Welcome to
the NOCD Community

I tried to get better but still have intrusive thoughts, which feel real. But I'm not more anxious than before but get a little panicked. My brain feels like "normal". Idk what to do

Obsessions - You don’t like your daughter - You will never be happy again - It’s not ocd… you have lost the feeling of wanting to live.. - You know its real… stop acting like it is not.. - Get a thought/feeling like i can’t/wont fight anymore.. - You want to die, but just don’t wanna disappoint your family - Just feel so real in body and mind… But everytime it happens, i just want to know that its the ocd and not real

Nervous about my first session tomorrow and that I’ll be told I’m not ready to be in a relationship. Long story short, I had a male best friend and we bonded over trauma (he had family issues, I had family issues and just broke up with my now ex) we ended up using each other in lustful ways but then became good friends. I could never love him romantically so after about a year and a half I told him I didn’t want anything with him like that and eventually we faded out. Fast forward a year later we rekindle our friendship but set boundaries and a month later, I meet someone amazing and we’ve been talking for a couple months (6 now) and who I love now and realize I want to be with, but my mind began to compare him with my ex best friend… it was a here and there thing about how I got along and the inside jokes I had with my ex best friend were unique, but then it started to spiral and now every little thing is a comparison. It’s gotten to the point where it makes me feel physically sick and guilty. Now little things remind me of my ex best friend (who I ended up parting ways with recently because I genuinely have no desire to continue our friendship and out of respect for me and my current man). Even random things remind me of him and I don’t know how to stop. My mind keeps telling me I’m meant to be with him and no one will ever understand me like he did, but I don’t want to be with him like that. And I wasn’t even thinking about him when we parted ways the first time, my life was great. All this just started with my current man. (I had interest with someone else a couple months before I met him and I didn’t have these intrusive and comparing thoughts). I’m really annoyed and feel guilty because I don’t want to think or feel these things. I’m scared I’m gonna have to let him go or something but I really just want to stop these thoughts but they literally keep me up at night. I hate comparing and I don’t mean to, but it’s literally on my mind nonstop now and has only gotten worse. When reality is, I love my current man and I don’t want anyone else. Also scared I’ll be told it’s not ROCD. :/

I just was diagnosed with OCD and I’m still learning about it.. how do you stop from googling your symptoms and convincing yourself that there is something wrong with you? I’ve been doing this a lot recently.. in the past month I’ve convinced myself I’m having a heart attack, a stroke, and a pulmonary embolism. How do I stop this?

Hey every body, I'm looking for some advice specific to pure O ocd. 1. My therapist has given me some response phrases to practice for my intrusive thoughts, the ones I'm using are mainly "maybe maybe not", " sure whatever", "your probably right" and "I don't have to figure this out right now". My main concern is using these phrases two often or so broadly that they become compulsive. 2. Since most of my compulsions are mental I find it difficult to control them. Sometimes my brain will automatically reassure itself or reflexibly perform a compulsion without me even wanting to engage with it. If anyone who struggles with/has struggled with this has any tips or advice I'd really appreciate it

In past few days, it looks like I'm getting better but still have intrusive thoughts

Since Covid began I have not been able to be my normal self. I was never one to worry about germs. I washed my hands yes, but it was never a big deal or a huge worry that was on my brain. When Covid began, I felt as though I was hearing it from all sides at all times. My aunt, mother, and sister are all health care workers so I was hearing Covid horror stories straight from the hospital as well as what was talked about on the news. At first, it wasn’t a HUGE worry in my head until, in order to get me to be serious, my rather tough-love uncle told me I was going to be the one to bring it in the house and that he and my nephews could get sick and die from it. Well, it worked. I was horrified. And what I recently found out to be contamination OCD began. Slowly my rituals started. First with just washing hands and using hand sanitizer religiously. Soon though, my worries spread to the THINGS I may be using or touching prior to washing my hands. This led to me using ungodly amounts of Lysol on EVERYTHING. For context, I was a server/bartender at the height of the epidemic who was in school to become a teacher. I am now a middle school teacher which both jobs putting me in high touch high germ situations. So I would Lysol my phone after work only after vigorously washing hands. I would Lysol my car and the seats next time I got in it since I drove home from work in my “dirty” work clothes. This progressed to Clorox wipes. That is until I read the instructions and realized it takes 3 minutes of the product being on a surface to completely sanitize it. Currently it is alcohol on cotton balls for everything. I have gotten past spraying or wiping car seats and just resorted to treating getting home from anywhere as me having to change clothes and perform my hand washing/ sanitizing phone ritual. (When washing hands or cleaning things J repeatedly count to 20 as it is said that you should wash hands for at-least 20 seconds. So I have to count to 20 at-least 3 times)My purse and keys have a certain spot in the floor of my room, where no one will walk, as to not get any other area germy from them. My phone goes on a paper towel on the counter as I wash my hands using my counting numbers ritual. I then go get a cotton ball with alcohol and begin wiping the back of my phone again using my counting numbers ritual. I wait a few minutes and lift up my pop socket and perform the same alcohol and counting numbers ritual. Again, I wait a few minutes and wipe the screen. I then wash hands and go change out of germy clothes. I wipe the back of my legs with an alcohol covered cotton ball in hopes of getting off any germs I may have obtained from public restrooms or the one at work. I put on new clothes, braid hair back, and wipe face with makeup remover wipe. I wash hands again, scrub face with face wash using my number ritual, then wash hands again. I am then finally “free” from outside germs and feel safe in my home. This is every time I leave the house. No matter where I go. I am miserable and feel utterly powerless. My family doesn’t understand although I feel they were the ones who started all of this. My boyfriend doesn’t understand. They’re all bothered by how bothered by germs I am and honestly so am I. I’m tired of it and want to get better.

The urge and false attraction have reached levels I have never seen before These past few days I decided to let go and let the thoughts sit in and oh boy oh boy Woke up this morning with intrusive thoughts plus urges like never before while simultaneously hating it and feeling like it’s not me at all I tried to act upon them but my brain systematically refused and now I am in a state of utter confusion…..my brain has been sending me everything amd it’s contrary since I stopped reacting and I truly don’t know if I can handle the uncertainty

I’m new to this whole ocd thing so I don’t know if the way I’m thinking is just my thoughts and cause I’m an awful person or if it’s my ocd acting up in a way. So I’m in this situation ship with a guy I dated for two months and I fell in love with him and we wanted to be married and everything. But I ended up having an intrusive thought about a family member of his and it was very overwhelming for him (which is understandable) and so he broke up with me and said he wanted me to get help. Now we’re kinda in this weird situation where we know we love each other and want to be together but there are other circumstances and things that are keeping us from being together again. He had dealt with depression for a while and I’ve helped him through suicidal thoughts and seasons before but now that all of this has happened he’s experiencing it again and wanted to last night. And so this is where it gets confusing for me. I know that I love this man, and I only want the best for him even if that means he doesn’t get back with me but because I wasn’t overwhelmed with fear and anxiety and I was crying and having a breakdown when he called me told me he was gunna end it, I’m questioning if I really care whether or not he’d take his life. And I don’t know if this could be ocd affecting my thoughts or if I’m just a really bad person. I know I love him, I’d love to live a life with him and stay together till death. I’d give my life for that man so it’s confusing to as to why I wouldn’t have a stronger negative reaction to him being suicidal and almost being like numb to it all. But I know I’m not in a numb state overall. And then it makes me question how true my love for him really is if I don’t have such a strong reaction to something like that. And then it’s like of course I don’t want him to die, I love him but then I question do I not want him to die because I care about him or because I don’t want to have to live with the guilt of him taking his own life and me not being able to stop it and me being apart of the reason why he did it. And that just makes it worse. And then it’s like I love life and I don’t want to die and I wouldn’t want to live a life without love and happiness but for me to continue on with my life if something were to happen would be like a betrayal to him and like I never really loved him. And then it just makes me feel like such an awful person and it’s so confusing for me cause I know that I really do love him. And then I feel so guilty about it I feel like I have to tell him but idk if that a compulsion cause I feel like once I tell him it’ll be all better but the reality is that it would only make things worse and it would hurt him and the last thing I want is to hurt him. Ugh this is so much and idk what’s wrong with me. I just want to be normal and love him and have healthy normal reactions to things. Does this mean I don’t actually love him? I know deep within me I truly do but idk. It’s exhausting being in my head but I guess I deserve it for having such awful thoughts and being an awful person. I just want to get help and love him truly and help him get better. Does anyone deal with anything like this? I doubt it but if you do (and even if you don’t) thoughts and opinions would be appreciated.

Hello, So with ERP has anyone noticed how anxiety weans and wanes the first few days you put your most effort in. For my anxiety has subsided by about 80% and it hasn’t been to the same levels it was before. One thing that does drive me a little mad is when OCD or intrusive thoughts try to catch you back into the loop and will try to throw anything at you to bring you back. How do you combat the waves I feel like the battle is easy but sometimes there was intense boss battles.

Right now I'm dealing with Pocd, and my main obsession is like age checking ? Whenever I see someone somewhat attractive I always have a thought saying "what if they were underage and you found them attractive " do I just dismiss the thought? Because it really does bother me but at the same time I'd like to know. Or one time some girl appeared on social media to look older and I found her attractive but once I saw her age I freaked out & felt so uneasy and uncomfy.

I’m feeling so conflicted and scared as of right now. I’ve gotten a lot better these past few months. Before I would have anxiety attacks almost every day and I was physically and mentally drained. I’ve accomplished so many things I thought I couldn’t. Or I should say I didn’t think I would be alive to have accomplished them. I accidentally kept missing my anti depressants for a whole week and now I’ve gotten better at talking them now but I’ve gotten more depressed ever since. I don’t know if they truly helped or if I’m just having a hard time again no matter the medication. My brain feels so foggy. This OCD thing has been going on for almost 7 months without missing a day. And this past week suicide has come across my mind again. My brain starts going at a hundred miles per hour every time I see or think about anyone under 18. I start questioning myself and my stomach drops. I start to feel that hopelessness again. How will I ever live a normal life if I’m a monster? How do I keep going? I’m so ashamed of myself and I just don’t want to be this way anymore. I get so scared of being around kids. And I start worrying about when my siblings or friends are gonna start to have kids and they’re gonna be apart of my life. I can’t handle that without isolating myself from everyone. I’m scared of what I’m capable of or who I truly am. I don’t remember ever worrying or even thinking about these kinds of things. But then I start to think oh that’s because I hadn’t fully developed yet and now that I am developing more I’m becoming more of this monster inevitably. I try to put myself in these uncomfortable situations but I still feel and think the same. Any time I hear about someone who hurt a child my heart stops and I begin to panic on the inside. What if that’s me? Is it me? Should I just end my life? Why am I even worrying about this? Will I ever think normal again? It’s been months and I still worry about this every single day. I’m graduating high school soon and hopefully getting a job. But I’m so scared to get a job. I already have anxiety as it is but now I’m most likely gonna come across kids at work every day. I think to myself maybe it will help me overcome this fear or maybe I’ll just end up proving to myself that I am a monster. I’m just scared of being sexually attracted to everything I’m not supposed to be. Whether that be family, minors, or animals. I never used to worry like this. I just want it to stop. I don’t know how much longer I can handle. Any advice for anyone who may relate??

1. Do u guys do things like preparing clothes completely - from underwear to earings before going somewhere? 2. Do u do things like controlling your receipt at home in way that you control whether products stated on the receipt are the ones you have at home, you reassure yourself mentally that you used loyalty card if u had one for the particular store, if u pay cash u reassure yourself you have given the correct amount of money and was given the correct amount pf money back/ if u pay by card you reassure yourself that the price on the receipt is the one that was sent to you in the notifications panel on your mobile? 3. After parking the car - mentally reassuring yourself that you’ ve parked the car correctly, there s enough space from each siede for another car, the windows are closed, car is locked?

Hello, I am on my 6th day of ERP and with self-harm OCD I noticed my OCD is trying to pull all the stops to pull me back into the void. The central theme is suicide and self-harm and it's even making me doubt that ERP isn't the way out and suicide is and if I am the one who is having ideation aside from OCD. These thoughts are so strong and causing me much distress—any advice?

I’ve been worried because it feels like I know how it feels to smother someone through imagining it and I like the feeling of smothering someone and it’s really horrible my life has been in a wreck ever since it started feeling like ‘I like the feeling’ of smothering someone with a pillow and it’s really horrible I don’t know what to do but it feels extremely real, like I like the feeling of doing that and would do that?? I know I don’t want to do that but I’m worried if it feels like I like the feeling of doing it that I will do it and act on it. It’s so conflicting it feels so real, how can I mistake a feeling? It literally feels like I know how it feels to smother someone/squash their face with a pillow and stop them from breathing and that I like the feeling of doing that? How is that possible thag it feels like I like the feeling? I feel so down I just wanted a normal life and now I can’t stay anywhere alone because im worried I will do that, around babies/young kids and animals it feels even worse or more true that I like the feeling and it’s really horrible but feels real, or another thing that seems to trigger it off is when someone or an animal is lying down it feels even worse and I don’t know if that’s because it seems like it would be ‘easier’ to smother someone if their lying down and it really horrible a few times I went in a shop and there’s baby’s in prams and suddenly it feels like I ‘like the feeling’ of smothering and it feels like I would actually do that and like the feeling and I don’t want to be bad I don’t want to do that but feels like I would do that because I like the feeling, I don’t know what to do I feel so down and I feel extremely irritated and angry that I have to go through this I snap at everyone because I feel so down and my head makes me feel like if I was alone since it feels like I like the feeling I would actually smother someone 😞 I’m only 20 and this is what I have to deal with feel like my whole life is ruined since now I ‘like the feeling’ of doing thag 😞😞

Me and my Fiancé get married in 3 months. We have been together for almost 3yrs now. I started dealing with OCD and different subtypes around Mid 2022 without knowing it was OCD. (Im not officially diagnosed btw) Because I didn't know it was OCD for a long time all i did was confess and confess to my Fiancé, mainly things about my past some from my distant past and some from my more recent past. Eventually my OCD switched themes and all of sudden now i was having intrusive thoughts. Present intrusive thoughts that's when I learned about ROCD and I immediately felt identified. Anyways i was barely learning about compulsions and how to resist them so i was still not doing good regarding my confessions and i began to now confess my intrusive thoughts. Afterwards as OCD usually does i started obsessing over the most trivial things in my past, i started dealing with Real Event/False Memory OCD I confessed about that too. All the way to present time. I have gotten better at resisting my main compulsion which is confessing, yet i still fail from time to time. What has happened now is that my Fiancé is getting affected. She is the most patient, supportive & kind woman i have ever met. She is literally an angel from heaven and has been by my side through my/our darkest times. However lately she hasn't been feeling well. Due to our economical situation we've decided to move back to my hometown after the wedding. This is difficult for her of course because she has to leave behind. Family, Friends, her job and basically what has been her whole life till now. The thing is that she tell's me that all of that would be easier if she knew she was giving it up for something that's gonna last and she feels like my constant confessing and my intrusive thoughts is just me secretly telling her that I'm not sure about being with her. Keep in mind, she knows about my ROCD, I've explained it, we've read articles together, watched videos about it together. Even then she tells me to try to look at things from her side and how its not easy for her to deal with this change in her life and feel like she has to keep us together as well. I've also felt like OCD has changed who i am. I used to be confident, positive, spontaneous, detailed and romantic. Now all my energy seems to be focused on just getting through the day with my thoughts. So I understand that she hasn't been feeling swooned lately. Specially after so much time of me being the amazing boyfriend. I guess what im trying to figure out is how to deal with all of this. How do i deal with my ROCD and support my Fiancé at the same time. How can I reassure her i love her and that I don't have any doubts about being with her depsite what i feel or think. I don't mind my OCD hurting me or torturing me. But not her, i just want her to be happy. If anyone is going through something similar or has any advice it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you. Life is so hard.

Hi guys! I’ve been trying to figure out how to respond to intrusive thoughts & rumination. I know some things you can say are “so what” or “hmm okay” “maybe”, ect. But what are some other good ones? I’m kind of struggling to understand what it means to fully not engage with a thought. If I have an intrusive thought- I struggle to tell the difference between thought stopping & not letting myself engage. Any tips/ clarification would be much appreciated!

My thoughts are getting way intense and feel real. Idk what to do

i don’t even know if this is OCD because it’s not even over an obsession. every second im reminded of anxiety and it causes me to get anxiety and my brain makes me panic. everything i do im reminded that i can just panic right now over everything and anything. nothing is helping at all. ive like lost control of my thoughts completely. idk if i have a panic disorder or what. i’m reminded i have a brain and it scares me. i just want my brain turned off i feel horrible. just feel like there’s something seriously wrong with me and i’ll never get out of this. does anyone else experience this🥺

Does anyone have experience with ADHD and OCD? I find that my medication helps with my ADHD and makes me feel calm, but it seems as if the underlying fears, thoughts and feelings that come with OCD are still there. Or maybe I’m just looking for them instead of letting them disappear because I’m feeling relaxed? Has anyone experienced something similar?