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I’m wondering if I’m alone I have harm OCD I get intrusive thoughts of hurting my mom but when I tell her to hide the knife I get this urge to find a knife I hope I’m not the only one I’m getting very scared of OCD

I feel like I wanna kill myself sometimes and it’s been popping up in my head for a while but I’m also scared of the thought of doing that but I really just feel like not living anymore :( im scared of life

Can I handle it alone??

This is more for teenagers I guess. So I'm a 17 year old girl and I have harm OCD. And lately I've been feeling really sad that I don't get to enjoy my teenage years. Or I guess not rather enjoy but just experience. Me and my friends were chatting and they were talking about heartbreak and boys and just regular teenage girl stuff. And meanwhile I'm here sitting alone on a Sunday night with intrusive thoughts about what if I'm a murderer or fearing of developing schizophrenia. Like I wanna go out there and date and go to concerts but I'm stuck here with my intrusive thoughts. I started therapy but the fact that I need to put so much work just for my brain to function how it's supposed to function is exhausting. I just want to go have fun and enjoy life. Can anyone relate?

I keep having this what if thought that we’re not real or in a coma and it’s followed by DP/DR. To make it worse it’s followed by harm OCD. Thoughts coming up such as “if nothings real then you can k*ll someone or yourself” or “only way to escape this feeling and dream is to k*ll yourself.” Even thought deep down I would never do anything to hurt myself or family. Just can’t seem to shake this thought and then combine that with DP/DR it’s crippling. I’ve dealt with this a while ago but it’s back and has consumed every waking moment. I’ve cried myself to sleep for a week now and I just want to go back to how I was a little while ago. Anyone else had this and how have you gotten through it or have any advice. I really really need some guidance and help. PLEASE RESPOND IF YOU HAVE ANY INPUT AND HELP!

I’ve been crying since last night because im afraid to talk to a therapist, im not diagnosed and I’m scared I’m lying to myself, sometimes when I notice I’m not anxious and my brain isn’t throwing the thoughts at me, I’ll start getting anxious abt the fact I’m not anxious and that im in denial, im so scared and im scared to voice my thoughts. Last night I was with my friends out @ a restaurant and I couldn’t even focus I kept shaking and shaking and I got so anxious I started puking I nearly cried and I’m scared to go to school or work now, because my brain feels like it’s screaming at me sometimes I’ll see images of me harming myself because I’m scared I’m running away from the truth, I WAS LITERALLY FINE 3-4 weeks ago, but now I’m throwing up I’m not sleeping and I’m constantly checking my thoughts or my body for any feelings and I’m scared to let things just BE because I’m afraid. I’m afraid I’m in denial and I don’t want to be I’m scared i have this fear that if I don’t get over this I’m going to reincarnate into the next life with this same issue and I’m feeling like I’m mentally tortured i constantly have chills or goosebumps and I just want to cry my eyes out. I lost so much weight, I miss when I used to eat food but now I go the entire day without eating AT ALL and I’ll only drink water to feel full, I miss who I was before I suffered so much, I constantly have a headache, im scared this will haunt me forever or it’s going to come back years later and I’ll have to face things and I don’t want to, I want to live in the present not the future i hate this sonmuch i was in class and i started plucking at my hair and pulling it because I was so anxious, I don’t want to say it’s OCD bc im afraid it’s not, fuck this is so hard im so scared to seek help, I tried to do ERP and I feel immediate relief or I feel more at peace because I feel like I can breathe and the fact that I felt better worries me because what if that means I don’t have OCD and im just lying to myself? I’m stressing my poor mom out she had to go to the hospital and I STILL couldn’t stop thinking and thinking and thinking about this problem and I hate that so much, I want to fucking cry and I’m scared that I only wanna cry because I’m running away, not because i actually feel stressed. Sometimes I will claw at my arms or my body because im so anxious, just the fact that I’m in class right now and the thoughts aren’t triggering me like before is triggering me because idk if I got used to them and I’m letting them pass or bc im running away from the truth. I feel like taking medicine is wrong too because I feel like I’m running away, im on antidepressants at 5mg and I feel like it’s not worth it to be on medicine because before this, I was fine-ish, I was miserable about something else but I wasn’t as bad as I am now

I’ve had this 7+ years ago. I was fine until this intrusive thought that came back. “What if I’m in a dream”, “what if we’re in a coma, and you can only get out if you end it”. These thoughts have come back and are really affecting me again. When I was younger I would use logic, like “dreams arnt powerful enough to always be in them. I can feel pain, I remember things” etc. It’s really effecting me again, and I cry to sleep every night just wanting to go back to how I was just 3 weeks ago. I desperately want to live a long happy life and I’m tired of this. Anyone else got anything like this and PLEASE give me advice or what you did to help it. I REALLY NEED HOPE!!! PLEASE

I’m on day 6 of Joyous’s Ketamine treatment. It doesn’t make me feel weird or loopy, just a little tired which is great for bed. I have noticed an increase in my mood. My anxiety did feel worse the first couple days but I think it’s gotten a little better. One thing is I never realized how much I ruminate till I started this. I have had Covid for the last week and I return today. If you’ve read any of my old posts you know I HATE my job. Going back today is giving my anxiety however I noticed I’m having a better time talking myself down. I always feel anxiety before going to work in the morning, I thought I’d feel worse about going back today cause I haven’t been in a week but lucky me, it’s not as bad as I thought. I’m up to 45 mg with the K treatments, I’m thinking today I’ll split it up into a couple doses today to see how I feel at work, I’m hoping it makes me happier and less miserable through the day. My depression seems to have gotten better, I’ve had a better outlook and have been in a better mood than usual, but ofc I haven’t been at work so that probably helps but I’m hoping it will help me in work life as well. I’ll update my journey with K treatments, so far I don’t see a dramatic increase, but something is better than nothing!

So, health concern OCD is a big subtype that I struggle with. I’m barely ever in really bad shape in my health but it doesn’t stop me from worrying about having everything under the sun. I have a pretty gnarly gum abscess near my wisdom tooth and am FINALLY pulling the trigger on getting all 4 wisdom teeth ripped out next month. I have never been under anesthesia before. And I can’t tell you how terrified I am. I have been crying and having panic attacks every single day since the decision made by me and my dentist. I’m nervous about the unknown and not being able to have control over my body when I go under, during the surgery, and when I wake up. Also terrified of something going wrong in recovery. So I come to ask! What was your wisdom tooth surgery like? Were you as worried as me? Did it all turn out okay. I need some big help.

It feels like my mind scans for things for me to “confess” to my partner. Things that aren’t even important or necessary come into my mind and I feel so guilty about it and get super stressed and feel like the only way to get rid of that is to confess. I feel like it’s something I have to do. No matter how much I tell myself it’s something that doesn’t need to be said I still have to say it somehow. I don’t know if this is normal, but I just feel like my partner has to know everything. And this is causing arguments and making him upset. I don’t want to hurt my partner anymore as I can tell my OCD is really affecting him. If anyone has any advice that would be great!

Having Harm OCD is really really scare, no doubt, but sometimes I look at something and I get the most weird intrusive thoughts that make no sense at all. So if you're feeling somehow low about yourself because of your ocd thoughts, read this. So a few intrusive thoughts of mine are: The other day I was again saving a bug and I had to take it in my hand, out of nowhere my mind shouts "eat it, it's delicious" and I was like "what?" and it seemed really suspicious cause I was always afraid of bugs in food and if I would see even the smallest bug I would literally lose apetite. I also get intrusive thoughts about me being attracted to dead things or that I want to taste dead rhings *I think this is because someone told me about a person that was in fact attracted to dead things and got me shocked* and now I have intruisve thoughts like "what if you're the same as that person?" "what if you'd eat that dead dove/rat" , or "what if you'll enjoy kissing a dead person?" and many more. it's very gross, I know but also suspocious of what ocd trying to do cause I have always been a person that wouldn't even touch a spit, now I just got a thought "what if it's not your ocd talking and you really like those things?" and it's funny because it's like ocd is trying to get his job back I also get intrusive thoughts like "people would look better murdered" and again, this is what I hated the most When I save bugs and all of the small things I get intrusive thoughts "it will be so easy to kill them" and even tho they are bugs, I get distressed because "what if" I do it cause they are small and have no power or help and it makes me sad I also get intrusive thoughts like "how do you know a life really matters?" or "how do you know they are real and matter?" . And somehow I am scared that I am going to be judged but this is just my ocd so ocd can be like that. I lost the counting on intrusive thoughts and I was really tired so I said to myself "do you want to beat this or let ocd beat you?" and as many suggested, I just let the thoughts come and go and I stayed in discomfort. Now I feel a little better because I have hope. So you should have hope too. Good luck!

Guys is there something we can do when we got tired...we can't do compulsions then what can we do...I need an escape right now...nothing is exciting me...what can I do ??

I have recently started a new job and i have a male colleague. I am so convinced i have a new “crush” on him but i have a boyfriend. I find myself sometimes looking for him and my heart will drop if i was to see him. I’m hoping this anxiety is because i don’t want to have a crush on him. I don’t know if this is my rocd or not. Is it possible for my ocd to convince me i like him and that results in me wanting to be near him even though i love my boyfriend so much. I don’t think i can carry this guilt anymore and i have been considering breaking up with him as i feel like such an awful person. I don’t know what to do i feel so upset

Okay, i hope this is my last post in a long time lol, because i think i may be getting worse due to this. I have what i believe is Incest OCD. I have struggled with this since July 25th, and it has been a complete hell for me. I think/i fear of falling in love with my sister, and it started like an unwanted adrenaline rush when i saw her one morning. Idk why i felt that way, but i havent stopped thinking about it. I have had almost non stop anxiety since that day, i've been ruminating about it and googling and all of those nasty compulsions we all know. I used to have groinals (an extremely powerful arousal sensation, to be precise) that is gone now, when i learned that focusing on them Made it Even more powerful. The thing is... i have been having small times of happiness and numbness nowadays. Like, no anxiety (apparently) at all. I still have these thoughts but... it feels weird, like if i'm accepting them and they don't scare me no more, but still have immense guilt over it. I fear that this happiness/numbness may mean that i'm actually in love with her now or something like that (which i don't want to be true, i swear). I feel guilty over all happiness i get. I even stopped editing videos, playing videogames and hearing music because of this weird "enhightened" happiness that idk what it truly means. I can't truly enjoy anything now. Idk what to think anymore. I feel like i have turned into what i feared the most. I know it's wrong, and i swear I would never do anything to my sister, but this feeling is weird. I don't want it to be true, i feel i Will never be in peace with myself. I have tried to avoid as many compulsions i can (looking at her to check if i feel something, avoiding her...) but i still feel worse than before. I even had suicidal thoughts because i don't like this theme of course, but now these suicidal thoughts are gone as well... Hell, i even remember i had never felt any kind of weird emotion or arousal to my sister before all of this started. I'm trying so hard to convince me this is not me, but my OCD doing bs to my mind. I miss those old times i could be with her without thinking this shit. Any advice will be welcome. I'm trying to be detailed with how i feel because this is just hell for me and i want to know if someone feels remotely the same as me I was diagnosed by a psychiatrist with OCD in only one session, so idk if it's a valid diagnosis. I have had many other obsessions with different themes (Harm/Self-harm intrussive thoughts, obsession over Dementia and Rabies...) , so thats why i hope this may be OCD as well. More recently, i was diagnosed with Severe Depression and Moderate Anxiety by another psychologist. She doesnt think i have OCD as I don't have "physical compulsions" like washing My hands for hours or stuff that bothers all aspects of My life (even though my school is being affected, and of course i try to avoid being with my family or talking/thinking about sex or Even talking to my uni crush, which triggers my anxiety). I hope i wrote all of this correctly, as i'm not a native English speaker. Any advice or story related to this is welcome.

Does anyone else freak out at the store/have to inspect every item to make sure there's nothing "wrong" with it or to make sure no one has "messed with it" somehow? It's become so exhausting to go to a store, sometimes I walk out without the item I was looking for because I saw a spot on it I didn't like

So i have had this incest OCD for a while now. I'm scared rn because i feel no anxiety whatsoever to this thought in this precise moment. I don't want to fall in love with My sister. I won't ever act on it but i'm scared i have fallen... I don't know what to do. I'm going to therapy and to a psychatric Center but i still feel very guilty about all of this.

I’ve posted recently about how my boyfriend Is on a trip for the weekend and I’m really struggling with him gone. I don’t want to be toxic or controlling but I’m having a hard time and wanted him to text me updates about what he’s doing. Im upset he isn’t texting me updates but im not going to tell him because I don’t wanna be toxic and I just am curious of any advice to get more comfortable with him being away and anything to distract me or how to handle it. Me and my ex broke up a few months after he went on a trip and ghosted me for a week (and things went downhill from there) so it might have something to do with that. But anyways a big obsession of mine is worrying that im manipulative or toxic or too hard on him/have too high of expectations (because my same ex couldn’t live up to my standards so I broke up w him) and my mom sometimes makes me feel like I’m too hard on him so how can I avoid doing something that could make him feel bad or like I’m too clingy but also calming myself down. Sorry that was so long winded lol. Any advice helps!

I recently found out that I have POCD. I have always been scared that I am attracted to children and have successfully blocked these thoughts out my entire life, occasionally having intrusive thoughts but verifying that I am not but constantly checking while around children. I believe that this stated when I was about 14, I started experiencing some groinal responses accompanied by distress in regard to sexual orientation and then once when I looked at a baby. My OCD of course tells me that this was not a groinal response but true arousal. In response I distanced myself from children, said I would never have children, and slowly just forgot that it occurred. Since then I have worked as a nurse with children and never experienced anything like that so I thought I must be safe. I recently had a miscarriage, and I was in the park and was looking at some children and started experiencing the groinal response. This was so startling and so distressing. I was so confused and my brain kept trying to figure out what was going on because I haven’t felt like that since I was 14. I didn’t want to google it because I thought I would be sent to prison. I was suicidal for a few days, didn’t know what to do, seeked reassurance for the first time in my husband and mum and then finally googled it and found out about POCD and the groinal response. This gave me reassurance and I was fine for a couple of days, but then thoughts about that experience when I was 14 and questions about true arousal vs groinal response stated to come out and freak me out. I live in a small down and am currently seeing a psychologist, hasn’t been for OCD but now I think I know where these thoughts are coming from. My appointment isn’t for another week and I don’t know what to do. I have been trying to use the uncertainty “maybe, maybe not” technique, but find myself constantly feeling anxious and seeking reassurance from the videos throughout the day that I am definitely doing the right things. I am unable to shut my thoughts up constantly saying maybe maybe not in my head and I don’t know what to do. I know I am experiencing some disassociation, I am unable to be present with my partner and I constantly feel like I’m spiralling. This is my second OCD spiral post the miscarriage, the first was of a different context. I just want to be present, in the moment, and accept the thoughts as they come but I am unsure how to do this. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, I am supposed to be going on holidays starting tomorrow and I don’t want to bring this with me.

Okay, this is gonna be pretty long and stuff so just a warning. I’m gonna kinda split it up. So, yeah. Okay. Idk, if this is gonna make any sense, and this is kind of weird, but do you — or like, your intrusive thoughts — ever like “force” — you — yourself to do something sometimes, and like “feel”. Okay, so for example, my whole life, I’ve never really been interested in “dating” and stuff, because it just didn’t make sense to me and because of certain stuff, and blah blah blah, but like when I was a bit younger, I’d get like these “intrusive thoughts” about like “dating” people and whatever, and usually it would be fine, but sometimes I felt like I would start to “act” a certain way or whatever, and start to “do” and “think” things for “attention” even if I wasn’t, and I would like act weird, and “go against” everything I want. Idk. Like, if I thought somebody liked me, or if I just had an intrusive thought about dating stuff, I’d kind of “force” myself to “like” them — not actually, but I’ll explain —, because “just ‘cause”, and it’s kind of what my intrusive thoughts told me, but it’s not what *EYE* wanted. Like, every time that happens, if I think someone likes me, etc. even if *EYE* don’t like them, and it’s not what I stand for, blah blah blah, my head will kind of make me feel like “well, say it anyways”, and “say this” and “say that”, blah blah blah, and then I would have these “fake” feelings that I DON’T really feel, and it would get exhausting. I wouldn’t do it all the time, though. I also just thought that it’s what “they” wanted, and I try and “do stuff” for people even if they don’t ask. I just go above and beyond for people, and exhaust myself. Idk why. That’s just how I am. It’s like I’m “overcompensating” also. And not just this; a whole bunch of other stuff too. It’s annoying. Also, I wouldn’t usually always “tell” them per se, but it’s complicated to explain. It was kind of like an “impulsive” compulsion thing. If that makes sense. Like sometimes I’ll just “DO” stuff just because. And it can get exhausting, because I DON’T really want to do that, I’m just “doing” it because I think it’s what “they” and I’m like “why not”, and it’s usually me thinking “but what if?…” blah blah blah. It’s like, I feel like I have to “confess” everything, but even the “not true” stuff. *The rest in the comments*

I think I need a listening ear