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does anyone else constantly suffer from intrusive thoughts? it makes my head ache & i can barely think straight.

hi yall im new here but not new to ocd. for as long as i remember ive had tendencies and ive had compulsions. when i was like 6 i remember counting my steps and that started this life long thing. i get looks in public because ive been touching each side of my face for the past 10 minutes because it “didn’t feel right”. about every one in my life knows i have severe ocd and that’s fine but my grandmother told my mom behind my back one night that i was ‘manipulating’ her and that my ocd could be fake. this is because i can’t take the trash out of the track can because i can’t risk getting sick from old food, i cant use cleaning products on my hands to clean them. i have no probably taking the trash out it’s just removing it from the bin. i can’t do the dishes because its not clean and ill have an anxiety attack because its just simply too overwhelming for my ocd. those aren’t the only things but the list is just too long to write out. but we don’t live with my grandmother anymore. when we did my ocd wasn’t as progressed as it is now and i was able to hide most of my compulsions and “rituals” (what i call them) in private, therefore she doesn’t see how much it can affect my every move. this happened a while ago but i keep thinking about it and i get in my head. when im really struggling it’s hard to not convince myself that i’ve been lying to myself and so many others for 18 years. all my compulsions and intrusive thoughts and the goddamn hallucinations i’ve had from ocd are in fact real but how can my own grandmother call me manipulative like i don’t get it truthfully. i cannot imagine a situation in which someone would go through the trouble of washing their hands 4 times, of blinking 16 times before shutting their phone off. rewriting a whole text to their boyfriend because i misspelt a word and so now the whole text is wrong or any other of these things i and SO MANY people who have ocd or ocd tendencies would go through the trouble because it is SO paralyzing. clearly i’m not going to explain myself to her because i don’t have that energy esspecially if she is going to ‘mhm’ me and then go again behind my back and tell my mom (who fully understands and has tendencies herself and knows i don’t make this stuff up) that im a manipulator.

Anyone else wish that people understood what OCD does to us and why its so hard for us to breathe or act or think like them? Its rough.

Hello! I’m new here. Unfortunately I’m not able to afford a therapist but I’ve been doing a lot of research and I think a lot of my symptoms/thoughts align with OCD. I want to share some of what I experience and see if anyone else experiences the same and what resources helped you. I think I mostly experience contamination OCD. I’m constantly worried that something I do/touch is going to make me really sick and/or die. Especially with food, I’m constantly worried that I’ll accidentally have something on my hands when I eat, then I’ll touch the food and get that on the food, eat it and get sick. So I’ll wash my hands every time my hands touch any little tiny thing again and again before I eat, same with any forks/spoons, or I’ll even think I touched cleaner a few hours ago and I’ve washed my hands several times since then and I just washed them again but they still feel dirty so even if impractical I’ll use a fork and if my hands touch the part of the fork that touches the food then I can’t eat the food any longer or use that fork. Also at work I have these thoughts that I know are ridiculous but also give me very real anxiety. Like “if I don’t finish this order before that machine beeps its a sign I’m going to die” and then I have to rush to make sure I finish fast and then I’ll be like ok that’s so stressful I’m not going to think like that any more it’s ridiculous but then the thoughts keep coming back so I have to keep rushing. This is just a little tad bit of what I experience and I would love to hear from others as I haven’t met anyone else like me before. Thank you!

TW for content I just recently had to leave an online “friend group” of 4 years. I felt completely justified for it, but part of me mourns and even cries thinking about everything back. For years, we made characters, wrote stories, laughed over calls; I truly thought they were my friends. And they even cared for me. I saw their faces, they introduced me to their lives. It really felt like my own friend group. Then suddenly, my POCD and morality fears came up due to content one of them was posting. Now, this person posted a lot of suggestive stuff, which was fine with me since we’re all adults. But some thing I started questioning, for example furry material, but in the end, I thought it was just me. It was fiction, and they said they were completely against abuse, and never had any sort of immoral attraction. Yet, it started to get worse. I was losing sleep, I was crying, I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what was happening. I was so sure who I was talking to was a bad person. Every fear I had, they had an explanation, but I would just keep finding more. The day came where I couldn’t take it anymore, and invited them to a call, where I apologized. And they said, “That’s okay, I forgive you. I’ve been accused of being a pedophile multiple times.” That broke me. Excuse me? What do you MEAN multiple times? I questioned them on this, they said it happened “probably once every 3 months”, that “I don’t know why, I guess it’s because I’m a furry and I’m into things kids like?” Even THEN, I STILL felt like I wanted to believe them. It was accusations; what was I supposed to do about that? And furries did get a lot of hate. Yet, I still avoided them. The final straw was when I went through their art page favorites and found pictures of a character (basically a parody of slenderman that was specifically meant to be sexual) interacting with a child. That was it. I couldn’t justify it anymore. I gave the info to the other members. The results after? One blocked me. One said I was “schizo-obsessive”, and the one I accused wrote a letter on their art page saying they were hurt and hoped I got help, telling me “those pictures are from when I was 16 and being edgy, they’re old” I left. I told one of them I was leaving, and that I wouldn’t be back. I cried the whole night. I look back at characters I can’t use anymore, stories thrown in the garbage. The video game we bonded over is so hard to look at now because it reminds me of them. But, I feel justified. It had gone too far, in my opinion; I couldn’t have let that slide. Those pictures, the accusations, the constant question. And I’ll never know if I was right or wrong, but they were just that: people online. And I regret ever making a connection. It still hurts, and I wish I could just let it go. I don’t want to go back to them, I can’t. I can’t risk talking to bad people. But the hurt is still there.

Does anyone know if weed helps ocd symptoms?

signs of comphet (comphet is when lesbians who don’t know it and just follow norms and believe there straight) ive felt: “I never really felt anything when kissing boys and totally thought that was normal… I talk to men, go on dates, but I think it’s to keep my life ‘interesting’ and have something to talk about with friends.” • lack of deep, natural emotional connection • trying to replay moments where i “felt” something with my boyfriend (probably arousal or excitement from being wanted, not actual sexual/romantic attraction) to again remind myself of my “attraction” towards them• talking about my boyfriend to other people made me feel “cool”, “worthy”, “interesting” and felt like a way to prove myself • being able to clearly articulate all the reasons I liked a guy crush/my boyfriend (he’s smart, funny, kind, handsome, etc) whereas with a girl crush I can’t exactly put my finger on why I like them but I’m just naturally drawn to them • never missing my exes or feeling heartbroken about them (i would feel sad from being lonely and no longer having that daily routine of having someone to talk to, but didn’t necessarily miss that specific person) • i was always very hesitant about “becoming official” with a guy i would be seeing and would make him wait before deciding to date because i “didn’t know if i really liked him or not” (i didn’t!) only being aroused by their desire for me (this is what made me figure out I was a lesbian). • Thinking I was cooler than other girls because I didn't spend any time thinking about how cute boys were or being "boy-crazy". I was under the impression for a while that I must just be less shallow than other people because I didn't really take looks into account when I had a crush on a boy, I only factored in their personality. Turns out this is called not being attracted to men and just wanting to be their friend! XD i’m scared my experiences with men have been only comphet because they all align with this. like when i had my hocd break for two years and went back to men it aligns with comphet so now im like was me going back to men not genuine and im actually lesbian. but it’s like have i been emotionally or romantically actually attracted to a man or has it been comphet and i haven’t and i just did it because i thought i should like my sister or friends

I just got out of a 4 year relationship that ended around the beginning of February. In the beginning of the 4 year relationship I had intrusive thoughts about the way I was behaving around my partner, this went on for a few months not knowing what it was or that it was ROCD. I remember it was bad and did not want to deal with what I was feeling. I defeated it and was ok for the first 3 years after that. But it just made me feel like I wasn’t being my true, authentic , funny self I wanted to be for my partner. It was horrible. Now I’m in a new relationship that has been awesome as far as the beginning goes but now I’m back to that intrusive thought and ROCD. Irs to the point where I feel like I can’t be myself and I’m not happy or excited about anything anymore I’m constantly stressed out thinking about it.

Also Im sorry for posting so much about this type of stuff I’m just genuinely terrified and don’t know what to do Ok so last night I (16M) made a mistake of watching some stuff and had a physical reaction and I have a huge fear of bodily fluids and them infecting things and getting people infected because I think that would basically be a crime and of course I was in bed when this happened and worse part is I was on my bare mattress since I washed my covers a week ago and didn’t put them onto my bed yet but they were sitting on my bed if that makes sense and so I decide to shower change clothes spray the part I was laying down on with Lysol and also my chair and I feel asleep thinking I would clean it my room in the morning and also use my deep cleaning rug machine in the other room because I was scared thay room was also infected. So I wake up and my mind is ringing with fear telling me everything is filthy and what really scared me the most was my little brother and I used to share a room and so he had like a pile of his clean clothes on his bed which was by my bed but separated by a dresser and our room is small my chair is in the middle of our two bed and so I was scared that his clothes are now infected and I was panicking so I decided to just get up start cleaning up in the other room in order to clean the rug and I also swept the floor so I could mop later and of course chaos ensued the machine to clean the rug wasn’t working for a good hour before I got it working and then I cleaned the rug and then finished sweeping and I was going to mop before of course I made the same mistake I did last night and now my brain things everything is infected again so I quickly go shower spray the shower with Clorox foam and Lysol on the shower handle and head and I was going to wash it all off later after it sat for a bit but and I sprayed the floor with some Clorox foam just incase someone went in there before I mopped the bathroom floor and wiped it up with a towel I start preparing the mop and yep of course something else happens the pipe in the bathroom I just showered on frayed and water was pouring everywhere I told my dad he stopped it and of course I had to take everything out of the cabinet put it on the bathroom counter but my dad out some stuff in the shower and of course I’m grossed out because I didn’t rinse the Clorox out of it so to me that stuff got dirty and my dad can’t fix the sink until tomorrow so everything in there is sitting in limbo and my dad also used the mop I was gonna use to mop the house to get the water up that was covering the bathroom floor. But I mopped anyway cleaned the floor in my room and the bathroom along with what I could get in the house. Afterwards I start cleaning my room more wiping down the chair with a Lysol wipe and the dresser separating out bed I started throwing slot of stuff away like cards, coins, mail it was cluttered anyway and I tired wiping everything down to clean it the dresser the tv controllers my phone and iPad stuff like that I put some of my coins in a back I out back onto my dresser after wiping them with a Lysol wipe or ATLEAST trying and I threw some of my brothers clothes into the laundry room because I was scared it was infected I moved some stuff out of my room because I’m honestly scared to go back in there because I don’t want to get dirty again. So now I’m lying in a different room typing this terrified I forgot to clean something which would put someone at risk and thinking of how I need to go back in my room to wash my bed covers and clean my mattress but I’m so stressed I have a headache and my laptop is broken I think so another thing on my plate and I’m spiraling and have no idea what to do

Today I was walking my cat. (Yes, my cat lol. He loves exploring outside and I have a cat harness for him and I only explore near my apartment. I walk him instead of just releasing him bc ive had accidents with past pets that were run over. I never want that to happen again so i rather walk him and it helps him stay active and helps me too.) Anyway, where i live there are a lot of separate apartments (mini houses) but still are part of one section under one land lord. This neighbor was outside chilling talking on the phone, no dog in sight. He owns this dog that is the same size of a cat so i guess small but big enough where it can cause bad bite wounds to a cat. I was outside my apartment walking along the grass but also near that apartment since its a public space and i dont want to walk my cat near the main road since to many loud cars and itbwas just him on the phone, no dog seen. My cat likes sniffing the grass and walking past some apartments. There was no dog out so i assumed it was okay to walk AND ITS PUBLIC COMMON AREA THE DOG SHOULDNT BE OFF LEASH ANYHOW. My cat was smelling the grass and laid down then suddenly the neighbor's dog gets released outside (unleashed and ungated) and charges straight for my cat! I picked up my cat and ran at full speed away BUT THE DOG CHASED ME THE WHOLE WAY AND THE NEGLIGENT OWNER DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TILL HE SAW ME YELLING NO AT THEIR DOG WHILE HOLDING MY SCARED CAT! The neighbor turned away and let the dog CONTINUE TO BE UNLEASHED AND THE DOG KEPT CORNERING ME AND MY CAT it was so scary! I had to scare the dog off while my cat was tangled on his leash! I eventually was able to safely get away avoiding any bite wounds for my cat! That dog is NOT friendly! I live in a state where it's illegal to have your dogs out without leash unless you are in a fenced private property or a local dog park! The neighbor constantly does this! He takes his dog out to chill but that dog lunges at people! Stupid owner! In no way was my cat provoking this dog! He was sniffing the grass and laid down for a small nap! My cat is very friendly and I was so scared he was going to be hurt bc some idiot thinks it's fine for dogs to be unleashed! And what's worse i was with CHILDREN! My nieces were there with me walking my cat. We were all having fun peaceful walk that ended with us running straight home! IMAGINE IF THAT DOG ATTACKED MY CAT WHO WAS TANGLED AND FRIGHTENED AND IF IT GOT BLOODY??? MY NIECES AND I WOULDVE BEEN HORRIFIED!Horrible i feel so weak hours after. I remember being extremely angry and I told my mom about this and she took HIS side saying it was my fault for walking on a PUBLIC COMMON AREA THAT IS AVAILABLE FOR ALL. She says "i shouldve known better" BUT THE DOG WAS NOT OUT I THOUGHT IT WAS OKAY??? THE OWNER STILL LET HIS DOG OUT UNLEASHED HOW IS THAT MY FAULT if your dog is unfriendly why off leash! Ugh and ocd kicked in and gave me harm thoughts which are making me worry like did I mean that? Did i want to? Did i have an urge to do that to my mom bc I was frusterated she takes other's sides always? I feel sad rn. I wanted to report this guy for negligence. He didnt care if his dog attacked my pet. He didnt care if I had children that dog could've bit. It doesn't matter that the dog was the size of a cat, it still scared my nieces and I! I was mostly afraid for my pet cat since I KNEW I'm bigger than the dog but my cat isnt! He could've seriously gotten hurt! And then who would pay for the vet bills??? I sure as hell know that negligent owner wouldn't! Such a frustrating situation. 🤦‍♀️

Tw for people with pocd maybe I'm so tired of eighteen years old being consider adults or whatever i don't want to be an adult I'm fifteen I don't want to be fifteen leave me alone I want to be fourteen forever fifteen is too much I want to be fourteen I don't want to be fifteen,I never want to be an adult I want to be a child why can't I stay 13/14 forever I turned 15 19 days ago and I can't get over it leave me alone I don't want to be an adult,why do people consider 18 years olds adults when they're still in highschool and if 17 years olds are consider teens then why 18 years olds aren't when it's eightTEEN and neunTEEN,i literally saw a video of an 19 year old with an 33 year old man like it's a teen stop,and I saw a girl who's 2010 just like me say "stop treating us like kids we will be adults in 3 years" like eighteen is still so young please stop,i feel like a child,I don't feel like I will be an adult in 3 years why is 18 even consider an adult when you're still in highschool and brain develops to 25 just leave me alone please Can any adult 20+ tell me how it's like being an adult like the way you think and the way you see things? sorry for any grammar mistakes I was frustrated and English isn't mine first language

I haven’t posted here in a while but I just wanted to ask a question. While having ocd is it normal to have days when you don’t feel like talking to anyone even if you wanted to? I have felt this for a while and I can’t figure out why do I feel like that. Usually I’m a very talkative person and even when I don’t feel like talking to anyone I always talk to my boyfriend but now even talking to him feels like a burden and I just don’t understand why. This situation has also made my intrusive thoughts even worse:( Idk what to do and what to feel like, I’m feeling kind of empty and emotionless. I was diagnosed with ocd some months ago so I’m kind of new to all this stuff and that’s why I’m asking. I don’t want to ask questions in a compulsive way and I try very hard to avoid it if that makes any sense. I would be very grateful if someone could answer me:)

I feel like I've been doing good with trying to get better. Sticking to therapy as much as I can (with ups and downs). But I just feel somehow more blue than ever. Anyone else feel like that? My self talk is such a drag. Im trying to shake it.

Hi hi, my therapist recommended i look into medication options to help with my treatment. i want to try meds, but im a little weary after an evil zoloft experience,, though that could just be that zoloft is generally evil lol. what are your guy’s experiences (good or bad) w meds/what did you take? i know they aren’t a sole solution but im looking for all the help i can get. thank you!!!

I had OCD earlier in life, but it came and gone. For the last 4.5 it's been one thing after another, though. Today I felt especially grossed out by my POCD and I feellike I'm losing last hope that I had. I hate to sound awfully dramatic, but I want to clarify things a little bit and ask for advice. So I've been taking antidepressants up until some point, had a break and then started taking them again. In the beginning of this month, I finally finished that second course. This time it lasted 1.5 years. It's important to note that for the last half year I was pretty proactive in finding solutions to my ocd, finding new methods and reading articles. It probably did help, but mostly in short-term. Today I felt like my symptoms (it's mainly groinal response) were scaringly prominent and it made me really depressed. Do I have to start all over? It never got good enough in the first place, so I'm not even sure if it's possible to cure. I admit I might've not been pushing myself enough to do the scariest possible things, but that doesn't mean I didn't do ERP. Now, to the venting part. I'm not sure if anything really helped: if I'm relaxed it's probably just a matter of good mood. I'm anxious when going outside. I feel like I don't deserve friends because of my "dirty" secret -- I feel incredibly ashamed for groinal sensations. There were times when I'm sure it wasn't a phantom feeling, but a real one I caused. But I can't undo anything, so it has to stay with me. My family really loves me, so of course killing myself was never an option. But I still hate myself. I'm too tired to keep on fighting with OCD and bearing the burden of those very shameful events is too hard. What do I do? Maybe I'm just not adapted to living without antidepressants, so I'm being too emotional and all I should do is continue doing ERP. But my point is that I'm too exhausted. Thank you for reading. I see many here have a similar problem, I hope you're staying strong. I'd love to help you all, but I'm afraid that right now I'm not suit for giving out good life advice

My favourite animal is me when i cry because its possible to be gay and have hocd. Im so tired.i know im just 14.i know. Im simply like men.i know I shouldn’t think about this,but my ocd keep telling me that im not,because i have no experience.I don’t like or want women.i dont.i dont want it to happen.im not homophobic.i try to accept it because im afraid to not be honest with myself,but the pain is more and more. Im afraid that i wont love a man in future,and that i will love a women with no control..i hate that im just a silly teen that isnt “enough to know what i want”. I hate when people say im just young.i hate when my ocd say im just shame to be gay and im still homophobic because of my country(im a lgptq supporter and atheist for a year)i hate reading some people experience with hocd and they was really gay,i hate when my ocd tell me that when i travel to an open country to lgptq im gonne love women,i hate that it seems so true,i hate when i dont know whats ocd and whats not,but all i hope,that i heal from ocd..and still being straight..my peaceful dream..

Hey everyone, I’m reaching out because I’ve been going through one of the hardest mental spirals of my life, and I’m hoping someone can relate or shed light on what’s happening to me. About 4 months ago, I accidentally came across a trans porn scene. It didn’t do much at the time, but later it triggered this overwhelming intrusive thought: “What if I’m gay?” Since then, it’s been absolute hell. I’ve always been into women—emotionally, sexually, everything. I’ve been in a long-term relationship with a girl I love deeply. But after that moment, my brain started spiraling into nonstop analysis. I began checking how I felt around men, whether I felt attraction, whether I was in denial, whether I was lying to myself. Literally everything became a test. I got stuck in this loop: • A thought pops in → panic • Try to solve it → brief relief • Another thought → worse panic • Repeat. At times, it got so bad I couldn’t feel anything at all—toward my girlfriend, toward women, toward myself. I started doubting everything. Some days, I feel emotionally flat, like I’ve lost my personality. Other days, I wake up with a full-body jolt of “truth” like “I’m definitely gay”—only for it to fade into numbness again. I’ve also noticed that I get short bursts of peace when I stop reacting, but then the fear comes back louder, like “See? Now you’re accepting it. That means it’s true.” Therapy hasn’t helped much so far—it felt more like general counseling. They told me to sit with the thoughts, but didn’t clarify if this was OCD, identity questioning, or trauma. That just made it worse because now I’m back to thinking “What if I’m just rejecting my truth?” I’m exhausted. I’ve lost connection to everything I used to love. • I want to love my girl again the way I used to • I want to feel desire without overthinking • I want to trust myself again I’m not looking for reassurance—I just want to know if anyone else has gone through something like this, and if this sounds like HOCD or identity OCD. Thanks for reading.

I know it can be kind of reassuring , but did your sexual orientation as a teenager stay with you until you became an adult or have it changed?

Its really exhausting

I flirted back to my friends bf one time. Maybe this is a confession. The thing is I dont judge myself, but I do feel judged by them. OCD got its grips in me this week. Convinced im the worst person in the world for these crimes. Can't read any of the messages she sent me after calling so many times. He is messaging me too and I cant read it. Its been a week. I dont know what to do. She has his Instagram and phone and was calling me from his phone and his ig too. Part of me wants to block them all to stop the harassment, part of me wants to defend myself, part of me wants to tell her the truth that I dont gaf about him and he was coming onto me not the other way around. But she would never believe it anyway.