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the NOCD Community

-social anxiety -existential ocd -religious ocd

I’m taking it day by day. I recently put in my two weeks notice and have left a toxic workplace. It’s been hard on me because this has happened so many times. I’ve been working since I was in middle school, cleaning hospitals, sleep centers, etc with my mom. And at 16 I got my first real, legal job lol. And it’s been rough, employers can be toxic or the job just isn’t set up with the tools to succeed. This last job I put my all into and like most jobs I’ve had I wasn’t trained, but I persevered and owned it. I had to leave from cruelty and just not setting me up to succeed but fail. I could take the difficulty, but I couldn’t handle the disrespect. I actually really conquered some of my ocd there and used some of it to my advantage with organization and starting up new ways to help the team, as well as actually speaking up for myself and holding a small meeting. It was incredibly difficult to understand whether I was right or wrong, but I followed my heart. Even with conquering those small things like speaking up, I was still left unheard by the people who could change the environment. I’ve struggled quite a bit since then with feeling like I made the right decisions or not. My mental health comes first, but I need money to eat. It can become so discouraging that you’ve got to work to live and these places don’t have to treat you like a person… it would be a lot to go into it. But I’m proud of myself, although I’ve become depressed and have lost myself in my head a bit. I’m coming out of it quicker than ever, and honestly that’s because God never stopped believing in me. God has helped, and my ocd really messes with my relationship with God a lot. I won’t quit, and I won’t give in. I believe in myself. I’m proud because through the pain I’ve still managed to keep up with the house and my laundry and myself pretty well. Today wasn’t that bad and that gives me hope. I’ve recently been working on my breathing too, when things get overwhelming I take deep breaths for 60 seconds. It helps settle me and my heartbeat. I know that my ocd is gonna fight me thru getting my next job. Tons of reasonable and unreasonable thoughts. I’ve got to try and I’ve got to let go of what could or could not happen and be myself. I’m a child of the most high God and if He is for me then who can be against me? I’ve done nothing wrong, and I’m a great worker. People have seen that and people will see that again. I can do this, if I believe and try ! I believe in you !

i came across a disturbing post here and on reddit (from doing compulsions) regarding pocd. i am sick and tired of feeling this way. i dont want to feel any type of way towards children as they are earth’s most purest beings. i care so so much and i hate having these horrific thoughts in my brain. i hate this so much.

Okay so, I know ocd has prevented me from basically doing anything I used to do… but I also have had a lot of eye opening moments to what I see is or isn’t okay. Me and my partner have had issues with porn and shit in past, which has contributed to me not feeling ok about certain scenes in movies, like even if before ocd I used to watch whatever scene/movie with my bf, and we used to not care, porn is a big reason as to why I have chosen for us to not watch Sex/sexual scenes, strip club scenes, nudity, etc… I made it a rule when I had ocd , but just because I made that a rule doesn’t mean that it’s the only reason why. I shouldn’t have to be “ok” with certain scenes in movies, not everyone in life can watch that stuff without having their soul affected. I’m also religious and feel that certain things are wrong, so there’s a few reasons as to why we don’t do that now, but ocd is trying to tell me it’s a compulsion and that I’ll never get over ocd because of it. Like I think people are aloud to have change of opinions , yes when I made that rule part of it was because I was worried about triggers but there’s also that because of past issues I don’t want either me or my bf engaging in those types of scenes, no I’m not being immature (my own Nan skips past anything like that) we are religious and see certain things differently than others. On top of that because I used to watch like cardi b music vids and shit where she is just being a slut the whole way through in EVERY music video, I used to love her music and songs and shit, I still listen to her occasionally but just because I used to watch stuff like that doesn’t mean I should have to just to “get over ocd” yes part of it is about preventing being triggered, but also is a respect thing to myself, my partner, and Jesus and my relationship. I know lots of people wouldn’t give a shut about that stuff, but I do! It affects my soul. We are all brainwashed into thinking that people making videos like that is right, I’m sorry it’s not. I get that there may be some music videos I watch that may have certain things that pop up, but I can CHOOSE to look away like my partner does if there’s like twerking or something in it, but when I just KNOW the whole music video is going to be something that affects my soul or I feel Is disrespectful to my partner, myself and our relationship, (I wouldn’t like him watching a music video like that) I shouldn’t have to do that as an exposure right???? Exposures should be things that are normal like going to the shops, or public places for example. just because before in the past I didn’t see an issue with stuff like that doesn’t mean my opinion can’t change on that stuff??? As I said why would I do something I wouldn’t like him doing? It’s hard for me to sometimes know wrong from right because ocd fucks with my head, but sometimes I rely on other peoples insight like my mum or partner because I can’t think for myself at times… anyway all I’m saying is just because I used to fo that stuff before I REALISED how it affected my soul and stuff, I shouldn’t have to just be “ok” with it just because I used to, I just don’t want to think this is a compulsion and that I won’t ever get ocd with this mindset because that’s what OCD is telling me…. I don’t want to play it’s games anymore, but I also shouldn’t have to “expose” myself to sexual/slutty content/material just to “get over ocd” I’ll repeat again I have been a lot closer to god through this and feel certain things are just wrong like those scenes or certain music videos. Any Christian’s maybe similar to me, can give me some perspective?

I was watching this random tiktok on my fyp and this guy was comparing his art vs how how he looks or whatever. He is 15 and when he showed how he looked in real life I had a thought that was like 'damn that's how he looks??' and immediately after I thought 'he's 15 why would you think that' and im so anxious that's proof that im attracted to minors. I am 22 and I have never been attracted to a kid, nor have i ever considered dating or persuing a kid. Ive had POCD intrusive thoughts before but still, the pictures had his face covered and they looked like those aesthetic pinterest pictures people post, and i wasnt expecting that. I feel like vomiting but that thought felt so natural and im worried i meant it. Why would I have a thought like that?? I know we're 'not our thoughts' or whatever but that didn't feel like an intrusive thought and now I'm worried that was proof im attracted to a minor and that one of my worst fears is true. I'm also worried if I pass It off as an intrusive thought im in denial or making an excuse. Please help.

I feel so hopeless and alone right now. Even seeking therapy seems like a waste of time for me. Im just so tired of battling with my mind everyday and having not much of a support system. I just want to stay in bed and not do anything because even getting through the day feels so hard sometimes.

i don’t know if this falls under a specific theme or is even related to ocd. if someone could help me out i would really appreciate it ever since i was younger, i’ve had really upsetting thoughts about losing my loved ones and it would get to a point where i vividly imagine their death scenes play out in my head and it’s started to effect me during a day-to-day basis. sometimes i even imagine myself dying and the imagery shows me how my friends and family react to my passing usually when i think of something happy, my brain enters this cycle where i begin to think of some upsetting and distressing moment and i cant help but think about it for the rest of the day i’ve had a common fear of death for a really long time, but it’s gotten really bad now is this a form of some intrusive thought? please let me know what you think

I have pocd. How are you supposed to practice erp with an intrusive thought that is so disgusting and wicked? A disgusting two-words intrusive thought? It's difficult for me to just sit still and get exposed to such a horrible thought. I still can't write it because it triggers me a lot so I'll say the "acronym": it's pc but read backwards... if you get the word I'm trying to say you'll understand that that word is very disgusting, for me it's the worst word ever of all times and I can't simply deal with it, whereas with other triggering words I am able to move on. With this thought for me it is simply impossible to ignore. And moreover the day after tomorrow is my 18th birthday, a once of a lifetime event and I'm afraid that I'm going to start that day with the same intrusive thought ruining everything and having the memory of that thought forever because it is associated to such an important event. How I deal with that? How do I apply ERP to such a disgusting intrusive thought? I can't do it. How can I move forward? Somebody help me, please.

I don’t know what to do! My 13 year old son has suffered with intrusive thoughts for years. He feels guilty of things he’s done in the past when he was super young and obsesses over it to the point that he has to come clean about everything!! He fears that he may be a phedophyle at times because of intrusive thoughts. He’s on Zoloft 75 for it, it was getting better for a bit but it’s getting aggressive again! He is so kind and such a good son and person. He is in counseling but his counselor doesn’t specialize in OCD. I don’t know if I should have them change his medication, idk if there’s a medication that will help him more. I’m so scared I suffered with intrusive thoughts as a kid and teen, I never got help but I’m good now.

okay hi, so i am having awful thoughts that are just plaguing my mind. i got into a relationship almost 3 months ago and i got on nexplanon for birth control a little under 2 months ago and i think i am driving myself insane. like i’m having intense anxiety and i want it to stop. everything was fine until like 2 weeks ago, i was staying with my bf at an air bnb and i started overthink having sex and stuff. one of the things that i’m most afraid of is that i’m going to give him consent, we’re going to do stuff, and i’m going to realize that i didn’t really want to do stuff, and have weird feelings toward him even though i told him yes. but i know how to tell him when i don’t like something and i have before and i know how to tell him when i want to do stuff. i’m getting so hung up on a few moments when we had sex a couple of months ago and there was one instance where we both had sex and i forgot to ask his consent and afterwards he says “you didn’t ask my consent” and he was joking but that really bothered me and we talked about it and he said it didn’t bother him he was just making a joke. another time, we had sex and the opposite thing happened: he didn’t ask me for it and we talked about it and it didn’t feel like a violation and i know it wasn’t but i’ve been super anxious and depressed this last week and kind of driving myself into the ground worrying about this. i don’t want to ruin my relationship because i know that when i am rational, i am able to be like “no, that didn’t happen” but i’m scared and overthinking and i’m not rational right now. i don’t know what to do but all i feel is intense distress and anxiety and i want to get over this because i know the truth but i can’t stop spiraling. can anyone relate and help me? i feel like i’m losing it.

Hello, My name is Dana, I’m new to this app but I’ve been suffering from harm OCD for quite some time now and it’s been extremely debilitating. I’ve never experienced anything like this EVER in my life. It started at the beginning of this year, I got hit like a runaway train with intrusive thoughts and it shook me to my core. I wanted to see if anyone on here has struggled or is currently struggling with harm OCD and could maybe share their stories? It would just be nice to feel less alone and maybe share what has worked/not worked. All I want to do is overcome this! Thanks in advance to all who respond.

It's always mention that OCD's main focus it's the doubt and the "what if" questions, but to be quite honest, my mind barely ever asked any question, most of my thoughs/feelings are like afirmations "you are into dudes" "you are in denial" and the feeling that those statements are true, with or withouth anxiety, that's how mine usually goes

Has anyone taken shrooms or micro dosed before? I’m thinking about it but idk how it will effect someone with bad anxiety and ocd

I’m in denial I really like this guy and I really want to tell him that I love him but he just does small talk with me I keep doubting what to text him I really wish I could just get a boyfriend and not have to deal with all of this

People know that I’m a germaphobe. They think it’s funny. They purposely will cough on me or touch me with contaminated hands. They know me. They know how I am. Today I had someone hug me and then shortly after told me that they weren’t feeling well. They KNOW that I am scared of getting sick. I’m also a new mom to a 4 month old. We JUST got over being horribly sick (horrible time for all of us) and she’s even still on antibiotics. When I told him I was not happy he just said “you’re going to be around germs all the time.” Like duh… I know… that’s like a whole things for me. And there is this really really gross lady (sorry that’s rude) at much church. She is a hoarder of trash, so fat she can’t breath, she NEVER bathes, her house is FULL of cats and is so messy she didn’t even know one of them was dead. She trapped me and hugged me today. I had to change my shirt because the whole side of my body she touched felt heavy. It set me off for the day I think. I couldn’t get my hands clean enough. I’m just frustrated with how rude people are to me about this. They know but they think it’s just a cute quirk. It makes me sick. For clarification, the lady didn’t do anything particularly wrong… I just can’t stand to be around her, even though that’s rude.

Hi. I was recently diagnosed with ROCD by my therapist. Which is a relief, because I’ve been dealing with intrusive thoughts in all my relationships, but even though I was in therapy, I had never been diagnosed and I didn’t know if there was a name for what I was experiencing. So, we are barely starting to work on it. I’m recently married to a man that has only showed me I can trust him, he re assures me and respects me. But I still tend to have the need to make sure all the time he’s not cheating or lying, paying attention to every single detail. At the same time I have the fear that I’ll ruin my marriage with my obsessions. I don’t want him to know about the diagnosis, cause I feel he’s gonna get scared and run away. Has anyone here recovered from ROCD? How’s life on the other side?

this is going to be a bit of a vent and is also a bit gross, so please read at your own risk but if anyone has any advice id really appreciate it as i dont know what to do anymore. im 15 years old and currently live mainly with my mother, stepdad, brother and younger sister and go to my fathers house on the weekends with my brother. Please dont view this as me saying my family are filthy or anything, as thats not what i mean at all and i dont want this to come across as me throwing them under the bus. but my mother and stepdad have alot of unclean habits like not washing their hands after touching dirty things (e.g underwear or things like that) which means everything they touch = contaminated to me. i dont entirely blame them for this, since they both didnt have alot of money growing up and often didnt have soap or even toothpaste, but times are different now and i cant take it much more. this has gotten in the way of ALOT of things. i cant touch most things in the fridge because they touched it meaning i cant make food, sometimes i cant even eat the lunches my mom packs for me for school anymore, i cant touch alot of things in my room, i cant use my tv, i basically cant do anything. and around last year someone sat down on our sofa with no pants at all on (sounds really weird and gross i know) and i dont think they ever cleaned it after that so now i genuinley cannot touch anything on that couch or anything that has touched that couch which you can imagine makes my life very difficult because its our main sofa and they spend alot of time in the sitting room. i have a cat and she ofcourse is going to often go on the sofa because shes a cat, and while i do still play with her and love her all the same ofcourse, its really exhausting to have to wash my hands every single time i play with her or pet her and not be able to use my phone and other things while doing so. she never really goes into my room or specifically onto my bed, but today she did and she sat on my phone and walked on my pillow and my charger and i had to scrub my phone with 2 types of soap since we didnt have any anti bacterial wipes left and i still dont feel as if its clean and i dont know what im going to do tonight when going to sleep. i know this may sound bizarre but my life has genuinley become so difficult to the point where i dont know what to do or how im going to continue on with this everyday. i feel way more comfortable and relaxed at my fathers house because none of those problems are there but i dont know how my mother would react if i asked her if i could stay there, or if i even could because of how id get to and from school everyday. but i feel like she would be hurt and may not understand and i dont even know if he would say yes. and also his lease says that he cannot have pets, and i dont want to leave my cat behind. my mother is aware that i think i have ocd (i know i have it but to her she just thinks im thinking about it) and we are currently on the waiting list for camhs, yet she doesnt understand it at all and i have yet to have a conversation with her about how it actually affects my life everyday. i know this is lengthy but im so unbelievably exhausted and i really dont know what to do. any help or reply is appreciated ^_^

I have been struggling with pure ocd symptoms for years, constantly fighting with myself and ruining relationships because of things that aren’t real. I’m not physically strong and I’m introverted and quiet, yet I constantly have intrusive thoughts about hurting my friends and family. I’ve had sexual images pop into my head or my dreams about every person, relative, animal that I’ve ever known. At 14 I had my first sleepover, where I locked myself in the bathroom all night because I thought I’d hurt my friend in her sleep. It didn’t help that I didn’t understand I was gay and that liking her was normal. I thought I was sick and twisted. At 21 I did the same thing, I was dating a girl and at her birthday party we shared a room for the first time. Even though we slept on different sofas, I still didn’t trust myself so I stayed awake all night. At 22 I went to a tattoo place and a massive storm happened, where all the roads closed due to crashes everywhere, so I couldn’t get a taxi home. My tattoo artist let me stay on his sofa. For the next few weeks I had intrusive thoughts that we’d had sex, or that he had watched me sleep and done things to himself at the same time. At 22 I slept with someone I thought was out of my league. I convinced myself for weeks that I never got consent even though I did. At 23 I was home for Christmas and had to share a bed with my little sister. I begged my parents to let me have the sofa to myself. I’d been having multiple pocd intrusions for a couple of months. At 24 I’m in my first relationship and I still continue to have these nightmares about everyone I know. It makes me feel like I’ve been unfaithful. My partner doesn’t trust me either. She wakes up and tells me she’s had dreams of me cheating on her, whilst i did indeed, have dreams about cheating on her. After drinking heavily one night I blacked out, and convinced myself I’d cheated through false memories. Cheating is the worst thing in the world to me so why would I do it.

I feel less emotions now. Being stoic is different, and i feel like having less emotions. The more amount of emotions i feel normally now are sadness and irritation. Ocd takes a toll on a person. When the thoughts and images decrease, i still don't feel improvement in my condition. I am sure it takes time to get normal, but by then i relapse. This feels like a constant in my life now, and now i actually feel as if it's a part of me, and that i have to always fight it without any recovery. My relationship/singlehood life isn't any good either, and hocd just makes it worse. The thoughts and images are so frustrating, but when they decrease, i don't even know what to do then. It's as if i hsve forgotten how to live without struggling against ocd. I don't take meds. Meds feel like living well with ocd and not actually recovering from it. For the past 3 out 4 months i didn't take it meds, it still felt good and like progress in my recovery. I just want to defeat ocd and live my life as per my own choices.

hey everyone! so from July to start of November I had extremely intense rocd with intrusive thoughts compulsions and all, however now I feel that I hardly get the intrusive thoughts and now I’m just left with the lingering feeling and anxiety of not loving my partner. I think this is due to the fact I’ve had rocd thoughts for a while and now my brains almost in limbo ? I’m not sure what this is and I’m panicking as I don’t feel as much anxiety as I did with the thoughts, this is a major trigger for me as I want to feel attraction and for things to go back to normal but how can I get this lingering “I don’t live my partner” thought away, it seems like the only thing keeping me from recovering :)