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Can I tt smb please and please have a conversation with I need help badly...

So ocd, doesn't take it easy on me. I am always tired and overstimulated my thoughts are running wild. And my emotions always lurking on the surface. I had a shitty day today. I have had the tabbo thoughts. Way too Sexual. I dont have the gut to share them for you tho. So my mom and dad started attacking me about how i am always mean and a bitch and how i am a bully and ruin lives. Just like someone close to them did to them. It escalated quickly, and i finished the argument with the "as if you protected me in the past" its a quite sensitive topic for our family. My dad left and came back with red teary eyes. And now my mom gives me death stare looks. And now i truly feel bad. I have really become what i always hated. But its not only my fault. My parents are too. They were supposed to make me live a safe happy childhood. I grew up always neglected, unsafe, suffering.

Yesterday I had a good day. I felt like my OCD was there but I was able to not engage with it much. The harm thoughts towards my wife and daughter I could distinguish as OCD and not feel like I wanted to actually go through with anything. Then OCD decided to tell me because I’m doing better it means I’m crazy and will act on my thoughts. Now today I’m back in the feeling of having to act on my thoughts. I don’t want to harm anyone but my OCD tells me I have to or I’m going to keep feeling anxious all the time.

Does anyone feel like they don’t have any friends or like they’re not really able to let their guard down and be themselves with anyone? I feel like I have an obsession with not having real strong relationships, like I’m broken. Not only because I see other people having so much connection with friends and family, but also comparing my current self to a past self that didn’t seem to struggle with this. At least until I got hurt or my trust was broken and then I closed off; but that happens to everyone, so then I just judge myself for being too sensitive, too self-involved and taking things too personally, so much so that it’s ruined my relationships and any chance at real authentic friendships or partnerships. I used to want to create shows and art with people because that’s how I felt most vulnerable and able to really connect authentically, but then I didn’t do it, and now I regret it because it feels like it’s too late. Mostly just venting, but I am really curious if other folks feel totally alone/isolated and like they don’t have anyone that really knows them or that they full trust. I really just want a good friend again.

Adults only Random but it would just be nice to be confident in myself and in the idea of dating people and asking people out. Can't really do that though because of all of the shame I have about how porn has been in my life and affected it so much. Just thinking about it makes my feel very isolating and really disgusting as a person and I just wish I could take it all away. Take it all back I guess. Idk, that's really it. I just wish I had the courage to ask out the person I like. I see plenty of people around me interested in other people, dating other people, and I have my chance right there but I feel like I'm blowing it and have been blowing it for so long. Even if I were to ask out this person, it just feels so disengenuous because they don't know about these secrets the I keep from my friends and family from this porn use. Worse, I just find myself going back to it. That's it I guess. I don't know if anyone else relates. I have one very good friend of mine here that strongly relates, which is nice to have. But I still feel alone about it. I feel like it's my fault completely too.

I was struggling, for months I was having a hard time. My OCD was triggered in the month of April this year and that’s where it began. It was really hard and for a month it got more and more difficult. Then I decided to find some therapy near me. It was talk therapy and it was nice, but I was still struggling, and I needed more guidance. During this time, it was so bad I was counting the days in between my therapy sessions when I first started talk therapy. Throughout talk therapy, I realized that I needed more help and I needed someone who can speak my language and you can understand the thoughts and feelings that I’m having. I’m sure that we all go through that when first dealing with Obsessive compulsive disorder. I didn’t understand it myself, maybe that’s what I say now, but maybe underneath all that misunderstanding. It was anger at the fact that this was happening to me. I felt angry. I was compulsively washing my hands 70 times every day I was basically hiding from people when they were talking to me, and I could barely touch food with my hands. I was suffering from contamination OCD, and before I knew it had engulfed my life. Fear became a bad friend. It was my biggest indulgence. I feared absolutely everything and anything. It was difficult. I felt alone, isolated, and hopeless. I was reaching a boiling point and that’s when I decided to go with NOCD and give it a try. Fast-forward months later, my life feels so much different. I still struggle on a daily basis but nowhere near as much as I once did. I feel like I mention it every session, but it’s crazy how much progress I made I’m always telling my therapist that I’m doing things that I once thought were impossible like touching my face, easily eating food with my hands, or looking at others when they’re talking to me. These were things that I literally couldn’t do a couple months ago. I still struggle every single day, but I’m learning every single day. I’m 25 years old and in my 25 years of living OCD has been the hardest thing that I’ve ever gone through and if you’re reading this, I want you to know that you can heal. It takes time and you have to keep it up. You can’t quit. Even as of writing this I’ve been going through some spikes lately, but I want you to know that you can get through this. In one of my sessions, I use the analogy of hitting a tire with a stick. The analogy came from a story that my Dad would tell me about him growing up in Mexico and how he would hit a tire with a stick for fun. You have to keep hitting the tire with the stick for the tire to keep going and you have to view your OCD/mental health the same way. You must continually work at it. I hope this post finds you all well. Recovery is possible. You are going to fight battles that no one will understand. There will not be many people in your personal life will truly understand, but give them grace and give yourself the strength to search out those who do understand. OCD is misunderstood by the masses, so find those who understand. OCD recovery is not a self rescue mission, it’s imperative that you address it, and find the help you need. Give yourself the grace needed to observe yourself without judgement. Applaud the progress you make, make a big deal out of it. Set your sights on new horizons and break through plateaus. 7 months ago I felt like I was struggling with fearfully living, now my eyes are set on living as fearlessly as I can, one day at a time. You got this. - C, (25)

What should I do if my OCD is getting way out of control, but I cannot afford therapy? Like I literally cannot function on any level right now, I can't do basic tasks. I feel ridiculous. Does nocd still have those weekly zoom calls? Like as a group, and free?

To anyone who seeks the deeper message that you're reading, I'm bout to keep it real continue on to where I'm leading. Plant a seedling deep as your demons garden of eden, after you sown go before you know it, you're reaping. The problems that it's growing slow, maybe it is just a ruse, greenery ain't showing how could it with what you're going through? Mental issues blooming unprovoked undiagnosed, getting by at most within your vision line no sign of hope. It's a parasitic cloud, Taylor made a shade of Grey diminishes from time to time but never fully fades away. Like a song stuck in your head it lingers on everyday you say this process has a point? No fucking way. Maybe I'm just lying to myself denial piled in myself the truth revealed when I'm sitting here rhyming to myself. Burning in me like a wildfire hired for my health until I brake the guise I'm crying out for help! Ruminating on this several hours seven days up out the week, never coming close to answers that I'm setting out to seek. Shackled down by the jury in my mind that can't decide which way to sway, by the time that I arrived I wasn't free. I'm imprisoned by this system till I Conquer this disease I'm hanging by a metal thread connected to a copper lead. Depression, OCD, anxiety disorder? Please. Time to cut the crap at last and admit that the act is me. If anyone has read this any would like to read the second verse, let me know and I'll post it.

Sleep is becoming my biggest issue. I think being on fluoxetine has definitely helped but since the dose is high rn (80 mg) I think its definitely exacerbating my sleep issues. Ironically, I am so tired of being tired 🥲

I read Dr. Greenberg article but I can’t seem to apply it.

Has anyone else ever feared being bipolar? My postpartum was smooth until I hit 4 months pp and then it quickly went left. I woke up one morning and had a panic attack which changed everything. I started thinking I had cancer, my heart was going to stop at any second, had a DVT, literally every physical illness. I was constantly googling my symptoms, etc. I was fine for a month and then I feared going crazy and losing my mind. I believe I had DP/DR which didn’t help. I couldn’t eat, lost so much weight and etc. I’m now 16 months pp and I fear that it all stemmed from being bipolar? Not sure why I think this but maybe because when I’m really anxious I get irritated and then I’m ok when I’m distracted. When I’m not tired or can’t sleep I fear it’s mania, when I’m happy I fear it’s mania, when I’m not anxious I fear it’s mania, etc. everyday I’m anxious about sleeping and if ill be able to sleep and if not then it could mean mania, etc. has anyone else had this experience?

Hi everyone, this is my first post here so sorry if the format is off. I’ve been working with my therapist for about a year and a half. I’m not clinically diagnosed, but based on everything I’ve shared, she believes I have OCD. My obsessions shift over time, and for the past six months it has focused on relationship OCD around friendships. I constantly analyze whether the people I feel close to actually feel the same way about me. If I don’t get the exact kind of reassurance I’m hoping for, I spiral. Therapy hasn’t helped this specific issue much yet, and honestly it feels like it’s getting worse. I keep convincing myself that I have no friends, that I’m a loser, and that I’m basically a social reject in my town. I’ve even gotten into this pattern where I obsessively Snapchat people every single day because I’m terrified that if I don’t, they’ll forget about me or think I don’t care. Then I end up feeling like I’ve annoyed them. And when there’s a group outing with the girls in my town and I’m not invited, I get devastated for weeks. I don’t know if that’s normal or not, but it feels like confirmation that I’m rejected and don’t belong. I talk to a lot of people on Snapchat and I have several male friends (I’m female), but my OCD tells me that male friends don’t count and that having a big female friend group is the only “normal” way to be. That thought really eats at me. I want to put myself out there, but I get too scared. I’ve tried apps like Bumble BFF but never follow through. I’ve messaged old friends to hang out, but I get anxious about going to the things they do. The strange part is that I’m not even sure what I’m looking for anymore. I just know I’ve had good and bad friendships, and I can tell there are people I’d genuinely love to be friends with and others I don’t really want in my life. I’m not sure what to do next or how to break out of this loop. Any insight or similar experiences would mean a lot.

I feel like I don't see much about the type of OCD I'm experiencing, so maybe others can relate? I got engaged in April and have the most incredible fiancé. He is kind, understanding, and tells me constantly that he would never leave me in a million years. But losing him, my best friend and the love of my life, is my absolute worst fear in this world. I would never be the same. I'm an independent person, so I don't want this to sound like I depend on this relationship in an unhealthy way, but he isn't just my partner, he is literally my best friend. I mean seriously, we have so much fun together, we love each other so much, and he is just the biggest blessing. I have this fear that I'm going to do something or think something that would essentially be the thing that he leaves me for. So now, I'm constantly in this state of worry, feeling like I need to confess these thoughts to him. They may be intrusive, or have some logic to them but are essentially not a big deal and not worth saying. But anything that could be perceived as negative, I have to tell him. Like for example, I thought of something as a flaw on him, and I immediately spiraled and had to tell him just to make sure he wouldn't leave me for that. I essentially feel like if I don't say anything, I'm lying to him, and that I'm keeping something from him. I constantly tell myself, "he loves you so much, he would never leave you." but then I'm like, "Yeah, but what if this is the last straw? If he knew, would his feelings change?" I'm back in therapy for my OCD now, because this has really been affecting me, and it's just terrible. I feel like I don't deserve the happy moments I have with him, or at all. Like, I don't deserve to be present in the moment.

my friend has a girlfriend who met on tinder abroad and they started seeing each other as she came to our country. (i haven't heard from him for a while because i was focused on my studies, so I don't actually know if they're still together, i hope not) The issue is that she lied to my friend on being 19 the whole time she was with him, and she actually was 3 years younger than him. He didn't know that and still had s&x with her a few times. During her stay in my country she was still 16 (he wasn't aware) and my friend had just become like 20 a week ago, she would have become 17 a month later. My friend discovered it during her stay, and i'm afraid about the possibility that he could have had s&x even after discovering the age, because maybe he could have thought that he had just become 20 and that she was basically 17, while on paper until that following month she would have been 16. My friend is a good guy, I do not know how to ask this without sounding weird. I asked advice before and some people think he's a creep and deverses to be arrested. He's not that type of person I can assure you that. I think it mainly lies on ignorance and stupidy rather than malice, since, while not personally agreeing with it, a 3 years age gap in my country is considered not weird, even though i find it personally inappropriate. I will try to confront him about such topic, and make him realise it's inappropriate. I don't know what should I actually do. I don't want to break that 10 years friendship. Wouldn't a good friend be someone who made him understand and make sure they don't repeat it again instead of cutting them off their life completely? And to what degree is something forgivable or not acceptable? If he still kept the relationship and put on hold any se^ual rapport, after gaining the age gap context, but was unsure if to still try to keep the romantical relationship as he catched feelings (they've been in a 1 year distant relationship), and then came to his sense and break it off, would i be still allowed to be his friend? and what if the worse happened? not thinking deeply abt it and generalising the fact that they were basically 17 and 20 and kept having s&xual rapports? I don't know what could I do in such case. I really hope he didn't. I'll talk to him about it. But please offer any help.

Adults only So I watch adult content and I'm trying not to be ashamed of that. It's something I'm sure almost all of us seen and may watch. Does anyone else struggle with POCD and see content that has fictional minors and it's just disgusting? You don't search for it but it still comes up anyway? Whether it's channels that have the content that is okay but then you go on their channel and they have disgusting stuff on their channel but you hope that they are just adults? Whether it's playlists, channels, it's annoying when people upload stuff like this and it's gross. I don't ever search for stuff like this but it still comes up and I only try to watch content I'm comfortable with. I get horrible flare ups and intrusive thoughts related to POCD whenever this happens. Worse, I'll watch something with a character I think is an adult and I get really worried about their age and then I get thoughts that say "You were attracted to this minor and didn't know her age" which really hurts me mentally too Do people without OCD just not care about this stuff?? I'm sure they do but not to this extent. If they see it, do they get very disturbed for a long time? I just don't know what to do. I feel very alone in this.

I’ve been having so many sleepless nights lately. I’ve always dealt with insomnia from rumination, but now that I’ve stopped smoking weed to fall asleep, I’m realizing how much it was covering up. My brain literally will not turn off. It is not even conscious thoughts. It is like my subconscious is running in the background while my eyes are closed. It feels more like I am stuck in meditation than actually sleeping. Last night I got maybe thirty minutes of real sleep. My body is so used to this that I still get up when my alarm goes off, but I am a zombie the whole day. I tried to lay back down around 8 a.m. for just an hour, and when I opened my eyes it was 8:52. I was not actively thinking about anything. It is just this quiet mental noise that keeps my whole body restless while I am praying for REM. Melatonin does nothing for me. I tried it again and it did not change anything. I am honestly scared my system is out of sync, and part of me keeps wanting to go back to weed because at least I slept. But I am trying to stay sober and clear headed, and I also have this dental implant so I really should not be smoking anyway. Just needed to get this out. If anyone has dealt with this level of insomnia, what helped you? I am struggling.

Do you have personal experience with OCD medication, and do you would recommend one over another? Up until 2.5 years ago, I thought I had general anxiety with OCD thrown in. Then I determined that it's actually OCPD and OCD calling the shots, and they cause me general anxiety. I've been taking Citalopram for GAD the past 11 years, and I don't think it's as effective anymore. I would also like to try something that's prescribed for OCD. I've done my research and have come across a couple I want to talk to my doctor about, but it's always good to hear others' experiences too.

How does one get over a breakup? I have very little experience will take any ideas

Hi all 👋 I’m posting out of curiosity—would anyone like to share their experience with Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS) therapy? I’ve heard very good things (low side effects, high chance of positive results, once a year treatment cycle) but would love to hear personal stories about your experiences too (both good and bad welcome!).

my friend has girlfriend who met on tinder abroad and they started seeing each other as she came to our country. The issue is that she lied to my friend on being 19 the whole time she was with him, and she actually was 3 years younger than him. He didn't know that and still had s&x with her many times. During her stay in my country she was still 16 and my friend had just become like 720 a week ago, she would have become 17 a month later. My friend discovered it during her stay, and i'm afraid he kept having s&x after discovering the age gap during that time frame where on paper they would have been 4 years apart . My friend is a good guy, I do not know how to ask this without sounding weird