- Date posted
- 1y ago
š«„
I genuinely can't stand my life any longer. I just wanted it all to end
I genuinely can't stand my life any longer. I just wanted it all to end
It won't feel like this forever, things always change in life. I'm sorry to hear you're going through this right now, take care
It gets better. Trust me. Iām having a bad day myself today with OCD. It all feels so real and true but I know it will get better it always does. Sit with anxiety sit with the uncomfortable feelings. Donāt engage in any compulsions I know itās easier said than done but it is the way out of all of this
I've been where you are many times in the past, and probably will again sometime in the future. But it's true, things will get better; probably not in the short-run, if I'm honest, and probably not in the long-run either, but they will in the medium-run, and for now, that's enough for me. (I actually stole that from John Green who also has OCD. I recommend watching his videos on his Blog Brothers YouTube channel if you haven't already. He's actually helped me a lot). I also recommend getting an animal companion if you can and praying if you can, since both of those things have helped me a lot too, not necessarily with OCD but with coping.
Iāve recently become unemployed and the journey to finding a new job is honestly unbearable. I struggle with a major lack of self confidence and I donāt believe Iām good at anything nor smart enough for it, so whenever I look at job websites and see different things advertised I panic. Even with what Iāve wanted to do for years, the thought of going out and doing that makes me feel horrendous because I donāt think Iām capable of doing it. And what doesnāt help is the fact Iāve told my parents this and they just scream at me saying I canāt sit around doing nothing every day when thatās already something I donāt want to do. I want a job, I want to do something I enjoy, I like working I do, and once Iām it in I know Iāll enjoy it, but thereās certain things stopping me from going for it. I hate myself over every possible level to the thought of people seeing me everyday is making me panic, I donāt think Iām very intelligent so anything that requires me to do maths or organise numbers or anything like that is out of the question. Iāve worked in hospitality for 7 years, doing shit I despise and I honestly have hated every moment of it so I canāt go back there. Itās all scaring me, all making me feel like Iām just incapable of doing anything right, I genuinely just donāt even want to wake up tomorrow because the thought of living this life for the rest of my life is ridiculous. I donāt want to do it. I donāt have anything Iām good at, thereās nothing I enjoy what the hell am I meant to do with that? Iām honestly so stuck. Everyone keeps saying ābeggars canāt be choosersā but this is my fucjing life and I have to do a shit job that makes me want to throw myself off a 30 story building till Iām 70? Fuck no. What kind of life is that? Just so I can make money? And afford bills? And pay to live? wtf I donāt even want to be here so why am I doing that. I donāt enjoy living I a really fucking hate it. And working down the local grocery store is just not gonna make me wanna be here any longer. I really hate it here and now I have to find a job that Iāll hate? Iām so stuck
feel really down like i'll never be able to live my life i feel i'm never truly happy i just have to get by i feel stuck ive had loads of therapy cbt nothing will ever really help me š
I feel so sad, alone, scared and hopeless. Until two months ago there was not even the remote possibility of being anything other than heterosexual and now the idea that I could find out that I was lesbian or bisexual terrifies me to death. Everything was born from the fact that I didn't feel sexual desire towards my ex-boyfriend and I started to be afraid that it was because I was a lesbian... how can I be a lesbian or bisexual if everything was born from this? I would like to run away from myself and my head. I would really like to go back and go back to my life before. I can't take it anymore. I just want to live my life like before
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