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ME: I wake up already feeling behind. Before I even get out of bed, my brain is making a list. Work. School. The house. My child. My relationship. My family. Appointments. Responsibilities. Things I forgot yesterday. Things I can’t forget today. I tell myself I just need to manage my time better. If I can do everything well enough, nobody will be disappointed in me. So I start trying. WORK: They’re good at their job, but sometimes things take longer than they should. They want to make sure they understand everything. They don’t want to ask a stupid question. They don’t want to send something worded incorrectly. They don’t want anyone to think they’re incapable. They check again. And sometimes they’re so focused on avoiding mistakes that it becomes harder to actually focus. Everyone else moves on. They don’t. ME: My child needs me while I’m working. I stop. Now I’m thinking about work. I feel guilty because I’m not working. Then I realize I’m thinking about work while I’m with my child. Now I feel guilty about that too. So I try harder to be present. Except now I’m monitoring whether I’m being present enough. I’m watching myself parent instead of just parenting. MY CHILD: My parent is here. But sometimes they’re looking at a computer. Sometimes they’re looking at a phone. Sometimes I have to get their attention more than once. “One second.” I don’t understand deadlines. I don’t understand assignments. I don’t understand why the house needs to be clean. I just know I want them. Maybe eventually I stop asking because they’re always busy. ME: That possibility destroys me. So I try to make up for it. I give my child more attention. But everything else is still waiting. Now I’m behind. So I try harder. MY PARTNER: They’re doing schoolwork again. I know it’s important. I know work is important too. But sometimes I miss my partner even when they’re sitting right next to me. I’ll start telling them something and realize they’re still looking at the computer. “Did you hear me?” “Yeah.” But I can tell their mind is somewhere else. Sometimes I wonder if there’s ever going to be a point where everything is finally finished and I get them back. ME: Now I notice my partner is irritated. I can’t concentrate anymore. Are they mad at me? Have I been neglecting our relationship? Am I a bad partner? Should I stop working? But if I stop, the assignment won’t be as good as I know I could make it. So I keep going. Except now I’m doing schoolwork while thinking about my relationship. Earlier I was parenting while thinking about work. At work I was thinking about school. I’m everywhere. And somehow I feel like I’m failing everywhere. SCHOOL: They read the directions. Then read them again. They write something. Delete it. Rewrite it. Read it again. Does this actually answer the question? Could this be better? What if they misunderstood? Eventually they submit it. Maybe it’s good. Maybe they even get a great grade. There’s relief. Then another assignment appears. And the entire process starts again. FAMILY: They always seem overwhelmed. We tell them they don’t have to do everything right now. They say, “I know.” Then they keep doing everything anyway. Sometimes we hesitate to ask for anything because they already seem stretched so thin. We wish they could just sit down. Not sit down while working. Not sit down while checking something. Not sit down while making tomorrow’s list. Just sit down. ME: Eventually everyone goes to bed. Finally, I have time for myself. Except I don’t know what to do with it. Did I finish everything? Did I forget something? What needs to happen tomorrow? Was I productive enough today? Did I spend enough time with my child? Did I give my partner enough attention? Did I do enough at work? Was my schoolwork good enough? Did I clean enough? Did I do enough? Am I enough? I’m exhausted. But resting feels like another thing I’m doing wrong. MYSELF: I’m tired. Everyone gets part of me. Work gets me. School gets me. My child gets me. My relationship gets me. My family gets me. My responsibilities get me. OCD gets me. And whatever is left is supposed to take care of me. There usually isn’t much left. ME: So I try harder. That’s always the answer. Overwhelmed? Try harder. Behind? Try harder. Made a mistake? Try harder. Someone might be disappointed? Try harder. Don’t feel like a good enough parent? Try harder. Partner? Try harder. Employee? Try harder. Student? Try harder. Person? Try harder. But maybe trying harder eventually becomes part of the problem. Maybe the pursuit of being perfect in every area of my life actually takes something away from every area of my life. Maybe my partner feels pushed aside. Maybe my child notices I’m distracted. Maybe my family gets tired of watching me run myself into the ground. Maybe exhaustion makes me worse at my job. Maybe school takes more time from me than I can afford to give it. Maybe I burn myself out trying to prevent myself from burning anything else down. Maybe there is no perfect schedule. No perfect balance. No perfect routine. No version of me that can give 100% to every role at the same time. Tomorrow I’ll wake up and still be all of those things. A parent. A partner. An employee. A student. A family member. A person. And there will still only be one of me.

21+ and gross tmi 😩⚠️⚠️⚠️ I just found something out that’s gonna haunt the rest of my life- I have an STD. I know it’s gross but my OCD got a hold on it and I have NO IDEA what to do now. I don’t know who it’s from and I’m getting false memory but here’s the thing- I had a partner for 8 months and neither of us had any signs of it. The last time I saw him was 2 weeks ago. I thought I’d venture off and try my first “casual” hookup, and somewhere along the lines I started getting my symptoms. I can’t remember if the symptoms started the day BEFORE I saw the other person, or the day after. So now i’m really confused and I can’t relax at all. Should I discuss this with the guy that I saw? Do I ask him if he has a disease/signs of one? It’s not to be accusatory but I need to get to the bottom of it or I’ll feel horrible forever. As far as I know my ex partner to this day has zero signs at all. What do I do.. how do I remember this timeline right 😩😩 people say the day after seems a bit too soon but I don’t know?? I HAVE TO FIGURE THIS OUT ITS KILLING ME!!

i struggle IMMENSELY with maladaptive daydreaming and i can't stop because it feels like anywhere is better than here but i can't complain because i have more than others and some people around the world would pray to have a happy life with family and friends, its not that i have a bad family life or anything, i just really struggle for some reason that nobody can ever understand, no matter how much i try to explain or anything, i realise that it would never be possible for anyone to understand my struggles and that makes it so hard, i haven't felt so confused or upset since my last post and i thought i was doing so much better but it comes back when i least expect it and that hurts more than anything, i dropped out of university at the start of the year, i was studying mental health nursing which i only chose because i wanted to make mental health a thing in my family because nobody acknowledges it due to culture reasons i believe but i couldn't go through with it, i don't think I would want to do long shifts for the rest of my life or work in that field of work when ocd consumes me but now my family are right because nobody really believed i could do it so now i'm just stuck somewhere and i don't know how to move forward because although i genuinely had a greater experience after dropping out, i feel this pressure that i have to know what to do and what i want to do right now but i have no idea what i want to do and also the pressure i feel to drive when i get extreme anxiety about it because anything could happen and all my brain can think of is all the 'what ifs', it literally took me 2 years to make my provisional license. it all leads back to maladaptive daydreaming because i'm doing it all day everyday whenever i have time like when i'm in the car or its night time and everyones asleep or even when i'm just home all day doing nothing but lounging, i believe that it has lessened now because i am more busy recently because of my cousins wedding but it still feels like too much but i really really really really really dont want to stop because it makes me forget about everything including my ocd and all the intrusive thoughts that come with it 99.99% of the time, i fear this is the closest ill ever get to any sort of help or therapy until i'm much older so that i don't have to tell my mum or anyone that im going because that conversation feels so difficult, i suppose i'm just lost and confused and tired all in one. i went to the beach this summer and i'd do anything to go back and just feel so carefree and happy like that day.

So I have a fear of becoming bl#nd or d#af, like I can’t even think or say the words or else I automatically assume it’s going to be a curse that is brought upon me. If I hear it in a song I immediately freeze up and feel like I am cursed. That song that goes “oh to see without my eyes” omg I haven’t been able to listen to it ever because I’m terrified that it will curse me 😭😭 does anybody else do this same thing LMAO it sounds so funny for me to actually verbalize these thoughts

Hi, I’ve spoken with my gp today and he has agreed to refer me to any service within the UK to help support me, I’ve based this on a right to choose pathway as I’ve completed four courses of cbt remotely, and unfortunately due to agoraphobia and the passing of my father these have been unsuccessful. I’ve looked into several options, I’ve started some support for my agoraphobia and I’m making slow progress, I’ve been housebound for six years now, so when I leave my home the rituals are trying to implement themselves e.g walking same routes, and counting ect, I think the patterns are deep routed but because I’ve been in my home everything I do now has to be followed till it feels like it’s correct :( looking for some advice PLEASE HELP much appreciated in advance.

I was listening to Close Behind by Noah Kahan today (for probably the millionth time lol) and for some reason today I started relating the lyrics to my OCD and now I can’t unhear it. “That all my fears are facts of life” especially got me because that is literally what OCD does to me. It takes a fear or a random thought and my brain treats it like it’s something I need to take seriously, figure out, check, prepare for, etc. “I live my life in years to come, to prepare myself for sorrow” also hit differently. I spend SO much time worrying about things that haven’t even happened yet because some part of my brain thinks if I think about every possibility beforehand, I’ll somehow be prepared for it. And even just the name Close Behind feels fitting. I can be doing better, doing ERP, having a completely normal day and OCD is still kinda… close behind lol. It finds something new to grab onto. But I also like thinking about it that way because if it’s close behind me, then it’s not me. It can follow me and be loud as hell and I can still keep going. Idk if anyone else will understand what I mean by this 😂 and obviously I don’t think Noah wrote it solely about OCD, but it hit me really hard today. Does anyone else have a song they’ve randomly connected to their OCD?

"Wow, so rude." This is based of what I read in class today, please don't take this as me calling myself or any of you guys unpleasant- In fact, I believe the opposite! But today in my scholars class, we had to go through the syllabus as well as read along certain paragraphs on what to except and how to act your best in order to be successful, stuff like that. I felt quite offended, as well as hurt to a particular one and I'm not sure if a I'm being dramatic but it was basically describing a woman who is "unpleasant" due to this: "The woman avoids relationships as well as small talk because she is uncomfortable revealing too much of herself. As she enters into an event, she isn't good at small talk. Instead of making eye contact and going over to people who are acquaintances, she drops her things down and finds someone she already knows to have someone to talk with. She has the capabilities, but she isn't well liked. Many know someone like her, who is uncomfortable with herself and is unpleasant, we may even try to avoid her." As well as other factors that may seem a bit more reasonable (kinda?) But what I listed was the main focus. The teacher asked the class whether they agreed or to point out some of the reasons why she may be unliked, the overall conclusion was that in order to be seen more presentable and liked, the woman had to get rid of these habits and practice on being more positive and go out her way to converse with others. It hurts since.. I really resonate with that woman. I don't enjoy small talk that much, it makes me nervous. I struggle with eye contact, fidget a lot, as well as feel tense with going out of my shell, and etc. These issues are so ingraved into me that I panic and cry on the idea of going outside by myself. This is not just something I can fix over a few months, and many times it's due to so many factors such as anxiety, low self esteem, possibly neurodivergent, and other things. I hate how it was described, it makes me feel more alienated than ever. :^( And OCD also causes me to not expose myself too much or say too much due to past mistakes from oversharing and having fears to what might happen from sharing. And to add onto that, I feel as if many people who resonate with that woman are also, many times, people who experience anxiety, struggle with disorders, or have a disability that effects the way they socialize and work. That's why that paragraph left a bad taste in my mouth, but I don't know... What do you guys think?

I feel like an emotionally manipulative person. When my friends needed to vent or were going through a hard time, I did my best to be there and listen even if my low empathy and emotional disorders found it to be difficult. I feel afraid that maybe my ways of trying to help came off as too much, or weird? This + the stuff from my posts yesterday are still eating at me really badly. I'm trying to calm myself down, remind myself I'm still emotionally developing and that children make mistakes, and that this is part of growing up. It's so difficult when I'm convinced I'm a bad person, that everyone will be angry with me, and that I'll just be laughed at or shut down if I try to explain myself in the future. I really am afraid.

I don’t know what to do there is guilt building up in my head because I have a looming problem when it comes to looking at peoples butts. And I’m back in school and there’s a lot of smooth urges or stress of doing it or double checking. I just wanna be a better person for my gf because she is a sweetheart. She treats me good and is still with me while I’m trying to change. I hope I can do this I don’t feel anything by looking at peoples butts. Idk what to do

I have had OCD since I was 16. I had 2 major episodes in high school, got through them, and was doing getter. Always had the intrusive thoughts and minor compulsions but it was manageable. I recently graduated with my doctorate and will be starting as a FNP soon. Of course, my OCD is flaring now. Started out with health, now scrupulosity. I do really think it’s getting better, but I’m exhausted and depressed. I’m not severe enough for inpatient hospitalization, and I don’t know that I need an outpatient hospitalization program, but I’m so sick of waking up anxious every morning, crying, having a minor panic attack, then going on like nothing is wrong when my body feels like it’s dying. And since it’s religious, it’s hard to just “let the thoughts be thoughts.” Idk, anyone else have a flare with tips to get through it. It has been going on 2.5 weeks now. They increased my Zoloft last week and gave me some Xanax for the panic symptoms, but I think I’m leaning towards some depression. Just wanting some advice, encouragement, etc.

my partner of five years and i had been fighting a lot recently and we FINALLY had the good restorative conversation we needed. we had a few actually. i asked her to please be more patient with my ocd symptoms and she asked me to give her more grace. we both agreed and talked about what that looks like, amazing. she is very supportive of my ocd and she actually has started listening to a podcast called “your anxiety toolkit” to help understand my ocd better. i really appreciate her taking those steps to understand me better and i want everything to be fine now… i don’t want to keep feeling uncomfortable. i want us to go back to how we normally are but i still feel triggered. i know it’s relationship ocd but i can’t stop hearing in my head all the things she said while we were fighting. it’s triggered me to legitimately feel like i’m 14 years old again, living with my parents, rather than an adult. i feel moody, i feel angry when she tries to touch me or sometimes is just in the same room as me. after a year of therapy, i’ve learned that this is how i act when im scared. i feel scared of her but not because she’s scary but because i’m just stuck. i don’t feel like i can act like myself around her anymore even though i know it’s not true. i can’t even remember what “acting myself” even means because my little fundamental belief that im annoying, a burden, difficult to be around, selfish, wasteful, entitled etc. all of those beliefs got triggered while we were fighting and the confirmation bias built up so high. now i just feel stuck. how can i be myself again with my partner? i don’t want to ruminate this at her, there isn’t anything more to talk about, i know these feelings are ocd and not reality, but it’s been 2 weeks of being “uncomfortable” and ive tried every healthy exposure i know to do. ugh.

Curious to know if anyone has this comorbidity and if you take both a prescribed stimulant as well as a SSRI/SNRI together? I have (diagnosed) ADHD and take Adderall as needed and it has worked wonders for me. However, it’s been years since I’ve taken an SSRI. I’ve been fortunate enough to manage my (diagnosed) OCD for the last few years but I’m currently experiencing a flare-up that’s been really kicking my butt. I’m going through a period of high stress and wanted to know if anyone suffers from these two diagnoses as well and what your experience has been like. I know this may seem like a compulsion but I promise it’s not lol. I’m not sure why I feel so reluctant to get back on an SSRI and why I feel stuck on this current OCD episode, but it would be nice to know if those of you have taken both meds and how you manage. Thanks :)

It destroys everything, and no matter how hard I try, I’m scared I’ll never be able to live a normal life. Other people, normal people, don’t have the same worries that I do. OCD will latch onto anything so you never run out of things to obsess about and fear over. I feel like I can’t get a break because the obsessions are constantly overlapping. I constantly think about the past and what a horrible person I was 24/7. Then, I’m busy with school, so I think I have something else to focus on, but since school is heavily immersed in the digital world, then I obsess over computer viruses and digital contamination. Then I run multiple antivirus scans that never ease this fear. I get home from school and I’m now upset that a roommate keeps leaving her stuff out and not cleaning her dishes, then because of moral scrupulosity, I feel like I am the worst and most evil person to exist because I got annoyed with someone (even without their knowledge) and then it ties back into real-event because then that means I haven’t changed as a person and that my past is who I’ll always be. I feel like I’m constantly in overdrive and that my brain will give up on me in the future. It never stops running. I wish the “I’m so OCD” people knew what it was truly like.

I started having major problems thinking and forming thoughts, about 3 months ago like it feels like there is some mental block in my brain preventing me from being able to think. I'm having some memory problems too and I'm having this strange phenomenon where i see someone in public and think they look familiar or I feel like they look like someone I know, I also get moments where I get like deja vu type feelings. Also sometimes I feel like I have no control over my thoughts anymore it's those same types of thoughts you would get just before you fall asleep or just as you wake up, it’s like random phrases, words, and especially songs pop into my mind and it feels completely out of my control. My thinking doesn't feel the same. Then last night I kept thinking I was hearing things and all day today I have been checking every sounds. . My daughter’s friend said she read where the prodromal stage of schizophrenia causes concentration problems and sensory issues and overall cognitive decline. So after she told me that I’ve been freaking out. Im going to see if I can start erp for this but im not sure if it’s even a thing??

I was searching for reassurance on Google and this popped up. addiction of intrigue. It’s about how you wanna seek validation or see if other people were attracted to you. But now I’m spiraling because idk if I just wanted people to notice me and now I’m struggle because both spirals are adding up because I’m struggling with wondering eye. I wanan do better for my gf but idk what to do

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I hope this message can help someone today, I never have posted on this site but have read and understand the torture carrying the weight and dealing with OCD and anxiety everyday. When you have OCD, and I am not talking about the “Organization” kind but the severeness that is only intrusive thoughts that feel like they take over your soul. The noise blocks out everything beautiful in this life because you are so focused every second of the day on how to make them go away. The scariest part that I now have almost fully accepted is that you can't stop it. You have to go through the pain and fire to slowly learn and come to terms with how you can at least make the voices not as loud. Now add on severe depression, Anxiety, and addiction on top of that. It is the definition of war with yourself. The feeling that you know at the end of the day you have to wake up and do it all again slowly drains any hope or light you once had. You lose the concept of reality. It is now you against your thoughts. And I will tell you the power they can have over you is not even close to a fair fight. OCD will completely strip you of everything. I will leave you with one of my favorite quotes that brings me hope when the OCD gets really bad...... "There is an old story about an eagle who can live for many decades. But around the middle of its life, something begins to happen. Its talons become weak. Its beak becomes bent and dull. Its feathers become heavy and worn. And the wings that once carried it effortlessly through the sky begin to make every flight harder. The eagle is faced with a choice: Die… or change. But change isn't easy. The eagle flies to the top of a mountain, finds a place among the rocks, and begins the most painful transformation of its life. First, it must break its own beak against the rock. Again. And again. Until the old beak finally breaks away. Then it waits. When the new beak grows back, it uses that beak to pull out its old, useless talons. And when new talons grow, it begins removing the feathers that have become heavy and damaged. For months, the eagle sits exposed on the mountain. Unable to fly. Unable to hunt. Unable to return to the life it once knew. It looks weak. It looks broken. It looks like it has lost everything. But something is happening beneath the suffering. It is becoming new. Eventually, the eagle's new feathers grow. Its new talons become strong. Its new beak becomes sharp. And one day, it spreads its wings. It takes off from the mountain. And the same eagle that once could barely survive rises into the sky stronger than it was before. The mountain didn't destroy the eagle. The mountain transformed it. And maybe that's what hardship does to us. Sometimes life strips away everything we thought we needed. Sometimes we lose people. Sometimes we lose ourselves. Sometimes we spend years trapped inside our own minds, fighting battles nobody else can see. And sometimes God allows us to reach a place where the person we used to be simply cannot continue. That's when the rebuilding begins. The breaking isn't always the end. Sometimes the broken pieces are the beginning of something new. The eagle doesn't become new by avoiding pain. It becomes new by surviving it."

Hey everyone, please forgive me for what is going to be a long post, but I feel the more detail the better in this case. To give some background, I am a 25-year old single man living with his family. A few months after high school graduation in 2019, I received a scholarship to a film school in SoCal, where I lived at the time. I planned to start my first semester in January 2020, but the world was sadly met with the pandemic. Due to living in California with extreme lockdowns, I kept putting off starting until things opened up. I didn't want to do classes that required in person technical work with cameras and lighting amidst so many restrictions. Cut to 2021, and I was ready to start classes, but I bailed. I was scared. I was so paranoid about the drive on the freeway, parking, and not fitting in. I eventually found a retail job that summer which I stayed employed at until my family moved to the Pacific Northwest in January 2023. It was a terribly rough adjustment, and in the fall I went back to Cali and lived with my grandmother for several months, starting film classes at a community college. I had fun, but had a tough time putting my voice out and collaborating. I felt foreign amidst people who shared my ultimate passion. I moved back to the PNW in early summer of 2024 and got a retail job where I was a supervisor. I worked here for a year and then got hired as assistant manager at a new store opening. I was having a terrible mental health crisis at the time, and I got demoted. I quit the job and have been unemployed for four months. I am 60-70 pounds overweight, depressed and sleeping until 10am. My best friends have careers they are passionate about. I have amazing parents who are supportive of my mental health journey, as this has been an ongoing struggle since I was in the 5th grade. I realize this is a very long post, but I don't know where I belong. I want to work and sustain myself, yet I don't even have an associates degree. I can barely communicate with strangers without feeling like I am on fire. I realize retail isn't for me and I am a very introverted person. Has anyone gone through something similar, but eventually found what works? I have debated a career counselor. I hesitate to find work because of my OCD and anxiety. I want a career that challenges me, but allows me space for my mental health. My mental health has caused crisis at many jobs. Anyhow, if you made it this far, thank you so much for reading. Just needed to get this off my chest. Love you all and stay strong. :)

🌷 FIRST DAY OF 10TH GRADE + MY OCD UPDATE 🌷 Today was officially my first day of 10th grade, and honestly… I have SO many mixed feelings about it. Going into school this morning, I was really anxious. There were so many people talking, shouting, moving around, and there was just SO much noise and stimulation everywhere. On top of that, I was scared about seeing the person who previously death threatened me and warned me about bullying. Thankfully, nothing happened today. We barely even looked at each other, but I was still on edge because of what happened before. I did something that made me feel a little safer, though. I told a few classmates I trust about the previous threat and asked them to keep an eye out for me just in case. I'm really glad I did that instead of keeping everything to myself. And then there was the OCD. My “I forgot/lost/left something somewhere” obsession was LOUD today. It kept telling me that I had forgotten something on a school bench, that I had left an object somewhere, or that something had fallen without me noticing. Normally, I would want to take photos or videos as proof that everything was still there. And even when I did take proof in the past, OCD would just move the goalpost and say, “What if you missed something?” or “What if something happened outside the frame?” But today I resisted. I left some of my classes without taking a single photo or video for reassurance. I felt the anxiety, I heard the thoughts, and I still walked away. That might sound small to someone who doesn't experience OCD, but for me, it was a BIG deal. I also had a really interesting moment where I looked outside the classroom window for a minute just to take in the atmosphere and realize, “Wow… I'm actually back at school.” My OCD tried to turn even that ordinary moment into another reason to worry about something being forgotten or dropped, but I didn't investigate it. I'm slowly learning that I don't have to document every moment just to convince my brain that nothing went wrong. And there were GOOD moments too! 🥹 My Romanian teacher complimented my bangs and told me they fit me well, which honestly made me so happy. I was already nervous about coming back to school and getting bullied, so hearing something kind like that meant a lot. AND WE GOT OUR NEW BOOKS!!! One of the subjects I'm especially excited about this year is Psychology. I genuinely can't wait to learn about it because it sounds so interesting and useful. + that’s my passion! I'm really excited to discover all the new subjects and everything 10th grade has to offer. Was today easy? Absolutely not. 😭 10th grade already has me feeling like I clocked into a 9-to-5 job. But I'm going to get through it. I'm strong. And I don't need OCD to disappear before I can have a good school year. Today reminded me that I can be anxious and still go to school. I can have intrusive thoughts and still learn. I can feel uncertainty and still leave the classroom without checking. I don't know what this school year will look like yet, and honestly, I don't need to know. I'm taking it one day at a time. Here's to 10th grade, new subjects, new memories, new challenges, and continuing to recover from OCD. 🌷📚 DAY ONE: COMPLETED. ❤️ I also wanna mention the fact that when I make those posts, I don’t seek for reassurance. I already know that feeds the cycle and stronger the loop. I make those updates because I’m lonely and I don’t have people to share my life with.

Hi all, looking for some help until I can get into treatment. My OCD has mainly been dormant for the last few years but I am in an acute episode, presumably brought on my a major life change that I’m in the middle of. I am triggered by simply being in my home (I’d rather not go into more detail). I wake up in the morning and immediately go right into a fight or flight state, and within seconds am deep in an obsessive spiral. It happens almost instantly, and I’m dealing with painful intrusive thoughts, rumination, and other Pure O hell the second I open my eyes. It causes extreme nausea and in some cases vomiting. Does anyone have any practical tips for me? I’m not even doing anything to “trigger” myself other than waking up in my own bed. This feels unbearable.