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This is a 18+ topic and I'd really appreciate someone listening.

I'm freaking out a bit right now. I've been doing okay for the past few days, but these thoughts and memories are still bothering me. I was in the car earlier and remembered a post I'd seen on here where someone said they had POCD thoughts that would tell them they'd go searching for illegal content online, and ever since then, it's really triggered my POCD. I'd never even considered that a possibility, and now I'm scared. I thought, "What if I do that?" But I know that I wouldn't... But the thought pops up occasionally, and it's really starting to bother me. I even had the thought of, "What if it's genuine curiosity to what that would look like?" And now I'm panicking. I feel like a horrible human being. I don't want those things. I wish these thoughts would just go away, but it all feels so real. I've been trying really hard these past few days, but sometimes it feels like I might snap and really do something. I'm really scared right now. If anyone could offer advice, I'd really appreciate it. I feel insane, and I can't even share this with anyone close to me. The next appointment with my psychiatrist isn't until after the holidays, and I feel like I'm barely holding on sometimes. I don't know how I'm doing it.

Take a deep breath. These words are not just about a list of fears; they’re about the journey you’ve been on, the emotional weight you’ve carried, and the intense anxiety that has shaped so much of your life. Every one of these fears is a reflection of how deeply your anxiety takes hold of you, how real and overwhelming it feels in the moment, and how exhausting it is to live with that constant sense of dread. Each time, you were certain something catastrophic was happening. You felt it in your body, in your chest, and in every thought that spiraled out of control. It didn’t matter that it wasn’t true; in those moments, it was so real, and that fear gripped you like a vice. It wasn’t just unease—it was total consumption. You were in a constant battle with your mind, desperately trying to calm the storm, to find an answer. And the truth is, you were looking for certainty in places where there were none. This is the nature of Health OCD—it convinces you that unless you have an absolute answer, you can never stop fearing the worst. Your mind wouldn’t let you rest, wouldn’t let you be okay with “I don’t know.” It demanded answers immediately, putting a pressure on you that no one should ever have to face. How badly you wanted to silence the fear with an answer that would give you peace. You spent hours in front of the mirror, scrutinizing every freckle, every mole, every change in your skin. You were looking for reassurance—so much reassurance. You went to the dermatologist, hoping that would ease your mind, but it didn’t quiet the anxiety. You couldn’t stop thinking about your breasts, and so you went for exams over and over, convinced that each ache meant something was wrong. Every time, nothing was wrong, but the anxiety remained. Your mind kept searching for something to hold onto, something that could confirm the worst. And the cycle continued. It’s exhausting. It feels like wasted time, like you’ve been robbed of peace. But the truth is, this isn’t your fault. This is how your brain is wired, and it’s a battle you didn’t choose. Then, there were the panic attacks. The moments when fear took on a life of its own. You’d wake up in the middle of the night, heart racing, convinced something was seriously wrong, and the fear would take over—physically, mentally, emotionally. Your body would shake uncontrollably, you’d throw up from the intensity of the fear, your chest would tighten, and you’d feel like you couldn’t breathe. You rushed to urgent care, terrified of everything—your veins, your heart, your chest, your head. You were certain that something terrible was just around the corner, but each time, you were told it was nothing. And yet, in the frantic search for certainty, your mind couldn’t accept that. You feared even the smallest things—a cough, a sore throat—convinced that they meant something major. You couldn’t escape those thoughts, no matter how hard you tried. Your mind latched onto every symptom, every feeling, twisting it into something catastrophic. It was like taking one small thing and amplifying it into an overwhelming, undeniable certainty. It was exhausting. The pressure never let up, making everything feel like a matter of life or death, when in reality, it wasn’t. But anxiety doesn’t see it that way, and that’s what makes it so difficult. Looking back, it’s easy to feel like you’ve wasted so much time. So many hours spent on Google, reading forums, searching for answers that your brain desperately needed. But hear this: you weren’t wasting time. Your brain was in overdrive, trying to protect you in the only way it knew how. It was searching for anything that could offer peace. It didn’t know how to sit with uncertainty, how to tolerate the discomfort of not knowing. And that’s where the spiral began. But this isn’t your failure. This is something you’re living with, something that makes life harder, but it doesn’t define you. Health OCD is real, and it’s okay to acknowledge that this is a huge struggle. The truth is, you made it through. You’ve done it. You’ve faced those terrifying, suffocating fears, and you are still here. You’ve survived every wave of panic, even when you thought you wouldn’t. You have always made it through, even when it felt unbearable. That is no small thing. You are tired. You’ve lost time to fear, time spent searching for reassurance. It’s frustrating to feel like so much energy has been spent on things that never happened. But please don’t be hard on yourself. This is a battle you didn’t choose, and you’ve done the best you could. This is hard, and it’s okay to acknowledge how hard it is. The fear doesn’t define who you are. Your anxiety is not who you are. You are so much more than these thoughts and feelings. The next time the anxiety comes, when the panic creeps in and your brain starts searching for certainty again, come back to this truth: You’ve been through it before. You’ve made it through every time. Each wave of fear, each moment when you thought it would never end, has passed. You survived it. And you’ll survive it again. You don’t need to know everything right now. You don’t need all the answers. It’s okay to sit with uncertainty. The fear you feel is not a sign that something bad will happen. It’s just anxiety, and it will pass. You’ve got this. You’ve already proven how strong you are. You’ve already shown yourself that you can handle it, even when it feels impossible. So now, it’s time to let go of the shame, the doubt, and the endless search for answers. You are enough as you are, right now, in this moment, with all the uncertainty. You’ve faced fear before, and you’ll face it again—stronger, wiser, and more capable than ever. Each time you’ve made it through, you’ve built resilience. And this time, you’ll stand even taller. You are capable. You are stronger than you know. And you are never alone in this.

Does anyone else use substances to escape your OCD spiral? A few years ago I never would have dreamed of it, until my OCD flared up during 2020. Now I use cannabis to calm my brain down which is dangerous for me as its 50/50 it'll calm me down or make me panic or will push me down the existential rabbit hole. Alcohol is a big one for me, too. Was asked to admit I was an alcoholic this year. Unfortunately, also a symptom of my OCD. When the guilt and paranoia is this extreme, I'd rather take the 50/50 chance than still in this deadly cycle. I might delete this if it causes me too much paranoia, but this is my first post here and I'm happy to meet all of you.

For example, I kissed my dog’s lower back, above her tail affectionately. She looks like a potato, and absolutely adore her. I said “a kiss to your booty.” My sister said that was weird to say, but I’m not sure how serious she was. I tried my best to shrug it off because I don’t think my intentions were harmful. I do anxious when I get near my pets because my OCD attacks them badly. I see them like my children so I feel like it’s almost a variation of POCD. However, because I was anxious giving her affection, I feel like I did something I shouldn’t have especially with my sister’s comment. I know I am overthinking but I hate how often things like this happen and how they never seem to get easier. Anyone else? Any advice?

this summer i told my nail tech about my thoughts (i didnt know about rocd back then) she triggered me real bad telling me that maybe i dont love him anymore and i dint want to accept it beacuse i dont want to hurt him, that made a big impact on me. Today i did my nails and she asked me about my problem, i was very triggered, she asked me if i had something that i dont like about him, i told her that is a mental disorder that many people have but luckily she kinda understood and i left because i was done. It really triggered me, i dont know how to feel and what i feel. Today was my first time saying maybe i do maybe i dont to my thoughts, i dont know if it did something, i feel like a liar. I am affraid this is my truth. My mother tells me to pray, i am catholic, i pray every night but im just very scared. As im writing this i dont know what i feel. What do you suggest ?:(

I’ve been going a few months now without having to constantly write on here, but life seems to be handing me issues that I can’t seem to handle and it’s getting bad again. I don’t really socialise with people much at the moment so when I do go out with friends I’m constantly overthinking what I say or do. Like conversations stuck in my brain and I make up scenarios. I just wanna be able to move forward with things instead of thinking and thinking. It’s exhausting

Hi I won’t disclose my name or age but I am young and still live with my family I have 3 siblings all of them live out of the house I struggle with a dad who screams all the time and has always been aggressive he has done a lot for me in the sense of taking me on trips and providing but when I comes to emotional stuff or caring what I think at all he ignores me and tries to say I’m being dramatic and push down my emotions. I also have a very Christian mom she has been 7th day Adventist since I was around 11 and she tells me everyday to get ready bc the world is going to end and we will all die she forces Jesus on me a lot. I am Christian and I do believe in God but it can be hard sometimes when I try to tell her something sensitive and that is her only answer. I argue with both of them a lot and have trouble handling my emotions so I sit in my room all day after work or school. The only time I really talk to them is when I need something so they always think I’m using them and that’s not what I want but I can barely talk to either of them without getting mad or upset about something. If you have any questions ask me I will explain more but can I please get some advice on how to fix this.

(for context, read my other posts) I feel like no one responds to my posts (even if that’s not true). I think it might be because it seems like I’m asking for reassurance, or maybe it’s just the algorithm. I just want to talk to someone who has similar experiences or can relate. I’m really desperate.

Me and boyfriend did some things together, and he was leading it. He did something to me that we both werent ready for. him touching/massaging my private. I felt good in the moment and after it happend he felt guilty. and I felt guilty with God about it. We talked it out and he apologized and took accountability for it about not asking before doing it. and I still an anxious about it? Im not able to cope or process it. I get scared if what if it was sexual assult? And im uncomfortable by the fact that it happend. Whenever I think about my partner it plagued my view and positive thoughts about him. How can I process and cope and move on the fact that it happend? Anxious and afraid some advice? ❤️

(please read if you have advice :( ) I wanted to start this thread off by saying, I am trying my hardest to not ask for reassurance. Anyways, ever since a kid I’ve been very hyper sexual, I don’t really remember the first memory or incident that caused this, but I do remember growing up , having unrestricted Internet, access, and other kids doing things to me, whether it was a cousin, family, friend, or friend at school, and also walking in on family members doing things that children should not be seeing(sometimes the family didn’t care to not let me see :( )I would self pleasure all the time, even in inappropriate areas. Whether it was at school, around family, and I even would go on Omegle at the young age of nine and talk to old men. Throughout my whole life I have just been very hyper sexual, which is hard to deal with ever since I got diagnosed with OCD, as my brain sexualizes, even my intrusive thoughts. The thoughts revolve around my family, my pets, and kids. Self Pleasure has become a compulsion, something that has become extremely repetitive, as I use it to ease the intrusive thoughts and groinal responses, but it doesn’t work therefore it just puts me in a loop. I do not want to harm anybody and I sure as hell do not want to be attracted to these things. But in the moment, the sensations and thoughts feel like this is something I actually want. It’s hard for me to feel content with this being OCD given the history of my childhood and even growing up while being a teenager. I really just want all of this to go away as it is mental torture for me. This has been going on for years, specifically the OCD as I got diagnosed with it when I was 15. I don’t know what was going on before I got diagnosed, I can only assume it was OCD also. I really just don’t know what to do, I’m scared to talk to therapist, even though I have talked to one before, it’s just that therapist with someone I was extremely comfortable with, but unfortunately had to stop speaking with them. This OCD stuff just feels so real, it comes with feelings, sensations, thoughts, urges, that feel extremely real. I would rather take myself off this earth than hurt anybody in any of those ways. I feel like I’m lying to you, as if I am a fraud, hiding behind OCD. Any advice is welcome thank you for reading if you have.

I still feel fearful of cancer. No matter what I do Im scared that I still to much red meat or milk will make my Risk higher and there's no way to not get cancer. I'm not super active, I'm focused on being a streamer and I'm trying to improve to reduce the risk but I'm fighting my mind weather I will or not. I have has family die due to this my friends uncle has it. And I'm so scared and I don't know who to talk to, it's not like I can afford therapy at the moment either. I'm so scared it's been eating at me for the whole week. I'm a sit down for fore then 4 hours that's not good, or if I eat chicken noodle soup, or if I drink one soda because I'm out of water. Granted I was never a healthy person, and I neglected health concerns but now I regret not caring, and being ignorant. It worries me, I'm scared.

Hello all. I am not certain as to whether my particular situation belongs within this group or not, but I would be very interested to hear from anyone at all familiar with it. I will try to be as concise as I can. My problems pertain to obsessing about the position of certain accessories, in my case particularly my watch. I will try to explain: no matter how I wear the watch, I am convinced that it is somehow “wrong”, if that makes any sense. I focus constantly on how it looks, the fit of the strap, and how the screen looks to me and how I believe others perceive it. Attempting to correct this “wrong” feeling consumes large amounts of time, and it has been doing so for many years now. It makes concentrating at work very difficult, as I often cannot stop obsessing over it. I have spent a considerable amount of money purchasing watches in the hope that I find one that I can tolerate, but the situation returns every time. The silliest part of it is that I don’t even really know what it is that I want the watch to do, I just know that whatever it is doing is wrong. Rationalising this logically does not seem to help, however. I also compare the look of the watch to other people’s watches, and am somehow convinced that their watches look right and that I am somehow not doing the watch “justice” the way it appears on me and to me. I do not want to take the watch off, as I am then convinced that it has “won”, a belief that I logically know is baseless, but for some reason it overpowers me. I wonder if there is anyone out there who might be able to understand this on any level? I hope that I have followed the rules here, I apologise if I have said anything inappropriate for this forum. Do feel free to contact me.

I regret researching every single day🫠 In the beginning, I thought searching for similar stories to my own would help ease my fears, but my mind ended up latching onto their worries, which only heightened the anxiety I had before. There were worries I didn't have, and now I do.

Hi all! I’m (29, F) in a new relationship (25, F) of 6 months and everything is pretty amazing. This is my first real relationship, as OCD and other anxieties have held me back from dating for quite a while, but my girlfriend is kind, smart, really empathetic, and very thoughtful, she’s pretty perfect. My issue recently is that I’m starting to get this overwhelming thought that I have to tell her everything that I’m thinking and feeling or I’m lying to her… for a very long time, I would always confide in my Mom whenever I had any anxiety or OCD issues , and just in general, but now that I’m confiding in my gf more often i’m starting to feel bad and like I’m lying to her when I do confide in my mom about things that are happening in our relationship, or if I don’t tell my girlfriend absolutely everything that I’m thinking… it’s like my brain isn’t allowing me to have private thoughts without feeling like I’m lying… I’m just wondering if anyone else experiences this and how you might deal with it. Thank you!

(i don't have a diagnosis of anything, yet) since may, when i had a "scare" on an erotic literature website, i have been suffering from these obsessive thoughts of pedophilia. in 2021, when i suffered an online sexual trauma on omegle, i also had thoughts along these lines. i was afraid to face children, but i did it to prove to myself that i didn't feel anything besides..and i really didn't feel it, i just found children cute and adorable (some), and teenagers annoying. in 2022, i got better, i spent 1 year without watching pornographic content and i was no longer so afraid of being around children, but I remember certain uncomfortable episodes. 2023 seems like it was the best year in this regard, i don't remember feeling too uncomfortable and i also worked on my sexuality as a sapphic. but 2024..it's like this came 100x worse. since the trauma, nothing is normal for me anymore. obsessive thoughts, doubts, "intrusive thoughts" (which i don't know if they are really intrusive, because it gives the impression that i can control them, but i know i have to test myself, not for pleasure). i also got a virtual girlfriend 2 months before this catastrophe. she has helped me a lot! but intimate moments with her, since then, have been so difficult because i don't feel excited enough. i have very, VERY bad thoughts! within this theme of pedophilia, it involves: racism, ableism, ageism.. as if I really were that horrible person! i remember always having some racist thoughts (unfortunately) when I'm in this state of mental health, but i can ignore them because i know they don't go against what i preach and think. but the pedophilia ones?! no.. i can't stop thinking, at different ages, why this would attract me (and i think of the most sordid and disgusting reasons possible), feeling groinals, trying to turn bad scenarios into good ones.. i know a lot of this could be OCD symptoms, but i'm afraid i'm faking it because i know they're symptoms, and if I didn't know, i would act differently or in a way that was not related to OCD at all. can someone understand me, please?! yesterday, unfortunately, i relapsed into pornography, i was able to feel things but not enough... i blamed myself for it. so my head created a completely problematic scenario, involving minors...but i managed to control it! i managed to turn it into something good even before being overcome by the panic that i always feel when i think about it. i was happy about that, because i could control it..but they kept coming, testing me. i would just cut it. i have so many thoughts that tell me it's not OCD as i write this text. anyway! if you read this far, thank you very much and i'm sorry for the drama, if you found it dramatic. if you can help me, i will be very grateful!

I want to start off by saying. Ive never been properly diagnosed with anything. And I don’t really take online symptoms seriously to avoid self diagnosing myself. But recently I really need to take a lot off things off my mind. I fully believe I’m a narcissist. I over analyze everything about myself from the way I talk to my body language. I’m so convinced i’ve manipulated every situation to my advantage and guilt trip all my loved ones to pity/envy me. I do this because I want people to like me. I make sure my outward appearance is perfect and when I mean perfect but i don’t mean picture perfect in a creep unsettling way I mean comfortable perfect. The perfect that brings subtle comfort and stability. I’m so scared of not keeping up this image for fear people will figure out who i really am. I’m scared that people will hate me and push themselves away from me. I’m scared people will find out im a bad person. I’m scared that I’m gonna lose everyone I care for and im scared of people persevering me. I’m worried that any bad movement or bad posture will give of any sighs that I’m a bad person. I’m worried that I make a lot of “I” statements that people will realize im shallow and conceited. I’m so worried about all of this that even now I’m rereading this whole post to see if i made any errors or if made myself look bad. Regardless I solely made this post to decompress and get this off my chest. I don’t expect anyone to interact. But I would deeply appreciate anything.

I’ve just recently found out that Relationship OCD is a thing. I feel like I relate but it also feels like relationship trauma. I’m in a fairly new relationship and I keep telling myself that things are going great, we are good, he cares for me, but does he? There’s this unbelievable amount of self doubt that sits in me because of what my ex did to me many months ago. I kept getting told that I do too much, i smother, need constant reassurance, then got told that I don’t care enough, the things I do aren’t enough and that I’m not enough. I feel like I am waiting for the day that I get broken up with because of these “problems” just so I can be proven right at the fact that I should be considered unlovable. I go through this every month around my period because I get so emotional and nervous that I stress over the idea that he doesn’t like me. How does someone continue a relationship with Relationship OCD? How do I explain it?

This flare up is getting worse. So my son brought me a paper he needed signed for school yesterday and I asked him to get me a pen. As he got the pen I was just looking at him and unintentionally glanced over his private area and immediately freaked out with guilt. My ocd started telling me I was staring and that I wanted to look there. I know I wasn’t staring and I don’t ever want to look there. Anytime I accidentally catch a glimpse of my children’s private areas I always immediately look away and feel so guilty even though it wasn’t intentional or wanted but my ocd is making me believe I did stare and now the memory of it is blurred the more I try to remember it exactly to disprove the ocd. I feel horrible and I don’t know how I can ever get past this. 😪

I feel that when I explain my thoughts to my therapist she will get mad with me because I already explained before, and I feel I sound so repetitive and annoying :( and she is going to get tired of me and say that I don’t want to recover or something like that. I feel that I don’t explain myself correctly and that she doesn’t understand what I want to say , so I have to tell her again but I truly feel that she doesn’t understand my thoughts :(