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Hey everyone! I struggle with POCD and struggle severely with feelings and attractions towards children. It freaks me out and I get so worried and anxious about it. I just keep thinking it’s not normal to get innapropriate attractions towards children. And it’s not just thinking a child is cute because that’s normal but it’s like I get actual attractions or feelings towards kids and it’s the same kind of attractions and feelings I get towards people my age and I’m 19. I’m so scared and worried and I don’t know what to do!! I’m freaking out

My relationship with my boyfriend is everything to me but my OCD has interfered with us in more ways than one. I’ve expressed before that I emotional monitor him and ruminate on my fears and emotions. One of my fears is that he is gay and will eventually leave me like you hear about with men divorcing their wives. He was in a toxic marriage before and expressed to his friends a few years ago that he thought he was gay but his friends and even he blamed it on the fact that his marriage was falling apart and he had lost respect for women. He has never been with any guys but has expressed some attraction to, and two events with guys where something almost happened with them. The first event was when he felt tension with a guy when it was just them two. The second event was a friend grabbing his crotch and he expressed he wasn’t interested. These are two events that literally consume me and bring out the worst of me because my brain tells me something sexual happened for both when it didn’t… anyways, he admitted to me that in his youth he would have experimented and that if anything, he is bisexual but doesn’t really know. As of now he no longer feels any draw towards men he told me… I know he is literally in love with me and no other woman or man but I can’t help but let this consume me. he claims there was any to start with. He is open that he loves me and only wants to be with me and really never gives me any concern for being with a man but I’m terrified that he is in the closet and ashamed and that his true self wants to be with a man. On top of it, it was kind of shell shock for him to have confessed to slightly being into guys at one point if not now? Let me explain that I am not homophobic at all and have no issues with men being with men, I just don’t want to lose my partner!

Do you ever feel some kind of way when you’re texting a girl and your getting a boner it plays this trick that I keep fall for it make you feel like your texting the same sex and your getting erected to it 🤦‍♂️

for almost a year now i started experiencing very intense emotions and became very self aware, already struggling with bipolar, i became very confused. i want to isolate myself all the time, it feels comfortable. i overthink so intensely and its absolutely impossible to feel like a person. my overthinking looks like this: “i had breakfast and because i had breakfast im gonna be bloated and because im bloated i cant wear the outfit i picked out but i dont have another outfit so now im gonna start getting stressed out and now i dont wanna go to school, i hate school. i want to get in bed.” at this point im so emotional and irritated and i feel hopeless when this happens. im very big on having my mornings go by my perfect routine and on certain times. time is a huge thing ive been struggling with as well. one night i told myself i would go inside and lay down by 10:30, i came inside at 10:42 and when i realized that i started to feel very stressed and overwhelmed. i was very upset with myself because of this. another example is, i wake up at 6:15 everyday and right as i wake up i brush my hair and get in the shower, but it HAS to be at 6:15-6:20 if i get in the shower at 6:25-6:30 i have completely ruined my day and in my head, this day is gonna be horrible because i couldnt even get in the shower on time. this part is a little more dark so read as you can but just a couple of weeks ago i attempted suicide. i overdosed on my buspirone on a friday morning. those 2 weeks prior i was having heavyyy suicidal thoughts that would build up as the days progressed. by the thursday night(before the attempt) my thoughts turned into urges but i didnt wanna stay up to late because i had school (and i have to be asleep by 11pm or i, again, feel very stressed and overwhelmed) so i had went to sleep instead but then woke up friday morning feeling very emotional and depressed still. i have SEVERE impulsivity issues and alot of the times just react. so i just went for it. i see a therapist and when i told her what had happened she saw it as something that could potentially turn into a cycle such as: thoughts but no urges > thoughts turn into urges > urges become impulsive actions > i react > no more bad thoughts. im struggling so bad right now and im very confused and i feel like something is so deeply wrong with me if you can relate please make me feel a little sane. i need to know im not the only one who experiences this. i feel very alone

I feel blocked…mentally emotionally…what can I do? Does the feeling of love actually comes back in? How do you choose to stay in a relationship when you feel like this.

I encourage you to read, I apologize in advance if this is too long. In 22 years of my life… I think this is the lowest point of my mental health it’s ever been… depressed would probably be a far-fetched statement but I’ve having more sadder days, more angered days. Today had to be one of the worst days I’ve ever had in my life so far… Recently, I’ve been overthinking EVERY SINGLE MOVE I’ve made, like seriously… every single move I’ve made. Here’s some recent examples. ( 3/4 of these happened today ) • I’ll hear some good music, I’ll dance … but I’ll stop because it feels like there’s a sexual intent behind. • I’m laying down, I put my hand behind the back and get comfortable… but I’ll put this image in my head so that this nice feeling has some sort of sexual sensation behind it and I’ll move my hand, being disgusted with the thought. • I’m half-asleep, these intrusive thoughts are intruding me, I sleep on my stomach which now enhances the sexual thoughts ( wanted or unwanted, mostly unwanted these days, I try to sleep in different positions but it doesn’t help ) and I’m groaning, acknowledging these disgusting thoughts, but I don’t switch my sleep position which feels like I’m encouraging the thoughts, it always feels like I encourage my intrusive thoughts more when I’m sleep/half-asleep. • (this is the worst one ) I usually take walks to listen to music and calm down but today… it did NOT work at all, I became more frustrated then I was before. I was walking back home. I noticed someone near my house and I assumed the worst thing possible ( what if it’s a kid/teen? ) and avoided to look, then I ended up looking at my house … but here’s the twist, I looked at the house as if it was the assumed kid/teen I was trying to avoid, I actually ended up looking at the person to prove a point ( didn’t work, I don’t know if it was an adult or kid? Barely looked at them ) So, the situation has gotten worse by the day… but here’s the worst. I mentioned in one of my previous posts that I love to watch movies and I sometimes challenge myself to watch a movie everyday whenever I get the chance to. I watched a hilarious movie the other day, so I decided to watch the sequel… so y’know, same main characters. The love interest is beautiful and she appears in the second movie… of course she’s an adult, mid-late twenties when both the movies came out but I’ll still assume the worst for no reason. It was her first appearance in the sequel, I closed my eyes because I heard a woman’s voice and assumed the worst, then I realized it was her. Once again, she looked very beautiful…but my mind was tormenting me… one second, it felt like I could look at her, then one second, it felt I shouldn’t look at her. Now, this is when it got really bad… she had a very revealing top, I had the same situation… “oh, I could look, wait… No I don’t think I should… I can look, its nothing to worry about… no bro, I don’t think I should. “ I’m watching the movie on my laptop, so I decided to cover her top with my backhand, I still assumed the worst so I closed my eyes. My hand was placed on the laptop screen and my fingernails had touched the screen, I noticed that feeling… and for a brief moment, I slightly moved my hand back and forth… but there was my image of my head as my eyes were closed, that I was touching her chest, where my fingernails were placed as I covered the screen. I felt like I liked it for a second, I think I did … but I immediately felt disgusted, and opened my eyes… noticed my fingernails were placed inches away from where she was in the screen… and I felt even more disgusted!!! I almost broke my laptop. The reaction felt delayed too even though everything happened in a quick second. The worst feeling is that felt planned, I think it was planned… so it’s a confusing feeling. It felt like my fingers were placed at her chest and I placed that image in my head but when I opened after being disgusted with that thought. I feel relieved and also… disappointment, but mainly disgusted because it wasn’t my intention when I decided to cover the screen. I tried to redo the action but it didn’t work because it felt uncomfortable and experienced a unwanted groinal response. I hope I’m not rambling to y’all. So I end this by asking was that me fantasizing or forcing an intrusive thought? I know it was an adult, and I tried to tell myself that and everything is all good… but whenever I assume the worst, the thought of a kid/teen pops out… even when it’s not there in the intrusive thought, it’s still there, if that makes sense.

Hi! So i've had intense fear of developing schizophrenia for quite some years now. I'm on a point now where I really don't know how to continue with this. So lately I've been having paranoid thoughts when going outside; like thoughts about friends poisoning my drinks, everybody hates me & wants to get rid of me. I do know these aren't true/ won't happen, but they do feel very real. I see the possibility of these being intrusive thoughts. but then there's this other thing. It's when I'm home, no matter if alone or not. I always feel like something's creeping up to me. I could be in the kitchen, just being on my phone, or with my roommate watching tv, and I'd have the most intense, unbearable feeling of something just being there, and going to enter the room. I can literally feel it coming. It pretty much happens all the time, but the evenings are just another level. I can't even tell if I'm hallucinating or not. Like idk if the shadows I see hushing by are in my imagination or if I actually hallucinate them. As with the feelings mentioned before, I know there's nothing going to attack me, jump out etc. but It's almost impossible to just act normal. Like I'd turn away of any doors/windows, I just feel my body wanting to escape. What could that be? I never felt emotions this intense before. I'm diagnosed with OCD, Anxiety and depression.

Hey, I feel like my OCD is a bit different. I not only have the „usual“ OCD voice that says me to not touch my Eye when my Hands are „dirty“ I also have a voice that demands me to touch my eye so I don’t listen to the OCD voice, this Voice is like a Exposure Voice but also demands me to touch my eye when my hands are dirty for real, so it demands me to do dangerous things sometimes and to do exposures wich are over the top. It’s hard for me to divide what is right and wrong sometimes. Does anyone has this too?

So things have been okay in my relationship. I feel better after my medication and I’m able to get through my days. I’m slowly battling my OCD but it is hard when it gets colder. I found that because I find happiness in my relationship, the fear of him leaving becomes more and more prominent. There’s a huge feeling in my chest and stomach and even in my mind that something bad is going to happen and he’s going to disappear from my life completely. Right after we’ve been having important discussions (at least to me since I’m in college and been wanting to build my life after I graduate) about marriage and moving in an apartment together. What’s wrong with me? Is this OCD? I keep asking for recurrence that he still loves me and won’t leave me. But that feeling won’t go away. Maybe I’m destined to be alone. Because I truly really love him.

I can’t see any light at the end of this tunnel. I don’t deserve anyone in my life, I know for a fact I don’t deserve my bf and I can guarantee nobody would be with me if they can see inside my brain. I literally avoid calling him because I know I’ll just start crying on the phone. I just can’t get over any of this, I keep finding proof or evidence of being a p and it’s beyond distressing. I feel like I’m living an actual nightmare

Hi, I’m new here. I just started ERP therapy for relationship ocd and health ocd. Today I’m having a particularly rough day. I can’t get out of bed, can’t eat, etc. I found out that we may have to put my family dog down tomorrow, and my heart is broken. I emailed my therapist to let her know that I was particularly struggling, and she told me to stop throwing an “adult temper tantrum” and to not give into the distress and to force myself out of bed. While I do feel that there is some merit in her recommendations, I did not appreciate the fact that she referred to my experience as an “adult temper tantrum.” Does anyone have any advice or any similar experiences with therapists on here? It just made me feel a lot worse about myself.

Feel like SOOCD has already beat me and that I just can’t accept it

So I realized recently that I’m really addicted to toxicity. My current bf is literally perfect and I feel awful because I’m craving instability and missing my single life when I would get loads of attention all the time. I feel like a part of me is missing because I’m missing the highs and lows of chasing a feeling and nothing else fills that void and I’m afraid I’ll resent my bf subconsciously if this continues. I love my boyfriend and this is the longest relationship I’ve been in but I feel like I’m fighting so many demons trying to keep this relationship. The relationship feels boring to me in comparison but I don’t wanna lose my boyfriend I’m really struggling and even tho I have ROCD I feel like this is something else. Please help.

I’m struggling so bad with derealization & im so scared im in psychosis or schizophrenic. I’ve been really sick with a head cold and all my symptoms are just making everything worse and making me more scared. 🥺

I am a happily married 26 year old. I love my husband and our two year old child. I have struggled with intrusive thoughts in the past. Pure “O” OCD and also POCD. A couple months ago I got triggered by something that made me think of an ex boyfriend from 2016. and it made me think what if I have feelings for him or what if I want to talk to him, etc and it's spiraled from there. Now I feel like I have to be with him or talk to him for the anxiety and thoughts to go away. And then yesterday I thought about him again and I was like well if I was with him would it be that bad? And it didn't make me anxious and now I'm anxious because it didn't make me anxious. Which has to mean I want to be with him? I don't want to be with him tho but what if that’s the case? And what if my ocd isn’t real. I feel like I’m drowning in my thoughts and I have created a situation that feels so intense and real

Does anyone else repeat things like phrases in their head to reassure themselves about things like relationships and sexuality. I say things everyday and now I’m convinced it’s just straight up denial and that I’m refusing to accept the truth. Feel like my whole life has been a lie now.

I think I have hocd. I’m currently in a relationship with the opposite sex and it’s making it a lot harder. I have non stop thoughts about “maybe I’m in denial”, checking to see my responses/reactions to lesbian things, it ruminates in my head all day long. The obsessions and compulsions are so bad right now I feel distraught. Not only about fearing that I actually am gay, but I’m terrified to ruin the person I’m with and relationship I have now. Just a few weeks ago we were talking about marriage, but now I feel like I’m wasting his time because what if I am gay? I watch things with lesbians and don’t feel attraction to it, I try to have a conversation in my head about coming out to others and it doesn’t even feel right. I just feel lost, I don’t want to lose what I have at all and I just want these thoughts to go away because they’re ruining me.

Hey everyone, I’m still pretty new to OCD and was wondering if anyone has any strategies that help reduce OCD symptoms that are not compulsive.

Why am I feeling like I’m losing attraction for woman and gaining for men?

If someone told me what I’m about to say when I was in the depths of my OCD, I probably would’ve punched them in the face. However, it is an important part of recovery. Stop looking for an answer. Like seriously, don’t half ass it. The subtype I recently had was SO OCD that stemmed from ROCD. I didn’t even realize this, but during my recovery, I was secretly waiting for the moment I could confidently say “Yes I am straight” with no voice of doubt. That’s not the point of recovery, and it was what was actually hindering my progress. You have to fully accept you may indeed be whatever you fear. Having SO OCD is no guarantee you are not the sexuality you fear (it’s unlikely, but possible). Seeking certainty is the exact opposite of what OCD recovery is about. You have to 1) identify your fears, 2) throw any expectations for recovery away, and 3) do ERP properly. All you know is you have OCD (yes, even despite the the voice saying you don’t) and you have to deal with that. I said this in another post, but I’ll say it again: OCD is not a once and done sort of deal, it can come up later in the future (same subtype or diff), and it’s the unfortunate reality of our lives, but oh well🤷‍♀️we can’t wallow in anxiety and self pity forever