SOOCD reflection

I really feel like SOOCD is such a tricky theme. They tell you to sit with it and not overthink it and accept the possibilty, but we're talking about our future and someone else's future! I also feel like societal pressure doesnt help this theme at all. And its always gonna come up, because as a women, when I hang out with my friends, all they talk about is 1) their relationshios 2) their crush so my brain automatically compares or stresses when it does not relate. I try looking for comphet video on tiktok (i vividely dont recommend doing that) and some videos kind of made sens so I was like, am I a lesbian? So for instance, there is one girl who came ut at 26 and she was like "all my life I felt like I needed to date guys and chose my crushes and when I was making out with my bf it always felt like something was missing and then when I went out with the girl I realised that it wasnt supposed to feel hard and whats natural to your body will come to you naturally". She said that even tho she's a lesbian now she still imagines a life where she has a husband and kids but she knows that she cant have that because she likes imagining that she's straight when indeed she's not. (that was a very big spike for me). and she knew that if she went down that road she would never date men again ( and I feel like I relate to that?!). So to calm myself I said, idc if im gay or bi, at least my bf will be my "one" exception. And right after there was a video of a girl who said " if you're a girl going out with your bf and thinking you're 99 percent into women but that your bf is the exception leave him, you're a lesbian" ughhhhhhhh. My biggest worry right now after being in a 6 year relationship is that I feel if I imagine it that I would feel way more for a women then for a man? but my therapist told me it was normal because with two women its always more intense but im like but what does it mean? that I dont know true love? That I dont love my current partner or at least not enough? I also feel like sometimes, if I ever break up with my bf I'll never date guys after? like even if they were perfect? I know that for anyone reading that shows that Im in denial... I've talked to my therapist about it and she always is like "live in the moment". Ugh

Sexual Orientation OCD

Username: ash1!ash1!

Date posted: 16w ago

Please be careful about getting “wisdom” or insight from TikTok; seek professional counseling instead. TikTok is just random people saying whatever! Good luck to you ❤️

Username: Nicola$Nicola$

Date posted: 16w ago

Why are you talking the word of people on tik tok like it's anciant wisdom, those women are not in your head and you are not in theirs. Tbh I once hear a woman Say something like, I never realize I was gay until I was 26 when I though an actress was hot, and I was like "Really? So You what? Were you blund the other 25 years? How could you not know women turn you on? She blame it on society and that she was from the south (US), nigga I'm from south américa, in some of this countries is even ilegal, that didnt stop my brother from knowing since he was like 9, an he's older than that girl

Username: ninkaninganinkaninga

Date posted: 15w ago

I actually relate because i sometimes have these thoughts and they tell me that “you won’t like kissing a guy and you will realize that you are gay or you will have this feeling that something is missing”.😔😔😔 These comphet things and tiktok and comming out stories are so triggering. I also feel like i must have so many signs and it scares me because i dont want to be😔 i also have thoughts which make me even feel like i would like it with a women. But in reality i have never felt THAT SOMETHING for a woman. Even though my mind tells me that I did. Im also scared that what if im really lesbian and that i only like to imagine myself as a straight girl with husband and family and kids😔

Username: LiaExe28LiaExe28

Date posted: 20d ago

I know I’m super late to this post but the last few sentences I relate to. I hate it. It feels like I can never date men again if I end things here. But I know I would. Maybe I’d go out with a woman to see what it’s like but I mostly prefer men. I think soocd has ruined sex for me tbh, I feel out of it and want it to be over (it’s finals season rn as well so I’m burning out) and that’s a thing with lesbians so panic. I’m bisexual so. My fear revolves around me being fully lesbian cuz I also saw the comphet document. I worry that it would be more passionate or deep with a woman when it had been deep and passionate here with him it’s just not recently cuz of school. Like I know I feel a deep attraction to him but rn it feels non existent and ROCD crosses over and yells that I don’t love him as well. And now I can’t tell if I’m holding on because I have hope and still love him or because I’m in denial about not being in love and actually being a lesbian. I want to marry my boyfriend one day but I’m terrified I’ll blow up our lives cuz my brain can only see images of me being potentially dissatisfied. I cannot live in the moment and it sucks. TikTok comphet videos and Reddit are the bane of my existence rn

Username: 💟

Date posted: 25w ago

exposures

so I've been trying to do what my therapist said while she's on vacation for a few weeks and do some of my routine exposures. One of them is watching tv and not looking away when there is children on screen. I tried sitting through a preview of a shows first episode that featured a young girl in a Victorian outfit with blonde hair, and he had very ghostly white skin and powder pink lips. It was a ghost show, which is the kind of genre I usually like, so I wanted to try and enjoy the clip. And my therapist always told me to "not appraise the thoughts, our goal isn't to avoid them, but to let them pass" but as I kept watching, I kept getting mental voices telling me that "she's pretty you want to kiss her" and I felt almost frozen in my seat? I felt a kind of anxiety I haven't felt in years, but I tried to continue to watch the clip and let it pass, but I couldn't. I felt this mental need to go back and "check" to really be sure if I was attracted to her, I pictured kissing her and idk if it even counts as an intrusive thought atp? I felt like if I were to have the thought and then prove myself I was grossed out by pushing it away I would feel better, but it didnt. My brain just kept telling me that I wanted her and it was very much on purpose to test to see whether I felt that way or not and it did and I kept feeling that horrible form of anxiety that makes your face hot and I don't think I was really TRUELY attracted to her but it's like a fucked up twisted form of attraction that's false but feels real at the same time? Idk if that makes sense... idk, I'm trying my best but I feel like I NEED to think the thoughts, letting them pass isn't enough. Or like the thought will stick in my brain and it'll keep going like a mini movie playing in my head and it feels like almost like I'm fantasizing even though that isn't what I want to do. I feel like I have no choice but to push them away or else I'll have a horrible realization... idk... I've been struggling with this for 5 years now. I don't even know how to properly articulate how I feel in those moments it's so confusing that I don't know how to describe it to my therapist. How do people just lable their feelings on things so effortlessly? Why is it so hard for me? Idk I don't really want reassurance bc it won't help but I just want to feel like I'm not alone in this.

POCD

Username: ninkaninga

Date posted: 24w ago

Its so scary

I have no idea if this is just OCD and I’m actually just straight or i was in denial my whole life. Now it feels so scary, i feel like im realizing my true self, that ive always been gay, that im just using SO-OCD as a cover up. IT FEELS SO REAL. I even feel like others with SO-OCD dont experience this feeling and i must experience something different. Its literally a feeling like an urge to admit myself that I’m gay and it even feels like i know im gay and i was using OCD as a cover up for 6 years. I cant even describe that feeling. When i try to imagine myself with a girl in my mind it makes me feel like i like that thought like i want it😔 It feels all very very real. I think you guys with SOOCD have different feelings and you actually have OCD. I dont want these thoughts. I dont want to be gay, i dont want to feel this. But maybe i was my whole life in denial. 😭😭

Username: Fr0ggy

Date posted: 23w ago

SOOCD

This post will be for people 18+ and it is a topic on sexual attraction, if you are comfortable you can read but it’s completely up to you. I know I’m not the only woman that watches lesbian love for pleasure as we are all humans and our hormones go up. I’ve been watching lesbian love for years now (about 3 years) and in most of that time, not once did I question my sexuality until someone asked me a question that triggered my overthinking. Today after watching that, I was asking myself questions like what it would feel like to do this with a woman? How would it feel like to be with one? And because these thoughts came to my mind I freaked out because I keep thinking that I like females but never in my life and even till this day have I ever fallen in love with a women or even thought about marrying a women one day. I always want to have a husband one day and at least have a kid or two. But lately all this questioning has me confused to the point where I question if I’m bi or lesbian and if I even have SOOCD or if it’s generally just me tryna figure out my sexuality or if I’m just in denial. I am also talking to a man romantically and whenever I’m around him I feel happy and I’m always excited to talk to him and he also makes my heart flutter and my body burn for him. But because of these recent thoughts I’ve been having, it just confuses me and adds some stress. Any tips for how I can go about this?

Sexual Orientation OCD

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