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I’m wondering if I’m alone I have harm OCD I get intrusive thoughts of hurting my mom but when I tell her to hide the knife I get this urge to find a knife I hope I’m not the only one I’m getting very scared of OCD

lately i’ve just super aware of my existence and why we’re all here, how we all have a consciousness and just all the creatures & beings that exist on this planet & how precious life is, its a mixture of gratefulness but also scary at the same time because i feel too aware, and im not sure how long this will last. I feel alive but not alive. Im worried that i’ll spend the rest of my life contemplating or overthinking my existence instead of just enjoying it like i used to. I can’t even play with my dog anymore without thinking about how we’re both alive but different. I’m too mindful, and its crazy because mindfulness is normally a good thing but with this existential ocd it makes it uncomfortable.

One night drunk i believe I totally flipped out of character and turned evil and done something awful to a female when I was walking home drunk. I can’t get out of bed because of this. Is this OCD, please help people I’m at a worst spot I’ve ever been

I struggle with emetophobia, POCD and now I think I’m struggling with ROCD.. aka relationship OCD. My last relationship, I never had any thoughts that made me stress and have on going anxiety. My last relationship my ex from 2 years ago left me for another girl he met at work. Fast forward to June of this year I finally met the man of my dreams after a lot of online dating. I’m struggling because I had a crush on an old coworker from a job I used to work at and just left from. This crush started when I was in school with him and developed more when we started working together. Nothing serious came about it after my previous relationship and this year I let him know how I really felt. We never officially “talked” or even hugged at that. It was more flirting and sexual in nature. After my ex, I went to him to get my mind off the break up. Now that I’m in a happy and in a healthy relationship this man pops in and out of my head. I often think, is he who I should be with??? Even though I know he never felt the same way and even if he did, he wasn’t the kind of man I wanted to have a future with. All he’s had was good looks. All the girls senates him and I wanted to be one of those girls. These thoughts started in the beginning of our relationship in July around my period. I had a week of panic, I kept thinking omg do I really love my boyfriend? What if I’m not supposed to be with him. Do I really have feelings for this other guy. I would ball my eyes out because I never would want to hurt my boyfriend. Nor do I want these feelings for another person I find attractive. The past month has been great and the anxiety left and I was very confident in our relationship and my feelings. Now the last couple days, I’m due for my period and here I am again worrying about my relationship. I’d think to think it is ROCD because I want a future with my boyfriend and he’s someone i see one with. We talk about this because I need to tell him everything that im feeling and he's very understanding and supportive. I just want to get over this crush that never would have worked out. I often think he this crush told me he wanted me would I go and be with him instead just because he very attractive? These feelings make me feel guilty and like a bad girlfriend. When I pull myself to reality in between my attacks I’m like I know my feelings are true for my boyfriend and I’m like why am I worrying? Then the little OCD monster whispers in my ear all this scary intrusive thoughts. I’m not sure if I’m scared of hurting my boyfriend like my ex did me? Looking for some clarity

I feel like I wanna kill myself sometimes and it’s been popping up in my head for a while but I’m also scared of the thought of doing that but I really just feel like not living anymore :( im scared of life

Hi, so I’ve been having OCD for more than a decade now and this summer it’s gotten unmanageable. I started having serious concerns for my cats’ safety and began obsessing over it, I always tried to keep everything as clean as possible which ended taking a lot of time and energy. But it ended up evolving into something more and more concerning for me as I was feeling guilty about the slightest action I was doing to them or near them, like for instance picking them up, I always felt bad about that because I felt I might have squeezed them a bit too hard, or when I petted them that I might have pet them too hard or in a a spot they didn’t like, sometimes I felt guilty because I would have closed a door a bit too hard which caused a noise a bit too loud or turned on the light when they were napping etc. This caused me to try and make up for it by spending a lot of time with them, more than I could handle in fact, I ended up spending my whole summer vacation trying to pet them whenever they wanted to make up for everything, letting them sleep and roam in my room as much as they wanted but I just couldn’t anymore because that’s all I was doing and each second I was afraid or making a wrong move and hurting them, like rolling in my bed without noticing them for instance, and petting them again and again because last pet felt off and this took hours. I stopped doing that because it was counterintuitive, if my cats didn’t want to be pet I couldn’t just pet them anyway to make up for it even though they didn’t really mind. Then I had increasing concerned about a glass I broke in my room which pieces I couldn’t all find obviously, I pretty much baricaded my room so that any gust of wind wouldn’t carry a potential small shard of glass out of my room into the hallway where they usually hang out, throughouly dusting myself off before leaving my room so that I wouldn’t carry any glass shard with me outside my room in fear they might ingest them, this led to several discussion with my family where I asled my mom to change my cats’ water bowl in case a glass shard on me might have fallen in when passing by, also when I go outside I carry a trashbag with my shoes in them and only put them on when out of the house and remove them before entering since there is so many glass shards outside. Another concern I had was with closing doors, I can’t do that anymore, I’m too afraid one of my cat might stick its paw in a door as I’m closing it and I would have no way of 100% knowing it for sure, I tried to look as muchbas I could for nearby cat when closing the door, paying attention as much as I could but I coudln’t convince myself a cat just didn’t make a run for it last second as I was closing the door, or maybe I didn’t look hard enough, so now my parents have to close the door for me everytime I need to go to my room, which also means I can’t leave my room unless I absolutely need to. This raises another concern with wind drafts as I’ m super careful leaving my window closed so that drafts can’t slam doors shut for the aformentioned reason, also so that my cats don’t smell dirty dishes in my room and get curious and end up smelling them from the kitchen window which is close to mine, and end up trying to climb the sink to get some height and stab themselves on the silverware. But all of this can’t compare to what happened yesterday. I noticed my family keeps an extinguisher in the closet that’s located in the hallway of my house where my cats usually roam. I was afraid someone might open the closet too hard making it fall down and potentially hurt a cat that would be passing by, especially since said extinguisher is on a shelf about half a meter of the ground. I wanted to move it to prevent that from happening but couldn’t as I needed to head to class. Once of the bus, I called my parents to ask them not to open the closet so that it wouldn’t fall on them which they promised not to do it (but later my mom said she did it anyways to grab something tho I only knew it after what I’m about to tell you). Once I was in my class I realised I should call my parents to tell them not to at least lock the cat out the hallway and in the kitchen so that even if it does fall it wouldn’t hurt them, so I asked the teacher to go to the bathroom but they wouldn’t answer the phone, I assumed they went to take a nap as theh usually do around this hour but couldn’t be sure. So once I was back in class I looked up buses that could bring me home so that I could fix the issue myself as soon as possible to prevent any harm to them and I would have at least did anything I could to prevent harm, one was about to come in a few minutes so I could have taken this one but chose not to, and I’m not sure why, I think I didn’t want to ask my teacher to excuse myself because I’d already asked to go to the bathroom or knew he would refuse since there was only 20 minutes of class left, or maybe that it was highly unlikely the extinguisher would fall anyway as it’s not connected to the door of the closet so there isn’t really any reason for it to fall or maybe I was embarrassed about interupting the class to ask to go home and be in the spotlight and seen as a weirdo by the rest of the class when he would have refused, but the teacher knows me well and I have good results in his class so he might have let me go, but a part of me is convinced I did it on purpose. So when I went home taking the next bus which only was twenty minutes after the one I missed, I immediatly went to see my cats and they were all napping and were happy to see me, I let them roam around and nap on my bed with me, but I feel guilty because I cannot tell if something happened, I think if the extinguisher did fall on one of them it would have cause serious injury if not killed one of them since it’s really heavy but I cannot be 100% sure. My parents told me nothing had happened but they also could be lying to not make me feel bad so I don’t know either way. I don’t think I can live with this guilt it’s been eating me up since then and I feel like it’s over and nothing will be the same anymore, I feel empty and sad. I’ve spent the better part of yesterday and today taking care of my cats but they still seem to behave like they usually do but then again I can’t convinced myself nothing happened. I feel so guilty for not doing the best I could to prevent potential harm to them, to some extent, even if I knew they were 100% fine and nothingbhad happened, I feel disgusted knowing I could have still tried and do something to prevent harm. I feel like I need to severely punish myself, so that I can make my brain understand that this is not ok and have lesser chance of doing such a thing ever again. If you’re wondering, I am going to see my psychiatrist in about a week but has been done has been done, I do have some medication my doctor percribed to me a few months ago while I was waiting for an appointement with my psychiatrist but they don’t seem to do much. I really need advice on what to do now, I’m lost and devastated. And thanks for reading and replying in advance, of you need further details, I’ll be happy to provide them.

Can I handle it alone??

This is more for teenagers I guess. So I'm a 17 year old girl and I have harm OCD. And lately I've been feeling really sad that I don't get to enjoy my teenage years. Or I guess not rather enjoy but just experience. Me and my friends were chatting and they were talking about heartbreak and boys and just regular teenage girl stuff. And meanwhile I'm here sitting alone on a Sunday night with intrusive thoughts about what if I'm a murderer or fearing of developing schizophrenia. Like I wanna go out there and date and go to concerts but I'm stuck here with my intrusive thoughts. I started therapy but the fact that I need to put so much work just for my brain to function how it's supposed to function is exhausting. I just want to go have fun and enjoy life. Can anyone relate?

My boyfriend is very sweet and loving to me, I know he loves me very much. But sometimes he makes jokes that are kind of mean (it feels normal to him because he sees his brothers making similar jokes to their wives) and sometimes he tells little lies to other people or to me and then says he’s joking. I’m always on super high alert because I know many people stay in unhealthy relationships and I don’t want to be one of those people. Also my parents are divorced and I know realistically a lot of relationships don’t work out. When I ask my mom about relationship problems she compares it to her (failed) relationship with my dad or her current relationship with her husband which I don’t think it a healthy one and that does not help at all. I see people posting about similar worries but they never seem to have actual problems where their partner does make mistakes like this 😞 He listens when I tell him something hurts my feelings but sometimes he can be defensive and sometimes he gets upset or offended by my obsessive thoughts and I’m so afraid

I know I’ve already made a post like this one before but I want to explain my struggle I’m struggling badly with real event ocd it’s been taking over my life and I’ve been struggling so badly with it if anything I miss being normal I miss when I listen to old Minecraft music it brings me to the time where I didn’t have ocd such a nice time it was and it was robbed away from me buy the satan that is ocd oh boy I would do anything for one day without my ocd nagging me in my head about old events I just want one week with peace of mind I don’t think I can live like this anymore I hate hate hate this life with this shitty disorder

I keep having thoughts that i don’t want and i feel guilty for them but the more i try not to think about them the more i do and its so hard i feel so guilty, what should i do

The need to remember everything is really difficult for me. My friend told me a funny story last night and it made me laugh because the thing she told me about ALSO took place in a book I’ve read. I mentioned it to my husband and was like “you’ve done that!” And he was like….”no I haven’t?” So I’m triggered by the idea that he doesn’t remember. Is my memory that wrong? Did it happen and he just doesn’t remember? This isn’t the first time this has happened - it happens all the time. And I get lost in the rabbit hole of “am I crazy” or “did it happen with someone else?” Or anything like that. I know that no one remembers everything but this part of my OCD means that I have to verify my memory with everyone. I know this is OCD and I have to sit with the feelings but it also sucks.

Should i admit my intrusive thoughts?, i have had quite a traumatic month my relationship nearly ended because i thought about another girl and admitted it cos i felt guilty and disloyal, but i seem to be getting these thoughts of this girl sometimes again while with my girlfriend, i used to like her but I definitely do not anymore and i love my girlfriend to the moon and back but i don’t want these thoughts but they just pop up and make me distressed, i hate them i don’t want them there and they go against my morals, and i never think of them myself they just come up in places i don’t want them and i feel guilty for them all the time, i feel like i want to tell my girlfriend but that would end my relationship i think she would freak out, but the guilt is killing me what should i do?

I love my fiancé so much, but ever since getting engaged I’ve been just looking for red flags of emotionally abusive behaviors. He has made mistakes in the past, and we’ve talked through everything and he has been so good (not saying his past mistakes were even abusive, it would be things like he used to want me to talk to him during my lunch breaks since we haven’t talked all day rather than sit with my coworkers which we’ve talked about since and hasn’t been a problem at all). He is super caring when we talk about things, but I just can’t help but keep looking for things. For example, today he was angry because the pay meter was giving him a hard time and I went to help him and he said “wait stop” in an angry tone. I brought it up with him and he apologized and told me he didn’t even know I said that and that he is so sorry. I just keep googling signs or a toxic relationship and I’m scared like what if I’m in one? All my friends and family say I’m fine (and trust me, I tell them EVERYTHING for reassurance compulsion purposes), but idkkkk. (Also, this is one of my many ROCD themes. I used to worry I didn’t love him which I now am not worried about). Can someone please help me

I’ve been struggling with Pocd/Harm Ocd/Real Event Ocd intensely for the last 3 months and I don’t know what to do anymore When it first started I felt so anxious all the time and so I got into counselling for it pretty quickly (although my counsellor wasn’t a specialist in OCD) but I recently got discharged because they believe my case is too severe. I’ve had to phone different crisis hotlines multiple times in the last few weeks and I’m severely considering suicide. I’ve never wanted to hurt anyone or anything and I know that’s why my thoughts hurt me so bad but my thoughts keep saying it’s just a matter of time before I act on them and I would rather die then act on them. My brain keeps telling me that I secretly like the thoughts and that if given the chance I’d act on them so I can’t even reassure myself by telling myself that I control my actions because my brain tells me that I would WANT to do it even though the thoughts feel like they’re killing me but it feels so real I’m scared to leave my house and I can’t even talk to my sister on FaceTime because she’s just had a baby and I keep getting intrusive thoughts about harm befalling her. I feel destroyed, my poor baby niece I love her so much and I haven’t even been able to look at a picture of her because I’m so scared I would rather be dead and everyone be safe then carry on like this. I’m not the same person I was a few months ago and it makes me so sad, I had so much love for everyone and was so excited to finally be finishing school and starting my life but now I just feel like a potential danger to everyone. I can’t find any specialists in the UK that are close to me and I’m currently unemployed and unable to pay for the NOCD counselling and I’m just really at the end of my wits I’m so sorry for being so sad on here but I guess I just wanted some words of encouragement or any advice on how to start feeling better or anything that you guys do to feel better when in times of distress - it would be much appreciated :D and sorry again if this is triggering I’m just so sad right now

Hi, I’ve really been struggling lately with my OCD and depression. I’ve been wanting to talk to my parents more about what I’ve been experiencing, they have always been great sources of support in the past. They understand that I struggle with depression and some sort of anxiety but I don’t think they really understand what ocd. I am very bad at explaining these sorts of things and was wondering if anyone has any advice about how I could explain this to them, or if they know of any good educational materials that do a good job explaining what ocd is. Thank you for reading.

how can i go on like this? how is it possible to just keep going day after day feeling like this. i feel so hopeless and i just want to feel better and it feels like there’s nothing i can do and nothing that will work. i can’t keep living like this day after day it’s actual torture and i feel so so so trapped. how tf does anyone keep going like this?

I keep having this what if thought that we’re not real or in a coma and it’s followed by DP/DR. To make it worse it’s followed by harm OCD. Thoughts coming up such as “if nothings real then you can k*ll someone or yourself” or “only way to escape this feeling and dream is to k*ll yourself.” Even thought deep down I would never do anything to hurt myself or family. Just can’t seem to shake this thought and then combine that with DP/DR it’s crippling. I’ve dealt with this a while ago but it’s back and has consumed every waking moment. I’ve cried myself to sleep for a week now and I just want to go back to how I was a little while ago. Anyone else had this and how have you gotten through it or have any advice. I really really need some guidance and help. PLEASE RESPOND IF YOU HAVE ANY INPUT AND HELP!

Terrified I’ve emotionally cheated on my husband I (33M) have been married for almost 9 years. I’ve had online interactions, either on social media or DM, which I believe were mostly appropriate/friendly, but I found sometimes I was talking to someone because I thought they were attractive and liked their attention. Not flirting, but just talking about shared interests, like talking about films or TV shows. I often mentioned having a husband in my interactions, to make it clear I wasn’t available, but I felt excited by the interactions. I don’t have any IRL friends, so online interaction is how I talk to people. I’ve spoken to my husband who said what I did doesn’t count as cheating, but I should be careful it doesn’t go any further. Now of course, my OCD is endlessly mentally reviewing things I might have said or done to check whether I went further than I should have done, or said anything inappropriate. I deleted all my chat logs with people so I don’t have them to check anymore. I’m terrified I’ve cheated, and ruined my marriage by being an unfaithful cheater, and that I should never talk to people I find attractive. I feel consumed with guilt for my actions. I suppose the best thing to do is sit with the uncertainty that I might have cheated, and to move on from there? But I feel like I need to be sure I *didn’t* cheat? It’s really incredibly distressing. Thank you for reading this.

Trigger warning: my existential thoughts about ,,Solipsism" After having a stressful phase two and a half years ago I researched about the meaning of life. In a forum somebody wrote ,,what is the meaning of life when I don't even I know if other people are real". After that I made up the theory that many eternal sadistic gods or only one evil god chose to only create me as a sentient/real being, making everyone else an unconscious robot. I am deeply scared that one day those higher beings will reveal themselves to me that I am indeed the only sentient being. I am also afraid that I will exist for all eternity by myself (because those higher beings/gods want me to suffer due to their evil nature). They purposely give me love now (through my parents, sister etc.) so that one day they will take away everything (they will tell me everything beautiful I have experienced was an illusion.) Only I and these gods exist (no biblical god additionaly). Furthermore, I would like to say that I don't believe in it 100%, but I have a great fear of it because it could theoretically be true. I have been dealing with depression for two and a half years and as a result, I quit work and social activities. Is it still considered OCD if I don't constantly obsess over it but still find myself unable to move forward in life because my fear prevents me from doing so until I have an answer to that question? Does anybody know a therapist that is familiar with topics like existence, philosophy etc..? Best reagards, Betty