I’m 25 and I’ve been smoking pretty much constantly since late 2022 for a mixture of issues, and up until recently it was very helpful. I noticed that it was doing more harm than good lately, and so I decided to quit. I have cold turkey’d so it’s been ROUGH. Turns out my use was so heavy that I now have cannabis withdrawal syndrome and I’m really struggling. I’m on day 5 now, and I’m awake for over 20 hours at a time and I sleep about 4 hours. My ocd is telling me that sleep deprivation is going to send me insane, that I’ll flip out or lose control or something, and because of the withdrawal symptoms, it doesn’t feel that far fetched. I’m SO irritated and angry, but mostly I’m just really scared. There is not much risk of a relapse as I genuinely long to feel sober and clear, and also I have just moved house so I physically can’t buy any, but I really need advice. If anyone has any experience coming off weed, I’d love to know what helped you with the anxiety, and if it’s normal for ocd to make this worse. Any tips, info, or direction to other services are greatly appreciated! 💜

A few days ago we got two birds from a expo and now i feel horrible abt it. My sibling was the one who really wanted a bird, i only expected them to get a small bird like a canary. But we ended up leaving with 2 conures and 2 finch's. I didnt expect my mom to get 2 finchs. I only thought we were getting one bird but now I feel so guilty for having in when my sister asked if we should get the 2 conures. I thought having a pet would give me something to do and help distract me from my intrusive thoughts. But now I feel my OCD has really latched onto them. Before these two birds, a month ago we got a conure from the pet store but he didn't wanna interact with us and it made me feel so much guilt that we took it back the next day because we sensed something was wrong. Turns out he was already sick before we got him so it wasn't our fault or anything. Im so scared this makes me an ab.ser to the current birds we have because we cant have a bigger cage in our home but always let them out most of the day and hang out with them. But they use to the cage for sleep and eating. I feel like a terrible person and reading threads on reddit about people's strong opinions in the bird community it intensifies my OCD. Im an idiot for thinking I could handle this. I feel like a terrible selfish person

I have harm OCD and other forms and have always dealt with it 20 years no meds but something happened where I’ve been stuck in chronic racing thoughts unrelated to OCD plus OVD intrusive thoughts and anxiety depression that’s because so constant and chronic with depersonalization and derealization that it feels like your loosing your mind. So trying to gather information from people‘s experience of what works for them. I know that everybody is different and different things work for different people. I’ve never taken anything before this but I took Zoloft for nine days recently, and I don’t know it made me feel worse. One psychiatrist mentioned, adding lithium as a mood stabilizer. But that’s not my regular psychiatrist. I’m wondering if I should just go over to Lexapro or Prozac and where other types of drugs fit in like mood stabilizers and antipsychotics.

17+ PLS!! I had such a disgusting dream of doing something so so disgusting like so disgusting that i can’t even believe it was something i dreamed about. then when i woke up ï couldnt stop thinking about that specific thing that happened in my dream and now i’m feeling guilty that i was picturing it in my mind, now my minds telling me i pleasured myself to that dream when i woke up and it’s really getting to me, how could i have such an awful disgusting dream like that. the dream was actually super specific and disgusting and i’m so worried because people say dreams are unconscious desires even though i can’t see myself liking what happened in the dream :(

So I(17M) am having a horrible time because my uncle came over Monday night and the next morning he was sleeping in my room on my little brother’s former bed since we shared a room and I would not care if I was not terrified about the potential germs in there (specifically THOSE types of bodily fluids) because I have private moments in that room on my bed (which had been on the bare mattress for almost a year) and I did not sleep in there for fear of those bodily fluid germs spreading but now I see it was just increasing exposure of my family members (specifically my toddler/baby cousins and my little brother) because I had piles and piles of dirty clothes that had those dirty bodily fluids on them and he was in that room came into contact with those clothes put his charger into the pile of clothes to reach an outlet and of course that means the charger is filthy and he like I mentioned was sleeping on my little brother’s bed(Little brother does not use it anymore) which I think was infected because it was in the room next to my mattress so I know I bumped into the bed or maybe touched it without washing my hands after those private moments so it is infected and my uncle used it, slept on it so he spread those germs on himself and his things and then around our house and the snacks we eat. I did text him when I went to school that morning after I found him in there I sent this “Also My room is not clean and I am worried your stuff might be/get infected or dirty because of my dirty clothes and the other dirty stuff in there and I did not clean the bathroom and other stuff and so just don’t want you to get germs on your stuff like your charger or clothes or shoes and spread it to other or stuff “ and he responded “Darrell stop being a germ freak. If you were really concerned it would be clean all the time. But I can clean it up. “ and of course he decides to clean my room himself exposing himself even more not only did he put my dirty clothes on my mattress but also my little brother’s clothes and he just like kept doing it he kept cleaning my room and he washed my socks which were used during those private moments with my little brother’s clothes which is gross and means he touched those bodily fluid socks and the washer and everything else people in the house will touch and he also touched my IPad which I used during those private moments I had and I have not cleaned it off in a long long time so I know it is filthy with bodily fluid germs and I know he did not wash his hands after so those bodily fluid germs got everywhere his stuff, our stuff, everything and he has kids(my baby/toddler cousins) so when he touched their stuff that is in his bag it is infected so they will get it on them. And he still slept in there today and he had his stuff on the dirty bodily fluid floor so his glasses wallet and stuff was infected and was covered in dirty blankets like when I say dirty I mean it so I texted him again saying, “[Uncle name] the covers you are using are dirty both of them are they both have bad “germs” and I needed to wash them. The whole room has those bad “germs” and that is why I did not want anyone going in there and such I was terrified that someone would go in there and get those germs on them and I was worried about it getting on you and then it getting on the kids and your stuff especially since you were moving my dirty clothes and those bad “germs” were there too and I am sorry I did not say anything sooner” but this just issued him to wash the stuff but that does not change the bodily fluid germs he got on himself. I want advice I am terrified he touched his kids metal water bottles he put them in his bag and his charger on top of the bottles so now those are infected the bag, the metal water bottles and everything he touched when he was in my room and did not wash his hands so appliances like the fridge, stove, dishes, microwave and our countertops, seats and food. I need advice I am a sick person whose negligence and terrible hygiene let this happen I did not even mention the bathroom how dirty that was or the shower I use which he used that I did not clean so the curtain, soap container and shower and it’s handles and the door handles to my room and the bathroom all most likely had bodily fluid germs on it and now it will be spread to vulnerable kids and my family my brother I feel sick I do not feel like I mentioned all of it and I feel like if I miss something I am not telling the full story and risking more people. I know my uncle is going to sleep in there again and idk what to do. Update: He was in there sleep again today and he was charging his phone and he put his phone on the table in my room which I know is filthy because I touched it without washing my hands after a private moment and the same goes for the outlet he put his charger into and he put his other chargers on my bed and on top of this used my dirty adapter to plug his charger into so of course he got exposed again and I am at a loss.

I did a lot of ERP on instagram this morning. It has made me feel like I genuinely want it, and then I don't trust myself in my current relationship with my fiance. I feel compelled to keep going back and gauge my reactions to the posts. Just looking for some support/if anyone has dealt with a similar experience.

I've recently been spiraling very often and very badly over the fact that death is final. This seems like an obvious idea, but I mean that I focus entirely on the idea that because the universe will inevitably end one day, there is no possibility of existence beyond my immediate lifespan. And then from there I start believing that existence is meaningless because it all inevitably leads to the same end, no matter what humans do, even past an individual scale. Believing in the possibility of uploading human consciousness into technology in the future is already a stretch, especially adding in the idea that a random person like myself could somehow be brought back even after death, but it was a comforting thought that stopped living from feeling like a finite countdown to the end. But now that I've started having these spirals, I've ended up entirely logically deconstructing the concept of free will and the meaning of existence. During these times I don't even understand why I should bother trying to improve the world at all past my immediate experience, since I won't be around to experience it and it won't build to anything but the end of the world. Everything feels futile and fake when faced with this realization. I think a big part of it is that I feel like I don't have enough time in my lifespan to experience everything I want to. I wish I could just continuously exist forever with constant new things to read or watch or write about. I know this sounds more like depression, but the spirals last 5 or more hours and I cannot do anything except think about these concepts during them. I already have pretty severe classic contamination OCD that is triggered by very specific things, and I'm concerned that my OCD might no longer be confined to that theme.

18+ only Saw someone make a disgusting comment and someone was spreading awareness about it and OCD tried telling me to check their profile picture even though I already know it's just a picture of them. Someone was talking about how they were a victim of a horrific crime but they added a picture of themselves wearing a tshirt but they had one of the shoulders of the shirt hanging off and I had to keep checking you couldn't see anything bad and I don't think you could but OCD is messing with me. Had a really disgustingly awful and detailed dream were it felt like I was awake but couldn't change it or anything and OCD is saying I wanted this dream OCD keeps objectifying adults and giving me groinals and telling me to do compulsions but then I'm also seeing POCD triggers which makes everything 10x worse. Had to take a closer look at someone's profile picture and they were wearing underwear (Their bio said they were 24 which I read beforehand) and I saw they had an onlyfans and it caused a groinal and I hate it so much. Saw video of person singing into a mic, nothing weird or bad literally just their face and a mic and I think I had a groinal but I'm terrified I was attracted to them and I don't know who the person is/was. Needed to check someone's following but it refreshed before I could and OCD is saying horrible things, and then I saw a video of amputees in Gaza but got scared it was disgusting or bad even though it didn't seem like it was but it was just really messing with me. Saw something disturbing and reported it but it was trying to spread awareness about bad things in Gaza so I feel bad. Keep seeing horrific crimes and like babies with limbs amputated or in incubators and OCD is messing with me and giving me groinals and I'm trying to ignore it but I hate it more than anything. Had a groinal that lasted so long and I was adjusting my undercarriage and it worsened it. Keep having intrusive thoughts and I can't tell if they're really intrusive or not and I'm scared. Got scared about someone's profile picture even though I know it's most likely fine but resisted the urge to check it and OCD is messing with me because the person's 15. Intrusive thought defending horrible things. Scared that anime song that was popular in memes and stuff was bad and I didn't realise and OCD is even saying I did awful things I know I didn't. Keep saying people are pretty then freaking out and trying to figure out their age sometimes multiple times because OCD makes me doubt it even though everytime they've been people in their 20's although they may be playing people younger which makes me feel creepy. Watching a different man and ruminating on why the people are disfigured and it's really rude and I don't like it, I keep being rude about the people with disfigurements and I hate it. I meant that the main character was still awkward but OCD took it as me being rude about their appearance. I was looking at Adam Pearson's wikipedia page and the condition he has had a really disgusting censored image of a child when I hovered over it for a second and I reported it, why did they think that was okay dude and I'm freaking out and it's causing a groinal and I hate it so much. Going through bookmarks cause I think I got scared I bookmarked something bad even though I know I haven't but went on one person's profile who I remember bookmarking because I thought they might be safe for a compulsion but their pinned post was explicit (Wasn't anything bad of course) and I panicked and backed out and unbookmarked them but it was after seeing the above so OCD is still messing with me so much.

This popped up right after I have been posting in the community chats to get support. I can’t believe it’s been six months since I’ve been doing really well but today is a really hard day. I feel like I’m heading backwards fast with the scary mindset because I had a significant trigger. I don’t want to get there. It’s very freeing being in recovery for OCD. I don’t want to go back.

I think I have decided to take the chance on taking medication. I’m currently doing erp, in the early stages, but I am going through it. I feel so depressed, disconnected, scared, and these thoughts are getting so much worse even with me not trying to engage in them. I feel so alone at the moment :/

Does anyone else feel like they are following God out of fear and not cuz they actually love him and you have to do this this and this to feel safe even tho we don’t earn Gods love but if I don’t then I’m just being comfortable in how I’m living and not denying myself even tho when I deny myself I feel like I spiral cuz I’m like if you don’t do this for God then on on and on of the worst things. But I should want to give up things for God but then I just don’t want to then make excuses but idk it makes me feel insane then I’m putting so much pressure on myself but this life isn’t supposed to be easy

Hey everyone,For the last while, I've been trying to practice, I’ve been stuck in a non-stop loop where my thoughts and feelings felt like 100% facts. It wasn't even "uncertainty" anymore—it felt like an undeniable truth that I was gay, even though I’ve always been attracted to women(I think.... I get doubts if that's even true now) It's hard because apparently im supposed to not give judgement or meaning to all these feelings and thoughts that keep calling me gay,"like oh another thought" but it keeps coming back constantly especially after noticing it, and the feelings and thoughts feel so real like it's impossible to not give judgement, and my brain automatically gives it meaning to it all. apparently I'm suppose disregard my feelings and thoughts but it feels too impossible because I'm huperfocused on it all When I do erp I tried to find the perfect mantra for it"maybe maybe not" or "and" whenever I get to this bad cycle whether it's trying to prove my brain wrong about something, I tend to repeat a mantra 50 different times to "get the right feeling" because I try to do erp, it feels like I'm doing it wrong, I said it wrong, because the feelings and sensations will tell me it didn't work and get worse and it feels like I'm still in the cycle.

This morning my baby sister came and laid with me and the whole time I felt a tingly sensarion in my groin. I dont understand why and my grounals havent been happening as much recently. What if that means I wanted to do something?

One of my biggest struggles for the past handful of years has been paranoia about mold or lack of food safety. It's caused me to lose appetite regularly and miss meals, and waste alot of food, which is incredibly humiliating and embarrassing for me, (and makes me feel like a bad person for being wasteful.) I can't handle jokes from others that there's things in my food or imagery that food might be something else, or even slightly off textures or colors. And on a day to day basis, I don't trust sense of smell or dates on it. Even the slightest "offness" detected by me is enough to make me google questions and end up not eating at all. My family and the people I have been talking to at the start of my psychiatric help all only tell me rational things, which truthfully only make me feel unheard and degraded as oppose to reassured or equipped with what to do next. Of course rationality obviously doesn't work for me in these situations. They tell me things like "Best by dates are just lies to make you buy more" or "modern fridges are really good compared to when I was your age" and it is just not helpful. I have started to be more daring and exploratory about my food comfort, eating things I deem "dubious" even though I know it is irrational, to see if it will help me get over it. But the last few times I ended up getting coincidentally sick, so it was a bad week (I drank out of a glass I don't typically use to take my meds and then threw up my meds because I didn't have breakfast with them.. it was the first time I had that reaction to my medication so it's hard not to blame the glass somehow.) Is there anything else I can do or try to help ease the paranoia?

ERP Exercise: Do Not Respond Your OCD wants one thing from you: A response. It throws thoughts, fears, images, doubts, feelings, and urges at you hoping you will engage with them. Think of it like a bully outside of yourself trying to get your attention. For this exercise, your job is not to win the argument.Your job is to simply: Do not respond. Trigger the thought or fear that normally causes anxiety. Then practice not responding: Do not respond mentally. Do not analyze it. Do not reassure yourself. Do not solve it. Do not check. Do not argue with it. Do not push it away. And importantly: Trying to force the thought out of your head is still a response. The goal is not to make the thought disappear. The goal is to become comfortable not responding to it. When you stop responding, you will feel uncertainty, discomfort, anxiety, or urgency. That feeling is the exposure. Stay with it. Let the feeling exist without trying to fix it. Continue on with your day while allowing the uncertainty to be there. Over time, your brain learns something powerful: Thoughts do not require responses. Uncertainty is tolerable. OCD loses power when you stop feeding it attention. At first, the bully may get louder because it wants engagement. But eventually, when you consistently do not respond, the thoughts lose their urgency and emotional grip. Freedom comes when you stop participating.

CHILDHOOD PAST. I remember being very hyper sexual as a child, I don’t remember when it started. I remember I did things with girls I don’t know if I started it or if they did. I was very young. I remember one day I had my baby nephew on top of me; I got extreme anxiety and had an intrusive thought that I had to hump him because of the stuff I did in the past. At this time I was still pretty young. I remember feeling really ashamed, anxiety and confused. I can’t remember if I did actually humped him once. I do remember after that I told my mom what I did and I started having panic attacks. I still to this day, do not forgive myself. For the stuff I did and to my nephew. I can’t fully remember if I did or not but I feel like I did because I was so confused. I have isolated myself for years from kids and didn’t want anything to do with sexual stuff for years. If I did, I’m incredibly sorry. If I could go back I would never did the things I did. That I would hurt someone, the amount of guilt I feel from all of it. I am so sorry. I genuinely wish I could go back. I’m struggling with this so bad. When I was younger I had convinced myself that I should go to prison when I was 12. Sometimes I still feel that way, I never meant to hurt anyone.

Is it normal to feel like you need a break from your kid? And when you need or want that break, do you ever feel like you’re less patient with your kid? I love my son more than anything that’s ever existed in the world. He’s my best buddy. But sometimes I have thoughts like “man I could really use some time away”. I do go places with my friends sometimes. But the other night we were supposed to go out and drink and have a good time and just a super fun girls night. I was looking forward to it because that was going to be my break and my time to feel like me again outside of working and being a mom and a wife. Well, the night didn’t go as planned. We didn’t really have a good time and we basically just wasted our night bc none of us had any fun. So in a way, I feel like I didn’t get to have “my” time. So I feel like I’m still feeling that “I need a break” feeling. BUT my ocd is making me think that means I just don’t want my son at all. In reality, I know I absolutely adore him and would literally be lost without him. But those thoughts just keep coming. Like “maybe I’m just not meant to be a mom” or “you’re just tired of being a mom and you just don’t want this life anymore” ITS NOT TRUE. I don’t think so at least??? Ugh!! Making my stomach turn in KNOTS because sometimes ocd makes these thoughts hard to decipher. Idk guys. I guess I’m just venting and trying to make sense of it all. When really, it won’t ever make sense bc it’s ocd.