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Genuinely why is it okay to not tell everything about your past to others? Even if it’s past mistakes to family and so?

Curious.... the news has been terribly distressing for me and has stirred up OCD. Compulsive rumination and checking (news stories) are my go-to when OCD is triggered. Today, I purposely did not listen to my news podcast as I do every morning. I feel better-ish. Is this avoidance, or is this self care? Would continuing to listen to a podcast be exposure with response prevention applied to the compulsions that go with it? Thanks in advance!

I’m trying to live with uncertainty but it doesn’t feel right. The “I may or may not be bi/gay” really sucks because I can’t stop ruminating, analyzing, or checking. This especially sucks because I feel like literally EVERYTHING in my life leads to the fact that I’m a fraud which feels horrible. I can’t even talk to my friends the way I used to without feeling like I’m lying about myself. The false attraction and loss of attraction to men is literally horrible because now I feel like the life i fantasized for myself isn’t something I want.

Hello all, I don’t have insurance at the moment (lost eligibility due to me making more money, but not enough to afford medication and visits) and have been struggling a LOT. When I was going to therapy, I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2 Disorder. I never got to expand on other mental health concerns I had and it bothers me that I can’t receive the proper advice that I need. If this is not allowed, I completely understand (and you may delete) but I figured I’d give this app a shot to get some clarification and knowledge on the topic. I experience MANY intrusive thoughts that destabilize my relationships and daily mood. I always pitched it to be my B2D symptoms, but the more I read into OCD or rather, Relationship OCD, I feel connected to others’ experiences. My boyfriend has been cheated on in the past—to such a bad degree, that it can be hard for him to trust me. I have never been cheated on nor have I ever thought cheating was okay, but I experience nearly daily intrusive thoughts that I am a horrible partner. Even worse yet, the intrusive thoughts often include overanalyzing my body language and making myself believe that I am somehow presenting myself in a way that would make men “like” me and therefore convincing my boyfriend that I am or will cheat on him if given the chance. It gets so bad that when my boyfriend questions an interaction I have with a dude, I freeze and become so panicked that I feel as though I am “giving away” that I did something wrong—even though I didn’t do anything at all. I am fiercely loyal to people in my life and could never imagine hurting anyone, so the very thought that I could “potentially” do this gnaws away at my social comfortability and self-confidence. I always feel as though I’m a horrible person and I am constantly trying to “make up” for something I didn’t even do. I’ll cry myself to sleep ruminating on every detail of the moment I had these thoughts or when I spoke to my boyfriend about it. It just haunts my thoughts honestly and makes socializing impossible nearly all the time. Eye contact has been a huge problem for me lately even—as if eye contact seals the deal on me being an “unfaithful” partner. Or laughing! Because if I show any sort of interest in the conversation—no matter how respectful and short it is—I believe it’ll spiral into my boyfriend leaving me (which is completely ridiculous and not true!) It’s almost like imposter syndrome in a way—because I feel as though no amount of reassurance or truth that I am a kind, loyal girlfriend, I will eventually ruin it anyway so I don’t deserve respect or affirmations. And it’s not even just with my boyfriend. Friends I have lost in the past clutter my mind as well. I have constant guilt and regret over potentially being a horrible friend despite how hard I fought/fight to keep that person in my life. Honestly, it gets to a point now where I’m convinced I will mess up any form of relationship I have eventually so I suppress my feelings or thoughts that could potentially upset people or make them question if I am really valuable in their life (often I can feel detached from people while being physically present with them because I get so lost in my head about what-ifs or where to look or if I’m causing someone to feel uncomfortable or that what they are or I’m saying isn’t satisfying the “ideal” friendship) . I let people walk all over me, deal with uncomfortable settings to avoid conflict and struggle to assert myself or have any sense of who I truly am with other people. It has put such a strain on me and my relationships, especially my best friend and my boyfriend and I’s relationships—which hold highest priority in my life at the moment. It can be hard to “let go” of people because it’s just another person who I have failed—including my own family members whom have definitely given reason for me to be not close with them. I also struggle with perfectionism and order during “stressful” situations, to the point where I will put myself into an anxiety episode over the simplest changes, unexpected accidents or things not going to plan. Again, this could very well be a symptom of Bipolar, but it truly causes me to blow situations WAY out of proportion and convince myself that I will never resolve it or make things better unless I can set it exactly how it was supposed to be in my head. The executive dysfunction is real on that one…To some, it could be procrastination. Or even just my cycles rapidly changing. But it affects my outlook on most things—financial matters, relationships, responsibilities, hygiene, cleaning. I can go from having complete confidence in doing something, to being doubtful that I could even get myself to get out of bed because I know I won’t do what I need/want to do. Sometimes I’ll even elaborately plan a course of action the day before and then when the time comes to do it, I lose control of my will to do it due to my intrusive thoughts. I do NOT expect anyone to “diagnose” me and I’m not sway the audience into agreeing with me in any way. I truly only want to hear your experiences, and if you also struggle to differentiate if you’ve been properly diagnosed or have overlapping symptoms that you can relate in some way. I want to better understand OCD and possibly connect with people who have had the same experiences. I appreciate any feedback—as long as it’s beneficial to this discussion and helping anyone else who struggle with the same thoughts—or even struggling to identify yourself or afford treatment! I just am curious, and honestly needed to have a platform to express some deep stuff I haven’t really discussed with anyone else besides my boyfriend. Thank yall for reading/listening regardless!

Ive vented a lot to a lot of people in the PM's about my OCD... some of them younger (minors)... because I wanted reassurance from everyone and anyone... but this situation triggers me the most because I was venting about my 18+ HOCD situations... The leader of the support group (that i vented to) was 17... I was 19 at the time... the other one was younger... the younger one told me she was uncomfortable when i vented to her in the PM's twice... i stopped and blocked her after she told me the second time... i kept asking the leader of the support group for reassurance for my 18+ HOCD situations for months because she kept giving me reassurance... i thought she was cute but didnt pursue her because of my age... i dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a groomer in any way... These pictures will provide the context as to why I am triggered...

Hey there everyone, first I would like to say I am very grateful for every single one of you on this platform and it feels so much better knowing that I can be heard. I’ve been hyperaware of my swallowing for 1-2 month. I feel like I have so much saliva in my mouth and I have to swallow and swallow. I feel the urge to swallow even I don’t NOTHING in my mouth, so I just swallow air. This has been really overwhelming and I feel like I can be so easily latched to other body part of my part. For example, I was conscious about my blinking and breathing for a few days, and now I get so anxious when I heard a weird sound my ears make after each sentence I speak. Is this somatic ocd or health concern ocd? I am so helpless and having a hard time to shift my attention. Does anyone have any suggestions or just words of encouragement would really help me at this moment. I REALLY appreciate your help. 💗🙏 Thank you !

I was on my way home from a health screening, and I was on a part of the road where two lanes merged into one. There was a bus on the other side going the other way and in between us there was a median and a turn lane. The bus started putting its lights on and I thought it was turning into the neighborhood and because of the median, I didn’t stop. I started to slow down but it all happened so fast. The person behind me stopped and then I realized what a piece of crap I am. I feel like the lowest human being. I read I could go to jail for this and I am so worried. I don’t have any record, but I’m worried the person behind me reported me and they’ll try to make an example out of me. I feel so bad. I am usually so careful driving and I was debating if I needed to stop. I made the wrong choice. I can’t sleep and can’t get over this.

I keep asking for reassurance( which I know I should not do) and when I get the reassurance I want I don’t believe them and I keep asking again and again and again Basically I thought I did something today and my sister was there and I asked her and she said no but I keep asking her because I keep thinking I did this thing. She said she was right there and she saw and nothing happened but I seem to think that maybe she missed something and blah blah blah. My anxiety is even worse now about this topic

im so tired of trying to express my feeling and feeling so dumb. im so angry and my chest hurts from sadness and stress all the time with no one to talk to, this is so lonely. the only friend i had got annoyed with me and said maybe this is happening because i dont listen. i hate this so much and i gained so much weight from stress. i cant look pretty or happy if i tried.

i've been very sad these days, i saw a child on TikTok and i had thoughts calling her hot, it seemed like i liked it and i was very anxious and very scared. i cried a lot, i kept replaying the video several times because it seemed like i was attracted to her and only when i was sure that I wasn't attracted to her i skip the video. but then i went to watch the videos of this kid again to see if i was really attracted or not again and i got nervous about being attracted to her "chest" and i kept looking to see if I was really attracted or not 😭 i wasn't, but one thought scared me a lot, which was "you were only attracted because it looked like an adult's chest." i was very nervous, i cried a lot because of this. I'm not attracted to children, I never have been, why does it seem like i am? i don't want to look at children anymore, im too nervous. i'm not attracted to her, all of this makes me sick and sad, it's all very uncomfortable and scary. but I've been questioning myself a lot about the last thought, i can't stop questioning myself. every time i see a child my brain asks if i'm attracted to them or if i think they're pretty. i can't stop crying (sorry for any mistakes I'm using a translator)

PLEASEEE READ!! I know this sounds ridiculous but lately I’ve been soo hyperfocused on my breathing. I feel like I’m not breathing right/properly, it’s hard to explain.. it just feels wrong or like my breathing pattern is wrong. How that’s possible? I have no clue. I’ve had this all day. Has anyone ever experienced this?? My doctor keeps saying anxiety but I just feel like something isn’t right.

Help! My OCD has caught onto this thought for awhile and I keep spinning on it. I know you are supposed to follow your values and what your actions suggest with OCD, but what if that is even blurry right know? For example my whole life I wanted to be with a man, and now my OCD is having major intrusive thoughts about women. How do you tell if those thoughts are wanted or not? I can’t figure out if I like the thoughts or not. I’m trying to live the life “I want” but what if I don’t know what that is?

I feel my pace isn't being respected during therapy even after communication. Wondering if I'm not alone

So rang OCD UK and OCD action today which are all charities and volunteers for ocd who have had the disorder themselves. I asked them about an action I did, and they said they can’t offer reasurence however everything I’ve discussed with them follows ocd symptoms and what others have told them about their ocd too” Is this them basically hinting “yes it’s ocd” but they just can’t physically say it as it’s reasurence

In September I had unprotected oral sex. I haven’t had sex in five years because even before that I was so ashamed and worried about sex. I finally did it and then a few weeks later while I was at work I started to be very itchy all in my underwear area like up to my butt. I didnt see any blisters or anything but when I googled it, herpes came up. Eventually I thought maybe it was the new underwear I bought and it went away after I stopped wearing them. However it’s returned twice, mostly when I’m really worried about herpes. I know this makes little sense because I don’t thinking about it would cause an outbreak but, either way I’m really nervous to go get tested because I heard there’s a high false positive rate and if I get a positive there’s a huge chance I will just become a recluse and never speak to anyone again. I already have so much trauma with sex, vaginismus, etc. I can’t imagine telling anyone I have herpes and then they 1) don’t want to be with me 2) now know this and could tell anyone they want Even if I don’t have it I was reading it could be asymptomatic and 80% of people who have it don’t even know, so now I’m worried I will get it no matter what sex I have. I can barely handle staying alive with just OCD but now with social stigma with herpes I will feel like I can not even live a normal life. I am already freaking out about it and don’t know what to do. I am worried to go get tested and it saying I have it, and then I’m worried to not and potentially spread it, I’m not even having sex with anyone right now so it’s not like I would. But I’m worried I will forget to wash my hands and touch something and someone else will touch it and then get it. I’m just having a really bad time.

Have you ever had a thought about sexual taboo topics, when you have a person for whom ocd is attached, that you think "maybe that person wants that, that's the way he looks at me or what do I know" what if that person wanted it, and you feel an urge to do something about it, you say or what do I know?

hi! I broke a short period of doing well without compulsions because I got triggered again. Before this, I had about two calmer days where I didn’t spiral so much, but now everything feels worse. I’m scared that I don’t love my boyfriend as much as I used to, or that this relationship is making me feel stuck or sad. He’s a wonderful person, and I hate thinking this way. I smelled a perfume that used to make me feel calm and in love, and now it just makes me question everything. I spent hours last night searching Reddit, especially on r/ROCD, trying to see if someone is like me or if anyone has answers. I keep rereading posts, hoping I’ll feel certain about what I should do. But I just feel more confused. I keep thinking, “What if I heal and then realize I don’t love him?” or “What if I’m only staying because I feel safe with him or I’m used to him?” I feel numb sometimes, or like I’m pretending, and I hate it. I want to feel love and clarity again. I don’t know what’s real or what’s ROCD anymore. I just feel lost and afraid. I talk to hi. now and i feel so strange like i dont want to force myself i want to like him i dont understand what i feel i feel so weird in my chest

I used to tell myself, “I had no choice, the OCD made me do it.” But I read something recently that flipped that whole belief on its head. It's an article called "Choice" by Dr. Steven Phillipson (he coined the term "Pure O") In the article, he pointed out that even when we give in to a compulsion, that’s still us making a choice. So, when that happens, it’s not about blaming myself, it’s about reclaiming power. Because if I chose to check today, I can choose to sit with it tomorrow. That shift from “OCD is stronger than me” to “I’m still in the driver’s seat” was as eye-opener. So I just wanted to share in case anyone else needed that today. Remember, every moment in recovery is a choice. Even when it sucks. Even when it’s hard.

I'm struggling. Not going to seek the reassurance I feel I NEED.

What does a therapy session with an OCD specialist look like for y’all? This is something I’ve always wondered because I’ve only had one OCD therapist through NOCD. Our sessions always looked like sit there and “reduce anxiety” meaning don’t think for a few minutes and take a few deep breaths and rate your anxiety level every couple of minutes. AND that was it. Is it supposed to look like that? Because I haven’t seen anyone on this app talk about this or how their therapy sessions go. I’m considering restarting therapy but I want to know how therapy goes for you guys before I go back to the same specialist. Any input would be appreciated :)