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There’s a stupid urge that’s been bugging me for a month. It’s stupid it’s to type out “cp” (spelled out) into Google. I know this is essentially harmless all I would get is articles and whatnot. But it still is bugging the hell out of me. I feel like if I just do it once it’ll go away. I don’t know if that’s the OCD talking but it’s driving me insane because I get filled with dread every other hour when the thought to do it shows up. It had calmed down but now it’s back times 10. I know it’s quite literally harmless to type that, I know the results because of a Reddit post on morbid curiosity. I just don’t understand why my brain is so hyper focused on this. I almost gave into it the other day bc it feels ridiculous. I don’t know what to do. What do I do???

Tonight I was watching a tv show, and there was a scene where the girl said ‘can we just be friends’ to the guy. I don’t know why, but it really triggered my ROCD. I was so confused how she could be so sure that they should just be friends, and why I’m not sure how I feel. If I’m having doubts about my relationship, that must be a sign that something is wrong. I’m terrified I’m ignoring myself or I’m being fake to myself because I want a relationship. But, part of me knows I really care for my boyfriend. I love talking with him, he makes me laugh and is thoughtful. (My brain just then said I’m lying to myself again 😡) I can’t shake this feeling that I’m lying to myself about loving him, it haunts me. Every time I see him, talk to him, text him, the thought is always there right with me. I try my best to be present, but I know I’m not really truly present. It’s so sad for me 😞 I’ve diagnosed myself with ROCD, even though I have been diagnosed with pure ocd in the past. How can I be happy with someone with these thoughts? My brain goes ‘why are you doing this to yourself?’ My brain is making my relationship sound like something I shouldn’t do. I fear I will never shake these feelings, and I will end up ignoring myself and living a lie. In the past, I stayed with someone who actually was not a good person - I knew it deep down, but didn’t want to be alone and made excuses. Everyone around me knew he was bad, but didn’t tell me. It makes me not trust myself now, even though this relationship is COMPLETELY different. My family really likes him, he treats me well and shows he cares. Even staying over a night with him sends me into a panic, even though I really want to go, my ocd just ruins it for me. I feel trapped. (Comments that say ‘that doesn’t sound good’ etc trigger me, thanks 🙏🏻)

Hey Everyone. I'm new to this and I figured I would reach out to groups of people in similar situations. I have had OCD and intrusive thoughts in my life since a young age. When I was a Kid, I constantly checked my blood sugar out of fear I had diabetes. I did it so often you could see where the skin was lanced at, a bunch of little dots on every single finger tip. I have always had that fear of "what if, what if, what if" and I'm tired of it. I want to rise above it and work on making my life somewhat normal. I'm currently going through therapy and where it does help, our sessions are far and few in between. I have so much anxiety about certain weird aspects of my life. I have to sing my abcs to feel like my hands are clean. I constantly have intrusive thoughts bringing up things about my past and my trauma. Do I have a disease? Am I going to contaminate something I touch? Do I love my partner? Do I find my partner attractive? I was molested as a kid, would I do that to a kid? Even though I know how I really feel it creeps up and takes over my mind. It gets loud. So loud, but silent at the same time. It becomes pressure. The back of my neck tenses and I feel something looming over me. Like it's the puppet master pulling the strings. I read a few posts on here and it feels reassuring that I'm not going through this type of stuff alone. I'm constantly feeling alone and broken because of it, despite my therapist telling me I'm not. For instance, last night my gf of five years and I had intimate time and when I wanted to enjoy myself, my brain triggered by the smell of her breath and it shot me back to a memory of my first partner. My first partner and I, we had a good relationship in the beginning but it became writhing with toxicity and hurt towards the middle and the end. I don't want to think of that. It's unwanted. The more I don't want to think it, the more it's forced on me. I'm tired. Not suicidal tired but I'm wearing thin. It feels like the thoughts I don't want to think about, win. If anybody has a similar experience to me and you found something that tried and it works. Please link the tools! I am open to everything. I want to be normal.

So I just wanted to talk about this. I’m an actor and I’m in a relationship with someone who I could see myself marrying. He’s the best partner I could ever ask for. He’s already said he’d move with me to NYC so I could pursue my dream. Years ago I went to Germany to study drama for a month and it’s definitely somewhere I could visit again and I’ve even thought it would be cool to live there. It has always been sort of a cool idea. Musical Theatre is pretty big in Hamburg as well and I have some connections there. I asked my BF if he’d ever consider going there with me after NYC. Or even the possibility of going there. He’s not super keen on it and I see why. You’d have to get a job there and know German pretty well, even though English is spoken somewhat frequently. He’s a writer and he’s not sure he’d want to be somewhere where English isn’t the primary language. It all makes sense, but now I’m seeing it as our relationship is doomed and we’ll have to breakup because now I have to move to Germany even though it was never at the forefront of my mind. NYC has always been a MUST to try. Breaking up due to distance, differing career paths, etc has always been a fear. Lots of friends tell me to never choose a boy over my career, but my BF isn’t just a boy. He’s the love of my life. I don’t want to pursue something that isn’t a guarantee success and then I lose my partner who I do love deeply. The kicker is that all this would possibly happen YEARS from now. We aren’t even sure when we would move to NYC. I think it’s just a legitimate concern as a person that I have but I’ve always had relationship OCD and this uncertainty is VERY HARD to deal with. Thank you for reading and seeing my ramblings

I never had Groinal until like 3 days ago and it’s horrible omg. I hate it it’s like 24/7 and it’s all the time reminds me about ocd I hate that feeling. What if I’m going to feel it forever? I had it none stop for 3 days so it can be forever or not? I’m terrified I just want to get rid of this asap but it would be compulsion. I’m afraid what if it’s going to be forever what if I hyper focus on it forever? Like every second of the day for life? What if I could not live a normal life because of this? It’s horrible I don’t want to feel it all the time

Does anyone also know of any support groups?

This may upset some people reading so here is just a warning that these are disturbing I don’t know what to do to make the bad thoughts stop. My mom recently had a baby, my little brother. I wasn’t exactly happy about this pregnancy, but I have nothing against my brother. He’s adorable and silly. Nothing against him. But I feel like these thoughts bug me because what if deep down I do resent him because I didn’t want my mom to have another kid? What if I did act on these things because I hate him? What if I just lose it and do something? It’s all so illogical, I know. Never would I ever want to do that. But there’s times I’m watching him for a few minutes for my mom and my brain just shows me an awful scene of me brutally hurting him or killing him. Or I’ll be holding him and my brain shows me a scene where I purposefully drop him or I just hurt him so badly. I’ll be walking near him and my brain tells me I’m going to stomp on him. It shows me such bad things. I have intrusive thoughts all the time, but this is different because there’s a semi good reason I “could” do it. That being, I wasn’t happy about the pregnancy. And it scares me. I’ve started crying because I was so scared it was going to happen. I have to back up away from him or sit down so there’s no way I can do anything. I feel horrible. I don’t want to hurt him. And I’m so scared I will. But I won’t. I’m hoping this makes sense to others who struggle with this. Because to anyone else who’s never gone through these things I’ll sound insane. And sound like a psychopath. Thanks for reading. Any help would be appreciated.

This theme is not a usual one for me but it's eating me up today. I'm married and I love my spouse with all of my heart. I couldn't imagine a world without her. We've been together years now and I don't ever wanna think about being separated from her. That's why this has been tough. Yesterday, a female coworker came to me asking for some help looking for something. I walked her over to this staircase as I figured what she was looking for was probably upstairs. Once we got there we were having small talk about work when all of a sudden I had a bad feeling. Feeling like I had just done something wrong. I quickly then made sure there was adequate distance between us...not that we were close to begin with, just made sure of it. As I walked back to my area, I felt a ense of doom. Somehow my brain concocted this story that I must've kissed her, and that's why I felt that feeling. I replayed it over and over again, and I'm not even sure know what exactly happened. Like now I don't even know why exactly I felt that feeling...like, did I have an intrusive thought that triggered it? Was it just a random bad feeling without thinking of any thoughts or images? Also wondered if I felt it because I did do something wrong and just somehow immediately forgotten about it. It's bothered me since last night, I don't think I could live with myself if I did something to ruin our marriage and friendship. We may not always get along, but that's normal and she's still the best friend I've ever had. I have a feeling that I would know if I did something...it wouldn't have just happened and I just completely forgot. It would've been super weird of me to even do and so far outside my nature even if I were single. But you know how ocd is. Somehow OCD can make you feel like you remember almost everything else about an event, but that one bad thing you fear you did- you must've somehow blacked out that one section of memory instantaneously. Anyway, I just wanted to vent. Feel free to chime in if you've had similar experiences or share your stories/vents as well! Have a good day!

I just want to say That when I get this therapy I hope I heal and I hope my brain goes back to normal the way it was and I hope all these false feelings go away and thoughts and urges although I feel nothing and I feel like this is the new me I know deep down it's not I just really hope it doesn't get worse and that I can finally have normal thoughts I just really pray to God I can feel like me again if not then I guess I'm stuck like this thank you guys for helping me me the best you can. I just hope this passes beacuse it genuinely feels like I'm changed and that the feelings are there it's scary. Like my brain doesn't even react anymore with disgust or anxiety neither does my body the thoughts just come up and checking is exhausting and when I don't think about it it still comes this is a scary tome for me I've never had ocd this bad before beacuse I knew who I was before all this idk anymore. I feel like I'm in denial about being a monster and that I actually feel like I do desire these things that's how real it is the lingering feeling is still there it feels like I enjoy this it's terrifying How powerful the brain is cognitive thinking is no joke. It really does change how u feel and affects you badly I don't wish this on anybody. 🪽🪽🪽

I feel like I know everything that my mind is doing yet cannot escape the same predictable trick OCD plays on me. I have an obsession, I know that performing compulsions only feeds the cycle and acts as a temporary relief. Though I know to not suppress these thoughts because that labels them as bad and scary. I’m told not to pose judgement towards my intrusive thoughts, and simply let them pass almost as a spectator views clouds passing by. I attempt to do this, and then feel a sense of discomfort. I tell myself an rpm (response prevention method) “this is uncomfortable but I can cope”. But I sit with this discomfort all day, thoughts neither entering nor exiting my mind, just a background feeling of guilt and an urgency to perform my compulsion which is research and rumination. I know not to pose judgement towards myself here and to give myself grace, and acknowledge that I’m doing the best I can. But I don’t feel that way. I am an overachiever. I have extremely good grades, I am in very good shape, but feel held back from experiencing joy both in doing my passions and harvesting the rewards of my labor. What does one who is completely self aware of how their OCD functions do. Why can my brain not distinguish real danger for irrational fear? Logic does not cure OCD. I waste too much time thinking about my obsessions. “Am I depressed” “am I suicidal”, it’s the same thoughts that trigger anxiety and urgency to gain insight. OCD is connected to what we care about most. I want to live my life, I want to make friends, go out, and ENJOY doing that. Why can’t I understand that nothing is wrong. What in my head is like “woah woah woah, we need to look at this thought for 3 hours to make sure this won’t happen, because you can’t validate it until you find the specific piece of information you need to feel better. I feel like my logic and emotions are very detached. I can understand the concept of holding no judgement or guilt towards self, but it’s different in trying to feel this. Feeling better and understanding how to feel better are completely different. One who feels good has no need to understand how their mind works on a predictable level, as they feel in control and in unison in identity with the thoughts and concepts which flow through their minds, as they cause no immediate distress. But I have to map out how my mind works predict how it will act in different scenarios (after I wake up, in social settings), in order to maximize the enjoyment I feel from immediate feelings. I’ve had to learn to live with combined emotions. To laugh while feeling a sense of dread in the background. I can feel happy and anxious. But I want to feel as I think on a rational level. Escape the irrational. So I know I must just accept the cards I’ve been dealt. I am in therapy, and feel like a broken record writing this. I am simply venting. I want to use the credentials I gain in my hard work to better the current mental health crisis. To give everyone a fair and proper treatment to their very specific issues at hand. There is too much individual experience akin to how one experiences mental illness. Therefore treatment should be specified more for each individual. In regard to how I’ll get by, I must manage to accept my position, gradually become more and more aware of my mental cycles to where I can predict and ultimately control how I respond to certain thought cycles.

Hi everyone, I’m 21 and I was diagnosed with OCD at 16. I had a great therapist who was trained to treat OCD and we made a lot of progress, but I moved out of state for college and had to find someone new. I’ve been seeing someone else who is trained to treat OCD too for about a year now and they’ve been super helpful, but I feel like I’m caught in a cycle. I did some ERP and it has helped, but I think I need to focus on it more than I ever have. I’ve only ever gone to therapy once a week at most, and I considered that a lot. But I have been struggling a LOT the past few months, and have only really been addressing new stressors that have triggered my OCD, rather than doing actual exposure work. I’ve also been in the process of finding an effective medication, and the past few months have felt like a vicious cycle of weaning off of a med and trying a new one, the weaning period making my OCD horrible, my OCD cooling down, a few weeks of being as anxious as usual (upsetting things usually being a 6 or 7 and obsessing in small chunks for up to an hour a day), then chatting with my psychiatrist about a new med, rinse and repeat. I feel like I’ve kind of boomeranged in progress, and I wonder if I’d benefit from more intensive (2+ sessions a week) treatment with ERP to address the obsessions that have been making me miserable. For anyone who’s recovered from severe OCD or has gotten a good grip on it, what resources did you use? Did you do intensive therapy (lots of erp multiple times a week) or was once a week enough for you? Did you see an expert from NOCD or something else? How did medication come into play? I feel like I’ve plateaued, and I want to put the hard work in to get to a place where I have power over my ocd and can live a more care free life!

Knowing that I have to pay money for a service that is causing me more problems than actually helping me is infuriating.

I have ADHD and I’m struggling with impulsivity related to intrusive thoughts. Sometimes, I get these strong urges to act on a thought, and I start taking action. But then, right as I’m about to make contact or do it, I freeze in confusion and terror, realizing what I’m about to do. It’s like I’m caught between the urge and the awareness that I don’t want to follow through. Has anyone experienced something similar, where the impulsivity leads you to take action before you realize what’s happening? How do you manage that confusion and prevent following through with the urge?

I seem to have a reverse form of ROCD where I am constantly terrified of my partner finding another woman more attractive than me and terrified of it being my partners ideal physical type. I have made several changes to my body (not asked for by him) to become his “physical ideal”. This was all made worse with his pornography addiction where I saw photos on his phone of gigantic breasts and Latin women (which I am neither). I am supposed to marry this man and I wonder how can I marry someone and know for the rest of my life that I’m not actually their “ideal woman” because I am not Latin and I have straight hips and small deflated breasts instead of the hourglass shaped implant women that he had tons of photos of on his phone? How can I stay witn someone knowing this forever? He stopped watching porn but I feel like illl never forget that I’m not what gets him “off”. Also I can’t watch movies with him or go in public with him if there are hot women around because I can’t bear the thought of him seeing a woman and finding her more attractive than me. What is the point of marriage if your partner finds other women hotter than you? Why would anyone get married knowing that their partner is going to find other women more attractive?

Does anyone have magical thinking ocd specifically wishing?

My mind keeps telling me “something is wrong with you. the weird feeling you are feeling or the weird tingling you are feeling or there is a weird mark on your body. Those are actually a severe symptom and by ignoring it you could die!” Or especially the constant, “go to the emergency room because this impending doom you are feeling, yeah that’s because your gonna die shortly” It doesn’t help whenever people say “well if something was wrong your body would tell you” because my mind keeps telling me that what I’m feeling is proof something is wrong and I need to get it checked out. That I actually am severely sick and that I need to get it checked out as soon as possible, that if I get one more test than I’ll be okay because it will prove nothing is wrong. How do I tell my mind that it’s just anxiety whenever my mind keeps telling me “well if you keep saying that you could be ignoring something more serious.” Or “the doctors are just brushing you off..something is wrong with you” It’s hard to live with my thoughts whenever they are constantly coming up with ways to challenge me and challenge logic. New reasons on why I need to get this checked out because “I’m just being ignored” or “no one is listening to me so I’ll just end up dying” My symptoms range from weak and shaking legs and body to dizzy and unbalanced and dissociated. Recently I’ve been getting this tingling feeling inside my head and on the back of my neck. And my temples have pressure on them. My body keeps coming up with new symptoms I need to worry about, whenever most of them are probably caused by severe and constant anxiety. So severe I can’t even leave the house because I constantly worry about whether this is severe and something will happen if I leave the house. I need immediate ways to start fixing this because it’s especially horrible whenever my period comes around and my anxiety/depression is already higher than usual. I’ve even started considering taking medication (Zoloft, 25mg) which is another trigger for me, I worry about the symptoms I might get from taking it. That’s how you know it’s gotten pretty bad whenever I’ve come to taking something that I’ve been actively avoiding. What are your thoughts? Do I take the medication? What are ways I can deal with my symptoms that seem so severe in the moment but pass by once I’m not anxious? What are ways my thoughts can ease and I stop taking every symptom as something serious, because at the end of the day my anxiety is most likely the reason I have these horrible symptoms. I’ve always been extremely healthy and everytime I go to the doctors they express how healthy I am with all the tests I’ve had.

Im sure some of you can relate to this.. Mornings are especially difficult for me because I have a hard time preparing my food in a timely manner. I have to wash the coffee pot before each brew, make sure my utensils are clean, my food completely cooked. Sometimes something goes wrong in my routine and I have to start over. It gets frustrating when this morning routine makes me late for class. It feels terrible when OCD reaches for other parts of my life besides food. When it stays in its "realm" I feel better about it. ---I'm thinking about being honest with some of my professors about what's really going on. Any tips? Any advice for people like me who have a hard time with mornings?

I tried to make breakfast and I thought I knew what I was doing but I had trouble turning on and off the stove but I turned it off but now I'm worried about a gas leak and I'll be responsible for a lot of damage and I just can't shake the anxiety. I'm constantly checking for smells coming from the stove and I don't hear any clicking but I'm still scared they this thing could explode any minute. It makes me never want to cook ever again

18+! When I was child I was VERY hyper-sexual I’m not sure when it started. All I remember I was being very sexual with other kids at the time, I think I thought it was normal and nobody was stopping me either at the time so I had no idea I was in the wrong. I think I had to be 13 or 14 where it hit me out of nowhere that I was wrong. The floodgate of anxiety was horrible I had so much guilt it was eating me up. I had to stay home, I quit going to family gatherings, quit hanging out with new friends I’ve made, I cried a lot. Til this day I think about it everyday and the amount of guilt on my chest. If I could go back and change it all I would. I wish I could have a better understanding of me and why I was doing it. It’s the guilt and anxiety I deal with every single day. I never meant to hurt anyone.

Can your brain accidentally create images to test yourself? I’m thinking what happens with me is sometimes I get anxious I’m going to have images or feel the need to ruminate and prove that I am still disgusted with them, so I think my brain starts imagining things on purpose. Like last night was having images in the shower and felt really bad and tried to move past it but sat down looking at the tv and my brain started creating sexual images of the characters on tv. So I was ignoring it not reacting but then somehow I thought of a character way out of nowhere related to the show I was watching and had an image of her naked and she is a minor. And I feel like I created the image because it was me that thought of her in the first place. And I didn’t like or want the image, but I feel like I didn’t react as harshly as I should have, and idk if it was me testing myself. But I don’t need to test myself, I don’t think of her that way or any teenage character. But I still feel bad and I feel like I’m using ocd as an excuse. But I know I don’t want these images and know I can get past them because I literally cannot be attracted to anyone under 20. I don’t want to be, my brain cannot convince me I am, I’m just not. But I don’t know why I feel like I’m feeling too normal, went and hugged my mom & dad and talked with them before bed like normal, but I swear it’s because I know I’m not these images. I know it’s ridiculous and I can beat it. But I feel like the disgust and shame and guilt isn’t there like it should be and a normal person would pics wouldn’t be acting this way. But it’s gotten better before, I’ve had this same thing happen and I’ve gotten past it because I know my morals, but I just feel like I’m not acting right.