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the NOCD Community

Hey everyone, I’m still pretty new to OCD and was wondering if anyone has any strategies that help reduce OCD symptoms that are not compulsive.

Why am I feeling like I’m losing attraction for woman and gaining for men?

If someone told me what I’m about to say when I was in the depths of my OCD, I probably would’ve punched them in the face. However, it is an important part of recovery. Stop looking for an answer. Like seriously, don’t half ass it. The subtype I recently had was SO OCD that stemmed from ROCD. I didn’t even realize this, but during my recovery, I was secretly waiting for the moment I could confidently say “Yes I am straight” with no voice of doubt. That’s not the point of recovery, and it was what was actually hindering my progress. You have to fully accept you may indeed be whatever you fear. Having SO OCD is no guarantee you are not the sexuality you fear (it’s unlikely, but possible). Seeking certainty is the exact opposite of what OCD recovery is about. You have to 1) identify your fears, 2) throw any expectations for recovery away, and 3) do ERP properly. All you know is you have OCD (yes, even despite the the voice saying you don’t) and you have to deal with that. I said this in another post, but I’ll say it again: OCD is not a once and done sort of deal, it can come up later in the future (same subtype or diff), and it’s the unfortunate reality of our lives, but oh well🤷‍♀️we can’t wallow in anxiety and self pity forever

It’s almost impossible to get appropriate care/help for OCD here in Slovakia. I have very strong perfectionism and order&symmetry OCD. It consumes most of the time of my day. I hate it. I hate it so much. I hate it.😣 Doctors are so badly educated about this disabling disease. It’s a miracle to find a doctor who does not understand OCD as one generally disease but categorizes it into its subtypes. Each time I visit a new doctor - they tell me someting like this, so you are very strict about your hygiene and need to have everything perfectly arranged/ordered? This is their whole conception of what OCD is, talking about my problems with them seems useless, waste of time, cause they seem like they’ve read about it on one page at med school 20years ago and this is where their knowlege of OCD starts and ends I am so desperate. I don’t want to live like this. I take 200mg of Sertraline. It does help a lot, but does not solve everything. The way my mind works, the way I reassure myself and control everything consumes most of my time when I am awake. It’s horrible. Provided I didn’t speak English, I would be completely screwed. Cause the only help I actually get is by reading about OCD in English and by using this app.

I’m not sure if the trigger warning is needed, but this definitely triggered my Pocd and I don’t want anyone else to have the day I’ve had. Today I told my therapist that I have Pocd. I made the mistake of waiting till the end of our session out of fear, and because it was a phone call she had to go. She reacted shocked, kind of strange and then I hung up. I basically wrote an informative essay for her because I didn’t want to journal about my actual intrusive thoughts, or about what I think about. I thought if I wrote about how it is common and other people also have this type of ocd she would understand a bit better. Instead, I was met with “I’m concerned about this” “have you ever acted on these thoughts, or come close to acting with these thoughts” and “you may need to see someone else who specializes in this.” So, I’m left with the feeling that I’m a monster, because if she thinks I could act on this I must be. I’ve lived not telling anyone about it for years, and I’ve struggled finding a therapist I like, and finally when I find someone who I really trust and think I can talk to about this, she leaves me feeling terrible. I’m so tired of living with Pocd. I’m so tired of having the worst intrusive thoughts and having to do compulsions every single day. Im tired of feeling like if I tell anyone why I need help I’m going to go to jail. I just wish that this was easier.

Is it normal to feel like a liar or that you are in denial, even though you have confessed and gotten reassurance? I know that I have shared everything to therapists and family and friends but it still feels like I’m hiding something or living a double life. Is this normal?

I sometimes repost things on my insta story to spread awarness about different issues like racism, homophobia ect. I today went idk why through my history archive to see what i have posted before. One repost has made me really anxious now. It was a repost from two years ago about the racism some football players from England faced after a match. The front page was saying that and under that was shown a hate comment saying the hard r n slur. I now am having so much anxiety about this. I know that my intentions were to spread awarness about the incident and nothing more, but now i feel terrible that the post contained the slur. It almost feels like i said it. I don’t know if this is actually wrong of me as a white person or if this is my ocd. I would really appreciate if someone could help!!!

I’m scared of the truth, I’m scared of what I’ve done intoxicated one night, I feel I’ve messed my life up and ruined it, my head is telling me I’ve done something awful to a female (worst case scenario) it’s telling me I done it and I’m capable of it I’m so scared, Please help me

I’m a college student and I’ve had a healthy and stable relationship with my bf of almost two years, but about 3 months ago symptoms of ROCD started flaring for the first time. I was scared and extremely distressed. I told my mom all my doubts about my relationship. I had to pull myself together after a few weeks because college was starting back up. Since I’ve been at college my mom has only really made things worse for me even tho I explained to her that I thought I had ROCD (now I’ve been officially diagnosed) but my mom seems to not be on board or not understand no matter how much I try to explain things to her. She pokes and triggers my OCD every time we speak about it and I’m not sure if it’s intentional or even how to handle things moving forward. Any reason why she might not be supporting me? I’ve tried sending her videos on ROCD and other things to help her understand.

Im really stressed right now because im worried my boyfriend is too boring for me and not deep enough. He’s not great at communication, doesn’t have many interests and it feels like we run out of things to talk about. We also do spend everyday together with the rare day off. His family is from Poland and they don’t talk much during dinners I’ve had with them and seem a bit boring as well. I’m wondering if this is something he could change or if im just overreacting or if it’s an incompatibility. I do love him and he’s really kind and sweet but I need him to know how he’s feeling but he always says he doesn’t know or that he isn’t thinking about anything. im so scared and i don’t want to break up but I don’t want to be bored and lonely in a relationship forever.

I am desperate I’m at the end, I’m stuck with what I believe is real but everyone around me says not, I feel I done something awful to a female walking home drunk, I’m pretty sure my thoughts that night was my life’s changing forever tomorrow, but since this night my life has been crap, I’m depressed and nothings came of it however it’s killing me, if I did something bad I’d own up to it but I’m constantly searching and checking FB posts etc. I’ve been tempted to go to the police station and explain it all, I just feel awful, any suggestions plz? (This has been longer than 1 year)

I have this irrational fear that my mom is going to ☠️(i can’t type the word because i’ll trigger myself but i hope you get what i’m trying to say) and i won’t know because i live far away from her and it literally keeps me up at night and i’ve cried so much about it. A lil context my mom is like my best friend I love her so freaking much and that’s where this fear stems from because i simply wouldn’t be able to live if she did pass away. This fear will trigger my compulsions so i literally need to check in with her almost every day and make sure im telling here to be safe and just being annoyingly over cautious with everything she does bcuz it’s like ahh!! don’t ☠️ mom!!! If i love someone a lot the thought of them dying becomes actually debilitating and feels like it’s already happened in a way even when their perfectly safe and healthy. Just death all around I obsess over, even those who I have actually lost i obsess over the fact that their watching me at every minute of everyday and i cant do anything that i wouldn’t do in front of them? if that makes sense? Is this a type of OCD?

Today I found out I have the biggest OCD disorder Existencial crisis ( OCD) the biggest Depersonalization I easily become triggered , I don’t know how to interact , don’t know who I am no more , my peace can easily be taken away but Ik what brings it back Being surrounded by those that makes me at peace Taking the bus School a little bit Being distracted Nice weather and being able to sit or be in a cool place with a nice weather . Relaxing videos of people leaving a slow village cottage life I think this is because that’s the life I used to have and the only happy memories I remember where I was poor but yet genuinely happy I think that life style again would be the cure to all my problems and I don’t think I’ll have anything to worry because people be like If you live like that you’ll be happy to miss what you can have with money but right now I have money and I feel like is one of my biggest problems and stress while seeing this videos this people are surrounded by laugh and genuine people . I probably just need a vacation home . Ik that I’m kind but I feel mean as I be so mad at when I’m home or by myself and that affects my alone time to study and get tasks dones or to manifest good thoughts to then manifests good things in my life I have the biggest self insecurity I have the biggest fear towards being myself which I also share it with people phobia ( words had hurt me and I am on ny healing process but I think is so much that I just can’t sometimes haha so the only thing that seems to bring peace when too overwhelmed and mad is sleep but I hate the idea of putting myself to sleep sometimes thought when I do I feel like a baby the silky blankets and nice temperature on the sheets making my body refreshed when I can feel like that I feel like in my best. I love watching animal videos and videos of people doing things it’s the little moments where we’re hopeless that make us slow down and appreciate our surroundings law of placebo effect states that we always see from our perspective and never slow to see all around us when we do this turns into either regret cause we appreciated too late or into a beautiful lesson I feel sometimes we missed out a lot and our people phobia was because people didn’t think we cared enough for them but that’s because we never could find the enough words to appreciate them to tell them the beauty we saw in spending time with them In specific days and moments where it might seem normal to the normal human naked eye but to one it can mean so much To that one person thank you for choosing me to be part of your days

Does anyone else get so tied up about ‘proving’ whether something did or didn’t happen? And they feel like they can only be happy if they prove OCD wrong? Been going to extremes recently to look for evidence if I did something and after finding nothing, feel very low.

I visited her over the summer and I had the best time but before I went back I started feeling numb and dissociated. Like I had no feelings, I am back at school and I feel the same way worse even. I feel nothing, I have thoughts like I don’t love her anymore and I feel urges to break up. I have been fantasizing about someone and anytime I see that person my brain is telling me to check if she is pretty, staring at her. I also feel attracted to most girls, I have thoughts that I should experience college life even though deep down I know I don’t want to. It is so difficult because I feel nothing to what my girlfriend says, all I could say is that I am sorry. Even when I say that I struggle to, my mind makes me think I don’t want to be be back to normal and it feels so real it is scary. The same thing happened last year too. I got to school and I started fantasizing about being with someone else, I followed that person and once I knew she didn’t have any interest I was back to sort of normalcy. I don’t know what to do. It is overwhelming. I am still feeling this way and my girlfriend decided to take a break because she is unhappy about what I say about my thoughts brings her confidence about herself down, I feel nothing towards her. have thoughts that I am a manipulator and narcissist, thoughts that I don't care about breaking up, that she is fat, not attractive, etc and that I can just move on and date other people or live the typical college life or download dating apps and engage in hooking up with people. I also have thoughts about people performing oral sex a certain way that I want it to be like, anytime I see a girl my mind thinks oh she can probably give a good oral sex then I have the image of how it would be in my head, I also have this fetish/kink with acrylic nails that if a girl has it my mind start to fantasize about the person performing oral sex on my with the nails or having sex with them. I am not sure if this is because of watching 🌽. Anyone else feeling like this or have experienced this?

Its done, i dont know if ive done something awful one night intoxicated, im looking for evidence all the time, looking on facebook etc, looking at any evidence possible but the crime i feel I committed would put me in prison and is awful, i just hope I haven’t done it.

I was diagnosed with IBS at the top of this year, and my ocd panic attacks coincide with when my stomach is not doing well- but then it becomes the chicken or the egg I can’t tell if the stress is coming from the pain or if i’m creating pain with stress!! Anyways- just curious anyone else struggle with tummy issues of that variety. I write this as I try to make sure I don’t pull myself into another panic attack due to the feeling in my stomach, but instead try something new.. like write in this forum! Hope you all have a great day !

I was more social in highschool but i made the mistake of taking off college and work to babysit my niece and nephew and it really took a toll on me i ended up being a homebody for 3 years now , I’ve disconnected with my friends , except one . We literally hangout every single day but only if we’re smoking getting high to escape. I dont have relationships with my family really, like i live with my mom, dad , and two sisters but i dont tell them anything about my life cause i feel they will think im overreacting or “ it will be okay just throw yourself back out there” and just not understand how hard it really is . I dont talk to the family outside of my household because talking to people is really awkward to me and thats how i lost my friends , i cant seem to keep conversations going and cant keep an relationship. I feel as if i have to know what to say and think about what to say when talking to somebody cause im scared of just looking stupid . I know sounds dumb right ? Me being shy and having anxiety and depression has missed me so many opportunities in life and i feel like im just wasting my days being sad over life and how im feeling and the thoughts racing through my brain constantly. I literally think about past events and future and even have conversations in my head that hasn’t happen so i can be prepared. Literally dont know why im like that lol. My head sucks. Im very insecure which makes it even harder on me i hate the way i look and don’t believe what anybody says but compliments feel nice. I hate my mind and always thinking negative thoughts on a daily basics. I hate where im at in life literally doing nothing with my life . Like i WANT better i NEED better but i just cant 😭 i will literally get soo damn sad going to a grocery store or even out to eat or doing anything dealing with people other than the people i live in the same house with or the one friend i see everyday. I know i need therapy but im not sure how to say everything like i even prepared for that and had conversations with a therapist in my head lol but i just cant find myself to go get help and im mentally and emotionally drained. … i really just think i made this post to vent or meet someone that mighttt be the same lol idk . Just wanted to write it out and let some people see it since i cant vent …..

i don't know who i am. trauma and bad choices. being exposed to things as a kid. developing an addiction. I'm not happy with who i was. now i don't know what i am. i have thoughts and feelings and they are processed. i have a face and a voice and i seem to fit in sometimes. but i don't fit in anywhere. i don't know if I'm really there. I'm kind of just along for the ride. my eyes are seeing things and the information is being relayed to me. what is me. who is me. how many of me are there inside my shell. how many masks do i have. what am i. who's emotions are i feeling. who's thoughts am i having. am i good or bad. do i exist at all. am i a ghost. am i a mannequin. am i a puppet. am i an actor. what are my motives. what is my goal. who controls me. it hurts. help.

I am a feeling who is currently in a relationship with the literal love of my life. But a year and a half ago I had a same sex dream which was really hard and depressing to understand but I forgot about it for MONTHS until 2 months ago I had another and I started to spiral about it and obsess over it and the meanings and the whys and what ifs. Keep in mind I’ve never ever seen girls like that and have never been with a girl or seen a girl in any way, I’ve always been attracted to men my whole life. But these dreams have caused me to convince myself I’m not straight and now my anxiety is too severe and I’m in a depressive state of mind. I have been diagnosed with OCD of two kinds. I now wake up with severe anxiety and throw up bile cause I instantly have thoughts, specifically intrusive thoughts. I’ve lost an excessive amount of weight because of this and it’s affected the way I feel about my relationship and how I see it. I feel like this is a never ending cycle for me and I will never get past this. It’s to the point I’m suicidal cause I hate these dreams and intrusive thoughts. Along with my relationship I think we don’t belong or that I’m too complicated for him. There’s just so much on my mind and I feel like I’m not me anymore. I feel lost and hopeless, someone please help.