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the NOCD Community

I want to beat my ocd so I can reclaim my time and my overall control of self. And to get over fears and feelings I don’t think I should be feeling. So I can stop rituals that keep me from being on time or making me so anxious when I look at the clock, and realize I’m running behind and then I panic and either throw up or fully melt down. I don’t want this for myself anymore. O wouldn’t want it for anyone else either. I hope none of this is triggering. I’m new here. I had ocd when I was younger but it was more germ related than most of my rituals with light switches and tapping my toothbrush a certain amount of times, or feeling like I have to wash everything twice to make sure it’s actually clean. Also counting steps when I walk. Not walking on tile cracks, or sidewalk cracks, taking only 2 steps at a time per sidewalk square. Not walking over grates or metal sidewalk entrances to basements of city stores in my neighborhood. I also find myself cleaning sometimes to an excessive degree, and I don’t realize I’ve been cleaning for hrs and then it’s 4 or 5am, and I totally lost track of time. I’m not able to sleep sometimes because I won’t wake up to take care of my civilian duties as I call them lol But my depression is getting in the way of my ability to function right now and I’m now living in somewhat of a mess. What I consider a mess that is which isn’t really bad. But I’ve become collecting clothes now and they’re everywhere. And what I consider a mess is someone else’s ocean of being normal clean. I go way overboard when cleaning most say, baseboards, light fissures, ceilings, I get under all the furniture every time, I have to dust EVERYTHING when I clean I go hard, and it’s usually often. But I am here hoping to gain new updated ways to cope and get through my day with more ease and grace. And hoping to meet others like myself who can help me with their knowledge or ways of coping they may find helpful. Thanks so much in advance all. I’m hoping this will be a great tool and a way to not feel so alone in all of this.

i have ocd. so basically there was freezing rain in the mornin and i literally couldn’t see anything so then my driving was well not great so i took the nearest exit and stopped for a bit before going and i felt super super guilty and then i got to work and people were talking about leaving work early like 12ish bc of the weather but i thought that if i stayed till 4 then it would be better bc then they might clear the roads by then and i kept having ocd thoughts and was then was like oh okay ill leave at 12 only if everyone else leaves bc i felt bad leaving early and risking driving in the bad weather but then at 12 only a couple of people left and then i was sad bc i lowkey wanted to go home early but then i checked the weather and it was supposed to be snowing past 4 pm so then i didn’t know what to do and i wanted to go to lunch w my coworkers so i did and then afterwards it was like 2 pm and then one girl said she was gonna leave in a bit and i do like leaving early so i wanted to but i kept having ocd thoughts about risking others driving in this weather and how i had to stay still 4 but then i checked the weather and was like oh maybe it is better if i leave rn and it got a little more complicated and then i told my coworker oh im thinking of heading out (but i didn’t fully make up my mind yet so it felt like i was just saying it bc i wanted to go home) and now i can’t remember like yes ofc i would like to be home early but now it feels like i was risking it and im gonna be punished and now it feels like i have to do nothing until 4:45 which is when i would usually get home

There’s this person that’s really important to me, but they’re really bad at responding to my messages in a timeframe that comforts me. Waiting hours and hours. I totally shut down in the waiting, but only for them. I’m not like this with other people. We’re complicated, off and on dating, and we’ve always struggled with this. I just don’t know how to stop thinking about waiting for a response and checking if they’re online. When I see they are online and not responding it only hurts more. I’m pretty sure they have really bad ADHD.

Like I said in my previous post I m with a completely dry person no affection no intimacy no time for the relationship so it became roommates relationship only when I get mad and bring this up then he try to change but I m no bringing this up but I m super mad inside and sad but everytime I try to bring it up my brain reminds me nothing changed in the past so just don’t bring it up which I didn’t but the anger still inside me I can’t control it but getting mad is like telling what to do and I m done telling people what to do while I m scrolling on social media I see lovely men’s that show their affection and it just made me break down :( like why I couldn’t have one like that no that I want a relationship if I break up mostly stay single for years but why he couldn’t just be like that at the beginning some what he cuddle but the intimacy never been there at al all

I have a bf now, I dont fantasize about actual people or characters anymore and I dont have the urge to. However I still come up with a person who i think is attractive and put myself as the female protagonist of a not even sexual, romance fantasy. I love writing so maybe its because of that. I really crave validation through romantic gestures so maybe its a way to get that. I feel odd about doing it still with a bf even though it isnt a real person I dream about and not about sex at all. Maybe kissing as the omg they made it as a couple finally moment. I have ideas on how to fix this if it is something thay is wrong to do while in a relationship. 1. Maybe its just the urge to write, maybe I just need to write actual short or long stories of cute romance so I dont feel like I have to insert myself as a character or imagine it. 2. Maybe I do just want more romance and validation. He isnt the most romantic but we also are long distance so idk, I feel like he cant get me flowers in person but saying things like 'I would and I want to' would be nice or even giving me flowers in Minecraft would probably make me cry. So maybe I talk about it or try to initiate it more myself. 3. Maybe I am completely wrong for doing that even though there is no sex or actual want for it to happen in person and I should stop imagining me starting a romance or dating someone else made up or not. 4. I just imagine my bf instead. Lol us. Him instead of a random i made up. I ahve done that but I feel like it would cause a gap of liking the idea of him more than actually him and I dont ever want to cause that. Some things just aren't able to happen like space romance adventures lol or meeting for the first time in a cute way again but I could at least just use him as the male protagonist of my fantasies. Thoughts would be helpful!

I don’t know what to do anymore I just need to get this off my chest and write it down but I’m just so terrified it’s real cause it feels so real and the checking is feeling real and I’m so scared I’m actually a lesbian. I genuinely can’t tell if I’m attracted to women or not and I’ve searched endlessly on how to know what attraction feels like and I can never feel certain. I’ve taken so many sexuality tests and they always come back straight but what if I’m lying cause I’m in deep denial. What if I’m denying the life I’m supposed to be living because I’m forcing myself to be straight as that’s what I thought I wanted. I look at TikTok’s about lesbians daily to see if that’s what I feel like and want and I just don’t want it but what if I do? I’ll go through a moment of feeling comfortable in a straight identity but then I’ll start questioning if that’s right for me cause I feel trapped with anything because what if it’s wrong and I’m lying to myself I think my biggest fear is waking up 30 years down the line and realising that I’m actually a lesbian and I’ve been lying to myself and my partner and I’ve wasted theirs and my time being something I’m not but I just don’t want to be with a woman I want my boyfriend. I watched a video of a woman who later came out as a lesbian and she described her experience with intrusive thoughts about her sexuality and that it was really hard because she wanted to be straight so desperately and what if that’s me what if I’m in the exact same position as her it’s not ocd but just deep denial and repression of my true sexuality cause she was describing it like she really didn’t want to be a lesbian. I’ve been trying to find out if I’m attracted to women and I just don’t know I can’t tell sometimes it feels like I am but it feels wrong but again what if that’s just internalised homophobia and I can’t accept anything other that being straight I’m just so terrified and want to give up nothing makes me feel good anymore.

sort of like a video diary. i considered posting it on tiktok, but as i’m an “internet person” (on other platforms not tiktok) i’d risk my privacy by posting it, so it’s not really an option for me. so instead, i’ll remain anonymous and share it with some people who maybe actually get it. writing was always my strong suit. idk anymore journal entry march 2nd 2026: i feel utterly lost without a loved one because… what is the purpose of all this? what’s the purpose of just working and making money? and more money. and more. just so that i can live a “luxury” life, which for me, i’ve realized is just: rest. that’s all my body and mind desire and at night when it’s time to wind down and “rest”, i feel incomplete without sharing that with someone whether romantically or platonically “i just want to be held” replays in my mind. i found myself leaning towards wanting to put the game down and do some apartment shopping online instead. but it felt like an urge (or dare i say, compulsion). like hyper fixating on finding the right curtain rod will absolutely free my mind of its loneliness. because i will nitpick every cm of each curtain rod i see online. picture it in my room. in each color. replay it over and over. add to cart, but don’t buy. keep looking at others until i find the perfect one; which never exists. but here’s my dilemma: is there really even a solution to this problem? working on my ocd compulsions just leaves an open door for my “feelings” to come out. which are: I AM LONELY. but i don’t want just anyone in my space with me. i want my other half. i want my sister. i want my old family dog back. i want to just be home with my sister and our dog watching a funny show and i want all this growing up to stop. and i want to have a crush on a boy and not have it consume me. if that’s all i want: either a romantic partner, or to have some quality time with my sister (who’s married and has a one year old and has distanced herself from me the past 5 years) and our family dog (who died two years ago), and to rest… then, that is almost more unobtainable than fixing my brain. so in that case, why not just lean into the ocd and escape into perfectionism shopping? i won’t enjoy any of it anyways, if i do buy something. because i’ll still be in my bedroom alone.

This is out of nowhere, but I'm realizing I might be struggling with depression along with OCD. Years ago, I went through a bad depressive episode. I went to therapy for a bit and ended up in a much better place. It was like a night and day difference. Fast forward to today, I'm back in the fucking building!? 😭 For months I've been telling myself it's "just the OCD" and once I get in a better place with that, I'll be a lot happier overall. Which isn't NOT true, but there's more than "just OCD" going on. Every positive feeling I get is so short-lived or constantly drowned out by the negative. But I don't feel like I should be depressed? I'm not experiencing a loss of appetite or isolating myself from loved ones or overwhelmed with sadness. But I don't feel "okay" either. I just feel so off. I'd really appreciate advice, encouragement, or similar stories. This is tough 😓

Hi! Been struggling to sleep. Is this something that other ppl commonly struggle with? My mind keeps racing, fears come to mind, I want to check and reassure—all the things! I can be EXHAUSTED when I lay down, but when I try to sleep, I get chills, feel anxious, and can’t sleep bc I’m thinking—even if I want to sleep! It’s hard to stop and do ERP when I’m so sleepy and frustrated… but even that, I feel like keeps me more awake or makes me more anxious. Thoughts? Experiences? Tips?

I’m 16 so I’ve only really come to terms with the fact that the majority of Roblox is not my age and now I’m rethinking a lot of interactions I had in the past which weren’t sexual or explicitly romantic but like you know, I’m either playing along when someone is being playfully romantic (cuz obv were strangers and not actually here to date) no I’m just having a normal interaction with them and Im a little blushy(?) behind the screen and this is when I assume that they are my age or they tell me that they are my age and I’m just questioning that because obviously I’m older now and people can easily lie about their age or they could definitely not be my age when I assumed that they were my age. And yeah like I said again it’s not sexual or like actually seriously romantic. If someone like playfully flirted with me and I assume their age, I wouldn’t necessarily flirt back, but I’d be like playing along. And that makes me very uncomfortable, especially way back going to like middle school even like sixth grade where I was interacting or playing with someone and I always kinda crushing on them in that moment? I can’t really remember because middle school was pretty long ago but, yeah, this just unsettles me in a way. I don’t think there were many interactions like this but possibilities still make me uncomfortable, even if they were like short interactions and goodness I might not even remember interacting with someone more than once or my other interaction so yeah that’s just a concern to me. Can anybody else relate to this cause? I’m not really sure how to cope with it. Or what I’m entirely worried about anyway. Especially on the short interactions. Ig I just decided to post this since its not one of my heavier problems but its like midteir and also hard to find relateable advice on it(?) but like what advice would I get, I already know better? Idk Im just confused with myself. It might just be I feel unsettled with it and therefore my brain wants to settle it even though theres no cure for feeling weird about it. I just feel icky… well is not rare for me but aghhhhh

im stressing so mich and theres noone its 2 am in my country so everynes asleep. i have a bus to school in three hours. i didmt sleep. i dont want to have these thoughts and fears i hate it my ocd generally rocd is in the worst state ever

So I feel like this post is gonna be very TMI, but I need to get it off my chest. I have a lot of BFRBs (body focused repetitive behaviours) but one weird thing about me that makes me very ashamed, is a lot of these BFRBs end in my ingesting the thing (hair, nails, skin, etc) which I know is gross, and idk why I do it. A lot of times it feels very subconscious, like I’m not even thinking about it half the time. But I feel so ashamed. On top of this, there are been other, even grosser things I’ve chewed on, I think as a subconscious sensory seeking/self regulating habit. I’ve chewed on/ingested things that any normal person would gag at. And I don’t know why. I don’t know why I subconsciously put so many things in my mouth, it’s low key gross, and I don’t often think about the grossness of what I’m doing until later, I’ve so zoned out I don’t even think. And it makes me so freaking ashamed. I’m engaged right now, and a part of me is so scared to be inviting another person to be so closely involved in my life, because I worry that if he knew all the gross things I do/have done in the past, he won’t love me anymore. And part of me feels this deep need to tell him all the weird/gross/terrible things I’ve done, because if I don’t I feel that he isn’t loving me, but a version of me that isn’t fully transparent and isn’t fully myself. I’ve spent hours on my phone researching gross habits, gross BFRBs, gross oral stims, etc, just to feel seen. And I still feel so isolated in my experience. It’s a terrible cycle that’s eating away at my day. I feel so much shame, like I’m this gross monster of a person who must be so messed up in the head to even consider doing some of the gross things I’ve done, and part of me feels I can’t feel fully loved if I don’t confess. I’m not expecting reassurance, just needed to get it off my chest.

I’m fairly sure I’m not the only one who thinks this—though I understand it’s a bit illogical—but I’m afraid of starting ERP. So much of my obsessional thoughts and compulsion make up who I came to become after years of serious neglect in my adolescents. You can imagine then how some aspects of my OCD I firmly don’t think I will ever even want to change. I have a weird attachment to them. I suppose fundamentally I’m afraid of unraveling my OCD and not being able to reorganize myself. I’ve been in therapy for 3 years between a multitude of psychologists, therapists, psychiatrists, etc. Generally I’m open to whatever help I can get—I even tried TMS therapy and did 36 sessions but the most relief I got from that was that I no longer felt the compulsion to bite my nails. I want to know how/if you’re able to accept the uncertainty of what your potential therapist will or won’t want to change. I guess I feel strongly that I would not be a pleasant client in ERP because I’m very stubborn about certain aspects of my OCD.

So I’ve been suffering from OCD about big questions for awhile. If did go away but now is back this week. I’m just looking for any suggestions or things that have helped people with this? I have always been Christian and this is really debilitating to this. I find myself researching different things wondering if god loves me or is real. It did help me when I looked at the discoveries found in the Bible as some evidence but I know this just makes my ocd worse. My biggest one now is my ocd just says your not a I and yourself is just an illusion. When I’m doing something fun it will tell me this might be fake. One thing that’s helped is looking at neuroscientists research and they are pretty adamant on how the brain works and amazing it is. I used to be really afraid to die or be forgotten but I found comfort in how even though we all die our legacy and actions live on in ways we won’t fully see. Thanks for any help much appreciated! I just want to get back to where I was a week ago!

Really long post Hi I'm sure y'all saw my posts before and my fear of being delusional and believing delusional thoughts and this all started right after my health OCD where I thought you know my headache was a tumor what if what if it's a tumor and all that stuff you know the classic tumor stuff and I would be stressed all day and it would be really bad and then I was like I had a fear of schizophrenia and then mostly the delusional part is what I was afraid of and then over time it just got worse and worse I had crazy intrusive thoughts like what if clouds aren't real what if everyone around me or a lizard people or what if everyone around me aren't real but the one that really stuck the most was the lizard people one it's really disturbing conspiracy theory out there honestly I always start it's delusional and I still think it's delusional and I know it's crazy having intrusive thoughts of one owned family to be something out of this world is really creepy in a way now I don't believe the thought I never did has it felt real absolutely I can't lie I know that you can make things feel real I even want to go to a mental hospital to see if I'm schizophrenic they told me no I don't have schizophrenia or psychosis or anything like that so there's that but that's not the point right now just wanted to do a little recap what I want to talk about is how I manage this in a way I've learned a term after many months of suffering with these crazy delusional intrusive thoughts about my loved ones and it was really painful the anxiety I can logically know but this anxiety is illogical and I can be surrounded by loved ones I learned the term sometimes the best answer is silence and it's my fault that I've always gave an answer to OCD even though that's what it wants and answer an argument in my humanities class I've learned of a a skeptic you know a skeptic would be like with debate something that you know has 100% uncertainty you can't prove it you can't disprove it therefore it must be true but I know that knowledge doesn't require 100% certainty and over the past few months for weeks I should say I've learned to calm down to just let the anxiety be there let the thought be there and just just don't say anything if you know the answer the answer being false by the way that these interests of thoughts are here because I'm afraid of being delusional and so on and so forth yes the thought itself is pretty creepy but I know it's not true but I'm not going to argue with my mind I don't have to remind myself that it's not real I can just sit there and just know that if I'm silent I already know my answer but the worst thing is it's just these crazy thoughts always appear like for instance I was sick I was sick really bad and you know I'm Hispanic and you know sometimes they have Hispanic remedies like my mom would boil some water put some like lime and all that stuff some clothes for the skin some some remedy like that when someone's sick and today I felt better I'm not sick no more and my mom gave me that and I so I took a shower and then came a thought or what if they want me to have extra flavor before they're going to eat me and I'm like I noticed the thought and the anxiety immediately came up but then I asked myself why the hell am I anxious if I know that this is delusional why the hell am I anxious have I trained my mind long ago to be afraid of all kinds of crazy thoughts and therefore it learned that and the anxiety was there but I I took the shower anyway to prove it wrong well actually no do not even prove it at all because I know it's crazy I've had all kinds of crazy intrusive thoughts just as like my mind teasing me to see how I'm going to react and it all circles around the stupid lizard one it was like what if they have telekinetic Powers what if they can read my mind what if they can do this what if that what if this what if that it's like all this crazy b******* like I want it gone like these intrusive thoughts are so f****** scary because I have a big fear of believing it I know I shouldn't look for reassurance and I was doing really good not giving attention to OCD I was living I was with my family I was happy but then came a weird wacky thought and came in like oh I was like oh yeah I'm just going to take the shower going to put the remedy on me because well it's for the sickness and and I tried my best to not like ask questions to my mom about it because it would make me seem paranoid and that's a that's a symptom of schizophrenia or whatever but I am like I can't I have to ask but I noticed deep down if I do then that would make me seem paranoid but I asked my mom what was the purpose of it what does it really do and deep down I know it's for sickness I know it without a doubt and then I asked why didn't she do it for my little brother who was always so sick he was the first one sick and then I got sick she said because you were hit the hardest and in a way I guess I was and she said I also did it for myself but my mind kept saying oh what if they're doing this and all that and I've come to realize now as I'm talking did I fell for OCD strap it wants a reaction from just like the the skeptic wood in an argument is there uncertainty well I mean how can you prove something delusional you can't OCD like can't prove anything there isn't I'm a very logical person so I know I don't believe this crap I don't want to believe it it's just why do I get anxious is what I getting at the fact that I'm getting anxious in the first place about the intrusive thought makes me anxious what does that mean does that mean I'm crazy makes it feel real but I know it's not real I'm sorry for a really really long post but can anyone relate

I’m so sick of having ROCD. I cannot stop crying.

So I tried practicing my exposure therapy this morning but it backfired big time. I look up a certain topic to trigger my OCD and all it did was lead me into doom scrolling on my phone. I didn't catch myself until much later. Ever since I think I had a seizure from stress due to my OCD I feel like I can't practice without spiraling or getting frustrated. It's one topic in particular that causes me to spiral but my therapist said avoidance only makes things worse later on. I wish I could mention the topic but I don't want to start a verbal fight. What does anyone think? Should I avoid the topic or keep trying until my therapy sticks?

I just realised today, after maybe 25 years of fighting this disorder, its root is probably my desire to be "secure" like the compulsion to align everything I do so that I am as secure from harm as possible. That's it. I am obsessed with feeling okay and in peace, and the more I try to feel okay and in peace, of course my mind the more does not let me. And since my sexual identity is probably the largest component of what makes me me, it has taken the largest damage. All the checking, interrogating and reviewing or finding out behaviour simple stem from this. And I simple lived without heed to what I want. Just letting random thoughts and feelings to direct my life. Never stopping to question how comes that I don't think about what I want to do, but about how my ocd may react to it.

How real can this stuff feel because it feels indistinguishably real? I have this “knowing” feeling and constant knot in pit of stomach that changes in intensity, but never fully passes, and that makes me feel it’s a “real” problem, as it’s been so persistent for so long. I have had other subsets in the past but SO-OCD is the most stubborn subset I’ve ever experienced and that makes me feel like it’s evidence it’s real. I really feel like the exception. Some thoughts come, strike and eventually pass and then may return, like a game of whack-a-mole, but some of the SO-OCD ones haven’t fully left since they arrived and I’m scared that means that the thoughts that come and go and bounce about are OCD and these ones that are firmly stuck and always whirling around somewhere, whether at the back or forefront of mind, are intuition. This is my biggest barrier to getting treatment, as I feel so convinced if I stop compulsions it will solidify “the truth” and then l’ll have no choice but to accept it and will have to leave my boyfriend. That’s the last thing I want, but “what if what I want and what I am meant to have are different things”? I get thoughts like “you can’t choose/change your sexuality, this is who you are? ROCD and SO-OCD pass ball to one another, but SO-OCD is the most dominant theme. Anyone got may advice or can anyone relate? I’m terrified it’s true.

When I met my partner couple years ago he always been like dry never initiated intimacy ever I find that a little bit weird at the beginning but I thought that would change and it never did. He used to cuddle buy gifts do all good at the beginning still do but never nothing about intimacy all this years I been wasting it arguing with him on why he never do that the answer was I dk I grow up without affection so he doesn’t show it or do it but he still love me ? This affect my self esteem through the years thinking it was about my body and overthinking everything I don’t think is part of my ocd or maybe it is I overthinking everything in a relationship but isn’t a lie that he never been a se*xual person ever this affected me a lot I hate telling people what to do and they still don’t do it and if I have to ask for it I don’t longer want it that should happen without me asking it also shouldn’t have to be me the only one to initiate it right now it been 1 a year and 9 months without any because I m done on forcing it is right now is so late of course I m overthinking right now and feeling like 💩 just venting I don’t have no one to talk about this by the way we live together we have kids and been on roommate phase for years years thank you for reading I would appreciate any advice life just suck