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My OCD is going absolutely insane right now. There are SO many stressors, so much mental and physical stress. I feel crazy. UGH I’m gonna let myself keep crying for now because ☹️

Hello all, I’ve dealt with various OCD themes and compulsions for pretty much as long as I can remember. In some periods of my life the thoughts and compulsions have been particularly severe, but I’ve also had years where I’m able to keep it under control. This has made me worry I don’t actually have OCD, especially because I haven’t been doing consistent therapy and my therapists have gone back and forth on whether I have OCD. In the past few years, I’ve struggled immensely with false memory ocd, and right now I’m going through probably the most severe episode of my life. I love my boyfriend with all my heart. A few times that I’ve gone out drinking I’ve had the thought before “what if I lost control and cheated tonight” and it’s bothered me severely. Two times before, it’s gotten to the point of convincing myself that because I talked to a man that meant I had cheated on my boyfriend and just couldn’t remember. It has never turned out to be true. About a month ago, I went out with friends and had too much to drink. I was really ashamed of myself the next morning, particularly because I always try to drink cautiously now that I know it can trigger my anxiety. I am ashamed to admit I do not remember the very end of the night getting in my uber and going home. I woke up anxious and extremely worried and immediately started off by worrying if I could have tried to kiss my friend and not remembered. I called him and was immediately reassured nothing had happened, I simply drank too much and went home at the end of the night. I started feeling better, but then remembered a moment I had been in the bathroom. I remembered chatting with people in line about how long the line was, and then being in the bathroom on my phone. I then felt like I remembered people knocking and saying to myself “that wasn’t that long” and leaving. There is nothing concrete that I remember that in any way indicates I cheated, and in fact I have texts with my boyfriend from the whole night telling him I loved him. My friend told me that the only time I was ever apart from him was about 5 minutes and that when he came back I was in the same exact spot he left me in. However, when I remembered being in the bathroom, I thought to myself “what if you cheated on him in the bathroom”/ “oh my god did you cheat on him in the bathroom” and then a series of images of me performing sexual acts popped into my head. I’ve poured over my memory and truly do not remember meeting anyone, talking to anyone, or even finding anyone attractive that night, but the fact that I was drinking makes me worried I’m just forgetting and these images could be real. I’ve been constantly ruminating on these fears for the past month, to the point that the only relief I feel is when I’m able to fall asleep. I’m a law student and it’s becoming extremely difficult to keep up with my classes. I’ve been google searching, asked chat gpt for advice, confessed my fears to my boyfriend, asked for reassurance from pretty much everyone in my life, and even emailed the bar asking for security footage (which I know all sounds insane). I’m a naturally guilty person and feel bad about small things, so I really don’t think I would be capable of cheating and then nonchalantly texting my boyfriend, but these images feel so real that it’s terrifying. I’ve also seen a lot about how I would “just know” and that begins to scare me because then I think “you do just know, you did it” even though I really don’t think I did. I know these posts are not supposed to be for reassurance seeking, I’m just so exhausted and feeling really depressed. I’m wondering if anyone has experienced something similar and has any advice. I’m also wondering if images can feel more real the more you ruminate on them or if it’s a sign of memory. Thank you so much for listening.

so about two years ago, i got into a super BAD ocd episode. it made me scared of letters, numbers, texting, etc. like something bad was happening. and we were watching a soccer game, and seeing letters would freak me out. i remember my mind telling me “words and numbers are scary, the way you see them, now you’re going to hyper focus on them and it’s going to scare you” i’ve been much better, but now my mind is going back to that. “you need to hyper focus and be scared again” has this ever happened? like you think of something that scared you and wonder if you should be frightened again? cute weenie dog gif because look at them 🥹

kind of a longer post. putting a trigger warning just incase but nothing really insanely triggering is mentioned. currently trying to slowly pull away from a toxic friendship. i’ve been friends with someone for almost 4 years and since i met her i’ve felt like i have been living a lie. to make a long story short, i’ve been feeling sort of like a doormat being walked on in this friendship. it’s hard for me to speak up for myself and with someone like her whose super outspoken about her own opinions and interests etc it’s hard for me to speak up and not just agree and move on. this has boiled into me just not being myself at all. i know to those who don’t experience this it’ll sound ridiculous. like just be honest and be yourself but it’s just sadly way more complicated then that. she’s also caused me to have extreme stress and anxiety and even panic attacks because of her behaviors when there’s conflict. to the point where whenever i explain the full situation i get the same response from everyone which is “why are you still friends with her”. pulling away from this friendship isn’t gonna be easy and i don’t really no how to do it. when asking my mom she’s telling me to flat out block her everywhere and that her actions are inexcusable. my therapist asked me if i’m getting anything from this friendship and when i hesitated to think of anything she said “i think you know your answer”. my entire family and friends and therapist are encouraging me to leave her and never look back. but i am mortified not only because of my OCD but because i know what she does when faced with conflicts. i’m mortified thinking of everything i’ve ever said to her wether it was right or wrong or if i ever confessed to past compulsions, talking about traumas and stuff. thinking about if i’ve ever mentioned anything about anything which i know I haven’t like i would never forget it if i did but now i’m worried since i’m trying to no longer be friends with her. i’m having a lot of false memories pop into my head and it’s been making this process a whole lot harder. stressing about even posting this, plus worried about my thoughts and emotions making my OCD worse and making me fear this whole situation even more. does anyone have any suggestions on how to ease these anxieties??? or advice specifically on ending long term friendships???

Lately I have been struggling with binge eating in an odd way I haven’t experienced before. I have been eating a bunch more each night because “it could be my last meal” and I’m not sure how to break the cycle. I’m not hungry, but I force myself because my brain is telling me I’ll never get to experience that again. Has anyone else experienced anything similar?

I have been battling ocd for over a year now and it likes to switch themes. Currently, it’s attacking my relationship with my girlfriend who I’ve been with since I was in high school over 10 years ago. It first began as an intense feeling that I have to leave or break up with her over dumb little things. Then it changed into a lot of guilt for having any thought about another girl. And the worse is feeling this intense guilt for past things I’ve done in the past while in this relationship. We were so young and I was teenager, but I often found myself watching porn, fantasizing about real other people in my life, and getting off to other girls that I may have known. When I was younger I didn’t think it was bad and that it was just a normal teen boy thing, but 10 years later I have so much guilt about it. And yes I’m with the same girl now. We’ve had our ups and downs, but I know I love this girl and I’m ready to propose to her soon. Anyway, these past mistakes I did when I was younger make me feel like a cheater and I can’t stop ruminating about it. I feel like I have to admit every detail and person I’ve ever had a bad thought about. I feel like if I propose to her and don’t tell her everything, that I’m a lair and didn’t give her the full picture. And the other day one of the girls I thought was hot when I was younger, came up in convo and I just went downhill. Now she knows I deal with OCD and she is very supportive, I’ve told her before that I did some bad things, but never all the details. And that’s all my brain keeps telling me to do. I have so much tightness in my chest and just want to be able to breathe again. But everyone says to not admit or it’ll reinforce the cycle, I’m just not sure how everyone else does that. And at the same time, maybe I am a cheater and just simply a bad person. Idk! I never cheated physically or anything like that, but my past mistakes feel like I did. But again I may just be a bad person! Please if anyone has advice or is dealing with similar things, I’d appreciate the help!

Hoping to find solidarity - I’m coming out of a major OCD episode and my self-esteem definitely took a hit. I talked with my therapist about it, and she was really helpful, and it definitely seems like it could be depression, especially as it was a really rough winter where I live and it’s really only just starting to ease up. Plus it’s also late at night as I’m writing this and as they say, never trust how you feel about your life after 9PM lol - but I’m just wondering if anyone else is dealing with this. I can sit with the uncertainty and the anxiety, but my self-esteem definitely takes a hit with every intrusive thought, and it makes me feel like no one could ever love me, or like I’d be lying/faking being a good person. Just curious to hear others’ thoughts about this - if this is pretty much to be expected after a major OCD episode, if this is depression, etc. And like, for context, it was a really bad OCD episode - fears I thought I’d dealt with already came up, a lot of new fears, every day for months was really high anxiety where I was watching TV just to get through the day, and it felt like I was just holding on until my next therapy session. And all centered around one of the darker OCD themes, and I’m only just coming out of it. Like this is the second or third week where I’ve been able to sit with things that come up and let the anxiety pass, so I feel like this is probably to be expected, that now that it’s passing, there’s things I have to address, like the self-esteem and the areas of my life that got neglected while I was in survival mode. I just hope it gets better soon - I want to go back to how I was feeling last spring and summer, when OCD wasn’t bothering me as much, or it was a less-dark theme to deal with, and i felt so much better about myself 😣 Maybe it’s just a matter of getting out of the house and out of my own head, and doing things that align with my values, especially after months of feeling like a terrible person? Will this pass eventually and I’ll feel like myself again? It’s just hard to actually really think about myself and what kind of person I am - I get anxious thinking about if I’m a good person or a bad person, and I almost kind of try to avoid thinking much about myself at all. And it feels like I’m faking being a good person - like if people only knew half the thoughts and fears that came up, they wouldn’t like me anymore. And it feels like if I move on and forget about these fears that came up, I’m lying to people and to myself, but I just wish I could move on from all of this, and be who I used to be, when these thoughts and fears weren’t on my mind. If you read this far, thank you 🤗❤️ i hope things get easier for you soon and that many good things come your way. Stay safe and take care of yourself

Does anyone struggle with the OCD thought of lust while in a relationship? I get all these intense feelings and feelings that I want to have these thoughts with other people besides my boyfriend in my head yknow? And I’m afraid that these feelings are true and that i want to think these things but I don’t. I’ve been having a hard time this evening with this because the feelings and sensations I have on my body are really strong. And I feel like I sinned against him.

Wow. This has been such a ride. I started nocd therapy in late august of 2024. Back then, i was struggling really bad with health concern ocd and it sucked. As i went through therapy, my subtypes changed a lot!! it went from health to pedophilia ocd to suicidal ocd to real event/ false memory ocd etc. There were times where i was honestly depressed and at one point i didn’t want to live. I thought i would never get better and i would feel so anxious and have panic attacks everyday. My ocd even started effecting the thing that i love most which is concerts. I remember two specific times when i saw charli xcx and sabrina carpenter and all i did was just worry that night. Looking back i regret worrying so much for stuff i literally could not control at all. At that point i knew i really needed to lock in and actually do the work. Even though it was hard, My ocd got SOOO much better. Now whenever i feel an ocd thought i know how to handle it and life feels so much better. My biggest piece of advice to people struggling is, It will get better, but you have to do the work to see results. I totally get it feeling scary and obviously not wanting to do it but when you do the work and get used to your irrational fear, you will have such a weight lifted of your shoulders i promise. I did it you can 2🩷

I definitely struggle with Rocd/relationship anxiety to the point where I can’t function normally or participate in regular activities bc I’m fixating trying to figure out if this guy is right for me/if I truly want to be with him/ or not. But is this because he’s important to me specifically like is it really about my love for him? Or is it just because I value my relationships

Does anyone else experience this? Every once in a while, I get this overwhelming feeling that is really hard to explain. It is like I *feel* evil, hateful, violent, and completely indifferent. It is such an ugly, uncomfortable feeling, but in that moment, I do not seem to care. I could be watching a video or doing something completely normal, and suddenly, I just feel dark and wrong. It does not exactly feel like a typical intrusive thought because it is not just a fleeting idea that pops into my head. It is more like a constant, vague presence in the background, almost like I have switched personalities or something. During these moments, I also get intrusive thoughts, but I do not immediately reject them the way I normally would. It is like I almost believe them, but there is this tiny part of me that still feels panic or a distant sense of wrongness about agreeing with them. It honestly scares me and makes me worry about what I might do. I do not know if I am explaining this well, but does anyone else experience something like this? I feel like I have never seen anyone talk about it.

Today I was selected for jury duty and I am a bit worried. This may be more anxiety/trauma related but I am definitely ruminating and coming up with scary scenarios. I am worried that the questioning process will be triggering. (To clarify I was just selected for the “screening” I believe it’s called, not the actual trial). I was considering telling them I have some sort of bias due to my traumas because I am worried about being triggered but at the same time I feel like I could be objective. I feel like this could be a good opportunity to possibly help bring justice to someone and I trust myself enough to not allow my bias to sway my opinions (I think and hope?) I saw someone on Reddit say during the selection process they had to listen to testimonies of people describing drug addiction, SA, DV etc. I am worried about that and about being asked about crimes that have been committed against me and the people close to me. I cannot lie and say there are no crimes but also I cannot reveal details of specific crimes. I am also worried others stories will be potentially triggering. I also fear the case itself could be triggering. I always had thought I’d be cool to be apart of a murder trial but on Reddit people were saying they had to repeatedly be showing videos of the murder and that changed my perspective. It could be something as simple as a traffic violation but it also could be something potentially very horrifying/triggering. Anyways, I am just wondering if anyone else has gone through jury duty and what experiences you’ve had? Also just any general opinions. I haven’t given too much thought to this topic before this. I wonder if this experience could be empowering as I’ve always wanted to be apart of a greater cause but I am not sure if it’s worth the potential emotional exasperation. I also don’t even know if I could actually get out of it lol

I’m not sure if this will reach the right audience but i’m still in my teens not far off 18 and i have struggled with ocd since i was around 9. My dad had it quite badly so it’s passed down genetically. I get false memories and I have to replay the situation in my head to see which version sounds more accurate, I also have to keep moving certain objects to a certain position or something bad will happen or my relationship will fail. I’m in counselling but only seems to help my anxiety and not OCD. Do i go to my doctors? Can they give me medication if i’m under 18?

Hi there, I’m new to NOCD and just want to say that I’ve been depressed and feel as though this opportunity could potentially connect me to people who struggle with similar issues. We’re not certain I have ocd, but I do exhibit symptoms that do seem to fall under ocd’s general category. So I’d like to ask whoever reads this: what are some good ways to engage with this community that might benefit me the most? I’ve been seeing that people struggle with many different intrusive thoughts and some of them (for example dating related or jealousy) I’ve definitely experienced. Is there a way for me to possibly filter based on subtype, and for that matter also how can I best stay safe on this platform? I see there are trigger warnings but do people sometimes post triggering content without them? How about if I receive rude or abusive comments, things like that. I do struggle with many different intrusive thoughts and so may run into darker threads if I filter for those subtypes. Also, I tagged the subtypes that seem to apply to me the most here. Thank you!

I am really worried because I felt confident about my appearance today, then I found myself thrown into imagining if I did certain things like flipping my hair or just looking good around a certain coworker and they'd find it attractive. I don't like that coworker at all and I'm in a happy relationship with my boyfriend, this made me feel awful and I starting feeling disloyal again. I don't know if it's an old habit, a desire for external validation, or what. I can't tell if this was a thought pattern connected to my last post or not. All I know is that I'm really stuck right now. I feel like every time I pick myself back up, I fall right back down again, like there's ice in the road. I can't help but feel like everything I touch or everything I think about crumbles. I feel like my own mind is against me and I don't know who to trust anymore. These small OCD spirals are really messing with my work life, s*x life, everything really, and it's getting to me. I feel with every spiral that I'm getting sucked into a depression again and I don't know what's next. It doesn't matter how small the "bad" thing that "i did" was, but I feel that every little thing is building up to a point and something is going to crash down. I need help. What do I do? Right when everything around me seems to be going up, I feel like I'm being dragged down and I can't do this anymore. Please help me.

So my whole life I’ve been heterosexual. I have got hocd so I worry I’m a lesbian when I have no reason to worry about it because im straight ( not that my ocd likes to think that tho lol! ). But there’s this thought I have, How do I know I’m 100% straight if I haven’t tried sleeping with a girl? Bear in mind I’ve NEVER WANTED TO and DONT want too. Hence why it is an INTRUSIVE thought. But the thought is so uncomfortable- I can’t seem to shift it. But i do see that THIS IS OCD & wanting to know for certain. Thats the definition of OCD. I do know that but it’s tough with the stupid doubts!!! Do you guys just live with the unknown / uncertainty. I’m so happy and love my boyfriend and only want to be with him etc. Let me say again, I DONT want to sleep with a girl nor have I ever fantasized about it. But why does ocd want 100% certainty.. I just wanna not have that weird niggling thought.

Just wanted to jump on here and express how I have felt lately. The past 5 to 6 months have been pretty excruciating. I conquered OCD 5 years ago and for some reason, it has slipped back and took over my life again. More so the depression that came along with it. Is there anyone else out there that has returned to rock bottom where they once fully climbed themselves out of?

I’ve been dealing with ocd my whole life, and just got diagnosed about a year ago. I feel my days becoming occupied with thoughts, urges, fears and worry that completely debilitate me. It’s getting to the point where i feel like it’s taking over my life. I don’t see this getting any better, even with the therapy and medication I’m on. I’m scared my life will be like this forever, I’m tired. My brain is tired of ruminating every second of every day from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep. I’m not sure how much longer I can go on like this.

does anyone read something about someone else’s issue and be scared it will start becoming an issue for them too?

I was checking out a community of adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse, and there was a post that said that pedos sometimes don't even know that they are that, or they don't realize it, like a racist person who won't admit that they're racist. I also saw a comment that mentioned that a ped0 tried to groom them and then when the victim realized, the predator simply said that "they were going to therapy and that their behaviours were a product of childhood abuse" They also said that people like that often did mental gymnastics because they had a personality disorder. This made me feel extremely anxious because, what if that's the case for me? I did things from 10 to 15 years old that made me extremely afraid and shameful, and thinking about the possibility of being that, i didn't abuse or groomed anyone but i saw disturbing things on the internet. Stating the things i did are sometimes accompanied by saying the abuses i experienced as a child, this worries me that it is a gigantic mental gymnastics to evade responsability or to deny being a paraphilic. This is horrible