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I genuinely can't stand my life any longer. I just wanted it all to end

So basically I repost lots of stuff and links and resources and awareness about what's going on in Palestine on my story on social media, because what's going on there is horrific. It just feels like everytime my worries (probably about being moral) clash with my wanting to help.. People don't care? They say stuff like, it doesn't matter, you come first, it's not that big of a deal, you shouldn't be worrying like this and trying to help at the same time. And while I agree that maintaining good mental health is important, there are people suffering in the world who are more important at the minute. That's not to say that mental health should be ignored, but I don't think it's a reason to not do what you can? Nobody seems to get this though. Like, I'm worrying about how, as I don't have many followers, I should add more people so the message is spread. Then I thought, that makes me uncomfortable because I don't want people to perceive me as annoying. Then I'm like, how is advocating for something in the world annoying? What society do we live in where it's weird to advocate for freedom and safety? The thing that gets to me the most is people I know who stay silent. The thing is, I don't think people stay silent because they're awful people or because they don't care, I just feel like it could be 1) We're desensitised. 2) It's not the "done thing". People follow other people and stay silent because it seems unusual to post about things like that. But then.. Do I stay friends with people who have stayed quiet in the face of this extremely awful thing going on in the world? It doesn't feel right, but I don't want to lose my friends. But 1) I don't want to be friends with people who don't speak up about it (and now worry that actually I don't care and it's just my conscience), and 2) I don't want to act like my friends are more important than what's going on. I feel like not one person around me understands this, and I don't understand how people can be ignorant to what's happening. I would just love to talk to someone who truly understands. Now I really don't know what to do about the following more people on social media thing, because surely if I even made one person aware of what's going on, that's a good thing? And it worries me that people think mental health matters more than what's going on, and use it as an excuse. Yeah mental health is important but.. I feel like it's not an excuse. And not more important than what's going on. And people make me feel as if that's wrong.

Anybody else get extremely anxious how fast life is moving? Like it feels like im almost at the end of my life. I think of it as like I’m 1/4 in my life and at this point of my life with 20 years will only have 3 other times in 20 year incraments so im almost done. Sounds stupid but does anyone else think like this💀

I was just confronted by a personal trainer at the gym. I think he’s dating the front desk girl. Which I’ve had many conversations with her. I assumed we were on friendly terms, on Friday, she was in a particularly foul mood. I asked her if she was OK, And I tried to make a joke about racing her on the treadmills before I left for the day. The one next to her hoping to get her to laugh. It didn’t work. She stayed pissed the whole time. Anyway, tonight at the gym, I was approached by her angry personal trainer boyfriend. He was so pissed off. He seemed to be shaking. I’m 6’2”. This guys is about 6’8” and Jacked. He claimed that I was using his girlfriend’s name and making her feel uncomfortable. I explained that I was just having a friendly conversation with her and he wasn’t having it. He told me I needed to talk to her about it. I used it as ERP. I was determined to not let it keep me up tonight. I have difficulty sleeping when I can’t let things go, like this. I’m extremely extroverted and like talking to people. But, I pride myself on being kind and respectful. So this type of thing triggers the heck out of me. I made sure not to confront them until my suds levels dropped. I was definitely disappointed when she made up the part about me following her around. I’m trying to not to let ERP get out of hand. I get myself in trouble with therapy homework. Sometimes I feel stuck for days. I’m tempted to report them to management but I’m worried I’ll get kicked out of the gym for it. Im happily married with kids, I have no interest in her whatsoever. It’s disappointing when women try to get their boyfriends to fight me, it’s happened a few times. Not sure how to handle it, I just wanted to get it off my chest.

Hi! I have OCD and am thinking about starting a family. I have been married for a few years (through some pretty sever ROCD) and starting a family has come up more than once. Every time our “this is when we will start” time comes around I have a HUGE spike in OCD including ROCD and OCD around having sex with my husband. I have a history of sexual assault, but that’s another story. ANYWAY…I was wondering if there are any folks on here with OCD and thinking of having children, pregnant, or went through it all with OCD. Really just looking for community and any resources that might have helped you- books etc. I am in therapy and on medication so really looking for anything supplementary. Thanks for reading!

Hello! I am new to the app and I struggle with Trichotillomania. This has caused my every day life to be a struggle and also upsets me because I used to have very long, thick hair. My hair is now very thin and will not grow. I also have lost the majority of my eyebrows and eyelashes and I now use false lashes/makeup to cover up my hair loss. I have struggled with this disorder for a couple of years now and have tried many coping strategies, but none seem to work. I want my hair back, please let me know if you have any suggestions on how to cope with this disorder!

Hi guys. This might be long, but it’s me somewhat looking for reassurance while also venting. I’m recently engaged and am suddenly feeling my ROCD come back. I was in therapy for it for a few months and eventually those intrusive thoughts about my partner went away completely and I was feeling sooooo much better. I thought I beat ROCD honestly, but I always knew it could eventually come back because that’s just how it works. We’ve talked about marriage for a while and i knew we’d get married. But when he proposed, I was thrown off guard (it was super random on a Tuesday night in our apartment and I had absolutely no clue it was happening then. Maybe if I would have had somewhat of an idea it was happening, I would have reacted better bc i had time to process it alone) but I paused and took a long time to say yes out of sheer shock and selfishly the want to have the big proposal done for me. He was very generous and gracious in my needing to process the proposal and he totally understood why I needed to take a second during all of it. But while that was going on, I didn’t feel any ROCD. it was more of the guilt of realizing I was disappointed in his proposal (I know, it was selfish. But it was also my first time being proposed to lol) and I realized after that, I didn’t care how it happened and I love him immensely regardless of how he chose to do it. And obviously I said yes :) !! Anyways, in the last two months that weve been engaged, the ROCD hasn’t come up at ALL. But recently it’s come back, and now that we are in fact, engaged, it doesn’t feel worse than it did before but the intrusive thoughts are a lot different. Because now I’m realizing the commitment is real and I’m scared that I’m gonna feel this way forever. Especially during our marriage. I’m scared that I’m going to have a panic on our wedding day. I’m scared that the feeling of wanting to run away and hide under a bush will come and I HATE the feeling of that. It’s all the “what if’s” that come with ROCD and while I’m a lot more aware of it now as I’ve been dealing with it for a while and was in therapy for it & actually getting help, it’s really hard to control the thoughts and realize it isn’t him. Because i really do think I have a fear of “boredom” and if i don’t feel sparks fly every second all the time, I feel panicky. That fear probably comes from growing up with my parents loveless marriage and them fighting all the time, and me not seeing what a loving marriage can look like 20+ years later. So that’s where I’m at right now. Thanks for reading

This is a big problem for me which makes me feel shame and alot of guilt, the feeling of denial is really misunderstood, sometimes i feel like they mean for certain ocd themes like harm or something when you feel like you did something bad and by ignoring you feel like youre in denial. Those times its normal that you ignore it. But i experience something different. Many times i tried to ignore ocd thought or emotions or even emotions or thoughts cause many times i couldnt decide if its ocd or normal problems, and this is why i experienced that im in denial, and this became stronger when i realized im still afraid of the content and it still comes back after time and i react the same way, they i use this fake positive reaction to it (i choose thatbits ocd, its not a real problem) which quickly makes me feel good, and then i get hit by the feeling that im avoiding im in denial. I watched a video about shame and denial, and the bad thing was i saw myself that im really in denial, that i avoid the problems, i react to the problem as its not a real problem, its ocd and i dont deal with it, its not real. But this limits me to see other problems. So realizing im actually in denial feels bad. And i dont know how to recover cause one people say do this, ignore every thought, dont listen to it, dont give any attention to it, and the other one says if you say this to every thought youre in denial. You do it as a cooping mechanism.. Just to give you an exemple, im christian so i will give that, i felt shame over doing something bad, and i was so afraid to admit it cause it comes with shame that i felt like i cant accept. I was so afraid cause shame said im a bad person, full of sin, im a shame for christianity, and because of this i didnt wanted to accept that what i did was bad and a sin cause then all of this is true. Then this made me feel like then i dont want to accept that i have flaws and im not perfect which is bad again, everyone has flaws, then i was worrying i dont want to accept that im not perfect cause i want to avoid shame, and this is where denial comes. Then what i heard that helps ocd is to ignore, i choosed to ignore it and be sarcastic with it, which made me feel more like im in denial. And after i watched the video I started spinning, cause it showed me im actually in denial to cope agains shame... so that would mean i have to accept that i did a bad thing and its okay, but that doesnt sound good to me and again i feel like im in denial, cause i should accept that what i did was bad but bc of shame i dont want to so im in denial. Im spinning so much and i dont know how to get over this denial thing. Expecially that the worries always come back and it makes me feel that i didnt worked with them as o should, i just avoided them i was in denial so thats why they come back...

Does anybody else’s intrusive thoughts come in the form of “delusional thoughts”? I’ve been in a terrible episode of hypochondria or ocd for the past 6 months where I have FULLY convinced myself I am developing schizophrenia, it started with becoming really easily overstimulated and not being able to concentrate and now it has spiraled out of control to where I am constantly getting intrusive thoughts center around demonic stuff, which i have never ever believed before, I have always been a skeptic. But now i get these thoughts all the time like “what if this song has hidden demonic meanings?” “What if your wife is a demon” “what if nobody is real and your just in hell” “what if this political figure is being controlled by the devil”, the typical kind of delusional thoughts you would expect from a schizophrenic. Keep in mind I am a literal atheist and all about facts, science and evidence, I am a skeptic. Not only does the fact that I’m even having these thoughts in the first place scare the life out of me, but I have to constantly battle with these thoughts in my head if I believe them or not. I feel like I have to constantly hold myself back from fully going off the deep end, I feel like I have to constantly disprove these thoughts and stop myself from believing them, but they feel so real and it’s scaring me so much. One part of me is like “why can’t we just stop worrying about this, this is delusional” and another part of me is like “what if I actually do need to worry about if these things are true or not, they FEEL true” and I’m just like “wtffff I shouldn’t have to worry about if things like this are true at all in the first Place!” I feel like I have fully lost my mind, and in no time I’m going to lose this little bit of insight I have. I hate these thoughts so much, I don’t want to think about them, but now that they are here, I feel like I can’t forget them. My dpdr is already making everything feel so off and weird and unreal and I feel like it’s only giving these thoughts more credibility and realness. I feel like this could also be partly a terrible form of existential ocd that’s being thrown into the mix with all these “what if thoughts”. Ugh I just want to be normal again ): but I don’t even know what normal feels like anymore because I’m constantly on the lookout for symptoms that I can’t even be normal anymore. Btw: yes I am seeing 2 therapists and a psychiatrist and all of them do not believe I am developing schizophrenia.

Is it common with OCD to have intrusive thoughts that are delusional in nature and disturbing because you realize that they’re delusional?

I also have pocd and real events OCD regarding explicit anime/explicit cartoon content too… (when i was 14, and 17-18) i didnt know what the content was or what it represented, the content was on public sites and some of them said the characters that were underage in canon, were 18+ in the content, so I thought they were safe to watch… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… The explicit anime characters looked and were really young… and i avoided most of the content… but i thought some of the content wasnt Pediphilic because they were on public explicit sites and had millions of views… I didnt know how horrible the content was or what it represented… I assumed that some of the content was safe to look at because it was on public sites and had millions of views… i didnt know that this content was or what it represented… but doing my research made me gag and puke… i dont ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… they were anime characters that looked extremely young… i didnt know how horrible the content was or what it represented… When i was looking at explicit anime content (i was 19 and was making sure the characters were over the age of 18) I accidentally looked at characters that were 17 by mistake... (a couple times even though the site said all characters have to be 18+) my pocd is saying im in denial for this... this, combined with my previous pocd and real events based on this... makes me just feel so alone...

So I’m in college. A FineArts major who’s a sophomore to be exact. And it’s fine, it’s as stressful as you’d expect it to be. But I had gotten this massive massive burnout. As no matter where I sit or sit I cannot for the life of me write or draw what I used to on my own. It feels like a chore. And even more than that, burnout. I’m scared I hate what I do, and I’ve abandoned my love for art. Which I know isn’t true because I still want to draw and create and write. But my mind just won’t let me think. What’s going on with me? Is this normal in college?

I need help I dont know if its hocd or i am actually of the opposite sexual orientation Its been 2 weeks now 2 weeks of non stop overthinking Of not feeling like myself Of remembering stuff that happened before Now i fear that it actually might be true because i’m not getting annoyed at the thoughts anymore and this is distressing me further I cant afford therapy and i even dont want to go fearing that it will reveal to me that i actually am of the opposite orientation Its torture Every time i’m with women now i feel anxious and uncomfortable This never happened before I dont know if i have experienced ocd before but i am really familiar with health anxiety as i am a hypochondriac I also had relationship anxiety which now that i think abt it it might be that i’m a comphet and wasnt actually attracted to my partner I need this to stop Plz help me What if i actually dont have ocd and i have been just using it as an excuse that i’m straight I literally am remembering every single time i have found a woman attractive and its making me anxious I dont want to be with women but maybe its just bc thats what we were taught

hi all, does anyone else feel like the ocd battle and instrusive thoughts are like a roller coaster? some days/weeks i feel like im overcoming it and some weeks im completely losing it and breaking down again. i really don't want to be on medicine because ive had bad experiences with ssris but just kinda looking to see if anyone on here had the same experiences but got on something else that really helped? im having a hard time pushing through right now.

Do you ever find yourself fixating on someone you've only been on one or two dates with? It's been a month since I went out with this person and I don’t even know them, yet my thoughts keep returning to them. I've noticed my rumination is finally starting to decrease, but she remains elevated in my mind, largely due to her looks. I know for a fact it is not love. It’s mostly a state of Limerence, infatuation or just obsession. Anyone else experience this?

I know ocd is great at this i just want to share my story, hope someone can help me here. At first i want to say i know faith isnt about feelings, that you always feel that God is here with you, but its been weeks now that ive been struggling to feel His presents. I choose to think He is here with me but its been hard now, sometimes something happens and i say look here was God, but through the day i dont feel that feeling what i used to feel before, idk it was really comforting and gave me confidence and i could be myself around people, now i struggle feeling this. And i dont know if the problem is that i want to experience that feeling again. I just know when i was there it wasnt everything pink and sparkle and i was levitating in the sky, no i still experienced hardships, but i was able to go through them with a clear mind,.soberly, and i actually learned things, but now i just feel im going around... and ive been questioning whats the problem, why i dont feel God presence. I tried to see if i feel unloveble, or if theres something im struggling to relate, i found that im hard on myself sometimes, but i do use that method to respond kindly when im so hard with myself, but i get angry and i started to hate that when i start to be kind. Anyone can help me about that? Its that normal, part of recovery, cause im feeling bad about myself that when i want to be kind to myself i hate that, i hate that tone, cause its like i want to make myself happy with fake posivity, even wheb i say "is all right, youre loved" i just cringe cause i get angry and like its not solving the problem... so am o have to accept i will react to that now with anger? It even got to a point where i questioned do i really believe in God, cause i dont feel like it... so i think this relating can be the problem but idk how to change that, i even feel bad about feeling anger when i try to be kind with myself. Its not that i blame myself, its more that i feel like im avoiding learning to be better with this fake positivity, cause what i experienced in my life, the people who used this "its okay everyone has bad habits, we are humans" it used as an apology for their actions, like and avoidance, maybe they felt bad about it, but i didnt see work on trying to change that bad to a good thing, it was just moving on. So now when i hear "God still loves me" it triggers this in me, and i feel like i do the same and im not trying to learn, i just use fake positivity to feel better about myself. Idk if this is why the anger comes up but this is the story i have. I should work on being more kind to myself but what to do with the resistance and the feeling that i just use fake positivity to get out of shame and realizing the problem.

Another night of waking up at 5am with intrusive thoughts & fears. Fears of someone breaking into my house and harming me, fear of house fires and being unable to get my mom & cats out, being overwhelmed with “all the things I need to do” the next day. Obsessing to check the downstairs camera. It’s exhausting and causes me lack of sleep. And then I’m unable to sleep for hours after I wake up sometimes.. and my cat will wake me up in the morning. It’s driving me crazy. 😞😞😞😞 I also need all of my blankets perfectly aligned or I can’t sleep, make my bed every single day bc of it, cannot sleep with pants on or tight clothing. Etc. list goes on…

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14:27 NIV ”And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows.“ ‭‭Luke‬ ‭12‬:‭7‬ ‭NLT‬‬ ”Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.“ ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭11‬:‭28‬ ‭NLT‬‬ ”But I will call on God, and the Lord will rescue me.“ ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭55‬:‭16‬ ‭NLT‬‬ ”Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.“ ‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4‬:‭6‬-‭8‬ ‭NLT‬‬ “But now, O Jacob, listen to the Lord who created you. O Israel, the one who formed you says, “Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine.“ ‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭43‬:‭1‬ ‭NLT‬‬ ”My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth!“ ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭121‬:‭2‬ ‭NLT‬‬ ”The Lord keeps you from all harm and watches over your life. The Lord keeps watch over you as you come and go, both now and forever.“ ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭121‬:‭7‬-‭8‬ ‭NLT‬‬ ”Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”“ ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭28‬:‭20‬ ‭NLT‬‬ I used to be ashamed of my fear, but I know Christ is with me through my fear! Always. I hope these verses bring you comfort. They help me when I’m afraid. God understands OCD, and he loves you and me. 🌸✝️🌸God Bless friends

I've been used by "friends" 4 times in my life. Once by my childhood best friend Second by my abusive ex boyfriend Third by my first college friend Fourth by my first college hookup And now, by my roomate who was supposed to be a friend In each and every situation, these ppl used me for my body, my emotions, my presence, whatever they wanted. And it would cross too many boundaries, hurt too much of my wellbeing, and cause me to be depressed. These people did not care about me, I was used and talked bad about, hurt and manipulated, gaslighted. "Bitch, stupid, emotional, too sensitive, selfish, aggressive," because when i communicated that vulnerability of them hurting me and how it hurt me, they did it more and more. And the worst situation was when i was being sexually groomed by my first college friend And I believed the hurtful things they said to me, their explanations in treating me bad, their excuses, because I already was saying those same things to myself. I believed I was what they said I was, because I believed i was that. And each and every time it happens i wish to kill myself than exist living for other ppl. I need to beat negative self talk, low self esteem, and self hatred. Because if I don't I'll be on my last straw. I don't know if I have ocd. I don't know what I have mentally that already instilled within me so much self hate and negative self talk. But I need to heal before the wound becomes infected. And I'm tired of being in a prison of my own brain, I'm tired of the constant negative thoughts, and the little relief that I get from it. I want to beat negative self talk.

My anxiety is so horrible I am focusing on ever little thing like my throat feels like it’s closing from mucus in it so I cry and cry which makes it worse and I’m up all night and can’t keep missing work it’s horrible. I feel so far away from the person I was a month ago :( I have a therapy appointment at the end of the month but I wish it was sooner. It will be my first one in a long time. I keep telling myself obviously I can breathe but there’s a lump in my throat. I have gerd and bad allergies so I always have post nasal drip but yesterday my coworker mentioned how with her gerd her throat was swollen and it was hard to swallow and I think that’s what triggered this. But a few days ago it was something else. It’s always something