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does anyone else feel the need to share unnecessary thoughts with their boyfriend because they feel guilty for their thoughts?

I just had an appointment with my therapist who specializes in ERP and I’m so scared to start. My general anxiety and thoughts are the fear that I find teenagers attractive and therefore might do something inappropriate with them. I’m a 23 year old gay man and I don’t want this to be my life. My therapist and I just planned my first set of exposures, which is going to involve looking at a photo of an attractive teenager and agree with the thoughts that I am attracted to them. I am so so scared though because I don’t want to be okay with these thoughts. While I do admit that I think some teens are attractive (even admitting that makes me feel gross) I don’t want to allow myself to be this creep who looks at teenagers. I wish this wasn’t my life. I’m so scared that this experience is going to make me realize that I’m a creep who is attracted to the wrong age group and will need to live with this deep shame. I’m so scared of being attracted to them because I worry that maybe I’ll lose impulse control one day and I’ll do something stupid and hook up with someone I shouldn’t with. Does anyone have advice on starting ERP. I’m so scared and that I’ll find out things about myself that I don’t want to.

My family brought me to watch a new movie about sex trafficking and I just knew it was gonna trigger me so I said I didn’t want to go anymore and they got mad at me and forced me to go. They know what I’m going through and how hard it’s been and I’ve done my best to explain it to them yet they still brought me to watch it. As the movie started playing it immediately triggered me so I closed my eyes and started crying because I could just hear what was going on and it kept taking about the p words and kids and I couldn’t take it anymore so I had to leave. My sister let me take her car home but now I’m here by myself and I really just want to die. It’s been almost a whole year and I am still thinking and feeling the same. I think I’ve gotten better but that just ruined me. I just want to be gone already. It’s been long enough and nobody understands my pain. I know I won’t kill myself because I’m too scared but I desperately want to just be dead. I don’t know how much longer I can pretend.

So im 20 and I’m the assistant manager at my job, I constantly work with customers and I struggle with my role and a manager. I constantly feel like I’m less than and like I can never be good enough which is why I need constant reassurance. It replays in my head over and over like a broken record “you’re a failure” “not good enough” “you don’t deserve this role” to the point where I have to take a 10 to calm myself down. It’s exhausting, KNOWING I deserve this role but THINKING I’ll never be good enough. Anybody else struggle with this at work ?

Deeply confused. experiencing rocd like symptoms for few months. Last night I wanted to text my gf saying, “Yes, I want to be with you. This is what im experiencing”. A few months ago I hooked up w someone (before me n gf were official). I ended up having to choose between them. I wonder if i regret my decision. I wonder If i want their love in my life more. last night it felt so clear that i wanted the other person. i couldnt continue writing to my gf. idk what to do. i want to be honest and communicative to get through our struggles. im too internally confused and bottled up

Can anyone share their experiences of relationship OCD & what they did to overcome it? I feel myself constantly wanting certainty & I don’t know how to gain it or be comfortable with uncertainty. I love my partner so much and I don’t want to lose him, but I can’t shake these thoughts

Hey everyone! I apologize for the long post. It is kind of a long story but I really I need some advice on how to handle this. I wanted to go to an OCD/Anxiety partial program as I have had an increase in symptoms and need more resources. Anyways - its important to note my history includes a lot of SA and R*** and unhealthy relationships with men in general. Because of this - I have a hard time discussing these topics with males. However I knew it was going to be an important part of treatment. Due to this, when I did the paperwork I asked specifically for an all female team and they lady was super nice and told me she would make sure of it. Fast forward, it was time for the intake. Now FYI it was on zoom because thats where my local one has been since Covid. I log onto the zoom and was met with the psychiatrist (female) who was going to do the intake and a male medical student. The doctor never asked me if it was okay with me for this student to stay on the call. She began trying to go over my history and spilled a lot of what was in my notes from my regular psychiatrist so she kind of spilled a lot of it out. Then it was my turn to speak and I felt super uncomfortable with how much this male knew as it is hard to talk about it and I was not ready to freely speak in-front of him. I proceeded to type into the zoom chat asking if there was anyway we could ask him to leave because I felt uncomfortable. This doctor turned around and read my message out loud anyways and then proceeded to try to convince me to change my mind. She told him to "Tell her something about yourself so you seem more human." (It was never about me not thinking he was human. I am sure he is a great guy but I was just uncomfortable). After about 5 straight minutes of trying to explain why I should allow him to stay she asked me again and I still said no. The doctor proceeded to roll her eyes and finally asked him to leave. Once he left she said to me "I don't think this is going to work for you because there will be males in discussion groups so this will probably be useless for you." (I don't think this would have been an issue however because this is only part of my OCD/anxiety so that part I would do privately with my therapist and work on other issues in groups). At this point I was so overwhelmed I said I did not want to do the group and she did not even attempt to try and talk through it with me she just said "Okay I'll let the program know" and said goodbye. I feel so bad about the whole thing but I am trying to figure out if I was in the wrong for asking for the med student to leave. What do other people think? Was this a huge request on my part? I am just not sure how to feel about it. Has this ever happened to anyone else? Any advice on the situation I would really appreciate it!!

hey, I have been having really bad thoughts religiously. I have always been afraid I was gonna commit the unforgivable sin, which was blasphemy against the holy spirit. I have horrible intrusive thoughts, and always being worried the devil will take over or possess me. I feel like everytime I get a intrusive thoight I must apolgize to God asap, multiple times. I find myself, doing it for hours. It always has to do with numbers. I also have a hard time walking through doorways, or getting into or out bed multiple times or i’m afraid God won’t forgive me. I also have a really hard time writing the word God, or praying cause I have to picture God correctly, and make sure it’s not the devil so I know i’m praying to God. Is this something you guys are experiencing too?

I’m not on medication, but I’ve been told by friends that it’s probably a good way to go and I have no issues with taking it. I just need to talk to my dad about it, and he’s one of those “deal with it like a man” people. How do I go about this? Any help is greatly appreciated

Hi I’m new to this app. I’ve been struggling so much with ROCD, or I think I am anyway, my brain is running 100mph constantly I can’t even distinguish if these are my thoughts or not but I’m so scared. I got into my current relationship with my boyfriend 8 months ago we were friends prior- he is the most understanding and loving person I’ve ever met. All of my relationships prior to him weren’t great, the one before him was long term and I felt very ignored and unloved the entire time. I struggled so much with health ocd at the start of our relationship- and I’ve started to come over it and now I’m struggling so much with Relationship ocd. Constant thoughts of if we should be together , or if I should be with my ex( who made me so miserable and sad) or if I even love him or am attracted to him anymore! It’s crazy because he’s been the only relationship I ever had who has been so loving and caring and understanding towards me. I feel so cruel and evil, and I can’t understand why I am having these feelings I love him so much and he’s been here for me so much yet my brain keeps telling me we need to break up or I should be with my ex who made me so miserable and sad, or that I don’t even love him! Has anyone else struggled with this and have any tips or advice? I love him so much and want this to work more than anything in the world and I’m so scared my ocd will ruin us.

I’ve been obsessing for quite a while that I’m already dead? I woke up one morning thinking I was not real and things weren’t real after a panic attack the night before and my mind is telling me I died that night and now I’m dreaming what my life could have been, am I alive am I dead? I’m so scared and obsessed with these thoughts always wanting reassurance

God, the amount of posts I have made on here is sick to myself. I feel horrible for reaching out for help constantly. I keep coming back to those compulsions about my ex partner. The abuse and trauma, an fearing seeing them again. I just want to be normal and be one with my fiancé. My biggest trouble I am having currently is that I keep feeling like what if I still want my ex partner, (EVEN THOUGH I KNOW I DONT) and my upcoming marriage fails. It’s paining me and I am hurt so badly by these thoughts and feeling like I am disappointing my partner. I feel good and perfect for weeks to months then all of a sudden a weird thought comes to my head and I meditate. I do meditation to banish these thoughts but also to tell my mind I have moved on. Then, the moment after I finish that, I start to ruminate and have several different compulsions. I am so so so so so tired mentally. I am scared because I start to get suicidal during times where my OCD lashes at me. I have no way of controlling it. We marry is 2026. We decided not to do it now because we still have things we want to accomplish before we tie the knot. I just don’t know what there will be to accomplish if I keep this pattern going. I am scared. I am depressed and I am defeated. I am honestly just reaching out for help, and I am sorry if this offends anyone or triggers any harm OCD you may have. If anyone can reply or someone just anyone it would be so appreciative.

Has anyone been struggling with their partners or family members in term of their ocd? My boyfriend and I have been going through a rough patch especially since I got diagnosed with OCD. And I try so hard not to let my compulsions and reassurance seeking compulsions come onto him. Especially lately any comment I make or question I make that has some revelance to my OCD, somehow triggers him and causes a whole argument. I try not to cause the argument or even make comments anymore because of how I feel he will respond. And I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m trying so hard not to even say anything while he is rambling on AFTER the fact, that I said “something about my ocd.” Because I don’t want to give into it and I’m practicing so hard on my ERP’s and not giving into compulsion. But he is making is so hard for me and I don’t know what to do. He said he still wants to be with me and what not. I’m just over it, and for once I’d like if someone could support me instead of going against me. Please let me know if someone else is dealing with this.

Good morning, I’ll be honest, this feels odd because I’ve never written any of this out before. I’ve never enjoyed journaling as it was difficult for me to be unbiased in my writing. To introduce myself, I am a 23 year old Registered Nurse who just graduated college this past year. I began my first nursing job this past fall with a job I couldn’t wait to start. It was on a cardiac/intensive care unit and I was ecstatic to have been given the opportunity as a new graduate nurse. As my start date approached, my anxiety built but I knew it wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle. I had become comfortable with this feeling. As long as I can remember, my mind has forever been flooded with doubt. When I was young I was shy and always played by the rules, deeply fearing upsetting or disappointing any authority figures. My anxiety would fill me to the brim every day, and only some days would I at least be able to bury it deep enough inside to function. I remember the first time I threw up at school. It was first or second grade, and I was sitting in the front of the classroom as I tended to do. I slowly felt the nausea coming on and that’s when the thoughts would start. “YOU’RE GOING TO THROW UP”, “THE NAUSEA IS GETTING WORSE”, “EVERYONE IS GOING TO WATCH YOU GET SICK”. I felt as though my brain was chasing itself around in loops until I would inevitably believe the ideas. I knew I was going to vomit but was still so scared of upsetting the teacher I raised my hand and stayed in my seat. She eventually allowed me to go and as soon as I stood up, I threw up on the floor right next to the girl sitting next to me. I’d never felt so embarrassed, ashamed, and humiliated in my life. It would turn out, that feeling would not be unique to this one moment. I have hundreds, if not thousands, of similar stories whether they ended in mental triumph, physical defeat, or were visible to anyone else or not. This went on for years with various degrees of understanding by family, friends, doctors, and myself. This lead to shame, embarrassment, and wondering what was wrong with me. Why was I different than every other kid. When I got to middle school, I went to a psychiatrist for the first time. I never remember being told an official diagnosis, just told “anxiety” and started on a low dose SSRI. I remember feeling that my psychiatrist was nice enough, but seemed to not ask much about the thoughts going on in my head as much as the exterior symptoms and implications in life. I did feel some relief from my overall anxiety levels with the SSRI but my obsessions didn’t disappear. I assumed the other problems I still had were just my own fault. While I could go more in depth into middle and high school, it would take much too long and isn’t necessary to understand the whole story. In college I met the most incredible woman in the world on my 3rd day on campus. Never in my life had I met someone who seemed to completely understand me. She understood every feeling I’ve ever felt and every thought I’d ever had because she had felt it too to some degree. Understanding my mental obsessions of repeating certain words, counting, and intensely ruminating among others. I had never really discussed these thoughts before as nobody had asked me about them and I assumed it was related to my anxiety. But, it was the first time I ever felt completely accepted, understood, and in company with someone who thought like me. After graduating college, we moved in together while she started her next tier of education and I began my job. When I started on my floor, the anxiety was intense but I still felt like if I really pushed myself, I would be able to get through it. Every day would begin with my alarm going off, heart pounding, and short of breath. That’s when the ruminating starts. Multiple streams of thoughts from each dark corner of my brain, coming together to create one chaotic tortuous mind. “WHAT IF YOU MESS UP AND KILL SOMEONE”, “EVERYONE ON THE FLOOR PROBABLY HATES YOU”, “YOU ARE SUCH A TERRIBLE NURSE”. This is also accompanied by the comically mundane thoughts such as 3 words from a Bob Dylan song repeating incessantly for nearly 2 weeks, sounding just as loud. This began to become debilitating. Every single action I performed was intensely scrutinized by myself to the point of impairing me in the things I truly need to be thinking about. For example: Administering an IV Antibiotic - Step 1: Remove sterile cap from vial Step 2: Attach vial to ordered fluid bag Step 3: Mix/spike bag/prime tubing Step 4: Clean IV access with isopropyl alcohol for 30 seconds and allow to thoroughly dry. Step 5: Attach tubing/program pump Step 6: Ruminate whether you cleaned the IV access Step 7: Worry you accidentally introduced bacteria into the access point because you didn’t clean well enough. Step 8: Go back into the room 10 minutes later to check you actually set the pump correctly. Step 9: Convince yourself that potential adverse health outcomes are your fault. Step 10: Don’t Sleep This is just one example of an action when it happens with hundreds of things I do during a shift. These thoughts became so intense that they would never cease during wake or slumber. My nightmares involved making mistakes at work, and I would fall asleep and wake up to the same rumination about decisions I have made in the past, mainly relating to work. I eventually got to my breaking point when my obsessive thoughts turned to self harm. “KILL YOURSELF” would just repeat over and over again in my head like a broken record. I had never had suicidal thoughts before and started to become scared of myself. I planned to quit my job but my manager encouraged me to take medical leave instead which is what I chose to do. After finally navigating the healthcare system myself as a patient instead of a nurse, I was recommended to a neuropsychologist. Following neuropsychological testing, my diagnosis of OCD was clear to my provider and to myself after further introspection. While my outlook on my treatment is more positive than ever, I am not sure what the next step will be for me. My medical leave extends through the end of this month if I choose not to extend it, and I am beginning ERP next week along with the updated SSRI prescription I am currently on. I know I don’t want to go back to the cardiac/intensive care floor I was on previously but I worked so hard for my nursing degree and want to make sure I put it to use. I have no experience with ERP and no idea of a timeline and still feel overwhelmed at this point. Alongside dealing with family relationship issues at the same time, sometimes it feels too difficult to conquer. That’s pretty much where I’m at now. Thank you if you read this far, I appreciate the space to vent. Recognizing who I am and who I am not, the experiences I’ve gone through and how they molded me, and accepting myself is the biggest thing I am trying to do now. Thank you for listening and I wish you all the best on your own individual journeys as well. ❤️ -Aidan

hey guys i was just wondering if anyone has any “self care” tips or different things to do that helps with their OCD ( or any mental illness ). Ive heard things like journaling and meditation but i want more things to do that can help better myself

Guys I’m worried because I’m not reacting how I used to. I had a disturbing image in my head and I’m not reacting to it like I should. Please help me

how do i live my life with the past real event on my mind every second of the day i'm disgusted by it and regret and shame and just can't seem to forgive and move on 😣 i just think it's so bad what happened and can't move on

I've experienced what I believe is hocd from early ages but started having symptoms like false attraction,, groinals etc until I hit the age of 16. Same. Story as always but I bit different,, I've been interested in women sexually and romantically since a very young age like 6 years maybe I already had crushes on my teachers at school at girls, etc. At 9 I was already aroused sexually by the feminine body and not once by men no crushes on them neither I had curiosity to see them naked. When I turned 15 I had access to the Internet and started interacting with porn, one day I watched a video where the actress looked like my mother and became afraid of it started to have intrusive sexual thoughts about my mother which led me to a state of deep depression and anxiety. One day I prayed to god asking to get my attraction to women away so that I could stop feeling so depressed about those intrusive sexual thoughts about my mother, some days after my attraction diminished to the point of being almost non existant. Kids at school used to call me gay way much I didn't know why if I was a kid I didn't look feminine but it seems they just did it because they wanted to hurt me, from then I was always obsessed about thinking if I was gay I used to ruminate about it not that much like now but it was there,, also back then I had contamination ocd I had to wash my hands until they bled couldn't touch stuff because I was afraid I could get germs, then I had health ocd I thought I had cancer and after that I was playing with a needle I found on the floor and I cut myself my accident with it and became obsessed with hiv and this was on and off for many years. So once I lost my attraction and while I was also obsessed with being gay because people used to call me that way I started to experience groinals around men and what I believe could be false attraction I even felt like I had crushes on men. Struggled some years like this until one day I realized somehow that this couldn't be me because it didn't feel genuine,, those attractions,, arousals and crushes somehow I was able to discern and realize it wasn't real " there was no information about hocd back then so had to get out of it by myself" when I became certain about my orientation my attraction came back somewhat not entirely but I still used to do compulsions even through this theme didn't keep me in an anxious and depressed state by this I mean that I could live a normal life until my 35 birthday. I believe I developed rocd I had a beautiful relationship with a woman which I love so much but she used to be agressive and we had discussions all the time, she was possessive and I then started to consider breaking up we did a few times and then got back. So one day I started talking to an ex gf we didn't flirt I didn't cheat on I gf but I used to wonder how would it be to return with my ex, back then we broke up because we couldn't be together not because we didn't quite get along and we ended in good terms so I had so much stress with my current relation that I used to fantasize imagining being with someone who could actually give me some peace. At the same time I didn't leave my gf because I was sure I loved her but then my head started to make me feel guilty because I didn't tell her I was talking to my ex and also those thoughts made me feel ole I was a cheater. From then all this guilt made me feel like the worst man on earth and lost what was left of my attraction to women and I started to have groinals,attractions and stuff for men but stronger, they still feel artificial but now it seems like it's the only thing I can feel and I feel so alone and like my case is so much different from everyone else. I also believe that if naturally I was attracted to women since my childhood but lost it from trauma I could somehow get it back but also I'm almost convinced there's no one out there that can make this happen. I also have had confession ocd and if I don't confess everything I feel guilty.

Ive had intrusive thoughts for 2 months now..And I just remember about serial killers and now I imagine myself doing those things to my family and I feel uncomfortable looking at them. And now im questioning if I like my thoughts or not and it’s just causing me more worry I’m even googling my symptoms but nothing is show up. I also get sexual intrusive thoughts about the serial killers and it’s horrible and scary someone please help me.

I have been doing fantastic and frankly I have to admit the thoughts have very little effect on me anymore, or at least I can manage to ignore them better But despite this and the anxiety being reduced, ocd is still one of the toughest thing ever. This thing is as resourceful as it can be It will use anything and everything to keep you in the loop, it’s manipulative, cunning and it’s your own brain playing against you Lately I have been dealing with SOOCD and TOCD and doing good despite them. I realized that a lot of the sensations you feel with ocd is just the result of you focusing on the thoughts and giving them importance If you get out of your own mind you’ll realize those are things you would never actually do