Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Like clock work my body is trying to tell me I’m having a heart attack I just can’t anymore

So I’ve been suffering with intense health anxiety for a few years now, and just recently I learned it may be caused by OCD. It’s to the point where every time I get a headache I start to freak out, scared that I could be having an aneurysm. I am far too worried about having a stroke or heart attack for being 21. I can’t even enjoy a casual, relaxing hot shower anymore. I have to slowly increase the temperature when getting in and slowly decrease the shower while getting out because I am afraid that any drastic temperature change can give me a heart attack. I know deep down that these fears are illogical, but no matter how often I get them they still feel just as real every time. I try to reason with myself, but every time I feel mild discomfort in my body I can’t help but freak out. I am so tired of checking my face in the mirror for symptoms of stroke every time I get a headache or feel a weird sensation in my body. Every other day of the week I force myself to stay awake for a certain period of time because I’m scared if I go to sleep I won’t wake up. I get hymnic jerks every single night (where you jolt awake when drifting to sleep) because my brain is so occupied with making sure I’m staying alive that it jolts me awake because my body is trying to sleep while my mind stays awake. It’s so difficult for me to pay attention during lectures because I get so caught up in my health anxiety that I’m focusing on grounding techniques in order to keep myself from hyperventilating. I spend more time making sure I can understand the words my professor is saying to make sure I’m not having a stroke than actually paying attention to the lectures. Another thing I struggle with is having to count my medication every time before I take it to make sure I didn’t accidentally take two or more doses, even if I KNOW I only took one. I have to count them anyways otherwise my mind will convince me I overdosed. It will not stop until I count my medication and make sure I didn’t overdose. It’s honestly so tiring, and the sad part is that my health anxiety has actually gotten better. It was even worse before now, and everything I’ve listed is stuff that I still do. Does anyone else have this struggle? Because it feels so isolating and makes me feel like I’m going crazy.

So I’ve had one thing I’ve been having obsessive intrusive thoughts over this past month at this point… I’m a little bit triggered I can’t lie. The dream pretty exactly captured my anxiety, and this feels like a point of no return for me. I’m so scared thinking, “What if I secretly enjoyed the dream?”, “What if I got an erection from the dream?”… It’s questions like these that have got me frozen… I’m scared to go to sleep sometime as I am so terrified of my dreams. I remember I felt anxious in the dream, but it’s still weird I dreamt about this. Do I have to change my life after this? Do I have to divorce my wife over this? What happens to me now…

Several people have shown me I’m not very important to them. I don’t know how to cope at times when I’m afraid of being sick and alone. Can you imagine what that would be like, and it’s a real possibility for me. I’m told to accept life on life’s terms, so I should accept that I might be in my own if I need help? I think I’m worth much more than that, but I might not get what I need. Will this life get worse as I get older because I have no family? I shudder to think of my future and no, I will not accept that I’ll be abandoned. I deserve better

I often tend to connect things to each other and look at everything as a sign. For example, I had a horrible ROCD flare up in the summer and I remember looking at my phone and a song was on about moving on. Then my OCD thoughts kicked in telling me that God was trying to show me that I need to get out of my relationship and move on. Lately, I have been struggling with False memory OCD and am constantly checking if I did something to cheat on my boyfriend with guy friends I used to Snapchat. Like what if I don’t remember I did something or said something to one of them? Anyway, in the midst of all of this, I opened a fortune cookie after eating at a Chinese restaurant. The fortune read something like, “a former acquaintance is going to unexpectedly resurface in your life” and that completely put me into a spiral. My OCD is telling me that’s a sign from God that I did something with another guy and he is going to resurface in my life and ruin my relationship. I feel so guilty even though I know I didn’t do anything. I just can’t help but to look at things like signs. Like why did I see that at this time. Is that God trying to tell me something? Can anyone relate? It would be so relieving if someone could share a story similar.

Everyone meet: the bag. He’s been around for almost a year now. It is time this bag is conquered and OUT of my room. I suffer with severe contamination OCD and have difficulty cleaning. About seven months ago, a mouse was discovered in the house, and was suspected to have originated from this very bag…This bag that I used to carry miscellaneous college supplies when I moved out… Mouse poop was discovered underneath it. And ever since then, I’ve been TERRIFIED to clear out this bag. EVERYTHING, I mean EVERYTHING inside is “contaminated.” Mouse poop!!! MOUSE POOP! My luck! And don’t even try to search up the diseases mouse poop carry, because I did and now I can’t even touch this bag without panic. See that packaged item next to it? It is untouched, because it fell on the bag. 🤦‍♀️Even being within a RADIUS of the bag can cause “contamination,” as if the bag emits a poisonous smog. 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ Guys, even as I say this I’m understanding the ludicrousness, but I NEED to deal with this bag. There’s so many precious items inside. All “contaminated.” Anyone have any idea how to do this!!?

Hi! I don’t even know what I’m trying to get from this, I think I just need to get it out of my system around people who know what OCD feels like. I have a partner which I love a lot, I feel like we have a great, healthy relationship, we communicate a lot. She never got to know me at my really ill or ,lowest points‘ with OCD. I’ve been relatively stable for some time, but I have this big fear of getting bad again, making her feel bad, having breakdowns in front of her and now tonight I had a panic attack because I kept spiralling. (Intrusive thoughts about how I might be manipulating her, might be bad for her) It’s like I start feeling bad and then I try to force my way out of it but I can’t, and instead I panic and start rambling and scaring myself because I sound incoherent or stumble upon my words, and then I panic that I’m disturbing her and/or losing my mind and destroying our relationship by exposing her to this part of me. I feel like rationally I know I don’t have to freak out but there’s still this terrified little child inside of me that will completely panic and hate myself in these moments. I guess I just would like for someone to say they understand what this feels like or that they’ve been through something similar. I just feel like I desperately want to say the right thing, and not behave like the weirdest person ever, but the more I want that, the more I freak out. Aaah. I don’t want to go back to this mess. And I don’t want to drag her into it. Right now I wish I could just erase the past hour and apologize in the right, correct way, as to soothe her and redo everything weird I said - but I know that’s just my need to control everything aka my compulsions nagging at me :(

I had my first session and I feel conflicted and a fear of what’s around this therapeutic corner is rather daunting. Since my last session I have fired my therapist (just not a good fit for me). Now my anxiety is in hyper gear as it does not fit into what my current goal is, with that being getting a therapist and addressing my issues Was she not a good fit or did I just not want to put the work in. Now I search the internet for providers, look at their respective backgrounds….now when do you know if they are a good fit. I’m rambling sorry.

I don’t know if this will be useful to anyone but, If you need reassurance about your OCD I found this Yale-Brown test is helpful. https://www.intermed.com/content/uploads/Yale-Brown-Obsessive-Compulsive-Scale-Y-BOCS_July-2022.pdf My OCD-free boyfriend took it and didn’t mark a single thing on the sheet, while I had a ton. It was reassuring to know that I’m not being dramatic about my symptoms. Google also describes OCD as having fear of contamination, but there are way more types out there. This test ( https://ocdtest.com ) can help you identify what kinds of OCD you have

I’m here because I’m looking for help. I’ve tried CBT but my therapist isn’t specialized in OCD and I don’t know what else to do. I’m terrified all the time, I wear a mask every day and wash my hands till they are raw. I don’t know what to do, I didn’t have anywhere near the levels of anxiety and depression before the pandemic that I have since the pandemic started, I am terrified of everything, I had Covid once but I am terrified that I’m a ticking time bomb because it does cause long lasting symptoms and can disable or kill you even after one infection and that’s what terrifies me. I’m forced to go into the office with people who don’t mask and don’t care about coughing up a lung and not covering it up. I can’t sleep without feeling like something is wrong with my heart or my body and I am constantly afraid of going out and being around people and crowds. I’m terrified of Covid and getting it again and losing my life and quality of life because of it. I’m also terrified of losing my wife because she doesn’t want a partner who just stays in the house all the time.

Is it normal to go numb to thoughts? I’ve been struggling for 3 months with intense fear and all of a sudden I am not anymore. While this may seem like healing, I’m incredibly worried I’m not scared anymore. I know that’s crazy. It’s causing me to be scared that the thoughts are mine because I’m not reacting to them.

Has anyone here ever experienced an extremely sticky false memory? One that feels like it has ‘evidence’ , one that has combined real details with false, one that feels extremelyyy real. If so I’d really really appreciate any advice please. Just any tips no matter how small on how to move forward from this.

It really sucks to avoid public settings as much as possible because of all the germs & diseases I’ll be in contact with/exposed to and I wish to overcome this. I want to feel free.. I’m so scared to and notice before we make a planned outing I’m always anticipating the worst and end up not going, missing out on life itself.. it’s heartbreaking, lonely and not healthy..

I’ve been feeling weird lately like idk I question life and humans and I had this one weird thought of who am I and it turned into a panic n I have this like sensation in the back of my mind that I don’t know what life is and I feel like I’m losing it people look differently my loved ones look different I’m so scared like is this me losing my mind?

I’m talking to this girl and I really like her but my ocd is telling me she is lying about her age (18)

Does anyone else have those dreams where you wake up with an "o"? This morning I was having a dream of another adult touching me. And I woke up with an "o" But what's worrying me is that when I woke up I realized my sons foot was touching my hip and leg area. So I'm afraid somehow that caused the dream But not only that As I woke up with the "o" I knew his leg was there and instead of stopping it I let it continue but then I moved his leg away from me or tried to as it was finishing. I feel weird that I knew his leg was there to begin with. I can't help but think I did something wrong I just wish these types of dreams didn't exist where you wake up with the "o"

Hey, guys! I know that this is a community to help people with ocd but I really wanna share this Hard stuff with you to help me going through this. I met a guy who was incredible with me and we were together for three months. We talked about a lot of hard stuff and we lived fun moments together and I got attached, but he ended what we had cause he was going through a tough time. I'm so sad and frustrated cause I created many expectations. It's been so hard for me to accept this.

I have been an emetophobic since i’m a child i’m 32 now and over the last few years i have never been worse. I’ve truly spiraled and my contamination OCD is ruining my day to day life. I can’t go to any store or pick up my son from school without coming home and scrubbing my hands raw and spraying everything i have touched with professional grade disinfectant. My hands are so bad they are split , bleeding and so red and dry and i will keep washing them over and over even though it burns. If i touch something in my own home and i feel it’s contaminated i wash my hands and spray until i feel it’s clean. It has taken over my life and now with this norovirus outbreak i am just not handling anything well. I am at a loss and sometimes feel like i’m a lost cause.

when something happens i connect eveything between. like i was wearing my smart watch even though it hasnt charged. then i said its like your relationship. you dont have love but you keep going cause you used to that. and im doing this in everything. im connecting everything to my relationship and its so hard. does this happening to you?

I’ve had a terrible flare up of psycosis ocd over the last week, so scared that I’m gonna get psycosis or have a mental breakdown. and I’ve woken up this morning with thiught like you’re gay. But not a question of what if you gay but just repeated thoughts like you’re gay you need to accept it or your gays ns if you accept it all thsi will go away. And like I am anxious as in no I don’t want to be gay why am I thinking this but at the same time there isn’t really any anxiety which makes it feel real Do you know what I mean, has anyone dealt with this?