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I’ve been crying since last night because im afraid to talk to a therapist, im not diagnosed and I’m scared I’m lying to myself, sometimes when I notice I’m not anxious and my brain isn’t throwing the thoughts at me, I’ll start getting anxious abt the fact I’m not anxious and that im in denial, im so scared and im scared to voice my thoughts. Last night I was with my friends out @ a restaurant and I couldn’t even focus I kept shaking and shaking and I got so anxious I started puking I nearly cried and I’m scared to go to school or work now, because my brain feels like it’s screaming at me sometimes I’ll see images of me harming myself because I’m scared I’m running away from the truth, I WAS LITERALLY FINE 3-4 weeks ago, but now I’m throwing up I’m not sleeping and I’m constantly checking my thoughts or my body for any feelings and I’m scared to let things just BE because I’m afraid. I’m afraid I’m in denial and I don’t want to be I’m scared i have this fear that if I don’t get over this I’m going to reincarnate into the next life with this same issue and I’m feeling like I’m mentally tortured i constantly have chills or goosebumps and I just want to cry my eyes out. I lost so much weight, I miss when I used to eat food but now I go the entire day without eating AT ALL and I’ll only drink water to feel full, I miss who I was before I suffered so much, I constantly have a headache, im scared this will haunt me forever or it’s going to come back years later and I’ll have to face things and I don’t want to, I want to live in the present not the future i hate this sonmuch i was in class and i started plucking at my hair and pulling it because I was so anxious, I don’t want to say it’s OCD bc im afraid it’s not, fuck this is so hard im so scared to seek help, I tried to do ERP and I feel immediate relief or I feel more at peace because I feel like I can breathe and the fact that I felt better worries me because what if that means I don’t have OCD and im just lying to myself? I’m stressing my poor mom out she had to go to the hospital and I STILL couldn’t stop thinking and thinking and thinking about this problem and I hate that so much, I want to fucking cry and I’m scared that I only wanna cry because I’m running away, not because i actually feel stressed. Sometimes I will claw at my arms or my body because im so anxious, just the fact that I’m in class right now and the thoughts aren’t triggering me like before is triggering me because idk if I got used to them and I’m letting them pass or bc im running away from the truth. I feel like taking medicine is wrong too because I feel like I’m running away, im on antidepressants at 5mg and I feel like it’s not worth it to be on medicine because before this, I was fine-ish, I was miserable about something else but I wasn’t as bad as I am now

Does anyone else find it hard to read with intrusive thoughts

Y’all I need some help processing this. Will probably delete this eventually so it doesn’t circle back around somehow. I don’t think X is on this app though. I don’t want reassurance, but advice. Sorry this is so long. so I was talking to a friend who’s going through it on Snap. I know I’m the asshole in this situation. They, we’ll call them X for privacy, were a bit drunk. They got some bad news and was drinking at a buddy(?)’s house. I hadn’t talked to them since like maybe late night/early morning yesterday. I hadn’t opened the message yet, but I get one at 5 AM yesterday. I respond later around 1-2 AM ish today (when I’m writing this). The 5 AM message was that a mutual friend just suffered a loss. Me and this mutual friend had been through some tough dark shit that took a toll on me mentally, so I’m keeping my distance until mutual friend reaches back out (hopefully when they’re better mentally). There was another snap at 9 PM yesterday of the typical picture of our face that we send each other- kind of like a streak on Snap but not. I express my condolences to X, since I had seen this mutual friend’s post about the loss and chose not to respond for the aforementioned reasons. X was torn up about it and had already been drinking socially (maybe just one drink or two), but had cut themselves off so they don’t overdo it. They kept saying that they needed to stay quiet so they don’t say something they regret. They promptly followed up by saying they’re annoyed (via snap picture), so I ask what’s up. They weren’t going to press into it, so I wasn’t going to either. They said they were just gonna listen to some music, so I let them go for the night, say my goodnights, and so on. I had already had music playing since I was about to play a video game and like music in the background. Once the convo started getting to where X sounded kinda sad, I turned the game off and left the music playing while we texted. The band is pretty depressing, but I love their music. I thought we were done talking, so I post a song from this band to my story. It’s not a one off, I post songs to my story almost daily. I knew it might trigger them some, but I didn’t expect them to swipe up and respond. I genuinely love the song and had posted it to my story several months ago as well (before I even knew X to begin with). Because, like I said, I thought we were done talking. They respond by saying they almost un//alived to this band’s music. I didn’t respond because how tf am I supposed to?! I don’t know when this incident occurred or if it was when we already knew each other. We’ve only been talking for a few months, so we’re still in that getting to know you phase. I knew X struggled with mental health, namely depression early on in our friendship. I couldn’t bring myself to play the video game I wanted to. It didn’t feel right. I might’ve gotten the intrusive thought (maybe that’s what it was) to trigger them on purpose and did it anyway. So it might of been intentional. I’m such an asshole. I don’t know how to deal with this and I can’t believe I did this. How do I process that???

Hi everyone 😊 I hope you're all doing well. I wanted to share my story and seek some advice. For the past seven years, I was misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder, and it's been quite a journey. Recently, I finally discovered that I have OCD, and it has shed new light on my experiences. One significant aspect of my struggles has been sensory issues. I often found myself overwhelmed by environmental factors like being too hot or too cold, bright lights, and even loud or annoying sounds. These issues have been a significant source of distress in my life, and they were not well-addressed under my previous diagnosis. I've started exploring these sensory issues with my new psychiatrist, and it's been eye-opening. It now makes complete sense why my angry outbursts were related to sensory sensitivity. However, I wanted to reach out to this supportive community to see if anyone else has had experiences with misdiagnosis, especially when it comes to conditions that affect sensory processing. When I met my new doctor, they were genuinely surprised by the high dosage of antipsychotic medication I had been prescribed. It made me realize just how important it is to have the correct diagnosis and treatment plan in place. I'm curious if anyone here has faced similar challenges, whether it's related to misdiagnosis or managing sensory issues. Any advice or insights you can share would be greatly appreciated. Thank you all for being a part of this community, and I appreciate you all sharing your stories.

Here are a few intrusive thoughts that I’ve had today. But that’s all they are: just thoughts. I didn’t do any compulsions when these thoughts popped up; I just let them be as I went about my day with 2 of them and 1 of them I trolled my brain because it needed to be put back in its place (see #3). I remember them because they’re funny to me. I’m so used to my OCD’s silliness that I can remember thoughts and images without issues. First, I’ll share the thought and then what I did. Let’s gooooo: 1. Image of stabbing my hand with a butter knife (because that totally makes sense) and I continued to put butter on my bagel, then eat it, 2. Images of stabbing my foot with a steak knife (come on now…) and I laughed out loud as I ate my bagel, 3. “You can’t go outside because people will look at you!” So, I went outside and got the mail and waved at no one in particular.

I want to beat ocd anxiety so I can be a better mom. This hinders my life so much… I’m struggling so hard tonight. I’m tears. Hate my thoughts. Can’t control my thoughts. They make me feel like an awful person.. I’m struggling so hard..

Has anyone else experienced wanting to commit suicide because of harm OCD/false memory OCD when you’ve never been suicidal ever before in your life? **currently in treatment and not a risk to myself or others**

I would like to beat OCD because I was never diagnosed with OCD type disorders until I became a teenager. I can stay in a major state of depression for years and never get admitted because I used to say to myself, “ Fake it til you make it “. I also went down to 90lbs in college due to not eating and the the nurse practitioner on campus made me see a counselor all throughout college and a nutritionist. I learned to cut myself for the first time in middle school due to a stressful move from Southern NJ to NYC. I can’t believe it but I am still, “faking it til I make or escape it.”

If anyone is willing to talk, I'd like that

I would love to know for all my SO-OCD/HOCD sufferers -how old are you? -when did this start for you/how long has it been going on? -What triggered it? -How many OCD themes have you had? -Is this one the worst one? -Whats one thing you wish more people understood about HOCD/SO-OCD? -Are you currently in a relationship? -Whats the worst symptom? -Whats your most scary thoughts? -How real does it feel to you?

i’ve realised that i spend pretty much all day every day mentally checking everything going on in my body and every sensation that i’m feeling and trying to analyse what it could mean. i have no doubt that this started because of medical trauma but i don’t know how to stop. i’d definitely say that i think this is my biggest compulsion and i know i need to stop for ERP to work but i don’t know how to make myself stop. it happens so fast before i can even notice i’m doing it and suddenly and it’s like a constant awareness. how am i meant to stop a mental compulsion? it feels like i have no control over it and the thoughts just enter my head without me realising it

Anyone with OCD dealing with active narcissists ? My father is a Virgo male with narcissistic tendencies. Manipulative, lies, & contradicts him self everyday. He does this with not only myself, but anyone he can step on [anyone who allows him to step on them?]. It can be difficult when I forget that he has this narcissistic personality. This is because he shields 🛡️ his ego with “Enlightenment” “Consiousness” “Acceptance” and “Silence” yet he is only ‘trying’ to replicate these beautiful words, in turn falsifying and rotting them into an egotists paradise. I know it’s gone way too far when he starts calling Me Mom. Or says I’m like his mama. Then he repeats “my mommy”. I’m his daughter, not his mom. But since I cater to him [people pleasing tendencies due to fear of his passing away which he has threatened multiple times, and still does] he continues his own cycles 🔄 of hurting people mentally, explaining why they are crazy or doing something wrong [gaslighting], then apologizing and love bombing [so you’ll forget and do something he wants to do, that he just remembered😹😵‍💫] Confusing and consuming if I do say so my self. I understand he misses his mama.. which hits me right in the chest, so then I continue catering to him [folding his clothes perfectly, getting him anything he needs, washing dishes, cleaning, going along with his desires, and putting him first instead of my self, to the point where I don’t eat or drink], but then the cycle begins and he starts putting me down, making me feel lesser, and raising his voice and tone to create fear in the situation. This in turn makes me anxious, which he knows, then my breathing feels restricted and I hold my breathe at times without realizing. Because I was raised by him and my mother separate from each other (divorced) I tend to people please towards him. I could understand people pleasing developed as a child because I wanted his attention, but I didn’t end up receiving much due to his job and emotional unavailability and unawareness. He would replace his emotional availability with toys and such to distract me but these things never brought happiness, just a gaping hole 🕳️ of emptiness. Nevertheless I will always be grateful for him and his life’s work, for he has done well. Again.. I’m his daughter, not his mom. And this hurts me in my soul core and uterus, sorry to be specific, because my parents have been divorced since my 4 years of age. Which made me want a mama in my household doing what mamas do, but the girls he brought in the house were only there because they wanted someone to marry, wanted money, or thought they might get something out of it, and that may be because, who in their right mind would willingly want to live a life and create a family with a mentally abusive and twisted narcissist. He doesn’t enjoy being alone with himself as well. It’s actually quite difficult for him, although he denies it. But you could ask any of his close friends and they’ll tell you, yea he’s out somewhere doing something with someone. Maybe he’s not happy with himself so he’s trying to keep himself distracted… but I don’t want to be like that.. I don’t want to become my father.. and I don’t need to because he is him, and I am me. We are so beautiful. Such beautiful beings able to live and create in this bittersweet world 🌎 I will live life with Love ❤️ Moving with light 🌞 and when faced with ego, hardship, and unconsciousness 🕳️, WE WILL MAKE IT THROUGH💎❤️‍🩹

It has completely switched to me being scared I don’t want to be with him. I’ve been struggling for days. I’ve been googling stuff all day too. And then my friend asked me “do you actually like him?” And it’s been stuck in my head. And then I answered yes but my head was like do you really though? Can it really convince you that you don’t and that you’re lying to yourself? And can you feel like you’re lying to them about it all? It makes me feel sick. And then my friend said “I think you’re just second guessing things because you’ve never been in a healthy relationship” my mind keeps going to “what if you really are not mean to be together? You know deep down. What if you’re having all these thoughts because you just aren’t mean to be?” And I don’t have like insane butterflies or infatuation with him like I did my previous partners, but they were so abusive and toxic. Im so terrified my mind will convince me to break up with him and I don’t want to 😞

I feel like I’m at at point where I’m disgusted by men and it’s making me feel like shit. The false attraction is too much to the point I don’t even know what to believe anymore. I feel like my whole life has been a lie. I’m scared and constantly feel depressed. I’ve started impulsively buying things to feel better and my self care is lacking majorly because I just don’t see the point. I don’t want to be gay. I don’t want to live my life differently than I was. I don’t understand how my desires seemingly no longer correlate with my thoughts. But now it feels far too real and I feel like I need to accept it. It’s getting me nowhere and making me feel awful but I see no other way out of this.

I have completely lost myself. I was doing so well yesterday. I have absolutely no desire to hurt anyone but why does it bother me that I couldn’t hurt someone even if I wanted to. Like Do i really want to? I know my belief in God fully convicts my heart but why would I want to do it. My heart just wants to praise God but I even question why God made our hearts to praise him. Like why is it bothering me? I loved to be a good person and I truly want to be the old me again but why does it feel like I just don’t want to. I’m so scared. I don’t want to go to hell but why is murder in my mind. Is this existential more than harm OCD? I’m sorry if this is a confusing post.

I just came back from Disney World and was the happiest I’ve felt in a really long time. Then I came home and developed a new theme today from reading a book that the author decided to not properly warn his audience about. The trigger warning was way too vague and wasn’t even about the book. So now I just feel hopeless and as if the second I get happy about something it immediately gets taken away. I recently got really into StarWars and was so happy I had found something to bring me joy and take me away from everything. But lo and behold, here I am again.

It seems like my husband brings out more O.C.Dness in me when he's home, does anyone else have the same problem or similar one???

I believe I (currently) am experiencing ROCD. Growing up as a child, I was always double checking the door was locked, wouldn’t walk on cracks, had to count to step. I eventually grew out of it. But I feel it has grown into ROCD. I currently have a year long relationship with a person I love and has treated me very well. I have plans to move in with him and I went job seeking at his house (we are long distance) last weekend. I had anxiety the entire time. I kept telling myself, I’m scared, what if this doesn’t work, what if this is telling me to break free of the relationship, what if I’m not attracted to him, and I was avoidant because I was so scared to feel the anxiety around/with him and question it all again. Once the anxiety would settle I would cry to him about it and tell him I’m just scared and everything is caving in. But is this normal in ROCD? I found myself googling everything the weeks leading up to me going. I once told him to give me space (he is very affectionate and I am not) and very selfless when it comes to calls/texts. PLUS - long distance adds to that. With everything, I started googling it all nonstop for days and feared we aren’t meant for each other. Now when he calls I feel anxious because I don’t want to feel that “trapped” feeling of not having space again and I googled how to find common and reasonable communication with long distance. UGH just everything is scaring me and I fear my obsessiveness over it is making it worse.

I am an anxious person generally speaking. That is my ‘safest’ negative emotion. It is my home base. But I have been learning about the other negative emotions as I try to heal some of those parts of me that cause anxiety because anxiety is running me ragged. And when those other emotions arise, I have no idea what to do with them. I'm like a baby giraffe trying to walk. Not knowing what to do with negative emotions sometimes means they get stuck. And prolong someone's suffering. Most emotions don’t last long, but you have to be willing to sit with the discomfort and let go of the negative stories about them. Lately I’ve seen that underneath my ‘go get em’ attitude is someone who was at some point very scared at the loss of something. And resolving the anxiety brings out sadness. Sadness, or depression, without an external immediate cause like a death of a loved one or a tragedy feels very difficult for me to move through. I find that I feel the need to cry, but the inability to. I feel the need to be with myself but the anxious avoidance of it. I don't feel I know what the hell I’m doing. And I don’t see examples of how to deal with it. The other morning I woke up and dropped into my body with meditation and I could feel multiple emotions at once - anxiety (the most familiar), sadness and shame/embarrassment. At the time I thought, that's weird, why am I feeling shame? I’m alone. But I realized that I think the shame of being sad might be keeping my sadness trapped in my body. Along with my anxious buzzing around - likely there from habit but also trying to protect me. I know shame is sort of ‘blame turned inward’. And sadness is kind of ‘anger toward inward’. No wonder anxiety showed up to keep me from noticing. 🙂But the work is internal so I need to figure out how to get in there. But if I am honest, I do feel shame. I don't feel it's okay to be sad. At least right now. I don't know where it comes from. I could hypothesize all day but everyone feels sad sometimes. It's not a character flaw, it's a sign of being human. I do find that crying is a very self compassionate act, if you get there. But even just sitting with sadness is good, if I can manage to not get anxiously avoidant of it or judge myself for being sad. I found this flow diagram interesting, it made me think about how layered emotions can become. I bet it would work with other negative emotions too. Basically, perhaps, at one point you went to someone for help (or even just google) with an emotion and they didn’t realize that they were instilling you with ‘values’ or ‘traits’ that you would then use against yourself. It's wild how simple it is to be with someone who has negative emotions. You just have to be there. And signal its okay and you believe they will get through it. (I don’t think google works here but maybe AI can in the future ;)) But it's so dang hard for us to tolerate it in each other. We are like “okay problem solved… no need to be sad you have/are X, Y, Z”. That isn't the point. Emotions aren't really problems to be solved. I dono what I am saying except I felt like maybe someone out there is also struggling with a negative emotion. And I'm rooting for you. It's a very human experience. It's okay and if you let yourself feel it, and love yourself through it, it passes. Also maybe I’m saying this to myself, that it's okay to feel sad (or anxious, or mad…etc) at times. There isn’t a need to shame myself about it.