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the NOCD Community

Hello, So with ERP has anyone noticed how anxiety weans and wanes the first few days you put your most effort in. For my anxiety has subsided by about 80% and it hasn’t been to the same levels it was before. One thing that does drive me a little mad is when OCD or intrusive thoughts try to catch you back into the loop and will try to throw anything at you to bring you back. How do you combat the waves I feel like the battle is easy but sometimes there was intense boss battles.

Right now I'm dealing with Pocd, and my main obsession is like age checking ? Whenever I see someone somewhat attractive I always have a thought saying "what if they were underage and you found them attractive " do I just dismiss the thought? Because it really does bother me but at the same time I'd like to know. Or one time some girl appeared on social media to look older and I found her attractive but once I saw her age I freaked out & felt so uneasy and uncomfy.

I’m feeling so conflicted and scared as of right now. I’ve gotten a lot better these past few months. Before I would have anxiety attacks almost every day and I was physically and mentally drained. I’ve accomplished so many things I thought I couldn’t. Or I should say I didn’t think I would be alive to have accomplished them. I accidentally kept missing my anti depressants for a whole week and now I’ve gotten better at talking them now but I’ve gotten more depressed ever since. I don’t know if they truly helped or if I’m just having a hard time again no matter the medication. My brain feels so foggy. This OCD thing has been going on for almost 7 months without missing a day. And this past week suicide has come across my mind again. My brain starts going at a hundred miles per hour every time I see or think about anyone under 18. I start questioning myself and my stomach drops. I start to feel that hopelessness again. How will I ever live a normal life if I’m a monster? How do I keep going? I’m so ashamed of myself and I just don’t want to be this way anymore. I get so scared of being around kids. And I start worrying about when my siblings or friends are gonna start to have kids and they’re gonna be apart of my life. I can’t handle that without isolating myself from everyone. I’m scared of what I’m capable of or who I truly am. I don’t remember ever worrying or even thinking about these kinds of things. But then I start to think oh that’s because I hadn’t fully developed yet and now that I am developing more I’m becoming more of this monster inevitably. I try to put myself in these uncomfortable situations but I still feel and think the same. Any time I hear about someone who hurt a child my heart stops and I begin to panic on the inside. What if that’s me? Is it me? Should I just end my life? Why am I even worrying about this? Will I ever think normal again? It’s been months and I still worry about this every single day. I’m graduating high school soon and hopefully getting a job. But I’m so scared to get a job. I already have anxiety as it is but now I’m most likely gonna come across kids at work every day. I think to myself maybe it will help me overcome this fear or maybe I’ll just end up proving to myself that I am a monster. I’m just scared of being sexually attracted to everything I’m not supposed to be. Whether that be family, minors, or animals. I never used to worry like this. I just want it to stop. I don’t know how much longer I can handle. Any advice for anyone who may relate??

1. Do u guys do things like preparing clothes completely - from underwear to earings before going somewhere? 2. Do u do things like controlling your receipt at home in way that you control whether products stated on the receipt are the ones you have at home, you reassure yourself mentally that you used loyalty card if u had one for the particular store, if u pay cash u reassure yourself you have given the correct amount of money and was given the correct amount pf money back/ if u pay by card you reassure yourself that the price on the receipt is the one that was sent to you in the notifications panel on your mobile? 3. After parking the car - mentally reassuring yourself that you’ ve parked the car correctly, there s enough space from each siede for another car, the windows are closed, car is locked?

Hello, I am on my 6th day of ERP and with self-harm OCD I noticed my OCD is trying to pull all the stops to pull me back into the void. The central theme is suicide and self-harm and it's even making me doubt that ERP isn't the way out and suicide is and if I am the one who is having ideation aside from OCD. These thoughts are so strong and causing me much distress—any advice?

I’ve been worried because it feels like I know how it feels to smother someone through imagining it and I like the feeling of smothering someone and it’s really horrible my life has been in a wreck ever since it started feeling like ‘I like the feeling’ of smothering someone with a pillow and it’s really horrible I don’t know what to do but it feels extremely real, like I like the feeling of doing that and would do that?? I know I don’t want to do that but I’m worried if it feels like I like the feeling of doing it that I will do it and act on it. It’s so conflicting it feels so real, how can I mistake a feeling? It literally feels like I know how it feels to smother someone/squash their face with a pillow and stop them from breathing and that I like the feeling of doing that? How is that possible thag it feels like I like the feeling? I feel so down I just wanted a normal life and now I can’t stay anywhere alone because im worried I will do that, around babies/young kids and animals it feels even worse or more true that I like the feeling and it’s really horrible but feels real, or another thing that seems to trigger it off is when someone or an animal is lying down it feels even worse and I don’t know if that’s because it seems like it would be ‘easier’ to smother someone if their lying down and it really horrible a few times I went in a shop and there’s baby’s in prams and suddenly it feels like I ‘like the feeling’ of smothering and it feels like I would actually do that and like the feeling and I don’t want to be bad I don’t want to do that but feels like I would do that because I like the feeling, I don’t know what to do I feel so down and I feel extremely irritated and angry that I have to go through this I snap at everyone because I feel so down and my head makes me feel like if I was alone since it feels like I like the feeling I would actually smother someone 😞 I’m only 20 and this is what I have to deal with feel like my whole life is ruined since now I ‘like the feeling’ of doing thag 😞😞

Me and my Fiancé get married in 3 months. We have been together for almost 3yrs now. I started dealing with OCD and different subtypes around Mid 2022 without knowing it was OCD. (Im not officially diagnosed btw) Because I didn't know it was OCD for a long time all i did was confess and confess to my Fiancé, mainly things about my past some from my distant past and some from my more recent past. Eventually my OCD switched themes and all of sudden now i was having intrusive thoughts. Present intrusive thoughts that's when I learned about ROCD and I immediately felt identified. Anyways i was barely learning about compulsions and how to resist them so i was still not doing good regarding my confessions and i began to now confess my intrusive thoughts. Afterwards as OCD usually does i started obsessing over the most trivial things in my past, i started dealing with Real Event/False Memory OCD I confessed about that too. All the way to present time. I have gotten better at resisting my main compulsion which is confessing, yet i still fail from time to time. What has happened now is that my Fiancé is getting affected. She is the most patient, supportive & kind woman i have ever met. She is literally an angel from heaven and has been by my side through my/our darkest times. However lately she hasn't been feeling well. Due to our economical situation we've decided to move back to my hometown after the wedding. This is difficult for her of course because she has to leave behind. Family, Friends, her job and basically what has been her whole life till now. The thing is that she tell's me that all of that would be easier if she knew she was giving it up for something that's gonna last and she feels like my constant confessing and my intrusive thoughts is just me secretly telling her that I'm not sure about being with her. Keep in mind, she knows about my ROCD, I've explained it, we've read articles together, watched videos about it together. Even then she tells me to try to look at things from her side and how its not easy for her to deal with this change in her life and feel like she has to keep us together as well. I've also felt like OCD has changed who i am. I used to be confident, positive, spontaneous, detailed and romantic. Now all my energy seems to be focused on just getting through the day with my thoughts. So I understand that she hasn't been feeling swooned lately. Specially after so much time of me being the amazing boyfriend. I guess what im trying to figure out is how to deal with all of this. How do i deal with my ROCD and support my Fiancé at the same time. How can I reassure her i love her and that I don't have any doubts about being with her depsite what i feel or think. I don't mind my OCD hurting me or torturing me. But not her, i just want her to be happy. If anyone is going through something similar or has any advice it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you. Life is so hard.

Hi guys! I’ve been trying to figure out how to respond to intrusive thoughts & rumination. I know some things you can say are “so what” or “hmm okay” “maybe”, ect. But what are some other good ones? I’m kind of struggling to understand what it means to fully not engage with a thought. If I have an intrusive thought- I struggle to tell the difference between thought stopping & not letting myself engage. Any tips/ clarification would be much appreciated!

My thoughts are getting way intense and feel real. Idk what to do

i don’t even know if this is OCD because it’s not even over an obsession. every second im reminded of anxiety and it causes me to get anxiety and my brain makes me panic. everything i do im reminded that i can just panic right now over everything and anything. nothing is helping at all. ive like lost control of my thoughts completely. idk if i have a panic disorder or what. i’m reminded i have a brain and it scares me. i just want my brain turned off i feel horrible. just feel like there’s something seriously wrong with me and i’ll never get out of this. does anyone else experience this🥺

Does anyone have experience with ADHD and OCD? I find that my medication helps with my ADHD and makes me feel calm, but it seems as if the underlying fears, thoughts and feelings that come with OCD are still there. Or maybe I’m just looking for them instead of letting them disappear because I’m feeling relaxed? Has anyone experienced something similar?

TW: SA Sorry for the long post I’ve tried to narrow it down as much as I could while still saying everything I feel is important. This morning I was talking to my dad about my ROCD stuff and he was just trying to be helpful but he told me I don’t have to stay in my relationship and it’s okay to break up and stuff which made me cry. My therapist doesn’t even really believe I have OCD he thinks it’s just relationship anxiety even though I feel like the definition of ROCD fits me perfectly and I’ve been struggling with various ROCD themes since at least last September. P.S. this is my first relationship and sexual partner. After that I started obsessing about the stuff I have been obsessing about the most for the last couple months, which is worrying what if my boyfriend is toxic because I have a hard time letting go of all the times he has made dark jokes (that I see as morally wrong) or the times that he has hurt me (never intentionally). The thing is our political views and morals overall align and he’s so sweet and loving to me. Also, he apologizes about these things and makes the effort to change his behavior whenever I bring them up. Then later in the day (skip this part if you don’t want tmi about sexual stuff) I was watching a YouTube video that describes an SA and I started obsessing even more because sometimes I get abdominal cramps during sex and I ask him to go more gently and he does for a little bit but then goes back to what he was doing before I asked and says he tries but he “can’t help it” (Ik it sounds bad) and also I have mentioned to him before that I want us to ask for consent and idk if he forgot because he has forgotten things I’ve asked him to change a couple times before but it hasn’t changed so I think I should bring it up again. Anyways now I’m freaking out about the possibility that he’s SA’d me because of these things. I know I’m reassurance seeking but I’m so scared because this could potentially be a serious issue. I love him so much and I don’t want to have to break up with him. At the same time I feel bad for even thinking such horrible things about him. 😕

Lately I have been dealing with what I think is relationship OCD and I’m feeling so confused and scared. I was diagnosed with OCD about 2 years ago and I’m taking Prozac for it which I recently went up in dose with about 2 weeks ago. I have been with my fiancé for about 6 years and she has been my biggest supporter, especially with OCD. We have both had a rough 2023 so far for separate reasons outside of our relationship and have had some relationship challenges because of this. I know some, if not most is my own struggles with OCD. This year I have also met a girl in my grad school program and we’ve become quick and close friends. We’re very similar and I do find her attractive. I’ve been struggling with obsessions related to her (my friend) for a while now and the last few weeks it has become crippling. It’s all I think about and I even dream about it. The questions that are constantly circling around my head are: Do I connect more with her than my fiancé? Am I unhappy in my relationship? Will I be happier in a relationship with her? Am I a bad person for sometimes enjoying hanging out with her more than my fiancé? I have been so confused whether I actually have feelings for her past friendship or if I’m just being convinced by my OCD. What if I convince myself that it is the OCD and I lose the opportunity at being truly happy? I don’t know what I actually feel and I feel so scared and confused. I’m not sure if someone has had a similar experience or not but I wanted to try and post here because I’m very unsure what to do.

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year coming this May. I have never had feelings for someone like this and I genuinely see myself living the rest of my life with him. Talking to him comes effortlessly. He sees me for all that I am and works with me. My family has already begun developing a connection with him as well as I have with his family. I’ve never felt so at home until meeting him. Lately my ROCD symptoms have been playing on the narrative of him either finding a new girl that interests him and is somehow “better” than me OR me ruining our relationship because of potential cheating I have absolutely no actual interest in cheating because I know he’s my person and so am his. I know I’m going to marry him and I know that I want him to be the father of my kids. I want to see him grow and I want to build a foundation of unconditional love with him. So why do I shame myself? There’s this shop that him and I go to quite frequently, and the last time we went an employer that we typically see every-time we come began talking to me personally. We were all just talking about movies but my boyfriend mentioned that he felt like he was flirting with me. I begun feeling bad like I was doing something wrong. My mind started telling me that I liked having him “flirt” with me and that it made me feel desirable and confident in knowing that I was still considered attractive. I’m scared because now everytime we go the employee seems to be staring at me and when I went today he actually gave me something for free which led to me thinking I was playing into the flirting narrative and that this would lead to something worse (Though I still have no interest in doing so, just anxiety about that happening is the best way to put it) Has anyone else experienced something similar? Is there any advice that can be given? I don’t think anything’s going to happen, but what If I do like knowing someone likes me even if it’s not reciprocated? Does that make me a cheater? Or is that the product of unresolved self worth issues?

I feel like for every and any treatment they want me to be in a better place or be more stable to handle to stress to get the help I need. To move back in with my parents and stop living in my car my parents need me to just stop doing OCDs. Bc “ we can’t feed your OCD “. But letting me live in a car in there driveway at 21 isn’t feeding it? Doctors demand to see me in person when I haven’t been in the same room as another person in almost a year out of fear of there germs. I’ve tried ERP, I’ve done all the therapy’s, all it seems to do is put me in a worse place when they tell me that they can’t help me or that there’s no hope and quit on me. It’s been 14 years. Everything I do is a compulsion or reaction to my OCD. Everyday I form a new habit or thought habit to make it feel safe. I only eat one thing and just stop functioning when I hit this last wall the hardest. Everyone says when you hit rock bottom you can only go up, but I bring a damn shove with me. I guess my point is what is the point? Why do I keep trying and keep failing? Why can’t everyone just except that is it for me? I’ll never have a job or function, just let me be able to live outside a car. Or try to help me were I’m at rather then fighting me and making me feel like shit for not being in a better place for “ except “ the “ help” . I’m just defeated.

Hey guys I tried weed for the first time last night and I was so scared I’d hurt someone because I felt like I was dreaming and in a lot of my dreams I hurt someone without acknowledging it or even caring. I’m just wondering if anyone else has felt this? I’m scared to ever have “fun” I never do these things and I just wanted to try it but now I’m scared I’ll never be able to do things like this again because I’m scared I’ll lose myself and hurt someone! Please respond!

I just wanted to ask a quick question. I love my partner and have ocd but whenever I feel pretty or try to dress nice, an instant image pops in my head of another guy at work. This makes me feel like it’s proof I like that guy but I have no interest what so ever, I love and am obsessed with my partner. What is happening, and is this normal?

I may sound crazy but on Saturday I choked on a bit of my drink and then my anxiety began Sunday night. I’ve had this unrealistic fear that I have some type of pneumonia and the liquid went into my lungs. I woke up at 3:30AM on Monday morning with a huge panic attack and then was anxious the entire day with chest pain. I’m still worried about it today but don’t wanna succumb to going to urgent care - is this a crazy thing to do just to calm me down? ugh!

Hi guys, Has anyones rOCD been caused/gotten worse because of how complicated in the past your relationship has been with your current partner? Sometimes I feel so lonely and isolated because I think it’s only me that’s had a rough start to my relationship with my current partner - rOCD and RA stories online usually talk about how it’s usually people with stable relationships from the beginning that experience this type of anxiety and obsession

Does OCD ever put you in a sad and depressed mood? I have been feeling like this all day today and I can’t tell if it’s from my thoughts/ just being overwhelmed for months in general? my boyfriend could tell over the phone I was super down and as soon as I got off the phone I just started crying. Not officially diagnosed with OCD but whatever this is, it feels like hell and that I truly just can’t be happy. Wondering if your OCD makes you feel other emotions strongly?