Welcome to
the NOCD Community

My thoughts are getting way intense and feel real. Idk what to do

i don’t even know if this is OCD because it’s not even over an obsession. every second im reminded of anxiety and it causes me to get anxiety and my brain makes me panic. everything i do im reminded that i can just panic right now over everything and anything. nothing is helping at all. ive like lost control of my thoughts completely. idk if i have a panic disorder or what. i’m reminded i have a brain and it scares me. i just want my brain turned off i feel horrible. just feel like there’s something seriously wrong with me and i’ll never get out of this. does anyone else experience this🥺

Does anyone have experience with ADHD and OCD? I find that my medication helps with my ADHD and makes me feel calm, but it seems as if the underlying fears, thoughts and feelings that come with OCD are still there. Or maybe I’m just looking for them instead of letting them disappear because I’m feeling relaxed? Has anyone experienced something similar?

TW: SA Sorry for the long post I’ve tried to narrow it down as much as I could while still saying everything I feel is important. This morning I was talking to my dad about my ROCD stuff and he was just trying to be helpful but he told me I don’t have to stay in my relationship and it’s okay to break up and stuff which made me cry. My therapist doesn’t even really believe I have OCD he thinks it’s just relationship anxiety even though I feel like the definition of ROCD fits me perfectly and I’ve been struggling with various ROCD themes since at least last September. P.S. this is my first relationship and sexual partner. After that I started obsessing about the stuff I have been obsessing about the most for the last couple months, which is worrying what if my boyfriend is toxic because I have a hard time letting go of all the times he has made dark jokes (that I see as morally wrong) or the times that he has hurt me (never intentionally). The thing is our political views and morals overall align and he’s so sweet and loving to me. Also, he apologizes about these things and makes the effort to change his behavior whenever I bring them up. Then later in the day (skip this part if you don’t want tmi about sexual stuff) I was watching a YouTube video that describes an SA and I started obsessing even more because sometimes I get abdominal cramps during sex and I ask him to go more gently and he does for a little bit but then goes back to what he was doing before I asked and says he tries but he “can’t help it” (Ik it sounds bad) and also I have mentioned to him before that I want us to ask for consent and idk if he forgot because he has forgotten things I’ve asked him to change a couple times before but it hasn’t changed so I think I should bring it up again. Anyways now I’m freaking out about the possibility that he’s SA’d me because of these things. I know I’m reassurance seeking but I’m so scared because this could potentially be a serious issue. I love him so much and I don’t want to have to break up with him. At the same time I feel bad for even thinking such horrible things about him. 😕

Lately I have been dealing with what I think is relationship OCD and I’m feeling so confused and scared. I was diagnosed with OCD about 2 years ago and I’m taking Prozac for it which I recently went up in dose with about 2 weeks ago. I have been with my fiancé for about 6 years and she has been my biggest supporter, especially with OCD. We have both had a rough 2023 so far for separate reasons outside of our relationship and have had some relationship challenges because of this. I know some, if not most is my own struggles with OCD. This year I have also met a girl in my grad school program and we’ve become quick and close friends. We’re very similar and I do find her attractive. I’ve been struggling with obsessions related to her (my friend) for a while now and the last few weeks it has become crippling. It’s all I think about and I even dream about it. The questions that are constantly circling around my head are: Do I connect more with her than my fiancé? Am I unhappy in my relationship? Will I be happier in a relationship with her? Am I a bad person for sometimes enjoying hanging out with her more than my fiancé? I have been so confused whether I actually have feelings for her past friendship or if I’m just being convinced by my OCD. What if I convince myself that it is the OCD and I lose the opportunity at being truly happy? I don’t know what I actually feel and I feel so scared and confused. I’m not sure if someone has had a similar experience or not but I wanted to try and post here because I’m very unsure what to do.

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year coming this May. I have never had feelings for someone like this and I genuinely see myself living the rest of my life with him. Talking to him comes effortlessly. He sees me for all that I am and works with me. My family has already begun developing a connection with him as well as I have with his family. I’ve never felt so at home until meeting him. Lately my ROCD symptoms have been playing on the narrative of him either finding a new girl that interests him and is somehow “better” than me OR me ruining our relationship because of potential cheating I have absolutely no actual interest in cheating because I know he’s my person and so am his. I know I’m going to marry him and I know that I want him to be the father of my kids. I want to see him grow and I want to build a foundation of unconditional love with him. So why do I shame myself? There’s this shop that him and I go to quite frequently, and the last time we went an employer that we typically see every-time we come began talking to me personally. We were all just talking about movies but my boyfriend mentioned that he felt like he was flirting with me. I begun feeling bad like I was doing something wrong. My mind started telling me that I liked having him “flirt” with me and that it made me feel desirable and confident in knowing that I was still considered attractive. I’m scared because now everytime we go the employee seems to be staring at me and when I went today he actually gave me something for free which led to me thinking I was playing into the flirting narrative and that this would lead to something worse (Though I still have no interest in doing so, just anxiety about that happening is the best way to put it) Has anyone else experienced something similar? Is there any advice that can be given? I don’t think anything’s going to happen, but what If I do like knowing someone likes me even if it’s not reciprocated? Does that make me a cheater? Or is that the product of unresolved self worth issues?

I feel like for every and any treatment they want me to be in a better place or be more stable to handle to stress to get the help I need. To move back in with my parents and stop living in my car my parents need me to just stop doing OCDs. Bc “ we can’t feed your OCD “. But letting me live in a car in there driveway at 21 isn’t feeding it? Doctors demand to see me in person when I haven’t been in the same room as another person in almost a year out of fear of there germs. I’ve tried ERP, I’ve done all the therapy’s, all it seems to do is put me in a worse place when they tell me that they can’t help me or that there’s no hope and quit on me. It’s been 14 years. Everything I do is a compulsion or reaction to my OCD. Everyday I form a new habit or thought habit to make it feel safe. I only eat one thing and just stop functioning when I hit this last wall the hardest. Everyone says when you hit rock bottom you can only go up, but I bring a damn shove with me. I guess my point is what is the point? Why do I keep trying and keep failing? Why can’t everyone just except that is it for me? I’ll never have a job or function, just let me be able to live outside a car. Or try to help me were I’m at rather then fighting me and making me feel like shit for not being in a better place for “ except “ the “ help” . I’m just defeated.

Hey guys I tried weed for the first time last night and I was so scared I’d hurt someone because I felt like I was dreaming and in a lot of my dreams I hurt someone without acknowledging it or even caring. I’m just wondering if anyone else has felt this? I’m scared to ever have “fun” I never do these things and I just wanted to try it but now I’m scared I’ll never be able to do things like this again because I’m scared I’ll lose myself and hurt someone! Please respond!

I just wanted to ask a quick question. I love my partner and have ocd but whenever I feel pretty or try to dress nice, an instant image pops in my head of another guy at work. This makes me feel like it’s proof I like that guy but I have no interest what so ever, I love and am obsessed with my partner. What is happening, and is this normal?

I may sound crazy but on Saturday I choked on a bit of my drink and then my anxiety began Sunday night. I’ve had this unrealistic fear that I have some type of pneumonia and the liquid went into my lungs. I woke up at 3:30AM on Monday morning with a huge panic attack and then was anxious the entire day with chest pain. I’m still worried about it today but don’t wanna succumb to going to urgent care - is this a crazy thing to do just to calm me down? ugh!

Hi guys, Has anyones rOCD been caused/gotten worse because of how complicated in the past your relationship has been with your current partner? Sometimes I feel so lonely and isolated because I think it’s only me that’s had a rough start to my relationship with my current partner - rOCD and RA stories online usually talk about how it’s usually people with stable relationships from the beginning that experience this type of anxiety and obsession

Does OCD ever put you in a sad and depressed mood? I have been feeling like this all day today and I can’t tell if it’s from my thoughts/ just being overwhelmed for months in general? my boyfriend could tell over the phone I was super down and as soon as I got off the phone I just started crying. Not officially diagnosed with OCD but whatever this is, it feels like hell and that I truly just can’t be happy. Wondering if your OCD makes you feel other emotions strongly?

Basically I told the wrong people my intrusive thoughts and they now have pushed me away. My two cousins won’t talk to me (for this and a host of other reasons). I just miss my family. I wish I never told anyone except my therapist. I could use some support.

Feeling super overwhelmed.. I think I’m having an OCD flare up but I can’t even figure out what the theme or compulsions are. I was diagnosed with OCD in April 2019 and was in therapy until February 2020 and then only had maintenance visits every few months up until 2021. My OCD was good so I barely ever did ERP but now I feel like I dont remember any of the tools/how to deal with it or anything that I learned. I recently left a psychologically abusive relationship with a narcissist (am working with a therapist specializing in that) and the stress of that is what has caused my OCD to flare up. It started with fears of my family members dying (not even at all related to my break up) and just obsessing over the situation and how to heal from it. Now I’ve been having insomnia, and my OCD has latched onto it as a fear and I’ll panic and cry in the night when I can’t sleep and then obsess over it in the day. Then I obsess over the fact that I’m stressed which makes me even more stressed. I tried doing ERP by writing my fears down in “maybe” statements i.e. “maybe I’ll never sleep again, maybe I’ll lose my mind” etc. and my anxiety spiked but never came down. My therapist is no longer in practice. Would a NOCD therapist be able to help me? Is this even my OCD or is it something else?

I feel like I’ve been going through a lengthy period of relationship ocd… it’s like I’m searching for answers from the universe etc. to let me know if this person is the right one for me & even questioning myself if I even like this person. It’s like I’ve psyched myself to thinking that I might have avoidant attachment style/ anxious attachment style. I sometimes feel like I’m creating false scenarios or seeing things that to me were there but I don’t know if I’m just imagining things. Sometimes I even feel like I’m being a Debby downer to my loved ones. Does anyone else relate or am I just overthinking…

I don’t know why but I feel like death is coming for me , I was struggling with death ocd / anxiety and still am for the past 4 months. and something is just telling me “ it’s coming soon” and I’m only 15 like I don’t understand. and my mind like told me I wouldn’t make it to my birthday and it’s in 3 months. ir just sucks idk how to help or understand these feelings it just feels like my time is limited

He brought up our sexless life today. He mentioned that because of it and the arguments we have, that he is starting to wonder about other people more “his type”. He also mentioned that he is not that into me. He said that he needed to be honest because he wants things to get better between us and have a healthy sex life. He mentioned couples counseling and other options. I just can’t recover from the things he said since they are directly hurting my self-steam. My ocd is looking at him as if he is the enemy right now.

I had a mock car crash to inform the dangers of drug use while on the road. It was important for those who are about to go to prom this weekend. I don’t hate driving but no matter what I do i have no control over the situation. Its also triggering because I had a teacher die because of reckless drivers. I have no issues that would even lead me to driving reckless despite my phone “addiction” i still understand the importance of ensuring the lives of others in or outside of the car are safe. Ik I need to drive but I do not want to put myself in a position where I could put my life at risk. You learn your whole life not to do that but driving its excused because its essential. I am so afraid that I might end up moving because of Americas car epidemic. Or im even contemplating wasting my money just to have someone else drive me. But still all the odds I can’t save myself if anything happens. The best bet I have is to get a sturdy car and hope for the best. The last time I attempted to drive my Dad and Sister where in the car and i almost crashed into a semi container parked at my dads job. That made me want to stop all together the car was old and the wheel was so stiff to spin I didn’t know if it was normal or I was just confused. Im an extremely analytical thinker and having OCD is no help with that. When I must learn to drive I will dedicate myself to learning every aspect of the car behaviors and potentially outcomes of behaviors and how I can prevent them to my best ability. For me theres gotta be a situation to problems. But for this the only way to entirely to end it is to reprimand those who don’t follow the rules. Environment is also a issue due to the fear something could happen or i skid down a hill driving through then Appalachians. All of these things are variables that can lead to my death and driving seems like a one way ticket to all of it. I also suffer from chronic headaches causing me to feel sick under stress and with that stress I end up becoming restless. I feel like I won’t and can’t get the possibility to drive for my own safety. Even so I am so scared that I will switch career paths to study the anatomy of a car and the fundamentals of driving to help reduce this whole thing. Driving in the car with someone else for me is no scare as they are responsible individuals. But for me I don’t trust myself and still think that no matter how much I do nothing will work. If were to drive with someone reckless I would be in fear but I cannot imagine doing so as it would ruin my experiences in food all together. This concept of attempting to rid every variable of stressful or anxiety induced situation applies to all aspects of my life and I have no way to stop this thinking. School, hobbies, morality. It feels like its ruining me and I have to live life in my room all day. Even that scares me and I’ll fear eating or even sleeping. Yes there i am afraid of death because everything i did failed. But still with things I had previously stated make me feel odd. Art for example I feel like Im gonna be a failure in art and end up never being successful and gonna die alone and I deserve it because I’ll never not fail. I fear my interest astronomy because what if I died and never got to become one. Or that im not smart enough and can’t do it. Most of this honestly is kinda a failure fear and a mix of others. But right not driving is my obsession and will fk with me until the end of time. I have no access to a counselor despite needing to go to a psychiatrist some day. Idk what type of ocd this may be but i know it has to be in relation to it. Only thing rn keeping me sane is dissociating and my dog dexter <3.

Even when I’m not having Intrusive thoughts sometimes I could look at someone and suddenly get this horrible feeling that I would like the feeling of acting on that intrusive thought about them and it feels so real and then I start imagining things and ruminating to check and it feels like I get shudders and don’t like it but I still don’t believe myself, there also seems to be something connected to vulnerability, when I see someone who seems vulnerable, even someone shorter or old or very young or an animal it feels like the thoughts and feelings coming up and feel like I would ‘like the feeling’ and now I’m worried it feels like I like it because they are weaker than me and I’m evil. I was in a shop today, not thinking about any thoughts and this woman walked past me and she was shorter and older than me and I suddenly got this feeling that I would like the feeling of ‘smothering her’ and then I was thinking why did it feel like that what is that feeling? Is it anxiety that’s making it feel like that? And then I got home and picked up my cat to show him to my mum so she can say hello to him and (my cat only has one eye as well and he’s quite skinny and old) and while holding him all of a sudden I got a feeling like I would like the feeling of smothering him and then i was thinking is it because he’s got one eye and is more vulnerable and then I’m thinking wait why would it feel like I like it because he’s more vulnerable and has one eye? And then I’m worrying and imagining things and today I was getting ready in front of the mirror and suddenly had an intrusive thought about my mum and then started thinking would I actually do that or imagine I did and because before it’s felt like I ‘know how it feels to smother someone and like the feeling of stoping them from breathing by squashing them with the pillow) sorry graphic, I don’t understand why it’s felt like that, but then I started imagining the thoughts about my mum and wondering if it would feel like I like the feeling of doing that and now I’m worrying if that feeling came up again would I actually be evil? Because in those moments it always feels like something bad is about to happen or that I just dodged a bullet? Especially now that these thoughts are backed up with this feeling of ‘liking the feeling of imagining doing that’ it feels so real and I don’t know what to do, I mean jsut last night I was crying because I was thinking about how I’m noticing people around me getting older and worrying about everyone dying and then this morning it feels really real that I would do that and like the feeling of doing that and the other thing is, I know I don’t want to do that but since this feeling came about of liking the feeling im worried that one day in the moment I will actually do it because it will feel like I like the feeling and I won’t be thinking clearly I’m worried I don’t want to be evil but say I’m irrational 😞 when I’m angry I can be a bit irrational and throw things and say horrible things so say I’m not bad but if it’s actually true that I like the feeling of doing that then one day I actually will and then my heads suggesting to me ‘you wouldn’t be able to be around a baby or kid because you like the feeling and would be a danger and might do it since it feels like you like it’ how can I even be thinking that it feels like i ‘like the feeling’ ?? If I’m not bad how is that possible? That I could be the thinking or feeling that way please help

Hey guys, just would like to preface that this will get really triggering so if that is an issue please prepare yourself or do not read my post. My name is Ezequiel, and i was recently diagnosed with ocd (jan 20th 2023). Im 18 turning 19 in august, and before my diagnosis, I was preparing to cut myself off from my loved ones and end my life. I grew up in one of the worst parts of Milwaukee, in the southside to be exact (53204), and became accustomed to seeing violence and drug abuse at a young age. Growing up you never take into consideration how those things affect you, but they do. My grandma died when I was 8(or younger can’t remember too well), and although i didnt know her, i think this was the earliest memory of ocd affecting my life, as it made me disassociate with those emotions completely, up until her funeral which broke me down when i saw her in the casket. Im a puerto rican, and my dad is one of those tough love people that come from abusive households, so j never received much emotional support from him although he was my idol, but that started to change when he was deployed for his second time while i was in 4th grade. Starting high school, i tried making as many friends as possible to cope with my emotions and thoughts( i wasnt aware of the concept of intrusive thoughts at the time). I ended up in a bunch of relationships where people took advantage of my kindness and naiveness. When covid 19 hit near the end of my sophomore year, i had already been seeing a therapist, and the school psychologist for suicidal thoughts(what i learned to be suicidal ocd). At the time my condition was unknown and my regiment with therapy fell off. Lockdown was extremely depressing and junior year i was giving up and slipping away, while playing games every night with some friends who were actually real friends to me. Yet i was becoming closer and closer with a terrible influence at the same time, and during the summer of 2020, i took 3 tabs of acid and had one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. I hd thought that i was killed, as my life flashed before my eyes, and woke up in the hospital being held down as i screamed. Ill never forget the look on my dads face from that day. I still continued to be swayed by those people, and on December 17th, the worst happened. A good friend of mine took their life. This caused me insane amounts of emotional trauma, and for the next few years i was plagued with suicidal tendencies and intrusive thoughts. I started losing my mind freshman year of college and started having hallucinations. I went to get help immediately which led me to getting medication finally, and a diagnosis for my OCD. It tore me apart for so long and i am now just restarting my life and learning to live again, which lead me to cutting those off who used me for my naivety and kindness, and giving more time to those who appreciate me for who i am. With this I just want people to know that if your ocd has taken you to the bottom of the barrel, treatment and some love can make you feel on top of the world again with every step you take towards recovery. I hope this reaches the right people, and good luck to everyone dealing with OCD as it is a never ending up hill battle, but not an impossible one to beat.