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working to conquer OCD
does anyone else get urges to confess to a loved one when experiencing anxiety from an intrusive thought/image?i used to do this in the past but recently i have been trying to not do this, is this a compulsion?anyone else relate?
i have been doing clinical ketamine treatments for over a year and a half now and am curious anyone elseās experience. i have found that my depression and ocd can really feed off one another (obsessions triggering depressive episodes, depressive episodes being the perfect breeding ground for rumination, etc.). because of this, i believe treating my depression in turn supports my ocd treatment. does anyone else notice this relationship between co-occurring mood disorders? or has anyone had experience with ketamine? would love to hear from you guys ā¤ļø
idk if this is my ocd but for the past couple weeks iāve been disassociating and getting anxious if i look in the mirror too long or look at pictures of myself. like i canāt comprehend what i look like and donāt think im real. i also have difficulty changing simple things abt my appearance like today i put in a hoop in my nose piercing instead of my typical stud and itās making me feel weird. i feel weird taking pictures of myself, posting pics/videos of myself and like i said even looking in the mirror too long. why donāt i feel real? i feel so weird
i started therapy not too long ago and i really feel like i canāt talk to him at all. itās so uncomfortable because the stuff im struggling with are all sexually related. each time he asks me about my intrusive thoughts i canāt identify them, ive been given homework to do and i havenāt even started it because im struggling so much to identify what is me and what isnāt. he isnāt a specialist in ocd either, he said heās worked with people who are worried about the same thing as me but it doesnāt reassure me. in all honesty i dont think it would change anything if he was a specialist in it, iād still most likely feel the same way. each time we talk about it (eg thought fusion and all) i doubt every little thing he says. it feels like i canāt open up to him in the slightest, when i try to it feels like im lying or if i start to i automatically go back on it and suddenly dont have the courage to talk about it. ive never told anyone my intrusive thoughts before, not even my mum and i tell her everything but iāll never tell her them. he said he understands why im too scared to write them down, if i do it feels real but i canāt even identify whatās intrusive and what isnāt anymore, thereās no more anxiety. im just constantly thinking about things i donāt want to think about. i donāt know what to do, im spending money on the sessions but i just leave feeling even worse. iām NOT doing too bad right now so i feel like i donāt need therapy but i know if i was to leave therapy it would most likey get worse again. is this normal? i donāt understand at all. iām literally lying to him because im too scared to open up.
Hi friends. I wanted to share a bit about my story in hopes that someone else may feel less alone or someone else can help me to feel less alone. I recently graduated college (a year ago) and moved to a city to pursue a graduate degree that is extremely accelerated. I moved away from my boyfriend, my family and most of my friends. I hate the city I live in. Itās terrifying, Iām alone 99% of the time and away from all of my support systems. Initially I was super stressed with the work load and constantly upset about my long distance relationship but now I feel numb to it. In the fall I had my first panic attack which then led to several months of extreme health anxiety. After working with a therapist this subsided and I felt at peace for a total of a week. Then ROCD fell into my lap and hit me like a truck. It was sudden, it happened so fast and scared me to death. Itās been going on for months now. I feel like Iām never present, I constantly question my love for my boyfriend. Is it real? Have I fallen out of love, do I find him attractiveā¦etc. I also do mental compulsions. Checking, validating my feelings, looking at photos, googling OCD to make sure itās an OCD thought and not actually my own, and seeking reassurance by telling other people. I tried to stop engaging in these compulsions but the lack of communication to my boyfriend increases my feelings of guilt which increases my beliefs that this is real and this is how I feel, despite the fact that I get so anxious over this thought. I feel like Iām at a stand still. Still in the long distance, trying to self manage, trying to avoid compulsions but hating my brain for bullying me with this conversation all day that makes me question my authenticity. I canāt determine my core fearā¦I am at a road block and looking for help.
Just wanting to put this out there to see if anyone else relates. Iāve always tried to pinpoint the root cause of my most frequent āthemesā for my intrusive thoughts. I experience Sexual Orientation OCD, Gender OCD, Relationship OCD, Pedo OCD, Harm OCD, and few others that I feel Iāve gotten better with like Germ OCD. I think my OCD really began when I was a teenager and the more I think back and think on my themes and their impact on my mood when they happen, makes me try to relate them to some trauma I experienced as a child that causes me to question my reality and beliefs. Like being called a lesbian slur in school because I was self conscious of my weight and so I wore boy clothes because they were more comfortable and not form fitting. And I also think I may be autistic due to many reasons (like the sensory issue of clothes being too tight) but one being that I mirrored people I wanted to befriend or be liked by and this was a problem in school growing up because I tried skateboarding and sports and such to impress boys because I thought to be liked by them, I had to relate to them and it happened again in high school when I tried to be ācountryā and like hunting and trucks and all that to fit in more with my new school that was in a small southern town. All of this to say my whole childhood, all Iāve wanted was to be liked, loved, and to fit in and I WANTED to be feminine but femininity didnāt fit with my body size/shape and all the girly things just made me too seen and like everyone could see every flaw I had in bright neon colors. Thankfully as Iāve grown up Iāve found my own style and way of expression and embracing my femininity and curves. Iāve let loose on my personality to be my authentic self but my thoughts throw me back to when I dressed and acted more boyish to fit in and get boyfriends saying āyouāre not feminine, youāre masculine, youāre just acting feminineā amongst other thoughts and it makes it hard to enjoy being happy with ACTUALLY being myself because my mind keeps telling me Iām faking. I also had trauma with being groomed growing up by older men and my older sister practicing kissing with me even though I didnāt want to (we are 2.5 years apart) and that gives me intrusive thoughts about finding younger people attractive (like teens much younger than me) and gives me anxiety when Iām trying to change my nieces diaper giving me intrusive thoughts like ādonāt touch her there, donāt look there, youāre violating herā when in reality, Iām just trying to make sure she doesnāt get a UTI from not being wiped all the way clean after pooping. This was a much longer post than intended and I could keep going with more examples but I just want to see if anyone else can relate to this and what has helped them.
Iāve been dealing with a terribly overwhelming bout of OCD for a few months now, possibly the worst Iāve ever had in my 12 years of having it; which is what led me here. Iāve always had doubts in my long term relationship, but none that have been quite this vicious, making me question my sense of safety with this sweet man who has ALWAYS made me feel safe and comfortable. It picks on every aspect of our relationship, and any moment it can to make me question if heās actually secretly a bad person. This thing has a chokehold on me and it is so scary and debilitating, especially with it targeting something I care so deeply about. And now weeks into therapy, I almost feel that unpacking it is making me feel worse and my OCD is finding all sorts of new things to pick on. Any comforting words would be appreciatedā¦ Iām trying really hard to work through this.
Before anything is commented please be kind and donāt tell me to āleaveā. I am on here bc I am scared and worried over my thoughts. My boyfriend has betrayed me , (not going to get into the details but will say there was nothing physical that happened) but I do forgive him bc I know during the time it happened I was a not so great partner either. He doesnāt blame me for anything at all, and is extremely regretful for what he has done. We both are committed to strengthening our relationship and growing. That being said, my old OCD thoughts keep coming up , probably from being stressed, and now I keep worrying that these thoughts are now real bc since I got betrayed now every intrusive thought I have about my boyfriend that I literally know I want, is now real.
What do you do when nothing feel right. Like for example I feel like everything triggers me, everything feels weird, sounds, actions, my room. I feel like i will go insane any second and I cant enjoy anything, I cant be happy about my upcoming new job or events. I have OCD about me having shizhophrenia and omg it has ruined my life, it has only been about 3 weeks, but it has got me complitely. I want my old self back and I am scared that my loved one will leave me bc i am not getting better. I really want a new theme as funny it sounds, because even 2 years ago harm OCD was't this hard. I feel like something in me is changing, but i dont want it š I will start therapy in the end of August and I just started taking medication. But for now I cant imagine this stopping and I fear that it will go downhill from this, i cant see me doing better, because if i have a good day I rember how i felt yesterday or when I had a panic attack and I cant get enough of it, i always remember those feelings and I start to worry about it over and over again.
I have done lots of bad things in my past and I mean like EXTREMELY unacceptable things from when I was a kid up until 16 (Iām almost 18 right now) My main theme of ocd is moral scrupulosity ocd and ROCD. Most of the time itās partner focused. (Met my partner when he was 17, he is now 18) When I first met my boyfriend a year and 4 months ago, he used to be really immature for probably the first half of the relationship. He said slurs he shouldnāt say sometimes because he used to play games with people who thought it was okay to say certain things so he picked it up. A few months ago I brought it up to him and had a conversation. He has since stopped saying slurs (apart from one we can both reclaim because we are neurodivergent) he said I made him realise it was wrong and he never really had anyone to tell him that the things he said were wrong in the past years he played video games where people would say extreme stuff. I see people online getting cancelled for slurs and more etc (probably rightly so if the person thinks itās okay and they are a grown adult who should know better) but even situations where one person said one offensive thing 3+ years ago and never did it again they end up getting cancelled. My ocd gets triggered when I see people being cancelled and people saying āpeople who do that will never changeā ā they deserve to be hated foreverā āthey donāt deserve forgivenessā I see others in comments saying stuff like ācome on they are/were a child/teen, they will learn, they just need educating not cancellingā and people attack them. I believe that my Boyfriend has changed and whenever I speak about people saying slurs they canāt reclaim and how itās wrong he agrees. I would say he has matured a lot since the start of our relationship. Is it right to think that sometimes cancel culture is stupid and the people who take it to extreme levels are closed minded and refuse to accept the fact that people can change? (Eg. Cancelling someone for something they realised was wrong and stopped) Do people need to be more open minded and forgiving/understand the situation sometimes?
Does anyone else struggle with a fear of sex/sex avoidance? Iām 23 and have dated quite a bit yet when it comes to having sex, I always pull the brakes before it can happen. Iām too scared of the intrusive thoughts and that having sex would confirm my fears. Itās ruining my ability to have meaningful romantic relationships. I feel like Iām completely alone in this. :// Itās not normal to avoid sex like I do.
Iām going to buy as many self help books on OCD, and really get a full understanding of this disorder & how I can help myself. I refuse to be a victim to my OCD & I refuse to give it up despite the fact the fact that I canāt afford therapy. I really dgaf what professionals say about not doing erp on your own. Iām not in the same position as other people who can just go to therapy without the worry of the costs and upkeep. Even on a payment plan it was still $90 a week. Itās just too expensive right now in this time in my life especially while trying to move. I know my lord and savior & knowledge and self help videos and the faith the size of a mustard seed will get me through this.
the way my ocd works is anything in my room is automatically mine and NEEDS to be clean, if another person steps foot in my room everything in there is automatically not clean and I feel the need to throw everything away. On the rare occasion I feel okay enough to let someone in, they can't touch anything. Today I had my dad come in to show me how to install some shelfs for my legislation, and for some reason he decided to put the not yet clean shelf on a pile of unfolded laundry despite the fact I told him less than 5 min ago to not, I have a HUGE room, so much floor space, so many within arms reach places. I instantly started panicking and crying since now I feel the need to throw all my clothes away and he started screaming at me, saying he didn't want to play into this childish fantasy anymore. As well as threatening to touch everything in my room and mocking doing so I know it's not a reaction I cant control, but I really do wonder if I have ocd or if I'm just a really weird freak. Have I been lying to myself this while time? Did the doctors lie to me? I feel so... immature for acting so badly to it, but it genuinely makes me want to rip my own eyes out. Why doesn't he understand it? Is that my fault too? I feel so lost and misunderstood and alone. I don't know what to do.
I have been with my partner for about a year and 4 months. My ocd symptoms started in February. Recently, my ocd is making me seem annoyed by everything my partner doesā¦ I have a bad problem with forming my opinion off of other random people instead of making my own, possibly fear of perception/upsetting people with an opinion so I have to follow like a sheep. This frustrates my partner. My ocd might latch onto a random dark humour joke he made or an opinion for example about social issues that is different to me where we have to agree to disagree and I end up going searching on mainly TikTok. If I see a comment where some people are against what my bf said I have to go and tell him and itās almost every day my ocd manages to nitpick something. A lot of the time itās me setting it off by asking his opinion or something where I can feel my ocd being like āletās scan for things in this conversation to latch on to šā and starting a convo where something could trigger my ocd. He might be playing a video game and says things, for example if heās shot in the game and gets a little bit annoyed. My ocd will instantly latch onto something. I try to hold it back but I ocd tells me I NEED to tell him off for it. If I bring something up while communicating and my boyfriend asks why I think something is bad, it usually always starts with āwell I saw a tiktok/instagram comment-ā¦ā and my boyfriend stops me to tell me Iām going off a small group of peopleās opinion and I need to be able To form my own opinion and itās okay for me To have my own opinion. A lot of the time I canāt form an opinion because Iām scared what people think so I resort to looking at random peoples comments on posts. š My ocd convinces me heās a bad person because he has dark humour. Is all the need to confess my thoughts and tell him off ocd? Is the best thing to do sit with the uncomfortableness? Does anyone relate
Hello everyone. I recently discovered that I am bisexual and I've had a lot on my mind lately. One of my biggest worries would be if my parents found out. I come from a Christian household. Growing up Christian, I've never really discussed my sexuality until recently with my best friend who is also bi, as well as my therapist. I do at some point want to have that conversation but I need to get over the fear to an extent. Any tips?
Iām at a point where I think I can do this but I need help. My primary OCD subtype is ROCD. My girlfriend is wonderful, endlessly supportive of me (Iām Trans and just figuring that out and sheās been so good about it as well as still being with me after I went to the mental hospital) and easily the best thing thatās ever happened to me. Iāve recently had the discovery of what my OCD cycle is (that being that literally whatever I think of her the intrusive thought is the opposite and then the compulsion is to think the opposite of that and it goes into a spiral). This has made me realize that me saying I love her or that I donāt love her are both intrusive thoughts in their own specific contexts. I love her very deeply and thatās why Iām asking for help. Those of us who also suffer from ROCD, for intrusive thoughts about breaking up with her, as that is a major one that I canāt seem to shake, what is your ERP for that? As supportive as she is I donāt want to like mime out the scenario with her as that just feels wrong, so what are things you guys do to combat these feelings? I know that OCD is āthe Doubting Diseaseā, so usually if I doubt something positive in my life I know itās OCD. So please, if youāve had similar thoughts to mine, tell me how you handle it. Most of my ERP has been for my more minor obsessions like symmetry or even numbers, we havenāt tackled ROCD much. My therapist is also learning about OCD with me but he has helped me a lot and honestly I owe the man the sanctity of my family but thatās a whole other story. Iāll stop rambling. Hit me with your stories!
I feel like cancel culture is the enemy of OCD. It goes against everything so many of us have difficulty accepting- forgiveness, self-improvement, and feeling like a morally good person. Does anybody else get severely triggered by people being ācancelledā over small things and thinking: āThat could be me somedayā
I have been with my bf for a year and a few months. I started to get symptoms of ocd in February. It started with the random need to confess things. One of these things was that Iām convinced I cheated over a year ago (Before I was with my current partner). Basically when I was 16 I ended up talking to 2 people at the same time and sending lewd pictures to both without either knowing. I didnāt really know what I was doing at the time and didnāt really think about it. The first dude seemed to like me but then got confusing and I took it as him just playfully joking around eventually, then another dude messaged me and seemed serious. With the serious dude i wouldnāt say it was 100% a proper relationship more like a situationship there wasnāt really any boundaries or anything āofficialā set, more just sexual stuff, flirting and nicknames type stuff. Eventually the jokey seeming dude found out about serious dude and shouted at me a bit and I stopped talking to him, and not even a week later I stopped talking to serious dude because unfortunately I found out I was being groomed by him. I didnāt really think about this situation at all up until February when I confessed it to my bf. I confessed to him but he was fine and wouldnt say it was exactly cheating. I have asked for reassurance that heās okay with the situation over 6 times since confessing. My ocd is trying to tell me he is trying to convince himself I didnāt cheat š. There was another situation right at the start in the talking stage with my bf before we were together. A diff guy liked me and wanted to start going into a talking stage. I sort of said yes/maybe but I just couldnāt get myself to like that guy to be in a relationship with him. The guy found out about my bf and that we started talking and got mad so I blocked him. My ocd is trying to tell me if that didnāt happen Iād still talk to that guy too aswell as my bf š„¹do I need to tell myself ālook, heās blocked! Nothing happened and you are loyal to your boyfriend. ā I had a scenario that set this overthinking off, it involved something like āI am a loyal personā then my ocd shut the thought down immediately and shoved the 2 scenarios in this post in my faceā¦. It wonāt let go of it I can never call myself a good person Iāll always have guilt and feel like I donāt deserve good
It feels like I have turned gay I donāt even think I have hocd anymore I just want to end it all
Recently my OCD has been obscured by my MDD (major depressive disorder) I am only 14, it comes in episodes. Iām entering an episode, and iām scared that, one day what if i donāt come out of the episode? not death, i have never considered that. I mean i have an eating disorder, bullimia, and i just am scared everything may just be starting to get worse. A lot of this is trauma induced after seeing my cousin attempt to slit her wrists, the blood and everything was very traumatic. I have never been the same.
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