Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Does anyone have any tips they can share as to what they do to prevent intrusive images from coming into their brain? Or when it happens how to cope?

Hi! Does anyone struggle with loneliness? Especially when it comes to talking to your loved ones about what you go through. I’ve been struggling with this because it either leads to a fight or I’m not understood. My husband and I have been having some issues and I have a bad habit of bringing up the past. I don’t know why I keep doing it it’s just I get a thought and it goes into auto mode recently. We are going to marriage counseling soon but I try to tell him and family how I’m feeling and it just turns into a fight or it turns into me being dismissed. I just honestly want someone I can trust to hear me but it feels like I can’t really talk to anyone. I think it’s a relapse and I keep doing ERP but honestly I just need someone to listen. Does anyone relate or am I just it? I feel like I’m losing the love of my life and I’m breaking at the mere thought of it.

I feel like I wanna throw up I feel shivers It feels like you’re going to be sick I can’t sleep at all I stayed up all night because of this (not the first time) I physically feel sick

Sometimes I feel like I’m not even myself…💀 I’m either 1: possesed 2: Schizophrenic 3: ocd 4: insane

❌❌❌DO NOT READ IF YOURE YOUNGER ❌❌❌ —- — - I feel like a really bad person right now, I remember my past and I remember when I was 14, I sent actual inappro//priate pictures of myself to my partner and I regret it so much, i genuinely do, I thought it was okay because I was around adults that were inappropriate to me, and it was so normalized, I don’t know why, I feel like I’m gonna go to jail, this happened 2 years ago but I still feel afraid that I will be in jail for what I’ve done, I can’t stop worrying about this event and I just need help, please someone help, am I a bad person?

I really feel like SOOCD is such a tricky theme. They tell you to sit with it and not overthink it and accept the possibilty, but we're talking about our future and someone else's future! I also feel like societal pressure doesnt help this theme at all. And its always gonna come up, because as a women, when I hang out with my friends, all they talk about is 1) their relationshios 2) their crush so my brain automatically compares or stresses when it does not relate. I try looking for comphet video on tiktok (i vividely dont recommend doing that) and some videos kind of made sens so I was like, am I a lesbian? So for instance, there is one girl who came ut at 26 and she was like "all my life I felt like I needed to date guys and chose my crushes and when I was making out with my bf it always felt like something was missing and then when I went out with the girl I realised that it wasnt supposed to feel hard and whats natural to your body will come to you naturally". She said that even tho she's a lesbian now she still imagines a life where she has a husband and kids but she knows that she cant have that because she likes imagining that she's straight when indeed she's not. (that was a very big spike for me). and she knew that if she went down that road she would never date men again ( and I feel like I relate to that?!). So to calm myself I said, idc if im gay or bi, at least my bf will be my "one" exception. And right after there was a video of a girl who said " if you're a girl going out with your bf and thinking you're 99 percent into women but that your bf is the exception leave him, you're a lesbian" ughhhhhhhh. My biggest worry right now after being in a 6 year relationship is that I feel if I imagine it that I would feel way more for a women then for a man? but my therapist told me it was normal because with two women its always more intense but im like but what does it mean? that I dont know true love? That I dont love my current partner or at least not enough? I also feel like sometimes, if I ever break up with my bf I'll never date guys after? like even if they were perfect? I know that for anyone reading that shows that Im in denial... I've talked to my therapist about it and she always is like "live in the moment". Ugh

Okay, so I was exposed to porn at 9. My older cousin came over to the house and asked if I could keep a secret and stuff and then he showed me porn. I got addicted to it ngl. I would watch it whenever I could and would always think about it when I wasn’t home. Because of this, I started reading mangas on this one website and I was still in elementary school when I started reading these I think, either that or middle school. Anyways, there was this one about these kids who did it and I was like oh I’m the same age as them and all that you know so I didn’t think much of it. I would still read it up to when I was in high school but I wouldn’t like read it often, I would just read it because I was familiar with it and it felt like I was still their age for some reason, like I didn’t see them as kids you know, it felt like they were my age. Oh my god, that makes it sound even worse. When my POCD started, I stopped reading that story because I was it terrified me so a little before I turned 18. I keep going back and forth on whether or not I’m actually a pedophile or not. I don’t know if it’s because I was exposed to that stuff so early and my cousin would constantly talk about sex when he was with me. I thought it was so normal to be reading and looking at that stuff. I didn’t realize. I’m scared that my nephews are going to be exposed to that so early like I was. My POCD mostly targets my nephews and now I’m scared that I’ll do the same thing to them and show them that stuff (I never will) or that I genuinely do like that stuff. I feel like throwing up while writing this. I just don’t want to be one. I’m sorry if this triggers you or if this seems like I’m seeking reassurance and maybe I am. I genuinely don’t know right now. I think I just needed to get this off my chest because I’ve been worrying about it for awhile.

My SO-OCD is really getting in the way of my relationship and I’m so confused if it’s meant to be platonic or romantic. We have such a strong bond and I am sexually attracted to them but my SO-OCD tries to convince me that I should be with a woman bc I’m not sure if I’m 100% straight and I feel a lot of guilt about the fact that I want a relationship with a man and get intrusive thoughts about what it would be like to be with a woman instead. But it’s about this one specific girl I found attractive and I’m not sure if it’s sexual attraction or admiration and I have been fixating on this ever since I met her because I see her consistently and I’m not sure what to do. I really want this to work with him but it’s so hard for me to trust myself and what I truly want.

Around a month ago I got out of an almost 2 year relationship. In that time I met someone that I ended up developing a crush on and today we decided to start dating. Since earlier today, I’ve had a lot of intrusive thoughts about a variety of things, the two biggest being if I actually like this person and the if it’s too soon for me to be back in a relationship. I know I like this person and we have amazing chemistry I just want some advice on the situation.

So I was playing roblox at my big age im 24. I got into sort of an arugment with a player bc she was making comments about peoples outfits and saying they were basic. So i commented on their outfit and called it basic. She told me to get a life. Then the arguing got worse she got a friend in on it with her. They started calling me crusty bc my username is crispy. I really tried not to engage bc I know a lot of children play on roblox. I just don’t like bullying or people being mean. Then I got last place and the player was like everyone is a queen here except crusty. I wanted to stand up for myself and said yall are just bullies. Now im worried that everyone in the server thought I called them bullies and are going to kill themselves. I was only referring to the two girls. I let them get the best of me I shouldn’t have responded like that because it was funny the back and forth. I acted immaturely but I think my justice complex kicked in. Now Im scared they killed themselves and I will never know.

For anyone taking this ssri what is your dosage, when do u normally take it (concern about weight gain, flat emotion, sexual side effect as I’m in a relationship). Any advice would help everyone here with ocd would like to know doses and what time of day you take and if you have experience improvements or side effects. I just started today on 10mg but would want to increase and stay at 20mg if it works out. Today been feeling sad but I think that’s more bc of something that happen (found someonelied about something from past) so I think it’s more that than side effect other than that nothing I ended taking at 3 PM. Since my bf works 3pm- 1 am so maybe I experience any side effects during this time and not before or after. Again not sure how this works thank you

I’m so sick of this disorder I really am. I’m failing school because I havent gone in 5 days because of ocd, im sick right now but I could easily go to school if I wanted to, it’s not because I’m sick, it’s because I’m genuinely afraid to go out, I did a exposure by going to a fair two days ago and it was genuinely fucking horrible, I don’t feel like it helped me. I’m gonna go to school tomorrow but I’m just terrified and I know I’m gonna be miserable and it’s gonna flare up horribly. I don’t want to accept or cope with the fact I have ocd. I don’t want to be ok with my thoughts, why should I have to be ok with my thoughts to get better? Why was I made this way? Why can’t I just be normal? I don’t want to accept the fact I have horrible disgusting thoughts why should I? It makes me feel disgusting and sick. I just really wish I wasn’t dealing with this. I don’t want to die I just wish I was different, so different. I’m so sick of this. I know my past wasn’t my fault but I feel sick and disgusted and like I’m a sick fuck who should be killed or put in jail. I really can’t take it anymore i just want to be ok. I know what it feels like to be happy I just don’t know how to get back there. I was doing so good for 3 weeks. Not a single intrusive thought or urge. I was genuinely happy and now I feel horrible. I don’t want to live like this or be ok with it I just can’t it’s never gonna end why is it fair that I have to live like this?

Hello everyone! I’m new to this app and I am just looking for some help or any advice. I am 20 years old and female. I constantly think about the past and what has happened to me and my boyfriend. (Mostly about him and his ex and if he liked her more). No matter how hard I try these thoughts just flood my mind and nothing that I do helps me avoid them. I have always had issues with constant thoughts about the past and things that are stressing me out, and they just don’t go away. I thought that the thoughts about my boyfriend’s ex would fade but i’ve been with him for 2 years now and they are still constant everyday. I feel like I have to know what she’s up to and check her social media daily, if not multiple times in a day. I also check my ex’s social media daily. I don’t want to do this but I feel like I have to, and If I try not to it just makes me feel anxious. My ex was verbally and physically abusive, I was 15-17 and we were together for those two years. I have gone to PTSD therapy and I still have thoughts over and over about what happened and I wonder if it was even real. Or if I’m even remembering what happened correctly. I have constant thoughts about him and what happened between us. I also have issues such as kind of twitching when i’m really stressed out or something isn’t “right” to me. I constantly have to clean and put things in their place. I have a routine that I do everyday, such as showering in a certain order, doing my skincare in a certain order, and doing things at work in a certain order. Is this normal? And how do I help these thoughts go away… Because they have gotten so bad that it distracts me all day and is interfering with having a future with my boyfriend.

I don't know how to heal, I don't know what's real and what's fake, im so scared of my past, I cannot look forward to the future, I want to forget it all, I wish I was born different, I wish I wasn't me, why am I like this, why do I think like this. How can I stop this. It's impossibly to stop this, ill never stop this, I don't care if I can "learn to live with it" or "manage my anxiety" I just want it to stop existing period. I dont want any of this, I shouldn't have to manage anything. I just want to be free from this life and from my past.

Hello, I recently discovered I may have relationship OCD. I haven’t been formally diagnosed yet but I started experiencing thoughts like “I don’t really love him” or “I’m gonna break up with him”, and sometimes even thoughts that he doesn’t love me or he’s gonna leave me. This all started when I got a text from a former partner, and it was very surprising. I thought since it affected me so much that it meant I still loved him and that I didn’t love my current boyfriend. Before this event, I struggled with intrusive thoughts and compulsions but never about relationships and I didn’t think I had OCD. I wasn’t experiencing any of these specific thoughts before I got that text, and it’s really scary and I’m afraid my thoughts are true. I really do love my boyfriend but these thoughts are really making me depressed.

is anyone else not able to realize that their thoughts are irrational?

I’m so tired of this anxiety right now, all my dad did was get mad at me today and for some reason my anxiety is through the roof, I honestly want to cry, I just want this to stop. It’s always constant anxiety and it never ends nor stops, it’s almost irritating, I just want it to leave me alone

I have this fear of being a psychopath or sociopath. All my life i was able to feel normal emotions like joy, sadness, guilt etc up until now where i suddenly gained this new fear of being a psychopath because i felt emotionally detached from my partner lately and i now feel like i emotionally shut down and like im on autopilot mode. Its like i cant feel anything right now, and to test myself i think of situations in my head that are bad (like someone getting hit by a car) to see if i feel any empathy and it scares me that i sometimes dont. I keep doing this over and over and i cant feel anything, im so scared of being evil or something. It triggers me when i see negative things on social media because im scared i don’t feel anything or not care about it at all. I never thought id be saying this but i WANT to feel sad or upset just so i know im not crazy.

Sometimes when I ruminate or try to disprove my themes (I know I shouldn’t do it but sometimes it’s to overwhelming and I can’t help it I’ve been getting better with it though) it feels like I’m arguing with another person, like there’s another person living in my head and they try to disprove everything I do, it’s usually a different voice from my own but when it’s really fucking with me it’s my own voice and it’s irritating, it just feels like another person lives in my head like there a bad influence and tell me to do all this shit and it’s horrible, I know it’s ocd but it just feels like another person in my head who’s constantly against me and everything I believe and when I argue I get literally no where it pulls shit out of its ass and says the most absurd shit and it makes me feel horrible, just wanted to know if anyone else’s ocd feels like it comes in the form of another person that’s living in your head?

Does anyone else have the strong urge to do some sort of drugs sometimes when there ocd gets really bad or over nothing in general, like I’ll just be sitting doing nothing and my brain goes “you need to do cocaine right now or else” and I get a urge and it’s so like odd to me??? I’ve never done drugs in my life and never plan to because my father was a addict and I’ve seen what they’ve done to people so it scares me when I get these thoughts and then I get the urge to reach out to someone who can give me drugs and I play this whole scenario in my mind where I contact someone and I meet up with them and pay them for the drugs and then I take them and die and it’s like??? Idk I’ve had weird intrusive thoughts involving drugs before but this is like different if that makes sense, I also can’t stop focusing on how my body feels when this happens like it’ll feel like I was a previous addict and that I’m going through withdrawal and need something or else and it’s just so weird to me. Anyone else go through this?