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working to conquer OCD
my parents just made me have a phone call with some psychologist and without going into detail about my POCD, and the psychologist said she doesnt think i have OCD. and im having a breakdown. i dont know what to do.
I found out more information about my husbands past and my brain is like what if you can’t handle it. What if you never loved him. And it keeps picking out flaws about him. My brain keeps trying to get the connection back but I’m very dissociated. I try to not do mental compulsions. But I feel like everything I’ve done is compulsive all my life. This is the hardest crash I’ve had with OCD in 15 years. I found out info after we got married that wasn’t a dealbreaker at all. But it went against my irrational beliefs I guess you could say. But I try to explain OCD to my husband and it’s hard to just “get over” stuff. He is a great person and kind and I know that editing the relationship the retroactive jealously and same things would apply. This only happens when I get really close to somebody. And ocd wants perfection. How have people gotten over this with very severe ocd with legit every theme? Especially with no emotions and constant anxiety. I also don’t work or anything. OCD has crippled me. But this is the worst theme I’ve had in a long time and it hit me 2 weeks ago. The thoughts keep looping in my head and all I feel is anxiety. I don’t want to hurt our relationship. I am feeling really guilty about myself too. And trying to run towards the anxiety. But it’s all consuming. 24/7. Plus other life stressors. I try to distract and I try to do other things. But I’m not even here. This isn’t his fault at all and it’s an internal battle. I also have shit self esteem. I confessed some of the thoughts to him even. Which is a no no. 😞
I know confessing is not necessarily positive all the time but it’s important for me to say this anonymously so that I can say it one day to my therapist. I have become terrified to look at Asian people. My ROCD attached to my boyfriend’s racist past in his early teens, and despite his genuine effort towards change and the fact he’s been an incredible partner to me as a POC We’ve had some amazing conversations and he had made so many choices (dropping friends, reporting racism in institutions, standing up for me, advocating for minorities online, boycotting) that prove he has truly changed over the years. However my OCD’s attachment to his past has become the main theme of my life and was the reason I first sought therapy- I felt like I was going insane, like there was a physical, staticky, black wall between us. I’d have images of people of colour and things I knew he had said flash in my mind. I feared and imagined the judgement of all around me, while being genuinely happy to be with him. Last summer while in conversation he almost said a racial slur regarding Asian people (while reading it and referencing it). He stopped himself before he finished the word and apologised profusely. But it spiralled me into a depression- for a while I almost couldn’t even get out of bed. I felt debilitated. It made me realise there was something wrong. Since then (over a year) I feel genuinely fear, sometimes edging on terror when I see, talk to or interact with Asian people. On social media I can’t watch them in videos, in person I find myself between staring and being unable to look. It makes me feel disgusting. I’ve convinced myself it means I must be truly, deeply racist, even though I’m a POC. I’m getting better, over time, but also I’m so afraid still. I want to watch their content, I want to form authentic friendships, but my brain tells me I have betrayed them, that they wouldn’t want to be my friend, that they would hate me, that I don’t deserve to be in their spaces, that I’m racist and so is he. I’m not yet ready to tell my therapist. But u am grateful to have told all of you.
Anyone get this in the beginning and it go away? I posted yesterday how I was feeling pretty good. But realistically it’s only 2 weeks into 5mg so it’s early on and I’ll probably need to move up to 10mg. I’m feeling out of it today like the anxiety isn’t there but it’s like derealization/a calm anxiety if that makes sense lol. Like I just don’t feel real:/
I am very new to this app and to accepting that I likely have OCD. I am not diagnosed yet, but I have suspected that I have it for years now. I think ignoring it/feeding the reassurance loop led to my first really bad panic attack a few days ago that put me in the hospital and essentially forced me to stop hiding my struggle from my loved ones. I had another one last night, and out of habit I’m already hiding my feelings from my loved ones. I’m having thoughts that I know are OCD but they’re very hard to get past because they feel so logical? Some examples: -I shouldn’t tell anyone because it wasn’t as bad as the one that hospitalized me -my loved ones are already tired of hearing me talking about it and I feel bad burdening them -I just had the last one and if I tell people about this one I’ll look like I’m attention seeking -I don’t want people to ask what the trigger was so I shouldn’t bring it up if I don’t want to have to answer that question I’m naming them here not for reassurance, but to help myself hopefully label these things as OCD per usual trying to keep me from getting help. The hardest part of this journey so far has been accepting that there are so many things that feel like normal, rational thoughts and feelings that having been hurting me and feeding a vicious cycle for years on end. It feels unreal because these things have become such subtle integrated parts of my life and my routine, and telling myself those things are harmful just feels wrong. It’s like what I have considered my “gut feeling” for years isn’t actually my intuition looking out for me, but is an overactive fear response that has been isolating me from everything and I’ve never questioned it because the isolation, the reassurance, feels good and like the right thing to do. How do I push past these thoughts and be honest with my loved ones about my struggling? How do I rewire my brain to stop the reassurance seeking and compulsions when it’s the only thing that’s made me feel better all these years?
I was just on tik tok and I seen this girl talking about how she only stayed in her relationship cause she didn’t wanna hurt him, but she was mentally gone and now I’m panicking, and I’m scared. It triggered me so bad, and I’m numb, like I don’t feel anything for my bf and that scares me. It feels like when I say “I wanna be with him” that I’m lying. Idk what to do, it feels so real, and I try to just sit with the feeling and the thoughts but then it feels like I’m giving into them, and the urge to leave get stronger. I’m scared this isn’t ocd. Idk what to do
Hocd now tells me that I do have OCD but I'm gay at the same time which means I'm gay and obsessing over being one bcz my religion doesn't allow it so it's a part of religious OCD. I don't know why the more this theme stays, the lesser interesting the life gets and the worst is that I don't feel much anxiety from this specific symptom so it's sickening. I just feel exhausted and dead to fight anymore. Bcz of these constant thoughts I feel like I really am gay and just devastated now
I enjoyed going to the concert and I had just regular earplugs but of course my OCD after it feels like my ears are ringing and now I’m worried I did damage to my hearing or have tinitius. I’m afraid I should’ve got professional earplugs. I have been worried for a week straight
I've recently found a way of dealing with my intrusive thoughts and compulsions, but now that I don't get anxious about the thoughts I feel oddly empty, like I keep wondering whats going on, why is this not hitting me like it used to. What do I do with myself now? I don't miss the way these thoughts had a choke hold on me, but I feel like I need to fill my life with something better, but i just don't know what. Has anyone else had this happen?
Does anyone else experience this? Every single look my partner has that somehow involves another woman, no matter who she is, triggers me. Today He looked at a woman multiple times. Today he told me he could understand if I got jealous over a young woman, but in this case, I was jealous about a 45-year-old waitress. We are both in our twenties. He apparently looked at her simply because there was movement, so everything was without any intention behind it. It didn’t come out of his mouth, “You don’t have to worry, I’m not interested in other women.” I asked him why he doesn’t say that, and he said that for him, it’s just obvious not to look at other women. Because he usually tells me that he doesn’t look at other women, and now suddenly he doesn’t say the sentence because it’s obvious to him and that’s why he doesn’t say it. Every look triggers intense jealousy in me. I also find myself worrying about contradictory statements, like when he says he doesn’t look at other women, but then there was a situation where he did look — and I can’t just let that go because it makes me feel so uncertain. Should I use ERP here, or does this sound like a real relationship problem? I’m really struggling to tell whether this is OCD or not, and whether I should practice ERP or talk to my partner. In my eyes, it’s a contradiction, and I can hardly stand not bringing it up. Next situation : I’m having a really hard time figuring out if my reaction is OCD-driven or if it’s an actual relationship problem. Some time ago, my partner and I had a conflict about him looking at a woman. At first, he said he didn’t look at her and didn’t even know who I meant. Later in the conversation, he said he had looked in that direction, but not at her specifically. For me, this feels like a contradiction — first saying he didn’t know who I meant, then saying he looked in the direction. My mind instantly goes to: Was he lying? Was he hiding something? and I can’t stop replaying it. I’m stuck wondering: • Is this just a change in wording/memory that I’m overanalyzing because of OCD? • Or is it a sign of dishonesty that I should address in the relationship? It’s so hard for me not to bring it up again to “get the truth,” and the uncertainty feels unbearable. This is why I’m unsure if I should treat it as an ERP opportunity and let the doubt be, or if it’s something that should be openly discussed. did it sound like OCD? should i do ERP here or should i talk about it ? i’m so helpless right now.
When I cannot trust my own written down memories, I don't want to go through an ERP or accept uncertainty! What do we live for, if we cannot just believe, what we had experienced.. ? All I want is to believe all of my good and the bad experiences actually happened!
I want to start by specifying that I am not diagnosed. This feels too real, yesterday I was fine about this, I didn't feel much, I didn't think much and I felt fine, Today I woke up from dreams I had (not explicit) but I really feel like I am this, I don't know how to explain it, I feel like I sexualize everything, I feel like I like it and it makes me uncomfortable, I always feel different from everyone else, but in a bad way. I don't know how to explain it, but I really feel like this is who I am, and what happens to me is that I can't identify with OCD. I avoid everything that reminds me of this And I feel that sometimes I downplay the issue of my "OCD" as if it were not serious and it is
ROCD: Hi all, I am brand new here. I have ROCD. Because of very long complex trauma and mistrust issues I have always thought that if I have a “perfect start” in my relationship I will be safe. A situation when two meet people meet and live happily ever after. I met my partner on hinge in Feb 2024- and at the time we were both attracted to eachother but things didn’t work out. He didn’t show up the way I needed him to and I was in a place in my life where I genuinely didn’t want to take any shit or settle or waste my time. He did keep reaching out but between stopping to reply to him in April and then later getting upset in June when I agreed to meet, and then he couldn’t make the time we had discussed- I was pretty frustrated for even giving him another chance and then just told him that that won’t work for me and I wasn’t really sure what to say. He stopped reaching out then. A couple months later he started reaching out again and I did ignore him but finally gave in in Nov 2024, decided to meet and then we started seeing eachother. We are both in a very very loving space and think it is a meant to be soulmate situation. We are in love. But my OCD has made me suffer to a point where my partner is also suffering. I was dating other people last year until we finally properly started dating and he didn’t date others but after the last time when I told him in June that I wasn’t sure what to say anymore and he stopped reaching out he did get with someone from his past a couple of times. I constantly get intrusive thoughts about why he stopped talking to me then, did he choose someone else over me, and everytime I think of that encounter he had with her I have a Panic attack. The truth is that he has never pursued anyone alongside or over me. He has told me that whenever I did give him a chance he always pursued me. He told me in June that when I responded the way I did he felt rejected, that I wasn’t interested, that I didn’t want him and so he stopped reaching out and tried to move on. He said that he obviously couldn’t stop thinking about me and even though he thought the door was shut he tried again later. He said the only reason he stopped reaching out was because he didn’t want to pester me when I clearly didn’t show any interest and thought he has lost his chance. I know for a fact that during that time I was in a boss girl era. In my I don’t settle for shit era and was so frustrated with his behaviour that I pretty much did want him to stop wasting me time and I was so done that there was no way I would have tried to make another time with him because I did think I deserved better. But my ROCD AND FALSE MEMORY OVD SAYS: did you actually shut the door? Did he just give up because you’re too much? Did he choose that girl over you? Why did he get with this girl ? What is your story? What is the reality and the truth? It’s consuming and messing me up. I know our story is as simple as boy meets girl- boy is going through stuff and girl doesn’t settle for what he can give at the time so doesn’t show interest and shuts the door. Boy really wants to pursue her but feels she doesn’t want him so tries to move on. They go their seperate ways, but later despite all odds the boy gains confidence to reach out again and after months of pursuit the girl finally agrees to another chance and when she does she doesn’t see the boy she initially shut the door on, she sees the man he has become and they fall deeply in love. It’s a Story of the girl who stood by her worth and value and never gave into anything less than what she deserved, and about a boy who worked very hard on himself and with perseverance and courage was able to finally show up for the woman he wanted to be with. It’s not a perfect story. And even though it’s beautiful MY ROCD gives me constant doubt and makes me feel constantly unsafe.
Does anyone know why my feed is like this it’s so triggering. Idk if it’s because I always consume and engage with it or if it’s because it’s an actually sign and I keep pushing it off
So my dad is a pretty emotionally unavailable man, and I am a very very emotional person. He messaged me today and told me that his dog passed away today and that he had a heartbreaking past few days. I, of course, became very emotional and sent him a long message expressing my sorrow and apologies. I highlighted what a good dog dad he was and how lucky his pup was to have him. He said thank you and reiterated that it's been really hard. His messages were short, just one sentence each. He rarely expresses himself or becomes emotional, but since he said that he had a heartbreaking few days and that it's been hard, I took it upon myself to open up to him and say more things that I found kind and comforting, as well as tell him how much I love him and how I'll always be here if he needs to talk. I feel like I messed up though. After his first message, I sent one that was about a paragraph long. After his second one, I got the feeling that he was in deep pain and I wanted to comfort him as much as I could. So I sent him another long message back. I said some things about how the more you love someone, the harder it is to lose them. I said that she was obvioysly very very loved (and I was insinuating that it was understandable to be fully devestated due to the level of love he had for her). I talked about what a happy girl she was, and how you could always see the love and gratitude in her eyes. She was rescued from a breeding situation, and you could genuinely feel the love radiate off of that dog. I talked about how obvious it was that she loved him and my stepmom more than anything in the world. He never messaged me back and I think he went to sleep (he goes to bed pretty early). And now I'm freaking out about sending such long messages in response to his short albiet heartbreaking ones. He's not an emotional man, and I feel selfish for getting so emotional and saying so many things about their bond. I don't want to upset him more. I was trying to say what I would want someone to say to me in the same situation, but now I feel stupid because we are very different people and I'm afraid I got too emotional. I just wanted to comfort him as much as I could without him needing to ask for it, but I feel like I overstepped and maybe he messaged me this more to let me know the situation rather than ask for comfort. I'm especially afraid and ashamed of saying "the more you love, the more it hurts. And she was a very, very loved girl". I'm afraid he's going to take this as infanilizing him or acting like I know more about grief and death than he does. Because obviously he knows the more you love someone the harder it is to lose them. So idk why I said that. I just wanted to be as comforting as I could because I'm so far away and I can't be there for him in person. I want him to know how much I understand his pain (I have a very senior cat that I have already mourned greatly multiple times), but now I feel like I stupidly overstepped or talked down to him about something that I'm sure he knows all too well. I'm not sure if he's seen the message. I really want to unsend it, but my girlfriend thinks I shouldn't. She says it was kind and sweet, but I feel like maybe it was too much and too infantilizing for such a stoic man. So I'm stuck on what to do in regards to that. I just feel selfish and stupid for sending those messages when I was crying and emotional myself. They were genuine but I feel like they come off incredibly cringey. I type as though he lost a human companion, but that's because I view animal companionship as equal to human companionship. To me, there is little difference in losing a beloved animal friend and a human friend. But maybe he doesn't feel that way and my messages come off as "too much". Idk. I can't calm down or stop ruminating over this. I just did what I thought was right, but now I'm not so sure. I have a touch of trauma from his lifelong emotional withdrawal, and it makes me terrified to be genuine with him out of fear of being perceived as weak, stupid, or "too much". I don't want to drive him away with my emotional-ness. Idk whether to unsend the second message or not. I could really use some advice. How do you handle comforting an emotionally unavailable parent that you love, especially when OCD makes you ruminate about the wording of everything you say?
Right now, my boyfriend and I are going through a tough phase. I’ve always been very clingy and dependent — I know it, and so does he. It’s really important to me that he remembers this also makes me very vulnerable. I’m trying my best to work on this relationship, but along the way, I started to lose who I am. Meaning: I pushed away my friends, I stopped reading as much, and I’m not sleeping well, all so that we could spend more time together. In today’s conversation, he told me that he wants me to do things on my own — start writing again, reading, going out with friends. He said it’s healthy and good for me. And I agree, of course I do. But it’s the other things he said that hurt me: 1. He told me that his friends and I are on the same level in his priorities. 2. He said he’s okay with not texting me throughout the day, and okay if we talk less than three hours (we’re long-distance and only see each other once every few months). 3. He would spend time with his friends first, and only then talk to me — even when he knows I have to go to sleep soon because of work. (And even if I didn’t have work, why am I still at the end of his list?) 4. I got sick, and he didn’t text me during the day to ask how I was feeling — but he did go out with a friend. It’s killing me to see how he doesn’t seem to care about this relationship as much as I do. I just want to feel loved and cared about. And sometimes im feeling like im too harsh on him. He said that sometimes I make it hard for people to love me, because I focus too much on finding signs that they don’t. But I just know deep down, that he doesn't care Or maybe he does. And maybe this is not ocd, maybe it is, idk Im just very very sad bc of it and I needed to let it out.
Has anyone tried to read this book and put forth the principles of it? I’m trying so hard because I am deep in the bowels of an OCD spiral and dissociation and I feel like I have no life purpose because I’m jealous of everything. But I’m trying to gain self confidence and not judge my partner or others on their past and trying to not let self limiting beliefs get to me. It’s going to be a lot of work. I feel like I’ve never tried to make my own self happy ever and tried to protect myself (my inner child). But this book says that our beliefs aren’t entirely influenced by trauma? I dunno. It uses Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy.
I am currently in weekly talk therapy. And have been for years. I feel like I have gotten better in some aspects of it. But I’m just wondering what other types of therapy or treatment there is out there for OCD. Ive looked into exposure therapy and I’m not sure it’s right for me. And my therapist agrees currently
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