Wanted or unwanted thoughts?

Help! My OCD has caught onto this thought for awhile and I keep spinning on it. I know you are supposed to follow your values and what your actions suggest with OCD, but what if that is even blurry right know? For example my whole life I wanted to be with a man, and now my OCD is having major intrusive thoughts about women. How do you tell if those thoughts are wanted or not? I can’t figure out if I like the thoughts or not. I’m trying to live the life “I want” but what if I don’t know what that is?

Anonymous

Date posted: 14w

Did you say you’ve been engaging in testing behavior? That is, seeking out images or deliberately thinking of women sexually to test how it makes you feel.

kitchensink234

Date posted: 14w

@Anonymous Yes I have

kitchensink234

Date posted: 14w

@Anonymous Why do you ask

Anonymous

Date posted: 14w

@kitchensink234 Well, if you’ve found yourself in a cycle where you test or check your attraction, that’s a pretty good sign it’s an obsession. To make it more clear, do you feel a sense of distress, anxiety, and insecurity when you test your attraction and find yourself unsure? And do you feel a slight sense of relief when you test and find that you don’t feel attracted to a woman?

kitchensink234

Date posted: 14w

@Anonymous Oh yes extremely. I know it’s an obsession for sure because of how much anxiety it gives me. But it’s starting to feel so real and it’s absolutely terrifying me

Anonymous

Date posted: 14w

@kitchensink234 Well, you said you can’t tell whether you like the thoughts or not. The fact that you’re going out of your way to figure it out is only reinforcing it. You definitely need to stop the testing behavior because that is only causing the thoughts to pour in more. Testing is a compulsion, and compulsions feed obsessions. If you avoid testing or otherwise responding to the intrusive thoughts for a long time with consistency you’ll look back on this and wonder how you could worry about it. You can get better. ❤️

kitchensink234

Date posted: 14w

@Anonymous Thank you! It’s so hard because I’ll not engage for a couple hours or a day and not compulse and finally feel like myself again, but then the next day comes and i feel like im back at square one. How long is a long time with consistency 😅

Anonymous

Date posted: 14w

@kitchensink234 I’m sure it varies from person to person and depends on the compulsion. In my experience, I’ve been able to overcome obsessions that felt nearly insurmountable in a month. I used to have an intense fear of thinking about cancer. I used to have a variety of compulsions I would perform when I heard somebody say it. Back then I wouldn’t have been able to type the word cancer in this chat. There was one compulsion that I associated with it in particular, and when I made a commitment to avoid it, it went away in about a month. I can’t say how long it would take in your case, I’m sure, but it works incrementally for everyone. That is, even before it’s completely beaten back, it will still be better than it was, and will continue to get better the longer you resist.

kitchensink234

Date posted: 14w

@Anonymous That’s amazing, good for you. And it’s great to hear. I’ve been going on and on about this for almost 3 months now… but this is the first OCD spike I’ve had in my life to this extent, so I’m still learning how to deal with it. Thanks for sharing your story… to resisting compulsions!

No se que po...

Date posted: 23w

Confusing what you actually think or want

does anyone else struggle with this? is it actually OCD or am I just tripping??? It’s like my mind tries to get the best of me, it tries to tell me I want something different from what I actually want or think a way that doesn’t really align with me, my values or even lifestyle? Just me??

Elliesmith

Date posted: 22w

Is this ocd

So my whole life I’ve been heterosexual. I have got hocd so I worry I’m a lesbian when I have no reason to worry about it because im straight ( not that my ocd likes to think that tho lol! ). But there’s this thought I have, How do I know I’m 100% straight if I haven’t tried sleeping with a girl? Bear in mind I’ve NEVER WANTED TO and DONT want too. Hence why it is an INTRUSIVE thought. But the thought is so uncomfortable- I can’t seem to shift it. But i do see that THIS IS OCD & wanting to know for certain. Thats the definition of OCD. I do know that but it’s tough with the stupid doubts!!! Do you guys just live with the unknown / uncertainty. I’m so happy and love my boyfriend and only want to be with him etc. Let me say again, I DONT want to sleep with a girl nor have I ever fantasized about it. But why does ocd want 100% certainty.. I just wanna not have that weird niggling thought.

polish_germa...

Date posted: 16w

Can OCD make you question whether you’ve ever truly felt sexual desire?

I’m struggling with something I’m afraid to even admit out loud. I’ve been in a long-term relationship with someone I love deeply. He’s kind, safe, and emotionally close to me — and we’ve built a life together. But I keep obsessing over the fact that I don’t feel much sexual attraction anymore. Or maybe… I never truly did? At the beginning, I felt butterflies, excitement, connection — and I assumed that meant I was also attracted to him physically. But now, after reading so much and reflecting more deeply, I’m starting to wonder if I ever truly felt sexual desire in the way I was “supposed to.” Maybe my feelings were more about emotional longing, comfort, and romantic closeness — but not sexual chemistry. And now I don’t know what that means. OCD makes it so much worse. It constantly tells me: – “If you really loved him, you’d want him.” – “You’re leading him on.” – “What if you’re lying to yourself?” – “If you try to fix this and fail, you’ll have to leave.” I feel stuck between wanting to fight for this relationship — and being terrified that trying will just prove it’s hopeless. Has anyone experienced something like this? Can OCD really make you question something so deeply personal? And how do you move forward when even trying feels terrifying? Any thoughts or support would mean the world right now.

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